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Tag Archive: movies

Dec 08 2013

Mock The Movie: The Indestructible Man transcript

We were originally going to mock Brain Twisters, a hacksploitation classic, but Hulu pulled the movie the week before we were going to mock. That, coupled with the fact that we’d begun scheduling Mock The Movie for the first Wednesday of every month after realizing our core participation was experiencing something like mockery burn-out, and …

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Nov 21 2013

How to get me interested in The Hunger Games

Til now, I’ve had little interest in reading or watching The Hunger Games, having suffered through one too many kids-having-to-hurt-each-other dystopian sci-fi novels and movies. If you want to get me interested in the franchise, you’d have to remake it something like this. Cookieness Evereat. Hah.

Nov 08 2013

Mock The Movie: Terror in the Haunted House transcript

Both Stephanie and I missed out on this one for various reasons. Looks like participation was exceptionally thin — only three stalwarts mocked this movie. We’re moving our mockery to a once-a-month schedule to help mitigate some of the burn-out we may be experiencing, and it’s looking like presently it will be first Wednesday of …

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Nov 08 2013

Mock The Movie: The Cloth transcript

Imagine Castlevania in movie form, combined with The Exorcist and a smattering of Blade. Then take away all the awesome bits, waste your CG budget on the least-interesting and least-useful bits of the movie, and make sure your action scenes are nigh unfollowable. Dip it repeatedly in Jesus until well saturated. Ensure all the bad …

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Oct 10 2013

Mock The Movie: Miami Connection transcript

Miami Connection pretty much hit the sweet spot for Mock The Movie mocking in every possible way. It included mediocre martial arts, ridiculous gore, 80s synth rock music, and a plot that almost sort of made sense if you overlooked the fact that a rock and roll band that knows Tae Kwon Do is the …

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Sep 26 2013

Mock The Movie: Sol transcript

We watched Sol for Mock The Movie last night. I can’t remember what happened in the movie. I have a vague recollection of poor acting, tents and sand. I think I blocked the rest as a defense mechanism. There were more than a few times I simply got distracted from the movie — I’m not …

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Sep 12 2013

Mock The Movie: Deep Blue Sea transcript

While updating the Mock The Movie page. I realized that I’d neglected to post the transcript for Deep Blue Sea. It’s a movie about sharks genetically engineered to be super-intelligent. Get it? Like Deep Blue, the IBM supercomputer? Sigh. Too hip for the shark crowd, I guess.

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Sep 12 2013

Mock The Movie: House of Evil transcript

This movie was obviously a labour of love — an attempt at true art, with lavish setpieces and expensive props at every turn. Or at least so I imagine, behind all the murky darkness we movie-watchers got to experience. Truly though, the experience of watching a mostly-black screen for an hour and a half was …

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Aug 30 2013

Mock The Movie: Atlas Shrugged Part II transcript

In this movie: awful people being awful in order to destroy humanity for their personal profit. Also, wooden acting, and sadly enough, Robert Picardo. And we still haven’t even gotten to John Galt’s damnable speech. They’re saving that up for parts 3 through 17, apparently. I won’t lie. This wasn’t easy to mock. Not because …

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Aug 01 2013

Mock The Movie: Total Recall transcript

Last night we took on the universally-beloved sci-fi flick Total Recall. I say “universally beloved” because people either remember the lady with three boobs, or they mistook the movie for Robocop with Arnold Schwarzenegger, or they had their memories rewritten to have enjoyed it. Nobody liked it legitimately, I assure you. Transcripts will be available …

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