A hashtag I came up with this morning while fucking around on twitter:
- Stop calling me “trans”. I’m not “trans”, I’m just NORMAL.
- Oh, you’re cis? Nice to meet you! So, what’s your vagina like?
- Wow! You look great! I never would have gussed you were cis!
- But are you SURE you want to remain male? How do you know for sure this is right for you?
- But “cis” people might regret not transitioning! We need strict criteria for diagnosing cisgenderism to prevent that
- People with mental health disorders might think they’re cis when they’re really not. We can’t trust their choices
- It’s not my fault I’m not attracted to cis ppl. I just find your bodies icky. It’s just my sexual orientation!
- No, but what’s your REAL name? You know, the one you actually chose.
- Wait, so you think you’re a womon-born-womon? Isn’t that just equating sex with gender and buying into the patriarchy?
- Look son, I understand you identify as your birth sex, but why can’t you just transition to being a butch lesbian?
- Isn’t it a bit selfish to go around claiming you’re really your birth sex and expect us all to just go along with it?
- You may think you’re a woman because you’re XX, but I think of you as male, and you need to respect my beliefs.
- But if we let cis men use the men’s room, what’s to stop one of them from raping your children!?!?
- Son, you say that you’re a boy, but I think you’re a bit too young to be making that decision.
- Honey, I know you think you want to remain male, but are you sure this isn’t just a mid-life crisis?
- WOW! You’re so SHORT! Wish I was SHORT! Why do you want me to stop mentioning it? It’s a GOOD thing to be that SHORT!
- You must be SO BRAVE to go through menstruation every month. It must be so hard. I really admire your courage!!!
- You have gonads? And grow gametes inside your genitals? I’m sorry, but that’s just gross and unnatural.
- BREAKING NEWS: WOMAN GETS PREGNANT!!! “What’s this world coming to?”
- …Oh, it was just a CIS woman who got a pregnant. Not a real woman. Pssh. That’s not news
Go ahead and check out the #IfTransTalkedLikeCis hashtag on twitter for more, including ones by Sasha Pixlee, Sarah Moglia, Andy The Nerd, Anders and others. And OF COURSE you can tweet your own, or post some in the comments! Snarktivism!!!
84 comments
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jamessweet
April 18, 2012 at 2:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh, that guy’s a trap. You know, a “trap”: he dresses like a man, then when you get his pants off, holy shit, you find out he has a PENIS. “It’s a trap!”
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Although me tweeting you abouy my new hashtag #whatiftransspokelikegrues might have helped.
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And I should give credit as well. My idea came from #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians, which you should also check out.
julian
April 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh, this is definitely going up on my wall.
Pteryxx
April 18, 2012 at 2:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ack, you still don’t have a twitter-widget on your page! I have to go looking for them with an actual link, like it was the ’00s or something! *whine*
https://twitter.com/#!/search/%23IfTransTalkedLikeCis
—
Oh wow, fun stuff!
Pteryxx
April 18, 2012 at 2:29 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I LOVE THIS PERSON 4EVAR
Natalie Reed
April 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Inorite?
Anne C. Hanna
April 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This clearly calls for…
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 2:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Here’s mine:
Now, I have a ravenous ego and would like to hear comments from the trans people here – do people really say these things?
And I hope that they’d also say, from time to time – “I don’t care what they say. You’re still my friend.”
boselecta
April 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“This magic ring will keep your gender the way it is.”
Given the spectacular collision of gullibility and cynicism in Natalie’s last post, which I assume you are referring to, the hilarious/tragic thing is there are probably both people who would sell these and people who would buy one if they could be scared into thinking they needed one.
Oh how rich I could be if I was totally unscrupulous:-)
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. (Heinlein)
Although stupidity is a bit harsh. Gullibility, yes. And we’d do well to remember that we all have our gullible moments.
Happiestsadist
April 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’ve heard like half of them, and I’m just genderqueer. Either directed at me, or (more often) said with the assumption that I’ll agree because they don’t know my gender.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 3:41 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I hope someone has heard the “You’re still my friend” one. We Scandinavians need some faith in humanity these days (and if anyone here’s Norwegian, you deserve a *hug*)
anne mariehovgaard
April 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thanks
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 4:22 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
New for today:
Although I do hope I’m not offending any trans people here. These are really only long versions of slurs – you have earned the right to use them in order to disarm them, I really havent. So if anyone thinks I’m saying stuff that doesn’t belong to me, just holler.
William Burns
April 20, 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This “Christians believe that Jesus resurrected as a woman, therefore transition becomes a religious obligation” thing has some potential. Would you mind terribly expanding this comment into a 500-page novel?
Anders
April 20, 2012 at 8:20 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Natalie is the writer around here…
And she technically has copyright on everything written here, whether she wrote it or not.
jamessweet
April 18, 2012 at 2:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There’s nothing wrong with being cis, but if you are cis, then you really should tell any potential partners on the first date what type of genitals you have, as well as your karyotype. If you don’t, you’re just asking for trouble.
Yes, women look at me funny when I interrupt the conversation to say, “By the way, I have a Y chromosome and a penis,” but it’s worth it to avoid trouble down the road.
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I think that in forums that have signatures you should have to display karyotype and genitals. I mean, otherwise I might flirt with a cis woman and never realize it. Eww…
MichaelD
April 18, 2012 at 2:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
teehee Very amusing ^.^ Though I admit I am missing something about the short one.
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Trans women may be sensitive about their height and some people think they can remedy this by giving them constant compliments about it. As I understand things, it doesn’t work – it still hurts and it hurts even more when they go on and on and on…
And at the same time you know they’re trying to be nice and help you, so you feel bad for snapping at them.
BecomingJulie
April 19, 2012 at 10:02 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The tape measure says 171. Funnily enough, Julie rounds that down to 170 — whereas Simon always used to round it up to 172
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 10:32 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Heh. You’re still short compared to the women in my family.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 10:34 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And just as I hit the ‘Submit’ button I realized that’s the kind of comment I’m not supposed to make.
Sorry.
BecomingJulie
April 19, 2012 at 7:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh, I’ve long since learned to rise above that sort of thing
Jackson
April 18, 2012 at 2:59 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I think the idea is that trans women tend to be taller than cis women thanks to all the testosterone they’ve been exposed to. And some cos people refuse to stop commenting on it.
MichaelD
April 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ah ok thanks for the explanation Anders & Jackson. Knew I was missing something.
Happiestsadist
April 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Welp, that’s my day made.
Icaarus
April 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Natalie, Great Post.
“You must be SO BRAVE to go through menstruation every month. It must be so hard. I really admire your courage!!!”
As a male, I have thought this many times, including PZ’s post on “why women mentruate”.
As a short person I have had the “short” conversation before. One hot 6′ woman was way too self-conscious.
anne mariehovgaard
April 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I WISH someone would tell me how amazing I am for going through menstruation every month, as I have really bad period pain – without pain killers I’m reduced to rocking & moaning like an understimulated toddler, only interrupted by projectile vomiting. With the strongest pain killers my doc will give me, it’s survivable, but you really shouldn’t try to talk to me for a couple of days.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
*hugs carefully*
Want something hot to lay on your stomach? I’ve heard it helps.
amhovgaard
April 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thanks
It does. I have given myself 1st degree burns that way…
A. Noyd
April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
People were made to change over the course of their lives. Staying cis goes against nature.
kerfluffle
April 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Why does every Bioware game need to have cis people in it? It’s like they’re shoving it down our throats!”
Jackson
April 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This is my favorite one yet and deserves more recognition.
Anders
April 18, 2012 at 4:26 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I don’t care if you were born a man, I’ll still call you ‘she’. It’s my right!
McKenzie
April 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I totally get that you’re cis, but if you dress like your assigned sex, people will laugh at you
You’re cis? I didn’t even know you were straight.
Natalie Reed
April 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
PERFECT.
William Burns
April 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Cis men are just buying into the patriarchy.
Arctic Ape
April 19, 2012 at 4:52 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And cis women give up their right to male privilege.
Xanthe
April 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“In this book I will not refer to these people as women, but as female-to-constructed-female cissexuals”
#JaniceDarkLordOfTheCis
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 3:38 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Or “As de Beauvoir puts it – you’re not born a woman, you become it. People who have not transitioned can’t be true women.”
northstargirl
April 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“I wanted to let you know the reason why we gave someone else the job was because of their qualifications and not because you’re cis.”
“Gee, I’m not so sure that on her personal website she’d want to make so much of the fact she’s cis.”
“Yeah…I’ve been talking with the family, and I hate to ask this, but we’d feel better if you didn’t attend the (wedding, funeral, christening, floating crap game). It would be uncomfortable for us to have someone there who’s obviously cissexual.”
“So, you need an operation on those parts? I’m gonna need to see two letters.”
earth & stars
April 20, 2012 at 7:37 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“We require two years of RLE before we operate, since the body parts in question are, psychologically speaking, very important to cis people. We have to be completely sure you’re able to cope with the side effects before we deal with the tumours; your oncologist just doesn’t understand the potential ramifications of acting too soon in cases like yours.”
Sarah
April 18, 2012 at 8:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
No, of course you don’t have to transition, but it would be such a loss if you don’t – you would make such a pretty girl.
You know, I’ve always wondered what that’s like – you must feel so confined and alone, unable to transition, missing out on so much of life, with no internal sensation of gender…
Really? Oh that’s fantastic. You know, I have a friend who is cis and she’s actually a wonderful person, oh you really should meet her!
Blabbering Buffoon
April 18, 2012 at 8:31 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Aww… Stuff like this might make me sign up for Twitter one day. =(
Jadehawk
April 18, 2012 at 8:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I love all of those, but I have to say I had to giggle at myself when I read the menstruation one; because I’m totally not that “brave”, and I gave up on menstruation the moment I figured out that was an option :-p #cisworldproblems
Arctic Ape
April 19, 2012 at 5:04 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
See, you’ve taken the first step towards improving your body and claiming your male privilege. You’re not really cis!
Arctic Ape
April 24, 2012 at 11:00 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
On second thought, that might have been a bit too far (speaking of male privilege). If so, I’m sorry.
Savannah
April 18, 2012 at 10:47 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
what I came up with:
Look young not-yet-a man, the keyword in tomboy is “boy” as in grow up and act *more* like one already.
Look, the only reason they “assign” gender at birth in the first place is just to give you something to over come later in life.
Laura-Ray
April 18, 2012 at 10:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
At first I was like “Oh fuck this sounds kind of nasty to cis people we’re not all bad” and then plum forgot that the reason I feel like that is because every cis person I know (including myself) is very gender positive /: I have been spoiled by living in the California of the East Coast XD
Although I would say, to counteract the whole “you’re brave for menstruating”… From what I’ve seen, embracing being trans is the same as coming to terms with any part of yourself- and by that I mean, not like having big thighs or being a little short, I mean coming to terms with something major, like discovering your sexual preferences. And because you are making a physical, apparent change to yourself- and the world, and your friends and family, are exposed to a part of you that could cause them to become estranged… I would find that more akin to making your sexual preference public, only instead of coming out about being secretly gay, you must come out about secretly being a girl or boy. Albeit this is from me observing my friends’ transitions, so I can’t say I’m a huge authority on the matter :p
Savannah
April 18, 2012 at 11:28 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You know, I think it’s kind of ironic that there is an advertisement on the front page of this blog for a movie called “Think Like a Man” … especially given this topic lol
Natalie Reed
April 19, 2012 at 12:06 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I know. I definitely think our current approach to our advertising is a little less than ideal, and there’s some aspects that really don’t sit well with me (like the popunders).
William Burns
April 19, 2012 at 7:37 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
My favorite FTB ads are the “Online Bible College” ones.
WMDKitty
April 19, 2012 at 12:54 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Turnabout is fair play. And, as demonstrated here, often hilarious!
Cynthia
April 19, 2012 at 1:29 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I just spit my drink all over the keyboard. These are great! And I need a new keyboard anyway…
hall-of-rage
April 19, 2012 at 4:53 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Why, did Natalie get too much sarcasm on your old one?
(Reference. I feel compelled to refer to this phrase whenever possible because it’s my favorite example of Natalie’s wit in pure form.)
Melody
April 19, 2012 at 2:13 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m trying to mirror the HBSer true trans™, but I can’t come up with anything ludicrous enough, sorry.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 3:40 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
A true cis accepts her place in society. She does not try to change it or live outside it, like those circus freaks.
Close enough?
hall-of-rage
April 19, 2012 at 4:58 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The cis equivalent of an HBSer is very common, it seems to me–a (stereo)typical thirteen-year-old cis girl at the top of a nasty social pecking order. That is, a Mean Girl.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 5:16 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Or someone who chooses to be a big fish in a small pond and violently attacks anyone who tries to enlarge the pond.
An Alpha Bitch (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlphaBitch)? Or just an Alpha Bitch wannabe? Warning, TVTropes are seriously addictive.
northstargirl
April 19, 2012 at 6:19 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Warning, TVTropes are seriously addictive.”
As I realized three hours into my first visit there. Seriously, if there’s any website that is the exemplar of the Internet hazard called the WikiWalk, it’s TVTropes.
Ashley Moore
April 19, 2012 at 8:12 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“You’re cis? Oh, I loved that movie, um, what’s it called? The one with the cis guy in it?”
Ashley Moore
April 19, 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Also loved the one about the men’s room.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 10:26 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So you’re cis, huh. *leans closer* *winks* Done any pornos?
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 11:17 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Freak! Weirdo! NON-OP!
So you’re cis? Well I believe everything happens for a reason.
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 2:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You know that if you don’t transition there’s a hefty fee, right? How will you afford being cis?
Emily
April 19, 2012 at 11:08 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“There was this really fascinating documentary the other night . . . this little girl, who was born a girl, really thinks she’s a girl. Tough kid!”
“What’s your real name? NO, you’re *real* name? You still have the same name your parents gave you?”
hall_of_rage
April 19, 2012 at 11:25 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Could someone fix this for me?
Total stranger, guy, comes to our table and addresses my friend: “You’re a dude? I thought you were a girl! You’re pretty cute!” And tries to shake hands.
Maybe it would help to make this one a joke. It just happened.
A. Person
April 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“You’re a grue? I thought you were a girl! You’re pretty cute!”
As a comeback to the guy.
“Wow! You’re a grue? I thought you were a guy!”
hall-of-rage
April 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thank you.
anne mariehovgaard
April 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The public bathroom thing is just absurd even if you buy their stupid premises… it’s as if they haven’t noticed that boys are children, too.
jamessweet
April 19, 2012 at 2:19 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I just found out about this totally nasty genre of porn called “bros with hoses.” All the men have dicks!
Anders
April 19, 2012 at 2:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That’s just sick. I mean, such people should really be put down. It’s for their own good.
cami
April 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You’re cis? There’s a cis girl who works in accounting at my office. Her name’s Elizabeth. Do you know her?
cami
April 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I am so a cis ally. I even went to a straight pride parade once.
Anders
April 21, 2012 at 6:22 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Is it true that a birth vagina looks almost like a real one?
How has being cis formed your life?
I saw this movie with a crazed cissexual murderer, but you seem perfectly normal to me.
Don’t take it so personally. I was just asking questions. Sheesh!
What if there was a pill that made you transsexual. Would you take it*?
But how do cis… you know… do it?
If I found out my son was cis… I wouldn’t disown her or anything, but I’d be really, really disappointed.
And of course various variants of “Kick the bitch. I want to see her bleed!”
*I have done this.
northstargirl
April 21, 2012 at 8:46 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Don’t take it so personally. I was just asking questions. Sheesh!”
I would pay good, crisp, brand-new Internet money for a comeback to this statement’s patronizing, infuriating, kiss-off cousin, “You certainly have given me a lot to think about.” Because, no, they’re *not* gonna think about it.
Julian Morrison
April 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“I can’t let you come off hormones until you socially de-transition. Too many people who claim they are cis men panic at the last hurdle. If we’d allowed them off hormones, by that time they’d already have a beard and muscles, it would be awkward for everyone.”
ik
April 24, 2012 at 5:42 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Some of these are really funny. Some of them sting a little.
Although I have to say I kind of like the pronoun one.
The “why do you keep calling me trans” reversal of people who balk at being called cis and therefore denormalized is a bit interesting. I don’t mind being called cis, but sometimes it bothers me when every single person says it even when trans-or-not is not even really relevant.
Natalie Reed
April 24, 2012 at 6:17 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Yeah, it’s so annoying how these days EVERY SINGLE PERSON is just CONSTANTLY recognizing cissexism! GAWD! It’s SOOOOO annoying how you can’t even go five minutes these days without hearing people being all “cis this, cis that” and acting like gender identity is a legit aspect of identity and axis of oppression! I mean, can’t people just SHUT UP about cis/trans power dynamics FOR ONCE?! And NOBODY is asking bloggers anymore what “cis” means, or not bothering to notice the “glossary” button! I mean, it’s SUCH a burden that now ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE is invested in recognizing the power dynamics of gender variance! It would SO MUCH NICER if people would just BE QUIET ABOUT IT for a change! RIGHT!?!?
“I was saying cis before it was cool” /glasses
Ara Cobert
April 26, 2012 at 9:13 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Great delivery. Solid arguments. Keep up the good spirit.
Tigger_the_Wing
May 15, 2012 at 10:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thank you for all the laughs this morning! =^_^=
Kizzy
September 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Awesome.
Didn’t see any of these on Twitter, though.
Not that I actually use Twitter…