Old Atheists, same as the New Atheists »« Have you got plans for May?

The abuse thread

I am so bogged down in work…I’m clinging on to the faint hope of liberation as all my deadlines are past next Tuesday (and they will be met! They must!), but until then, I’m thoroughly tied up and sweating over a gazillion things that have to be finished right now. So blogging will be light for a bit.

Until I’ve leapt past the work essentials though, I’d like to keep you occupied, so I’m open for insults. Vent over my failures and laziness by calling me names in the thread below. Try to be creative; zoological insults are particularly appreciated, and please avoid trite scatology.

I’m going back to the word processor, so the time to start is…NOW.

(Also on Sb)

Comments

  1. says

    You sir, are a slug a bed, your slothful behavior regarding posting of today’s dose of doggerel has not gone unnoticed by the eagle-eyed readers of this blog. We will continue to hound you until you cease to flounder.

  2. joed says

    You know, Professor, you are all-right.
    Thanks for all the great articles and information you send out to us.
    Please take a few days and get things done that need to be done. Don’t worry about us we will be just fine:
    We’ve got ENKIDUM and matt penfold to keep us entertained.
    Thanks again.

  3. Jacob van Beverningk says

    Are YOU saying that you let work interfere with your blogging duties?
    Shame on you!

  4. Janstince says

    I’m going to go with one from my high school soccer coach (he was from Liverpool, so the spelling is suspect as I only ever heard him say it, not write it):

    You hairy great, spawny-eyed, parrot-faced wasik.

    (Also, his translation is suspect, so apologies if this means something too terrible).

  5. Steve says

    You sir are a uniramian Malpighian tubule. You are unfit to even be called a jerboan but we can safely settle on referring to you as a pogonan who feeds on the innards of hermetian larvae.

    Also: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

    “I wanted to complain.”
    “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s next door. This is abuse”

    :)

  6. Sean Boyd says

    ‘Sarcastic Fringehead’ (from the list to which PZ linked) seems most appropriate. And yet, it doesn’t seem like much of an insult.

  7. Ribozyme says

    Associate professorship in Developmental Biology in Stanford

    Dear PZ:

    I’ve been trying to reach you through e-mail, but my messages keep on being delayed and then rejected. Below, the body of my messages:

    I received an e-mail announcing that the Department of Developmental Biology of Stanford University is hiring a new Associate Professor. I immediately thought of you (besides working in Stanford, the weather in California must be better than in Morris). The mail doesn’t say much more, just to contact Sue Elliott, Faculty Affairs Administrator (sue.elliott@stanford.edu), with your résumé, a description of your professional interests and three letters of recommendation with electronic signature, before October 15. The mail advises to check the department’s website (http://devbio.stanford.edu) for more information on the matter, but I couldn’t find any (I didn’t search very deeply) but the sender of the e-mail is a trustworthy source, so I decided to e-mail you about it. Perhaps something good might come out of it.

    Best regards

    José Arturo Enríquez (the taller guy you had breakfast and later went to the cathedral with in Mexico City)

  8. No Really says

    You want an insult? Sir, you deserve to have your children convert to various fundamentalist religious sects, and embrace creationism and homeopathy. May the rest of your days be filled with maddening, estranged relationships to those who should be closest to you.

  9. Kaintukee Bob says

    Well, if the goal is to be as insulting to PZ as possible…

    …ahem…

    I’ll pray that you get your work done in time.

  10. jheartney says

    When it comes to insults (animal or otherwise), I’ll have to defer to the master.

    Sample:

    Aardvark! Abecedarians! Aborigine! Addle-pated lumps of anthracite! (old) Alcoholic! Anachronisms! Anacoluthons! Antediluvian bulldozer! Anthracite! Anthropithecus! Anthropophagus! Arabian Nightmare! Artichokes! Autocrats! Aztecs!

  11. Rey Fox says

    Don’t give me that you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!

  12. Cor (formerly evil) says

    Anglo-Saxon, hetero-normative, covertly patriarchal, privileged, Zebrafish abortionist!

    I like the way you have your beard these days, though; keep it up.

  13. says

    Boooo! Booo! Booooo! …That’s what you are… the king of garbage… the king of refuse… so bow down to him if you want… bow to him… bow to the king of slime, the king of filth, the king of putrescence.. BOOO! BOOOO! RUBBISH! FILTH! SLIME! MUCK! BOOO! BOOO! BOOOOOOOO!

  14. MoonShark says

    You’re more slothful and queer than a pair of mating leopard slugs!

    Shit, that’s oddly beautiful, if you’ve seen it. Guess I suck at this.

  15. Richard C says

    Letting real-world duties take precedence? Sounds like such a friggin’ biologist. Gotta get your hands dirty or you’re not happy. No, if you were a *real* scientist like, say, a theoretical physicist, you would know that time and space are incomprehensible and deadlines are meaningless. You wouldn’t have to actually *grade* every single one of those tests or read those papers, just throw them on a probabilistic bell curve, ignore the outliers as statistically insignificant, and you’ll be well within an acceptable 2.7% margin of error. And then have plenty of time to, like, bathe. And then spend the rest of your day pondering whether string theory implies 10, 11, or 26 invisible dimensions. (Or more! Wouldn’t that be deep, man…)

    Sheesh. Doing *work*. Such a moron.

  16. Peptron says

    @pelamun
    Poppyhead was post #3. I for one liked the “unchi no atama”. (reminder for others, in Japanese, unchi = poppy, atama = head, no = much like ‘s in English).

    PZ, you muculent neo-atheist. Whose atama is made of unchi.

    But I think I have a better one:

    => PZ, forever in my mind, the “Z” with resonate as “Zed”. I might go even as far as to call you Mister Zed.

  17. says

    Oh, PZ! Here you are behaving like your weaker students — waiting till the last minute to get things done! How embarrassing (that we are so much like our students)!

  18. Phil says

    Using this English-to-N00bish translator (or maybe English-to-Trollish?):

    U R a GodLES SCEINTIST WHO TEaCHES A L3giTIMAEt SCEInTIFIC Th3ORY AND basHES BULSHIEt SUch aS iNt3LIEGNT DEsIGN1!!!!1 WTF LoL HAEV UR Big PHARMA MEDs AND C3AeS ANd DASIsT Im3DIAETLY 2 adVOCAEt FREEe THOUGHT anD CRitICAL ThInKING!!1!1!!1!!!1!!11!1111!!1!!!!!1!!1!11!!!11 LOL
    U A pROPANOLIC AMuLsION wHO T3ACHAs BIoLOGY WhEN Al SCEiNCAS R STMp CoLECTiNg 2 PHySICs!!!1!111!11111!!! oMG WTF LOL

    On a slightly less insulting note, you might want to try using that translator for mangling trolls’ posts, you scoundrel!

  19. Antiochus Epiphanes says

    #15: PZ craves invective, and rather you hurl a job advert? Have you no shame?

    Invective: You cloaca-less bifid-assed eutherian heterodontic sebaceous-exudate licker! I obscenity in the milk of thy mother!

  20. says

    Good…your hate has made you powerful. Now fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side! Strike me down with all of your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

  21. Gregory Greenwood says

    please avoid trite scatology.

    But that knocks out so many classics!

    Hmmm… What to do, what to do? So many options…

    Eureka! I have it!

    As a son of dear old Blighty, I will continue wilfully calling you P Zed, because I know how much that particular Brit-ism annoys you.

    Furthermore, I will misspell your surname.

    Professor Meirs

  22. Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies says

    PZ,
    Your beard isn’t nearly as sexy as you think it is.

  23. JustaTech says

    There are more neurons in a single arm of a blue-ringed octopus than in the entirety of the ear-separator you call a brain.

  24. Peptron says

    @chigau
    That’s just more reasons to opt for “unchi no atama”. Orthography is the work of basement cat.

  25. Peptron says

    @PZ Myers
    So… coupling it with my “Mister Zed” insult… I guess that makes it “Emperor Zed”. “Kneel before Zed!” does have a nice ring to it IMHO. “Kneel before Zee!” sounds too much like you are having somebody kneel in front of a mirror.

  26. Gregory Greenwood says

    Good…your hate has made you powerful. Now fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side! Strike me down with all of your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

    “With the Sith, always two there are:- the master, and the apprentice…”

    Fortunately, with gnu atheists there are no such limitations…

    We are all your apprentices, master, and our baby baby-eating, troll-mangling, accomodationism-crushing ways have made us strong in the Dark Side of teh Interwebs!

    All we need now is a death star, and we can comprehensively annihilate the Creation Museum from the comfort of orbit.

    Ken Ham:- “But you promised you wouldn’t expose the logical inconsistenceies of creationism!”

    Grand Moff Myers:- “You really shouldn’t be so trusting delusional.”

    And of course;

    “I was as if a great many trolls suddenly cried out together in banal arse-hattery, and then were suddenly silenced…”

  27. stanton says

    Bob Enyart would totally kick your ass in a debate.

    How would Enyart do that? Whip us bloody like helpless children with his belt?

  28. Snowshoe the Canuck says

    wow, so much creativity. Here I am, exhausted after teaching students about coloumb’s law and looking forward to a lunch time intelligent discussion about Anything other than rudimentary math and some students difficulty with same, and I get this excuse!

    If I wanted excuses for not getting the most important task done, I would talk to my freshmen about their homework.

    PZ you are acting like an undergrad!

  29. MoonShark says

    PZ, I thought I was already on the dark side (along with the other ‘militant’ atheists). You’re preaching to the stormtrooper choir, here.

  30. Big Brother Ogvorbis: I am Watching says

    You, sir, are an inveterate masticator, one who has, most likely, willingly perambulated small children while encouraging the child, and instructing the innocent soul, in proper mastication techniques. Further, I suspect that you have, buried in your past, episodes of thespian behaviour. And, may I add, you possess more imagination and scruples than even the most accomplished ferroequinologist!

  31. ChasCPeterson says

    Tardigrade.
    Demosponge.
    Placozoan desmosome.
    Filarial nematode.
    Lophotrochozoan platyhelminth.
    Poopyhead.

  32. says

    Bob Enyart would totally kick your ass in a debate.

    How would Enyart do that? Whip us bloody like helpless children with his belt?

    Hey man, he was asking for insults. That was the most insulting thing I could think of offhand.

  33. Cosmic Snark says

    P.Z., you’re so clueless, you couldn’t get a clue if you doused yourself in clue musk and stood in the middle of a clue herd during the height of clue mating season.

  34. Sophia says

    You *are* into humiliation. We knew it all along.

    All those radical feminists abusing you.

    Having an angry wank, PZ?

  35. pelamun says

    Unchi no atama makes no sense in Japanese, it is not used as an insult. Googling gives you some hits for “tip of shit” when discussing constipation and the like.

  36. says

    Sometimes you’re mean just for the sake of being mean, and I find myself wondering what the point of it all is. You seem a victim of bullying who has become the bully sometimes.

  37. Peptron says

    @pelamun
    I think that’s part of the joke… It’s just a litteral translation that doesn’t work in other languages. It doesn’t really work in French either.

    Though, if you want to say poopyhead in a way that actually works grammatically in Japanese, you’d have “kusottare”. But then that’s just nasty and doesn’t work as a joke, since that’s pretty much the same as “shithead”. To me, “unchi no atama” sounds like something a 4 years old might say and that’s it.

  38. Pierce R. Butler says

    ‘E’s a slacker, ‘at’s wot ‘e is!

    ‘E knows full well that this AiG yegg in Fleming Island, Fla, ‘as been mocking evolution with (among other things) a slide showing ‘is proprietary crocoduck and calling it a “gator-bird” – “[m]uch to the delight of children—of all ages” – and ‘e ‘asn’t uttered a peep, I tells ya. Not a peep!

  39. DimmestLemming says

    Your colon is full of s#*t
    Your colon is part of you.
    Therefore you are full of s#*t.

    I figure if there’s one thing that upsets you, it’s a logical fallacy.

  40. Morpheus91 says

    I was going to attempt to imitate several of the eloquently descriptive comments, here, but then realized a much more effective fashion of abuse would be to suggest that your slacking was due to making mad love with Glenn Beck. :D

  41. pelamun says

    I fail to see the humour, if it doesn’t work in the target language. If you want bilingual jokes, there are better ones around.

    unchi is indeed children’s language, but “unchi no atama” is in no way something a four year old would use, in my opinion, I gave the only context it might make sense above. What would work marginally better is “unchi-atama” though, you can find some hits where it is used as a jocular insult.

    (I think the Japanese language is impoverished regarding swear words, though there are some, if you keep digging, there is quite a strong social taboo against using them, especially the m-word).

  42. robb says

    Professor Meyers, you are a load of bat piss.

    umm…that is to say, you are like a shaft of gold when all around you is darkness.

  43. bbgunn says

    Paraphrasing one of my favorite insults from the movie Lion In Winter:

    “If you’re a [professor], there’s hope for every ape in Africa.”

  44. Gregory Greenwood says

    Randomfactor @ 80;

    I liked the old theme song better:

    Noooooo! Not that terminally annoying narwhal song!

    Gaaarrghhh!

    *Runs screaming into the night*

  45. Peptron says

    @pelamun
    Ultimately I was referring to PZ’s entry about a sketch with “pharyngula” written on it in katakana. He said that he suspected it might say “PZ is a poopyhead”, and then somebody immediatly went and made a “PZ wa unchi no atama”. I know that it makes about as much sense as “fetchez la vache!”, and that in reality “unchi no atama” only really makes sense in the context of “the head of the poop” referring to the visible part of the poop when not all of it can be seen.

    I’ve been studying Japanese for a while now, and the feeling I got interacting with Japanese is that swear words that are not targetted are not quite as bad as in English (ie: “fuck!” alone when something bad happens), but that targetted swear works (ie: “fuck you!”) are seen as far worse than in English.

  46. Gregory Greenwood says

    Morpheus91 @ 83;

    I was going to attempt to imitate several of the eloquently descriptive comments, here, but then realized a much more effective fashion of abuse would be to suggest that your slacking was due to making mad love with Glenn Beck. :D

    Oh come on! Did you have to pick Glenn Beck? Nobody deserves Glenn Beck*. How the hell am I going to get that image out of my head?

    Can someone please hurry up and invent brain-bleach already…

    * Well, maybe Ann Coulter does.

  47. SplendidMonkey says

    You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!
    or
    You billowing bale of bovine fodder!

  48. Would you rather... Behold a Steak or Stake a Beholder? says

    Your mother was a hamster and your father smelted elderberries! And I heard that made quite a mess, too…

    Thou art an amicable yeti hexed by halite-breath! … Or something.

    You’re the One they talk about that’s in every family! As sharp as a sack of hammers! Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel!

  49. Ismenia says

    You make me sick with all your bloody excuses. Your purpose in life is to keep us amused throughout the day. Do you realise that if people here can’t check for updates five times a day they might do anything!!!!! Downloading child-porn or looking at jihadi websites and deciding the whole holy warrior thing sounds pretty cool. But you don’t give a toss do you, with your so-called ‘work’.

    HONESTLY, we expect ONE thing of you and you let us down.

    PATHETIC!!!!!

  50. SplendidMonkey says

    @Peptron my new personal favorite insult is “half shat shit”, reserved for truly repulsive degenerates.

  51. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    You’re the trickle down economics of bloggers.

    <Sorry, don’t know any biological insults. Gotta go with what I know.>

  52. Heliantus says

    @ 95 Andybeaton

    Vous…vous avez un nez…. heu…. un nez… très grand.

    Oh, you sent me down memory lane.

    I cannot resist providing the next lines, each appropriately on-topic:

    – C’est un peu court, jeune homme!
    (aren’t you a bit short to be a stormtrooper? err, sorry, wrong translation)

    – Maraud, faquin, butor de pied plat ridicule!

  53. hackerguitar says

    Only four letters in the genetic code, and ye still can’t figure out how to make your beard into Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-like tentacular goodness!

  54. leftwingfox says

    You sir, have the rigor of an Evolutionary Psychologist, the grounding of an Astrobiologist, and the credulity of a Chiropractor!

    *runs for cover!*

  55. Dianne says

    Your writing skills suck dead bunnies through a straw. Your academic output is slower than shit on an anticholinergic. Du bist ein kniefickende Arshloch. Altogether a waste of electrons.

  56. Dianne says

    Almost forgot “unoriginal”. Come on, Scalzi already did the “your hate mail will be graded” thing.

  57. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    Awa’ an’ bile yer heid, ye crapulous wee gobshite.

  58. lofty says

    You wretched earthbound clod, who could have been soaring with angels if you had only sent in your membership form and $69.95 to my One True Church. So long, atheist!

  59. Randomfactor says

    CardinalSmurf #101–Shirt.Woot doth truly love the cephalopod. I have two earlier ones. Barely resisting…

  60. Phalacrocorax, not a particularly smart avian says

    PZ is so incompetent he can’t even turn off the irritating automatic Youtube-video-embedding thingie in his own blog.

  61. cag says

    Another Byte #12. You have gone too far. That is beyond insulting. Please apologise to PZ.

    ……………..

    You are an excellent judge of character. Why else would you have such a huge inferiority complex?

  62. says

    May God bless you, and the light of the son fill your soul keeping your thoughts pure and your body chaste until the day he comes to take you to his bosom and rise to the father’s mansions where you will sing hymns in happy idyle forever, never again troubled by that which you did not know, secure in the faith that God all the answers to the questions that troubled your earlier life.

    (You asked for it. Me, I think I need to go wash scour my brain with a steel brush and hydrochloric acid after thinking that up).

    — TWZ

  63. Sam240 says

    If the number of your eyes were equal to the number of your brain cells, you would still be one eye short of being able to play the role of Polyphemus in a theatrical rendition of Homer’s Odyssey.

  64. says

    Your most pleasing body odor suffers by comparison to my dog’s worst flatulence. Also, the trophy wife dresses you funny.

    Also, I look forward to seeing you on Friday.

    (That ain’t so much an insult as a threat of suffering my companionship for a few moments.)

  65. Dianne says

    Dumber than a male angler fish that’s met a female and twice as useless.

    This is really more of a fragment of an insult, but can be mixed and matched with others as needed.

  66. DLC says

    Bah! PZ you undifferentiable polynomial! You have a square root of negative 1 in your final exponent!

    massively off-topic:
    Today I achieved my 7² orbit around the sun.
    So, I say: “Yeaah! woohoo! I survived another circuit around the sun! ” and then I have cake for dessert.
    And the cake is not a lie.

  67. says

    DLC:

    Today I achieved my 7² orbit around the sun.

    Congratulations on your peculiarly numerical (though not unusual) number of solar circuits!

    So, I say: “Yeaah! woohoo! I survived another circuit around the sun! ” and then I have cake for dessert.
    And the cake is not a lie.

    Whew! That was a close one.

  68. chigau () says

    Badland, delurking for a bit

    contumaceous mammothrept

    OMG but I ♥ Robertson Davies.
    Part of me died with him.

  69. Sally Strange, OM says

    I knew there had to be! And there is! A Captain Haddock insult generator. Now I only wonder if one exists in French. It must. Is there a rule for that?

    Ahem…

    Hydrocarbon! Gyroscope! Black marketeer! Miserable molecule of mildew! Interplanetary goat [ed. --on fire, of course]! Lily-livered bandicoot! Carpathian caterpillar! Prize purple jelly-fish! Subtropical sea louse! Flaming Jack-in-a-box! Fancy-dress fascist!

  70. Badland, delurking for a bit says

    Chigau – the man was brilliant. Anyone who keeps me running to the dictionary like he did gets extra kisses at breakfasttime

  71. cyberCMDR says

    With all the time I put into reading your blog at work, the least you can do is defer your real job to continue blogging! I put off my own work for you!

    Insults, insults, let’s see….
    Your astrologer called, and said this was a good day for you to come in for more Reiki treatments. She also let slip that you were born in the year of the cat.

    You have secret fantasies about a threesome with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman.

    Does that count as zoological?

  72. Lord Shplanington, Not A Frenchman says

    Cockulon-14: YWHW’s newest foreskin-collection automaton.

    Pope.

    Jive Turkey.

  73. says

    PZ Myers, you lazy friend-to-the-bears. Rather frolic with them in the woods, would you, than do honest and hard work? No, worse yet! Even over meat and cakes would you place the enthusiasms of the kings of the forest; even over manly mind and mantle would you place the dancings of the gods of the wood.

    Fie! Lazy I call you, feckless as the waves of the dead lake, useless as firs on the dead mountain; a lazy person I call you, with no preamble or prevarication or repetition; as a spell and a shout I name you: the One-who-gets-no-thing-done, the maid with rot in her churn, the lad with a broken spear; the sleeping god of the sleepers that sleepeth, and work not, I call you.

    You were not by the star-eyed bears seduced, but willingly went to dance with them; you were not by the pearl-teethed bears enticed, but gladly came to prance in their company; in the glades and the shades, neath fir and foxwood and pine you slouched in the slow, and kicked in the high, in the be-ringed, be-damned shambling dance of the forest; for when there was work to be done, you went and danced with the bears.

    Fain would you sing,

    Rose the live beer upward, upward,
    From the bottom of the vessels,
    Upward in the tubs of birch-wood,
    Foaming higher, higher, higher,
    Till it touched the oaken handles,
    Overflowing all the caldrons;
    To the ground it foamed and sparkled,
    Sank away in sand and gravel,

    fain would you dance; yet while the dancing and the drinking of the bear-party proceedeth, the work of man and woman’s toil all lie undone, and the bears grow hungry.

    Fain would you sing, fain would you dance, with the lords of the forest, with the star-eyed space-kin of man, with the bear, hairy and snouty and not-to-be-trusted; but your work is undone, and the bears unfed; dance away, dance away, for see they dance not with you for any liking they have for the surface or soul of you.

    The redness of you they desire, the blood of you, the meat of you; for the hunger of the bear is the end of the man, and when the dance is done there is one dancer less, and the bears lie down fed.

    Flee! Flee! Run to your work, to your toil, to your papery hill and stream of bits; for it is spoken in the forests of Finland and the speaking is true: the wages of the lazy are to be eaten alive by bears, and those wages, PZ Myers, those wages are yours.

    (There, that should do for an insult in the pseudo-ancestral fashion. Stop procrastinating or the bears of the wood will eat you!)

  74. says

    You load of fetid dingoes kidneys! (Seriously, no one has posted that yet?)

    May Cthulhu refuse to drag you down to R’lyeh as unworthy of his notice.

  75. SqueakyVoice says

    I recently read someone using the term ‘twat fucker’ apparently as an insult.

    Depending on how one makes the statistical adjustments for male and female homosexuals and bisexuals (etc) isn’t the total number of ‘twat fuckers’ in a given population somewhere around/ over the 50% mark?

    So, yeah! PZ, you wouldn’t be able to distinguish an Oxford comma from standard Guardian practice, you twat fucker!

  76. Crys says

    Why would I want to insult you PZ? You with that face of a weird beaver/otter lovechild, that body so reminiscent of a giant squid washed up on the shore, your little mole eyes and hyena hairdo, why would anyone possibly want to give you any abuse?

  77. AussieMike says

    Hey PZ! May you be blessed by the Father, the Son and the Holey Ghost. May God be with you now and forever, bless you my son. Amen………….now suck on that!

  78. AussieMike says

    Wait, I just clicked on the link! Doh! That makes it easier.

    Your a Sarcastic Fringehead, Monkeyface Blenny, Bonytail Chub, California Smooth-tongue, Collared Carpetshark, Deepwater Flathead, Longjaw Mudsucker! Now bite me!

  79. mythusmage says

    PZ,

    You masticating thespian. You Cthulhu annoying darwinist. You expected us to cut you some slack when you demanded insults? Suffer you practicing evolutionary biologist.

  80. Fear Uncertainty Doubt says

    PZ, I can’t believe what an arrogant narcissist you are! I wouldn’t participate in your stupid “oh roast me like I’m David Hasselhoff” contest if you were the last stupid beardo atheist on the planet. The nerve of someone from some head-in-the-clouds ivory-tower elitist perfesser from a college which has some loudmouth gasbag blogger as it’s only claim to fame, to expect “the internet” to even bother spending one moment of time contemplating your terrible sense of dress and some kind of weird octopus fetish and going to the effort of posting the 3563rd comment of your self-indulgent, waste-of-time blog just praying that, oh gosh golly, I hope PZ reads my comment, as if we have nothing better to do, only proves what a big headed fool you are. I wouldn’t spare a single pixel on insulting you, you aren’t worth the effort.

  81. steveclark says

    Of course I can avoid scatology but still keep it puerile, you Slippery Dick*!!

    *See also Halichoeres bivittatus

  82. The Lorax says

    PZ, You are a faster-than-light neutrino: Just as soon as we start to figure this shit out, you come along to fuck it up.

  83. Rey Fox says

    Now it’s time to open up some being-hit-on-the-head lessons. Post something bashing sexists or libertarians.

  84. Heliantus says

    @ Sally Strange 145

    I knew there had to be! And there is! A Captain Haddock insult generator. Now I only wonder if one exists in French. It must.

    There is. Charabia.net

    By pure coincidence, I got this:

    “Bayadère de vermicelle volant !”

    Almost enough to convert me to the FSM cult…

  85. Cyberguy says

    Some ichthyical insults..

    You Three-toothed puffer!
    You Hog sucker!
    You Slimy sculpin!
    You Convict cichlid!
    You Greenbone!
    You Worm eel!
    You Shortnose sucker!
    You Tube-snout!
    You Wahoo!
    You Steelhead!
    You Pollock!
    You Weasel shark!
    You Longjaw mudsucker
    You Clown loach!
    You Snubnose parasitic eel!

  86. Cyberguy says

    More ornithological insults…

    You Red–necked stint!
    You Hoary-headed Grebe!
    You Banded Dotterel!
    You Yellowhead!
    You Dunnock!

  87. AussieMike says

    PZ says “You people are enjoying this way to much!”

    I say – Shut up you geriatric cephalapod semen wad. Now get back to work!

  88. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Finally ready to abuse PZ. May your book only sell 500,000 copies, and your peers see you aren’t an administrator, and unelect you from department head.

  89. Ava, Oporornis maledetta says

    #148 and #150: Hahahahahahahahaha
    Almost made me forget to insult PZ.

    You are one tentacle short of an octopus.
    Ken Ham is a better speaker than you.
    Icanhascheezburger is a better read than Pharyngula.
    Your beard will never match Darwin’s for coolness.
    Even your town is named after a cat.
    I LOL at you.

  90. Ava, Oporornis maledetta says

    The tentacled overlord Myers
    Set a torch to the horde-ian fires.
    He invited abuse
    But he’s far to obtuse
    To detect when a challenge misfires.

    (erm, it’s late . . .)