movies

Mock The Movie: Frankenstein (2004) Transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , , 6 Comments

Below the fold, as always, the transcript for Mock The Movie: Frankenstein.

CompulsoryAccount7746 built a Python script that takes the transcript, from my blog post, and converts it into a subtitle file that can be viewed with VLC. It’s a great idea, but much as it pains me to say, it would be way easier for me to simply build in the appropriate conversion tools to my existing scrape script than it would be to first post, then convert, then edit the post to include the .srt file. Since .srt files are plain-text anyway, I might as well save CA7746 the trouble and create the conversion inline. I haven’t done it this time around, but I’ll be building something into my current scrape script (which is based on this script, if you’re interested) and will post future MtMs as downloadable subtitle files.

I might even be able to convince my current script to pull all the transcript from this last MtM even into a proper .srt file sometime today, assuming my migraine from last night (when I wrote this post) has subsided.
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Mock The Movie: Frankenstein (2004) Transcript
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Mock The Movie Supercharged!

Jason Thibeault, , , , , , , 7 Comments

Good news, MtM fans — all three of you! We’ve decided on four new movies, to be mocked starting this Thursday and every two weeks thereafter. That’s right, we’re gonna come at you like a spider monkey on crack laced with caffeine (and a tiny bit of prozac to keep from having a heart attack)! Final order is up in the air, but it looks like we’ll be doing the following first:

Frankenstein (2004) –

Frankenstein movie poster

Detective Carson O’Conner and her partner Detective Michael Sloane are investigating murders of a serial-killer that mutilates and removes the internal organs of the victims. When they meet the mysterious and macabre Deucalion, they are informed that Dr. Frankenstein is alive with a legion of followers, using the name of Dr. Victor Helios.

Yes, that’s right, a modern-day sequel to Mary Shelley’s original oeuvre, a made-for-TV movie by USA Network. Distribution might be a bit difficult, as it’s still in copyright, so you might have to go to region-locked services like Hulu or Netflix. It will be an exercise for the participant to obtain this one. Others are easier to get though.
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Mock The Movie Supercharged!

Mock The Movie: The Wasp Woman

Jason Thibeault, , , 2 Comments
Wasp Woman theatrical poster
Via IMDb

So, it sometimes takes us a while to settle on a monumentally bad flick to mock, partly because of monetary concerns (not every movie is legally available free or advertiser-sponsored on the internet), regional issues (not everyone can access Hulu for instance — e.g., pretty much everyone who doesn’t live in the continental US), and partly because only some movies make decent mock-fodder. In fact, scientists predict that if we can manage a pace of one movie a month, we’ll hit Peak Movie sometime in 2019. Unfortunately, this means we’ll eventually have to start mining the 2000s for horrible movies, though we’ve made a few forays into the Syfy library already.

But we’ve picked what I really hope will be a winner loser this week, from the Internet Archive.

Mock The Movie is back with a bang! Well, actually a sting… this week, we’ll be enjoying The Wasp Woman.

This cult classic features a truly diabolical villain – a cosmetics company founder and CEO.  Our boss lady is willing to do ANYTHING to boost sales, and that includes shady wasp science.  Well, we all know how these shady science schemes go…

“A queen of beauty by day…

              a lusting queen wasp by night!”

When will people learn that diabolical plans involving dubious science never, ever work? Hopefully never, or we wouldn’t have movies to mock!

Here’s how we do this Mock The Movie thing:

  1. Start following @MockTM on twitter.
  2. Start watching The Wasp Woman Thursday, March 15th, at 9PM EST.  It’s available here for free.
  3. Once you’ve got The Wasp Woman going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM.  Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
  4. Let the snark roll on twitter, but keep in mind… this movie was made in 1960.  In your @MockTM tweets try not to focus on special effects (or the lack thereof).  Instead, focus on the plot, characters, acting, story development, etc.  Let’s reserve our FX slams for a movie made in this decade.
Mock The Movie: The Wasp Woman

Mock The Movie transcript: Laser Mission

Jason Thibeault, , , , 1 Comment

For your reading pleasure, below the fold is the transcript for last night’s Mock The Movie. If you didn’t get a chance to see it, the download link’s in yesterday’s post, go grab it then come back here to read along as you watch. We start at 2:00:00 UMT, timestamps are below each line.
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Mock The Movie transcript: Laser Mission

The Killing of Satan

Jason Thibeault, , , 3 Comments

If this is all Satan’s capable of — rolling rocks around slowly, making people cross their eyes at one another, making them rotate — then I don’t think religious folks really have much to worry about. I mean, look at that protagonist who I expect will inevitably defeat the ultimate evil, the fallen angel of darkness.

This is evidently a real movie, and would work beautifully for our Mock The Movie events. If only I could find it.

Hat tip to Everything is Terrible.

The Killing of Satan

The Whitewashing of Akira

Jason Thibeault, , , , , 29 Comments

I can’t say I’m particularly looking forward to this, though as a geek I’m duty-bound to watch. Apparently Akira is being given the live-action Hollywood treatment. Say it ain’t so!

I’m not much of a “canon purist”, especially not in cases where I’ve never read the original source — the original anime movie Akira was based on a 2100-page manga epic and therefore had to depart from the source a good number of ways to make it fit into a reasonable movie-length premiere. My chief concern even outside of the faithfulness to the originating material is that the impending explosion in Neo-Tokyo, like in this Youtube parody, is going to be transformed into the standard Hollywood and Americentric concerns. With white American actors. Actors like Garrett Hedlund, who’s in the running for the part of Kaneda.
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The Whitewashing of Akira

Mock the Movie: Attack From Space – transcript

Jason Thibeault, , 5 Comments

Below the fold, the transcript from Mock The Movie: Attack From Space. I had to do a bit of post-production work to interleave the two separate logs, as brx0 joined late and had a few real-life interruptions. All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this one — there’s just something special about early Japanese action films. And by special, I mean especially terrible.

We do these movies about every two weeks, usually on Thursday nights, at 9pm EST. For best effect, start the movie and read the jokes while watching. Sadly, because of the interleaving, following via the GMT timestamps isn’t really possible. Well, it sort of is, if you watch my or Stephanie’s timestamps, assuming 1 AM GMT is the start of the movie.

At the moment, selection of movies is done just about at random, and I’m the only limiting factor, being that in Canada I don’t have access to Hulu so a lot of movies that are otherwise mockworthy aren’t accessible to me. Of course, with some prior warning, I’m sure I could find a way to obtain something particularly stinky, but we’ve been a bit slack in picking movies ahead of time. Next Mock The Movie will fall during my vacation to Minnesota over the American Thanksgiving period, so we’ll have a wider selection. Any recommendations, folks?
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Mock the Movie: Attack From Space – transcript