Brace yourselves, fellow Canucks, for the day of reckoning is nigh! The National Post covers how, on June 30, 2012, Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda and his followers will bodily transform into superhumans with X-Men-like powers, while the rest of us mere mortals will suffer from the worldwide collapse of currencies and governments and the rise of the “new government of the 666″.
[...] Mr. de Jesus also predicts that the “transformation” will endow him, and his loyal followers, with superpowers, such as the ability to fly and walk through walls, said Axel Cooley, the bishop’s daughter.
“[We can] run and not get tired. Go through fire and not get burned…. I could be talking to you right now, and then I could go through that wall. So, you’ll know there is a difference,” Cooley said.
This sounds pretty much like a supervillain origin story to me. I’d better get to work on my Iron Man suit post-haste. Of course, thanks to corner-cutting owing to a lack of funds, so far the best I’ve managed is a Cardboard Man suit. Offensive technologies include throwing toilet paper tubes, and for a mega-attack, a paper towel tube. Yeah, I know, it needs work. But someone’s gotta stand up to the New World Order of religious practitioners suddenly endowed with No Clipping reality-hacks.