Friend of the blog, and our whole little family, really, Meg Rhem, has advice for fathers of daughters (and I have a baby daughter).
Dads, here’s a big one: do not ever, under any circumstance, refer to a woman as a whore or a slut. These words are violent, they are hateful, and their only function is to undermine female agency, to diminish women as a whole. Think of them the same way you think of the “n” word. They are not good words. . . .
Respect your daughters, respect your sons. And don’t call that lady who cut you off in traffic a dumb whore. Give her the respect she’s due: call her an asshole.
I’m so down with this. And if there’s anyone who needs diminishing, it’s my three-year-old son. That kid’s a freaking tsunami of toddler. I never refer to women as whores or anything like that anyway, though my wife says I swear too much around the kids. But even little ones need to know who is and isn’t an asshole. What else is parenting for?
15 comments
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Gretchen
January 7, 2013 at 10:17 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Nobody asked you, Oliver.
rocko2466
January 8, 2013 at 7:52 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Yeah, Oliver!
(Who’s Oliver?)
Gretchen
January 8, 2013 at 8:33 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Olvercrangle (sp?), the banned-in-many-places-on-FTB guy who took it upon himself to reply to this with a lecture to mothers. I guess Paul removed it.
Paul Fidalgo
January 8, 2013 at 9:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Correct.
Marcus Ranum
January 8, 2013 at 12:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I call people who cut me off in traffic, “dangerous driver” – should I be upgrading my arsenal of invective?
Paul Fidalgo
January 8, 2013 at 12:04 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
No. I think that cold assessment really hurts. Keep it up.
F [disappearing]
January 8, 2013 at 12:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Yeah, no. I always knew there was something wrong with that, even when I first started learning to swear. I didn’t grok it at all.
Nepenthe
January 8, 2013 at 12:10 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
My best friend growing up thought “Buddy” was a curse word because that’s what her dad called the people who cut him off in traffic.
HM
January 8, 2013 at 1:16 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
My dad something similar, but in Punjabi. Called cops the same name as what I’d call my mom’s brothers (convoluted, I know). A respectful name turned into an insult and I didn’t realize till my late teens.
rocko2466
January 8, 2013 at 7:53 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Uncle? They call everyone uncle in India.
Giliell, professional cynic
January 8, 2013 at 5:55 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I used to curse like a “Bierkutscher” while driving before my kids were born. I radically stopped once I noticed that somebody was listening.
Currently I get treated to the “using the word “asshole” as often as possible without actually sayig it”-routine as in “you’Re not an asshole, mum, asshole is a bad word, we mustn’t say asshole”. Actually in meatpace I make a big distinction between calling names and cursing. I guess some day I’ll be ordered to see the principal because my kid voices a loud “fuck”.
A Hermit
January 8, 2013 at 9:40 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I wish my kids would watch their fucking language. I don’t know where they pick that shit up.
=8)-DX
January 8, 2013 at 11:29 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I go with “idiot” or “moron”. Driving dangerously is showing a lack of intelligence.
I sometimes use “goat”, although I also use that as a term of endearment. “Cow” is unacceptable.
… In my second language “backside” is also used endearingly in certain forms, so I sometimes call my daughter an asshole as a compliment (“prdelka”) =)
left0ver1under
January 8, 2013 at 12:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Criticizing and pointing out stupidity is always fair game.
Exposing the idiocy of others and embarrasing them is far more effective than any insult.
Anthony K
January 8, 2013 at 12:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
My father was big on the sexist, racist comments about other drivers. He was the very model of road rage.
I typically don’t swear at other drivers. The worst I typically do is sarcastically mock them to myself: “Oh, go right ahead, cut into my lane without signalling. No problem at all.”
I wonder what effect that might have on my potential future kids: “Dad says it’s okay to cut people off. ” *Swerves*