This Mock the Movie event was everything we expected it to be, and so much less. Your usual Corman film from the 50s/60s, with all the drama coming from a hamfisted villain and a nonexistent deity, and the best acting came from the so-called shark, that you could almost believe was actually a full-sized and dangerous creature that was interested in these characters — as long as you squinted and kinda looked at the screen using your peripheral vision.
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Mock the Movie
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Mock The Movie: She Gods of Shark Reef
We took a week off last week so we could get Dr Rubidium back in on the action. Of course, we’re going to haze her for taking so much time off by hitting her with a Corman film: She Gods of Shark Reef.
Two brothers, one wanted for murder, are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by nubile young women who have amassed a valuable cache of pearls.
It’s sure to be a blast. An underwater blast. That will probably involve few to no sharks, few to no gods, and a bunch of She’s. With male protagonists. We’ll be lucky if there’s a reef, quite frankly.
Here’s how we do this Mock The Movie thing:
- Start following @MockTM on twitter.
- Start watching She Gods of Shark Reef Thursday, June 7th, at 9PM EST. It’s public domain, and available on archive.org — I recommend downloading any version in advance. The MPEG4 is probably the best choice for compatibility.
- Once you’ve got She Gods of Shark Reef going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM. Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
- Let the snark roll on Twitter!
Mock The Movie: Night of the Demon transcript
I had to sit this movie out, sadly, owing once again to my ridiculously full work schedule. (Hey, I’ll keep harping on about it as long as it keeps happening.) Looks like I missed one hell of a mockable movie! This is sad to me, because I’m evidently one twisted, twisted soul. What’s also sad is, owing to an issue with my Linux box that I didn’t notice immediately, since I was busy with work, I apparently lost the first twelve minutes of the mockery. And Twitter evidently purges old @-replys that aren’t on a hashtag after a certain period of time, so they’re simply missing now. It’s okay though — the movie really gets started at the twelve minute mark, as apparently that’s the first sex scene. As well as the first death scene. You’d pretty much be fast-forwarding to that point anyway!
Once I get a spare hour and a half, I plan on watching this movie to catch up with my fellow mockers. I’ll also have the benefit of doing so with the mockery in-line, via Sky Captain CompulsoryAccount7746’s subtitle conversion script. I still need to cannibalize the script and integrate it into my current mockery-scraping engine eventually. For now, the script as-delivered pretty much requires that I post it first and convert to subtitles afterward. So, subtitle files to follow.
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Mock The Movie: Zombie Apocalypse subtitle files
Pursuant to the previously stated motion to convert our Mock The Movie transcripts into a format useable by certain media readers, I hereby authorize the immediate dissemination of the following two files as relates to the mission entitled Operation Zombie Apocalypse:
File The First: Mock the Movie Zombie Apocalypse transcript with colorized tweeters
File The Second: Mock the Movie Zombie Apocalypse transcript in monocolor, for media players that can’t handle colored subtitles
I further hereby authorize the immediate promotion of CompulsoryAccount7746 to the rank of Sky Captain for meritorious conduct in movie mockery, by building the infrastructure so future mockery can be converted to these formats quickly and easily.
Signed this 38th year of Our Lord Zardoz.
Instructions: Right-click the files and and Save As. They are uploaded as .txt files, so you’ll have to rename the file. Make its filename match the name of the movie you’ve downloaded exactly, only instead of whatever file extension it is (e.g. .avi or .mpg), make the extension .srt . If you need a player that can handle subtitle files, try VLC. And if you’re having problems getting this to work, by all means, let me know in the comments.
Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse transcript
As always, below the fold is the Twitter transcript for Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse. I still haven’t gotten around to doing the script to convert to SRT’s, sadly. Home improvement over the past week or so has taken priority. That, and the fact that I’ve got ideas for ways to improve it means I’m unlikely to get it done any time soon — for instance, making each unique tweeter a randomly generated color, for instance, for those subtitle readers that can handle the non-standard font color extension. CompulsoryAccount, if you feel like running your script and emailing the result to me, I’ll put it up happily.
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Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse
Join us tonight while we subject ourselves to another scientifically-implausible monster movie! This time, we’re taking on a Syfy original movie, 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, which is sure to have both zombies and apocalypse in equal measure, judging from previous offerings involving megasharks and giant octopi.
This one stars Ving Fucking Rhames though, so there’s a glimmer of hope that there will be a tiny bit of awesome. Let’s see if our snarkers can find it and extricate it from the rest of the heap before we become victims of the zombie menace!
Here’s how we do this Mock The Movie thing:
- Start following @MockTM on twitter.
- Start watching 2012: Zombie Apocalypse Thursday, May 3rdth, at 9PM EST. It’s available on Netflix for certain. Obtaining it otherwise (e.g. via DVD) is an exercise left to the snarker.
- Once you’ve got 2012: Zombie Apocalypse going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM. Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
- Let the snark roll on Twitter!
Bring your chainsaws and cricket bats, katanas and chainmail, whatever you think it’ll take to keep tweeting through this one!
Mock The Movie: Frankenstein (2004) Transcript
Below the fold, as always, the transcript for Mock The Movie: Frankenstein.
CompulsoryAccount7746 built a Python script that takes the transcript, from my blog post, and converts it into a subtitle file that can be viewed with VLC. It’s a great idea, but much as it pains me to say, it would be way easier for me to simply build in the appropriate conversion tools to my existing scrape script than it would be to first post, then convert, then edit the post to include the .srt file. Since .srt files are plain-text anyway, I might as well save CA7746 the trouble and create the conversion inline. I haven’t done it this time around, but I’ll be building something into my current scrape script (which is based on this script, if you’re interested) and will post future MtMs as downloadable subtitle files.
I might even be able to convince my current script to pull all the transcript from this last MtM even into a proper .srt file sometime today, assuming my migraine from last night (when I wrote this post) has subsided.
Continue reading “Mock The Movie: Frankenstein (2004) Transcript”
Mock The Movie Supercharged!
Good news, MtM fans — all three of you! We’ve decided on four new movies, to be mocked starting this Thursday and every two weeks thereafter. That’s right, we’re gonna come at you like a spider monkey on crack laced with caffeine (and a tiny bit of prozac to keep from having a heart attack)! Final order is up in the air, but it looks like we’ll be doing the following first:
Frankenstein (2004) –
Detective Carson O’Conner and her partner Detective Michael Sloane are investigating murders of a serial-killer that mutilates and removes the internal organs of the victims. When they meet the mysterious and macabre Deucalion, they are informed that Dr. Frankenstein is alive with a legion of followers, using the name of Dr. Victor Helios.
Yes, that’s right, a modern-day sequel to Mary Shelley’s original oeuvre, a made-for-TV movie by USA Network. Distribution might be a bit difficult, as it’s still in copyright, so you might have to go to region-locked services like Hulu or Netflix. It will be an exercise for the participant to obtain this one. Others are easier to get though.
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Mock the Movie: Wasp Woman transcript
Last night’s Mock The Movie transcript for The Wasp Woman, in fully remastered high-definition ascii glory, below the fold. Shout outs to first timers Carlie P and Cotesia1! Glad to have you aboard!
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Mock The Movie: The Wasp Woman
So, it sometimes takes us a while to settle on a monumentally bad flick to mock, partly because of monetary concerns (not every movie is legally available free or advertiser-sponsored on the internet), regional issues (not everyone can access Hulu for instance — e.g., pretty much everyone who doesn’t live in the continental US), and partly because only some movies make decent mock-fodder. In fact, scientists predict that if we can manage a pace of one movie a month, we’ll hit Peak Movie sometime in 2019. Unfortunately, this means we’ll eventually have to start mining the 2000s for horrible movies, though we’ve made a few forays into the Syfy library already.
But we’ve picked what I really hope will be a winner loser this week, from the Internet Archive.
Mock The Movie is back with a bang! Well, actually a sting… this week, we’ll be enjoying The Wasp Woman.
This cult classic features a truly diabolical villain – a cosmetics company founder and CEO. Our boss lady is willing to do ANYTHING to boost sales, and that includes shady wasp science. Well, we all know how these shady science schemes go…
“A queen of beauty by day…
a lusting queen wasp by night!”
When will people learn that diabolical plans involving dubious science never, ever work? Hopefully never, or we wouldn’t have movies to mock!
Here’s how we do this Mock The Movie thing:
- Start following @MockTM on twitter.
- Start watching The Wasp Woman Thursday, March 15th, at 9PM EST. It’s available here for free.
- Once you’ve got The Wasp Woman going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM. Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
- Let the snark roll on twitter, but keep in mind… this movie was made in 1960. In your @MockTM tweets try not to focus on special effects (or the lack thereof). Instead, focus on the plot, characters, acting, story development, etc. Let’s reserve our FX slams for a movie made in this decade.