Mock The Movie: Rabid Grannies

Holy crap, I almost missed that today’s Mock The Movie day. In two hours, we will hunker down, stock up on tea and liniment and bundt cake and hope to weather the impending Zombie Granny Invasion.

This Thursday, October 11, we will be picking up a Belgian gem that will deliver what so many of our movies only promise: The cartoonishly graphic slaughter of despicable people. Seriously, we’re told no one survives the Rabid Grannies. Watch with us on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcqQlICChh4

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Mock The Movie: Rabid Grannies
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Mock The Movie: Moontrap transcript and subtitle files

My week has been very draining. I don’t have a lot left in the tank for blogging. I’m working nights now, but I’m also handling crises during the day, picking up lots of other folks’ slack. So I need a day or two to recharge, and hopefully I can put together a few choice items tomorrow night for the rest of the week to carry me through to the weekend.

CA7746’s subtitle files are available in color or monochrome. As always, download the file to the same folder as the video file, rename to the same name as the video file, and change the extension to .srt, and your video player should pick it up.
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Mock The Movie: Moontrap transcript and subtitle files

Mock the Movie: Hercules transcript

I ended up an hour late to this one thanks to a work emergency that very conveniently came up just fifteen minutes before the start of Mock The Movie: Hercules. CA7746’s subtitle files should have me timeshifted appropriately, but I haven’t bothered to go and interweave my contributions back in sync with everyone else.

Work has been a huge timesink lately. And a huge stressor. Sorry that I’ve not been writing as much as usual these past few weeks.

Subtitle files are here for colors for each mocker, and here for monochrome, depending on your subtitling needs. Download, rename to .srt, make sure it’s named the same as your movie file and in the same folder, and VLC should pick it up automatically.
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Mock the Movie: Hercules transcript

Mock The Movie: Hercules, plus VLC live tweet stream!

Oh hey guess what time it is? Almost? In a few days?

*crickets*

That’s right, it’s time to MOCK THE MOVIE! YAY! *Kermit flail* Stephanie has the details, and our upcoming schedule:

This Thursday, September 13, at 9 p.m. EDT, the mocking crew will subject ourselves to the Lou Ferrigno version of Hercules (currently available on Netflix and Amazon streaming video). This version promises that it’s “updated” for the 1980s. That apparently means bad hair, bad special effects, and… space aliens.

As he labors, so shall we. We probably won’t feather our hair, though.

I wish I had enough hair to feather.

Here’s how we do these things:

  1. Start following @MockTM on Twitter.
  2. Start watching the movie on the appropriate Thursday at 9 p.m. EDT.
  3. Once you’ve got the movie going, tweet your snarky comments to @MockTM.  Directing our tweets to @MockTM will keep our followers from being overwhelmed with our snark!
  4. Set up a search for @MockTM on Twitter for the duration so you can follow along with everyone else sharing your pain.

If you have suggestions for other movies that can and should be mocked, send them to @MockTM. Preference will be given to movies that are free or stream on the major media delivery services. Watch the feed, and we’ll set up the calendar for more terrible, mockable movies.

In other related news, CompulsoryAccount7746 had a brilliant plan, and implemented it. That plan involved building a plugin for VLC that streams a Twitter search directly to your player as subtitles. That plan is brilliant because it means you could be watching Hercules in all its glory on a media center or computer with VLC installed, and could stream the mockery directly into to the video feed so you never miss a snark, all in realtime. WE’RE LIVING IN THE FUTURE, BABY.

It’s ready for public beta, so go check out the project page and download your copy now. If you plan on watching on a different screen from your Twitter, or if you’re not technically inclined, this might not be the best option. However, for geeks like us, it’s a great idea and a sound implementation. Couldn’t ask for anything better.

Mock The Movie: Hercules, plus VLC live tweet stream!

Mock The Movie: In The Year 2889 transcript (and subtitles file!)

With little further ado, here’s the transcript for this week’s Mock The Movie. It was a stinker. It was like a psychological drama and a monster movie mashed up, with all the interesting bits removed. Yes, even the senseless deaths.

For the subtitle file, in case you want to watch In The Year 2889 in VLC with the tweets as subtitles, here is the script. Right-click, save-as. It’s uploaded as a .txt file, thanks to stupid server restrictions, so change the extension to .srt . Rename it to exactly the same name as your copy of the video, put it in the same folder, and VLC should pick it up and display them automatically. Thanks once again to CompulsoryAccount7746 for the script and doing the conversion.
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Mock The Movie: In The Year 2889 transcript (and subtitles file!)

Mock The Movie: In the Year 2889

Promotional poster for In The Year 2889

This Thursday at 9pm EST (UTC-5), we’ll be sneaking a peek into our distant future, where cannibal telepath supermutants harangue some atomic war survivors. Judging from the reviews on IMDB, it looks like the primary pass-times in the future are drinking moonshine, complaining, and being eaten. I mean, what else are you going to do when your neighbor not only knows your dirty little secrets, but is also trying to eat you?

This one’s by Larry Buchanan, whom I’ve never heard of. Reviews suggest this guy’s as good as Ed Wood, so I’m sure we’re in for a real treat.

As always, here’s how we do this thing.

– First, follow @MockTM on Twitter. Yes, you’ll need Twitter to participate.

– Grab a copy of the movie from Archive.org in advance, or simply stream it directly from the server if your computer/browser/network connection can handle it. Movies from Archive.org are public domain, so it’s free. We try to alternate between public domain / freely-available movies, and paid services or geo-locked services like Netflix and Hulu, as much as possible so everyone can participate.

– At 9pm EST, we’ll all press play at the same time. This might require a tiny bit of coordination in advance, since all of us love to shout “annnnnd NOW”.

– As the movie plays, we all snark at it. To avoid filling up your friends’ stream, we’ll prefix all our snarkery with @MockTM, so people won’t see those tweets unless they also follow @MockTM.

To watch other snarkers while you’re participating, either use the Twitter search function (remember to hit All!), or grab a Twitter client that allows making a stream column for a search. I use Seesmic presently, though Tweetdeck may or may not suit your needs.

Friday morning, I’ll try to have a transcript of everyone’s snarkery posted so you can see what you missed or relive the experience. CompulsoryAccount7746 will usually convert this into a subtitle file so you can overlay the snark if you watch the movie with VLC later, though I’ll probably forget (as always) to upload it and you’ll have to email me for it.

Mock The Movie: In the Year 2889

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack Transcript

This might be the first movie we’ve done that passes the Bechdel test. Yes, despite its obvious cheesecake premise, the presence of so many women in bikinis whose dialogs are organized to maximize the boobs-on-screen actually has a positive effect on that famous cinematic test where a film passes if two women have a dialog with each other without the presence of, or mention of, a man or male problems.

That’s maybe this film’s only redeeming quality. The two-headed shark can change size at will, hates bisexual threesomes, and is ultimately done in by a plan that depends on something arbitrarily happening differently the third time it happens. It’s still available on Netflix if you want to subject yourself to this nonsense. But if you’re just looking for bikini babes, just go find some pictures online — it’s more honest and less wasteful of anyone’s time.

Dr. Rubidium made this one again, yay two in a row! Stephanie Zvan had to drop out for lack of sleep, but PZ Myers pinch-hit for her. And it looks like CompulsoryAccount’s VLC plugin is almost ready to go. Which reminds me, I still haven’t posted the subtitles files for the last MtM. Geez, I’m slacking.
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Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack Transcript

My Geeks Without God podcast appearance: Ancient Aliens

CONvergence represented a whole bunch of firsts for me — the first time people recognized me from my blog before they introduced themselves as readers, the first time a blogger literally got in my face in real-life over a difference we had in philosophies, the first time I drove in a big city (e.g. bigger than Halifax), the first time I was on a panel at a convention, and the first time I was on a podcast.

Well, okay, sure, I’d already cut my teeth on being on the radio, and that’s technically got a podcast attached to it, but this… this was something special. I was helping launch a brand-new podcast and hanging out with some hilarious geeky atheists all at once.

That’s right. I helped launch Geeks Without God.
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My Geeks Without God podcast appearance: Ancient Aliens

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack!

Stephanie Zvan has the details, as well as our upcoming MTM schedule:

What do you get when you combine Carmen Electra, the less-popular O’Connell brother, and the daughter of a professional wrestler? Heck if I know, but it’s called 2-Headed Shark Attack. It went straight to video. We’re going to watch it and mock it this Thursday, August 16, at 9 p.m. EDT. I’m sure not all the bikinis are blatantly gratuitous. It might even be more coherent than its trailer.

If you have Netflix, you can stream the movie, or you can rent it through Amazon instant video. Sadly, this one isn’t free for everyone.

We injected this particular stinker into our schedule because of Shark Week. Ohhhh yeah. Even Syfy needs to get in on that shark action.

Mock The Movie: 2-Headed Shark Attack!

Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript

The full transcript for Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator. Stephanie has posted the trailer here in an effort to whip us into shape. We also brainstormed on movies last week, and picked over a dozen from archive.org and Netflix to kickstart this. As always, please, make your suggestions. Easily-obtained is far preferable for widest audience, and ~3-4 stars on IMDB seems to be about the sweet spot. We want stinkers, but not completely unwatchable ones. Those just aren’t any fun at all.

I joined ~25 mins late, but apparently didn’t miss a thing. Godfrey Ho has a tendency of mashing together two separate movies. There’s good reason to speculate that he takes existing Oriental martial arts movies and adds a separate or intertwined storyline starring white people so it’ll sell in the West. I think, though, that it’s just as likely he’s building movies out of pirated clips from other movies. He’s done it so often with the music that it certainly wouldn’t surprise me.

Anyway, this movie contains ninja by the metric ass-load, but the closest thing to a terminator we see is a toy robot. An EEEEEVIL toy robot. Oh, and a triforce Golden Ninja Statue that must be reassembled. And a cameo by everyone’s favorite cartoon cat. No, seriously.

As always, below the fold.
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Mock The Movie: Ninja Terminator transcript