Pat Robertson: “Virtual Sin” is as bad as real sin

I must be a genocidal maniac for having murdered so many video game characters. I must also be a racecar expert, and a canny businessman, and an expert marksman, a seasoned space traveller and terrestrial archaeologist, and an athelete extraordinaire, with superpowers of all stripes, and an endless series of chances at getting things just exactly right in my life.

I will say this for Pat: he’s right that playing video games cut me off from God. I have previously told you that my childhood was steeped in video games, and that one of the major video games was Final Fantasy, which included a number of mythological figures treated in the same category as mythological figures from the Bible. That was formative for me. I realized that they were in fact the same category, and it helped me free myself from the shackles of belief in a non-existent supernatural entity.

If video games helped loose me from those bonds, I feel as though it is my duty on this planet to create video games and loose others from those bonds. Though, I am keenly aware that my experience is unlikely to be anything like universal, I do have to admit that I do have a pull toward creating games. I don’t have anything like the time it would take, or financial freedom to quit my day job, though.

What would you folks like to see in a video game that could theoretically help kids deconvert?

Newsworthy: Not every one of Pat Robertson’s opinions is detestible!

Given his history of racism, misogyny, his anti-science doublethink, ludicrous take on suicide, his belief that gays and feminists and the ACLU cause natural disasters, his belief that you should exorcise second-hand goods, not to mention his opinionation on the cause of the forever-ongoing Haitian hardship, you might be forgiven if it comes as a surprise to you that once in a while, Unky Pat has a viewpoint that isn’t completely damaging to the human race.

It should come as absolutely no surprise to you, however, that the non-odious viewpoint he’s just evinced has got his brothers-in-Christ all up in arms.


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Pat Robertson: watch out for demons attached to secondhand goods!

Sorry again that I’ve been so silent — gigantic things are afoot in my life at the moment and it’s all I can do to keep myself from being plowed under. I’ll tell you all about ‘em as soon as I can.

Pat Robertson has some helpful advice for those of you who have to buy items from thrift stores and Goodwill (wait… buying items from Goodwill? We’re not talking about the Salvation Army perchance, are we???). That advice is — you should rebuke them all before bringing them into your household in case there are demons attached to them.

Of course, buying things directly from a retail store drastically lowers your chances of getting a stray demon. You never know what kinds of demons might manifest in that pair of shoes you picked up from the thrift store, whereas with buying directly from retail, the chances are you’re only risking exposure to Mammon. So be careful when you sell all your possessions to buy a sword — that sword might be inhabited by an emissary from Hell!

Figures that the One Percent has a lower chance of getting attacked by demons. They get all the juiciest privileges, don’t they?

Robertson: Marriages are ruined by ‘hard-nosed’ and ‘slatternly’ women

Guy starts playing more video games and paying less attention to his wife. Son worries about his parents, writes to Pat Robertson for advice. Pat, naturally, blames the wife.

“Pat, how are you gonna blame the mother?” “Easy!”

Yeah, when your worldview is that the man is the head of the household and can do no wrong, obviously it has to be the wife’s fault. And in this case, it’s her fault because she’s ugly. Surely the number one cause of divorce is women becoming less bonerrific, amirite guyz?

Wonder how I became a feminist through atheism, as I’ve described previously? Well, this is a prime example of religiously-motivated gross injustice, right here, and religion is rife with such rank misogyny. Becoming attuned to it in religious teachings also opened my eyes to the myriad secular injustices against women. So now I’m a feminist, through atheism, despite some antifeminist atheists’ cries that they don’t overlap.

The Atheist Grinches who Stole Christmas

The first thing I thought on reading this was, “they hate us for our freedoms”. This is a fundamental misapprehension of what atheists are trying to accomplish by keeping certain religions from establishing themselves as the “official” religions of a particular part of government, installing Christian iconography in public places and thus pushing out all other religions’ believers (or, yes, non-believers like ourselves).

There ought to be plenty of atheists visibly excited about the secular aspects of the holidays that Pat MUST know he’s talking out his ass here. Right? I mean, think of how horrified he is any time people put priority on the tree and the gifts and the feast and spending time with family, rather than on Baby Jesus. I mean, think of what percentage of those people must have been atheist.
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Pat Robertson: “Man up” and give money to the church against wife’s wishes

Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the kinda take-charge attitude that’ll get you divorced in a hurry. Wife’s not a Christian? Family budget is in the red? Wife more concerned about feeding the kids than about your spiritual needs? Worried that God won’t like you if you don’t give ten percent of your earnings to the church? Well our buddy Pat Robertson says: put God before your wife and kids, and tithe anyway!

Pat is just so precious with his “man is the spiritual leader of the house” and “God really only likes people who sacrifice 10% of their money to a church that cares more about your tithing than feeding the kids”.

I wonder if Pat tithed 10% of the money he made off that slave-driven Liberian gold mine.