movies

Mock The Movie: In The Year 2889 transcript (and subtitles file!)

Jason Thibeault, , , ,

With little further ado, here’s the transcript for this week’s Mock The Movie. It was a stinker. It was like a psychological drama and a monster movie mashed up, with all the interesting bits removed. Yes, even the senseless deaths.

For the subtitle file, in case you want to watch In The Year 2889 in VLC with the tweets as subtitles, here is the script. Right-click, save-as. It’s uploaded as a .txt file, thanks to stupid server restrictions, so change the extension to .srt . Rename it to exactly the same name as your copy of the video, put it in the same folder, and VLC should pick it up and display them automatically. Thanks once again to CompulsoryAccount7746 for the script and doing the conversion.
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Mock The Movie: In The Year 2889 transcript (and subtitles file!)
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Mock The Movie: In the Year 2889

Jason Thibeault, , , , 6 Comments

Promotional poster for In The Year 2889

This Thursday at 9pm EST (UTC-5), we’ll be sneaking a peek into our distant future, where cannibal telepath supermutants harangue some atomic war survivors. Judging from the reviews on IMDB, it looks like the primary pass-times in the future are drinking moonshine, complaining, and being eaten. I mean, what else are you going to do when your neighbor not only knows your dirty little secrets, but is also trying to eat you?

This one’s by Larry Buchanan, whom I’ve never heard of. Reviews suggest this guy’s as good as Ed Wood, so I’m sure we’re in for a real treat.

As always, here’s how we do this thing.

– First, follow @MockTM on Twitter. Yes, you’ll need Twitter to participate.

– Grab a copy of the movie from Archive.org in advance, or simply stream it directly from the server if your computer/browser/network connection can handle it. Movies from Archive.org are public domain, so it’s free. We try to alternate between public domain / freely-available movies, and paid services or geo-locked services like Netflix and Hulu, as much as possible so everyone can participate.

– At 9pm EST, we’ll all press play at the same time. This might require a tiny bit of coordination in advance, since all of us love to shout “annnnnd NOW”.

– As the movie plays, we all snark at it. To avoid filling up your friends’ stream, we’ll prefix all our snarkery with @MockTM, so people won’t see those tweets unless they also follow @MockTM.

To watch other snarkers while you’re participating, either use the Twitter search function (remember to hit All!), or grab a Twitter client that allows making a stream column for a search. I use Seesmic presently, though Tweetdeck may or may not suit your needs.

Friday morning, I’ll try to have a transcript of everyone’s snarkery posted so you can see what you missed or relive the experience. CompulsoryAccount7746 will usually convert this into a subtitle file so you can overlay the snark if you watch the movie with VLC later, though I’ll probably forget (as always) to upload it and you’ll have to email me for it.

Mock The Movie: In the Year 2889

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack Transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , , , , 15 Comments

This might be the first movie we’ve done that passes the Bechdel test. Yes, despite its obvious cheesecake premise, the presence of so many women in bikinis whose dialogs are organized to maximize the boobs-on-screen actually has a positive effect on that famous cinematic test where a film passes if two women have a dialog with each other without the presence of, or mention of, a man or male problems.

That’s maybe this film’s only redeeming quality. The two-headed shark can change size at will, hates bisexual threesomes, and is ultimately done in by a plan that depends on something arbitrarily happening differently the third time it happens. It’s still available on Netflix if you want to subject yourself to this nonsense. But if you’re just looking for bikini babes, just go find some pictures online — it’s more honest and less wasteful of anyone’s time.

Dr. Rubidium made this one again, yay two in a row! Stephanie Zvan had to drop out for lack of sleep, but PZ Myers pinch-hit for her. And it looks like CompulsoryAccount’s VLC plugin is almost ready to go. Which reminds me, I still haven’t posted the subtitles files for the last MtM. Geez, I’m slacking.
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Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack Transcript

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack!

Jason Thibeault, , , , 1 Comment

Stephanie Zvan has the details, as well as our upcoming MTM schedule:

What do you get when you combine Carmen Electra, the less-popular O’Connell brother, and the daughter of a professional wrestler? Heck if I know, but it’s called 2-Headed Shark Attack. It went straight to video. We’re going to watch it and mock it this Thursday, August 16, at 9 p.m. EDT. I’m sure not all the bikinis are blatantly gratuitous. It might even be more coherent than its trailer.

If you have Netflix, you can stream the movie, or you can rent it through Amazon instant video. Sadly, this one isn’t free for everyone.

We injected this particular stinker into our schedule because of Shark Week. Ohhhh yeah. Even Syfy needs to get in on that shark action.

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack!

Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , 4 Comments

The full transcript for Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator. Stephanie has posted the trailer here in an effort to whip us into shape. We also brainstormed on movies last week, and picked over a dozen from archive.org and Netflix to kickstart this. As always, please, make your suggestions. Easily-obtained is far preferable for widest audience, and ~3-4 stars on IMDB seems to be about the sweet spot. We want stinkers, but not completely unwatchable ones. Those just aren’t any fun at all.

I joined ~25 mins late, but apparently didn’t miss a thing. Godfrey Ho has a tendency of mashing together two separate movies. There’s good reason to speculate that he takes existing Oriental martial arts movies and adds a separate or intertwined storyline starring white people so it’ll sell in the West. I think, though, that it’s just as likely he’s building movies out of pirated clips from other movies. He’s done it so often with the music that it certainly wouldn’t surprise me.

Anyway, this movie contains ninja by the metric ass-load, but the closest thing to a terminator we see is a toy robot. An EEEEEVIL toy robot. Oh, and a triforce Golden Ninja Statue that must be reassembled. And a cameo by everyone’s favorite cartoon cat. No, seriously.

As always, below the fold.
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Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

Mock The Movie: She Gods of Shark Reef transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , , , 4 Comments

This Mock the Movie event was everything we expected it to be, and so much less. Your usual Corman film from the 50s/60s, with all the drama coming from a hamfisted villain and a nonexistent deity, and the best acting came from the so-called shark, that you could almost believe was actually a full-sized and dangerous creature that was interested in these characters — as long as you squinted and kinda looked at the screen using your peripheral vision.
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Mock The Movie: She Gods of Shark Reef transcript

Mock The Movie: She Gods of Shark Reef

Jason Thibeault, , , , 1 Comment

She Gods of Shark Reef theatrical poster

We took a week off last week so we could get Dr Rubidium back in on the action. Of course, we’re going to haze her for taking so much time off by hitting her with a Corman film: She Gods of Shark Reef.

She Gods of Shark Reef –

Two brothers, one wanted for murder, are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by nubile young women who have amassed a valuable cache of pearls.

It’s sure to be a blast. An underwater blast. That will probably involve few to no sharks, few to no gods, and a bunch of She’s. With male protagonists. We’ll be lucky if there’s a reef, quite frankly.

Here’s how we do this Mock The Movie thing:

  1. Start following @MockTM on twitter.
  2. Start watching She Gods of Shark Reef Thursday, June 7th, at 9PM EST. It’s public domain, and available on archive.org — I recommend downloading any version in advance. The MPEG4 is probably the best choice for compatibility.
  3. Once you’ve got She Gods of Shark Reef going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM. Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
  4. Let the snark roll on Twitter!
Mock The Movie: She Gods of Shark Reef

Mock The Movie: Night of the Demon transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , , , 2 Comments

I had to sit this movie out, sadly, owing once again to my ridiculously full work schedule. (Hey, I’ll keep harping on about it as long as it keeps happening.) Looks like I missed one hell of a mockable movie! This is sad to me, because I’m evidently one twisted, twisted soul. What’s also sad is, owing to an issue with my Linux box that I didn’t notice immediately, since I was busy with work, I apparently lost the first twelve minutes of the mockery. And Twitter evidently purges old @-replys that aren’t on a hashtag after a certain period of time, so they’re simply missing now. It’s okay though — the movie really gets started at the twelve minute mark, as apparently that’s the first sex scene. As well as the first death scene. You’d pretty much be fast-forwarding to that point anyway!

Once I get a spare hour and a half, I plan on watching this movie to catch up with my fellow mockers. I’ll also have the benefit of doing so with the mockery in-line, via Sky Captain CompulsoryAccount7746’s subtitle conversion script. I still need to cannibalize the script and integrate it into my current mockery-scraping engine eventually. For now, the script as-delivered pretty much requires that I post it first and convert to subtitles afterward. So, subtitle files to follow.
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Mock The Movie: Night of the Demon transcript

Mock The Movie: Zombie Apocalypse subtitle files

Jason Thibeault, , , , , 2 Comments

Pursuant to the previously stated motion to convert our Mock The Movie transcripts into a format useable by certain media readers, I hereby authorize the immediate dissemination of the following two files as relates to the mission entitled Operation Zombie Apocalypse:

File The First: Mock the Movie Zombie Apocalypse transcript with colorized tweeters

File The Second: Mock the Movie Zombie Apocalypse transcript in monocolor, for media players that can’t handle colored subtitles

I further hereby authorize the immediate promotion of CompulsoryAccount7746 to the rank of Sky Captain for meritorious conduct in movie mockery, by building the infrastructure so future mockery can be converted to these formats quickly and easily.

Signed this 38th year of Our Lord Zardoz.

Instructions: Right-click the files and and Save As. They are uploaded as .txt files, so you’ll have to rename the file. Make its filename match the name of the movie you’ve downloaded exactly, only instead of whatever file extension it is (e.g. .avi or .mpg), make the extension .srt . If you need a player that can handle subtitle files, try VLC. And if you’re having problems getting this to work, by all means, let me know in the comments.

Mock The Movie: Zombie Apocalypse subtitle files

Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse transcript

Jason Thibeault, , , , , ,

As always, below the fold is the Twitter transcript for Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse. I still haven’t gotten around to doing the script to convert to SRT’s, sadly. Home improvement over the past week or so has taken priority. That, and the fact that I’ve got ideas for ways to improve it means I’m unlikely to get it done any time soon — for instance, making each unique tweeter a randomly generated color, for instance, for those subtitle readers that can handle the non-standard font color extension. CompulsoryAccount, if you feel like running your script and emailing the result to me, I’ll put it up happily.

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Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse transcript