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Feb 20 2012

In case you don’t know the worth of women’s lives and men’s testicles

Just in case you didn’t know how much you were worth under Islamic Diyeh or blood money (paid to the victim or victim’s family), here’s a reminder:

Article 300:  The blood money for first or second degree murder of a Muslim woman is 50 camels.

Article 435:  The blood money for a Muslim man losing his left testicle is 66 camels and his right testicle is 34 camels. Loss of both is 100 camels.

Yup, you read right. Even a man’s testicles are worth more than a woman’s life.

By the way, in case you don’t have camels, not to worry. The regime in Iran has calculated cash equivalents to assist you…

(Photo of laws via Bahman Abnekar on Facebook)

22 comments

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  1. 1
    Insightful Ape

    I remember when I was an intern in Iran and got two children in ER, a brother and a sister, injured in an accident. What we all know, though it was rarely discussed, was that we were supposed to be doubly careful with the care of the male child, precisely for the reasons you outlined…

  2. 2
    Habib Biktash

    At least they have gotten mathematics right:

    66 camels + 34 camels = 100 camels

    That is a huge achivement for these dinasours (appology to all dinasours, of course).

    The mathematics is also right considring the fact that worth of a woman is half the worth of a man in Islam. Therefor,

    100 divided by 2 = 50

    None the less a man is = to his testicles

    That is also a true conclusion, considring the fact that most of islams preoccupation is with testicles.

  3. 3
    Mriana

    That’s just sick. Of course, a lot of things concerning religion, not just Islam, make me sick.

  4. 4
    Jeff Engel

    This is admittedly beside the point, but curiosity compels me: Why’s the left testicle so much more valuable than the right one?

    1. 4.1
      resident_alien

      The left testicle is worth less than the right one because it supposedly makes the sperm that fathers daughters.The right testicle is alledged to produce the sperm that spawns sons.So naturally,they cannaot be of equal value. *vomit*

      1. sambarge

        You’re joking right? I mean, please tell me that you’re joking.

      2. Jet

        I know almost nothing about Islam, and I actually guessed this was the reason. Sad to say I was right.

      3. Fredric Martin

        I don’t doubt this to be true, but I’d love a source.

  5. 5
    Geoff

    What’s the cash value of 66 camels? Because I’d be tempted to cash in lefty if funds ever became tight.

    1. 5.1
      Rob

      According to footnote two in the linked article, 1 camel = $200, so 1 left testicle = 66 camels = $13200

    2. 5.2
      I'm_not

      Hahahahahahahaha. BRILLIANT!

    3. 5.3
      Aliasalpha

      Bugger that, make friends with a surgeon & pull an insurance scam, pick up a cool 20 grand then get them reattached

  6. 6
    I'm_not

    Complete balls.

  7. 7
    Art

    I have a dream that in the not to distant future the CIA finances a society of warrior women in the far northern regions of Afghanistan. They demand all men must wear a codpiece and walk behind the women. Women will have all the money, guns, power and privilege …

    A nation of amazons. To engage and entangle a philosophy of misogyny.

    Sometimes I think it is just a little too ‘back to the future’. Other times, not enough.

    1. 7.1
      Leila

      I know some guys who would consider that a wet dream.

  8. 8
    piero

    You are missing the point. An Islamist man’s balls are HUGE, and made of pure gold. They weigh about a ton each, and must be dragged along. That’s why they wear tunics instead of pants. The left ball is worth more because it more often points to Mecca (don’t ask for a geometrical proof: this has to be taken on faith).

    Their dicks, on the other hand, are made of decayed neurons and have recessed into their brains; in fact, they constitute their whole brain, and are all but worthless.

    Women should be proud to be worth a ton of gold. Praise Allah.

  9. 9
    Snapp

    I think my right testicle’s feeling a bit jealous right now. Mr Left is smug enough already.

  10. 10
    Lotharloo

    The funny thing is that since the blood money for men is double that of women, it follows that a man is worth 100 camels or one set of testicles. So, we can conclude that Islam thinks a man is totally worthless except for the two testicles that he carries.

  11. 11
    Aliasalpha

    So I essentially have the equivelent of 2 women in my pants? It’s rather tragic how much better that makes me love life sound

  12. 12
    nemothederv

    A few questions:
    What is the current camels to dollars exchange rate?

    Is that for first or second degree gonadicide?

    What the wallet or purse that can hold 100 camels?

    Wouldn’t the barter economy roots alone, setting aside everything else, be enough indication that these laws are not for modern times? It’s not like you can have fiat camels.

    Maybe their talking about cigarettes?

    Is this where the whole “Camel Jockey” sterotype comes from?

    1. 12.1
      Rob

      Fiat camels LOL :P I agree the camel is not a practical purse or wallet dweller. But if we assign value by fiat, why not use something small… how about earwigs? Or bacteria?

  13. 13
    Kate

    A man’s testicles being worth more than a woman’s life? That’s truly one of the most sick and twisted things I’ve ever read.

    I’d like you to listen to the clip I’ve added below. In this clip a very brave young woman tells her story in which she showed that her life and her body was worth more far than her male attackers testicles. This woman definitely had the right idea and I hope that all women feel the same way:

    A successful self-defense Story (click to listen to clip)

    Kate

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