Ho Ho’s Role in Polytheistic Monotheism


Today while I was out doing battle with the string trimmer a brilliant thought occur to me. I was mauling the grass into submission due to the recent volume of rain here in the rain forest, I conceived of something I deemed to be of monumental importance. Previous to that, I had been lamenting the lack of HO HOs on the island of St. Croix. There I was, swinging the string trimmer back and forth – burrrrrump one direction and burrrrrrrump the other, when I caught sight of a glorious truth over by the banana trees. Inspiration struck fully formed then, as usual, it was gone. I suspected it had something to do with the 3rd or 4th centuries. But, why would I even think about stuff from way back then, and why now, I mean 2017? I had become dehydrated of course, this is a tropical island and I am retired so I required a fan and a bottle of water to restore my salinity, sanity, and dissipate my entropy. Then back to the chore at hand.

I did remember the HO HOs lament, so I had something to help reconstruct my train of thought. Wait a minute, “HOs” “polytheism” of course that’s what it’s about; how polytheism influenced Christianity, which presumably related to the TV show Mad Men, burrrrrrrump. You know, that TV show about, burrrrrrrump, the advertising business in the 1960s. Wait, this makes no sense! I doubt the women back then (third century-ish, maybe fourth), burrrrrrrump wore those pointy bras or heels, or even worked in ad agencies, burrrrrrrump, but it’s quite likely there were three (or more) wise-women hanging-out with their camels looking for a bright star in the East, burrrrrrrump, and a slew of female sheep herders hanging around the stalls awaiting the phenomena of a, burrrrrrrump, virgin birth. After all, it had happened before. A new thought occurred that brought a conclusion to this whole lawn trimming thing: If he is a shepherd wouldn’t she be a hepherd? I’m just asking. Time for another bottle of water and a nap.

 

Lets reconnoiter, Jesus is to HO HOs as polytheism is to the third century. That should make things clear. It may never be an analogy on the MCAT but it works for me. Let me explain in my own words: (That is what I have been doing so far and look where it’s gotten us!)

The original marketing plan in the early days of Christianity was great, remember: “Jesus actually exists, He’s not myth (like those other gods), he’s real”. This was the perfect marketing angle for its time. It was fresh, new, and exciting. It worked like gangbusters too, but after a century it started to lose its bang, the pizazz was gone. This is where the Mad Men ad agency would come in handy. What if Christians had those guys working for them way back then? How would a 1960’s ad firm sell that particular box-o-soap?

Well, assessing the situation, it looks like monotheistic Jews and a variety of polytheistic religions were the main competition. Christians would need to choose an ad campaign to counteract those problems. So, this is where the HO HO’s come in – “Three flavorful treats in one package!” TA-Da! Welcome to the age of the Trinity.  Reformatting that monotheistic God into three parts is shear genius. It’s monotheistic polytheism for the masses.

God the father could be the superhero, an all-powerful father figure with muscles like superman and a beard like well, Rembrandt’s version was just fine. His “real-life” blood soaked action-figure son, Jesus as second in command all Rambo-like with a sword in one hand and a massive wooden cross in the other sitting on God’s right hand. That leaves the
holy ghost – well we’ll just assume that back then they knew what a ghost actually does, or even looks like, cause I can’t imagine the purpose of having a ghost except to scare people. Maybe that’s what they mean by god-fearing Christians – they’re afraid of ghosts. Well, the new pitch includes, a progenitor fertility myth, a salvation/action hero, and a scary guy in a sheet. Put that in a HO HO wrapper and you can sell it in any gas station across the country.

So, what exactly would you be eating anyway? I mean you’ve got two men and a genderless spirit that are all supposed to be the same thing. What do you see when you open that package? Short stubby black tubes filled with a white creamy substance that squirts out its sugary goodness when you bite into it. You could try sucking on it but that usually makes a gooey mess. The point is, each snack is identical to all the other HO HOs.

Open up a package of Trinity and what do you see? Well, an old fuzzy-faced guy with big muscles holding a younger guy who’s got his hands full of big heavy chunks of timber and a sword. And then that ghost is hard to visualize. Is he like Casper? All friendly and such? I Googled it and found lots of bird pictures, some were on fire, some were dripping blood, one was a fish, and one included a bar tender pouring “holy spirits” into a shot glass, so who knows.

Back in the day, this Trinity thing was a great solution to competition from polytheism. Nowadays, the religious folks need help from the Mad Men again. They need to take the one armed Trinity (face it: God better be left handed because Jesus has both of his arms full and is sitting on God’s right hand. The ghost is a fire-y, bleeding, fishy, bird liquor). Any kid’ll tell you that ain’t a great image.

What if they devise a reformulated trinity of just three school friends? Two guys and a girl who spend part of their lives living as everyday normal kids and part of it living in the Dreamworld. Many events occur while in the Dreamworld that are parables of real life existence. What if it became very popular to read the stories and watch cinematic versions of the parables. I have been saying for some time now that art serves as a better conduit to the Dreamworld than ancient religions, frozen in time. Harry Potter with its trinity of protagonists rearranges the Dreamworld of theological entities with a consistent, valid, moral formula for existence in this world.

Harry Potter novels teach the importance of love and loyalty. It says: if you need help ask for it. It hates bureaucracies, but sees them as part of life that works as well as the people operating them. It speaks to every individual’s validity in the world and that all people have value. It speaks to the authenticity of an individual’s own thoughts and the “reality” of those thoughts. The school diagnoses and sorts into houses individuals according to personality traits that are sometimes unknown to the individual themselves. Each house has its own defining motto such as: “Do what is right” for the brave-hearted and those willing to stand up for others; “Do what is wise” for the deliberative thinkers; “Do what is nice” for the hard working and fair; and “Do what is necessary” for the prideful, cunning, ambitious. These assigned “families” help reinforce the students where they already have strength and potential.

Evil seems more prevalent in the ‘do what is necessary’ house while the others have a moral sense built into their philosophy. ‘Necessary’ overrides questions of right or wrong.  But, those who consider ‘doing the right thing’ to be necessary can also be part of that group. Just as in the final battle when good people used the techniques of evil to protect and defend themselves.

Some moral lessons of the series include:

1. Love ultimately wins. (all kinds: family, friends, society, as well as romantic)

2. Evil requires desire: “You’ve got to really want it” in order for evil ‘magic’ to work.

3. Bureaucratic structures don’t work well, but aren’t inherently good or bad. Treat them with caution. Don’t automatically trust the system, including its rules. Think for your self.

4. Strategic vulnerability can be a defense or used offensively too: face your fears.

5. Treat all people with the same respect irrespective of their status in society.

6. There is light and darkness in everyone.

7. Anything is possible.

8. There is often a cost to doing the right thing.

9. Loyalty is earned.

10.Morality requires no church or religion or ritual.

11.Expect trustworthiness in others until it is proven otherwise.

My point is that even though HO HOs would melt instantly on this island they still have relevance here. Drink plenty of fluids when cutting grass. The Dreamworld exists everywhere, and can be accessed through many portals. You should read, or re-read the Harry Potter Books. It won’t solve your problems but it puts you in the Dreamworld where you too might spy a glorious truth by the banana trees.

Comments

  1. says

    Absolutely splendid, this post made my day. And made me want Ho Hos, dammit. I haven’t thought of those things in decades.

    And I will reread the Potterosity one day soon.

  2. says

    This was impressive. I like it a lot.

    I like the Harry Potter stuff, too, and have wanted to re-read the series for a while now, except… I never liked the last two books. But… eh… I might re-read it anyways…

    • odgraphix says

      Thank you Nathan,

      It’s nice to get feedback from readers. I know what you mean about the feelings an ending brings. There was this old TV show called MASH that I loved. I got so angry at the last episode I could barely contain myself. A friend who had studied psychology described the phenomena of feelings of loss turning into anger. It’s a defense mechanism to protect ones self from the emotions of death or separation. I had an emotional attachment to those characters and I was going to miss them so I got mad. I think its natural.

      Now that time has passed I’ll bet you will be able to enjoy the elements that make the truth of the story real for you.

      Bill

      • says

        I mean, if I psychoanalyze myself, that may be why I didn’t like them, but I had other issues. One is definitely not legit (I may post about it on my blog, actually… I don’t know), but others (like wild character-changes, for example) I think are legit.

So, what's on your mind?