1
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<font color="#9579bc">#</font><font color="#a6bdd7">#</font><font color="#90dc90">#</font><font color="#c9a375">#</font>

2
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Billions of planets, billions of creatures, some peaceful, some warlike, some populated by Libertarians.</font>

3
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Damn, that's a spiky planet.</font>

4
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Apparently alien robots communicate through interpretive dance.</font>

5
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:03,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Starman and his Magic Wristwatch can fly through space unaided. And this was invented by creatures with no opposable thumbs.</font>

6
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: I like that this movie practices the "tell, don't show" method of storytelling.</font>

7
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:15,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: You'd almost think the Japanese were scarred by that whole nuclear option thing.</font>

8
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "No matter how fast I fly at that thing, it stays the same distance away! No fair!"</font>

9
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So far all the drama is coming from the narrator explaining how dramatic everything is.  Plus Ken Utsui scowling all the time.</font>

10
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: One of StarMan's superpowers is to change size randomly and without warning.</font>

11
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: I'm actually looking forward to the point in the distant future where we all switch back to analog gauges for everything.</font>

12
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: How did Starman gather that there's a traitor on Earth from there being a ship in orbit? Why, it's one of his watch-endowed powers!</font>

13
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Perhaps the astronomers would get more good out of their tools if someone told them to use them at night instead.</font>

14
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Hmm.  Why put a space laboratory on the coast if you aren't going to have a creature wade out of the sea?  Seems like a waste.</font>

15
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Ah, the good old days, when we destroyed Japanese movies with bland dubs instead of bland remakes.</font>

16
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So the space lab / spaceship looks like an electrical substation hidden inside a lighthouse.</font>

17
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: The relays burned up and condensers failed. "Oh, here's what happened. Made In USA."</font>

18
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Wow, paranoia. "This project could discover what's beyond our solar system! And our enemies could use that knowledge against us!"</font>

19
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Aaand they're all out of solenoids.  I hate it when that happens.</font>

20
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, look, the kids are going to stay involved in the story. I bet they won't be subject to *any* peril at all.</font>

21
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: @szvan Don't worry, Japan's children have Gamera to protect them. Gamera is friend to all children!</font>

22
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: - Somehow they're out of stock at Solenoids-R-Us.  So our heroes stalk the guy who bought the last 1.  It's like Xmas shopping.</font>

23
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Taxis in Japan are free for all movie protagonists, especially waiflike children.</font>

24
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Let's run right behind him! He'll never notice our pounding feet!</font>

25
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: And two kids lurking behind an exposed telephone pole won't arouse suspicion or anything.</font>

26
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: The secret lair entrance concealed in a cemetery is a nice touch.</font>

27
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Okay, props to this movie. The kids *tried* to do the smart thing.</font>

28
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Stay right where you are! No, don't run left then right. You're not very good at this, are you?"</font>

29
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Ah, hey boss, we caught us some meddling kids. Want I should get them to join our gang and put them in fedoras?"</font>

30
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<font color="#9579bc">DrRubidium: why am I missing? Grading.  Damn you, grading!!!!!</font>

31
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And then they blow all the goodwill on a stereotypical maniacal cackle.</font>

32
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Although - and maybe I've seen too many Bond movies - this secret lair is totally not swanky enough.</font>

33
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Oh, pseudo-Nazis! Nice!</font>

34
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "And you were there, Henry. And you..."</font>

35
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: - So far all the plot twists rely on nobody having a mobile phone in the future.  Ok.</font>

36
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Doctor, this note arrived for you. I didn't read it or nothing, but SOMEONE'S GOTTA CRUUUUUSH</font>

37
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: The human adult male traitor: "Doctor. I know very well what I am. I'm a teenage girl, just entering the full flowering of puberty."</font>

38
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So why did they wait until now to kidnap Dr. Yamanaka if they need the engine so badly?</font>

39
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: @brx0 It's the Godzilla aesthetic.</font>

40
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: The top security guys on Earth are going to consult with a guy claiming to be an alien named Starman. Because, you know, why not?</font>

41
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: If you, the superhero, show up at a meeting of world leaders wearing a suit, you really ought to bring some PowerPoint slides.</font>

42
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Could someone please give StarMan some public speaking lessons. I'm getting dizzy watching him.</font>

43
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Starman pirouettes into costume then jumps out the window. Sadly, he forgot the watch and fell to his death. THE END</font>

44
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "I'll make you into a Spherion slave for all time...what? Do I need to explain what that means? Why aren't you scared?"</font>

45
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:58,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: - Time for the Thought Eradicator.  Wait, is that Rupert Murdoch lurking in the background?</font>

46
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: The little kids and the professor are now being brainwashed. And/or having seizures induced. Not sure.</font>

47
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: - So HQ's orders are "Kill Starman" and "Get ready for launch".  Helpful advice, there.</font>

48
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: StarMan's baggy hose just make me appreciate Edna Mode all the more.</font>

49
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Increase acceleration to Mach 80!" "Mach 80? We canna' do it, Cap'n, we'll tear the ship apart!"</font>

50
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: - Hey, a martial arts battle starring a guy in an Evel Knievel suit.  This is improving.</font>

51
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: No, StarMan! Those aren't supervillains! They're disco pioneers!</font>

52
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Okay, after the first five guys get knocked out with zero effort, they should have changed tactics. Like maybe nuking him.</font>

53
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: What kind of engineer lets you blow up a space station by mangling its antenna? The kind that goes on to design the Death Star.</font>

54
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Holy shit. This movie has a Death Star. Holy. Shit.</font>

55
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Oh crap, a bigger space station.  And it's moving into Orbit EF.  Which is near the "death star", says the boss.  Hmm.</font>

56
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: In the vidscreen of Earth, there are two twinkling stars IN FRONT OF IT.</font>

57
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:59,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So far the bad guys don't seem all that horrible, as far as alien invaders go.</font>

58
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ship now nearing the fiery death star.  George Lucas totally ripped this off.</font>

59
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: If StarMan has a steel body, couldn't they have made it a body of steel?</font>

60
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So for this "death star", I get the flames, but why does it have a rocky surface?  Stars tend not to have those.</font>

61
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: What's this!? Starman hit by a solar flare from the Death Star? Will his deadly namesake spell doom for our hero? Tune in next time!</font>

62
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: If you have to remind someone he's been converted into a robot,  it's possible the treatment didn't totally take.</font>

63
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Pro tip: If you have to tell someone they're completely under you're power...they're not completely under your power.</font>

64
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "How you doing back here, Dr. Yamanaka? You good? Still under our power? Want some milkshake, hmm? Yeah? Good?"</font>

65
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: ProTip Addendum: don't put the freshly brainwashed human in charge of the heat controls or weapons systems.</font>

66
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Other than a few martial arts scenes, playing Starman was kind of a no-heavy-lifting acting job, wasn't it?</font>

67
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Ahahaha!" "What happened? Did we get Starman?" "No, not yet. There's a Chris Rock routine on the in-flight entertainment system."</font>

68
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Weird how everyone can breathe in outer space now.</font>

69
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: But the secret of my ship is that it is protected solely by my teenaged daughter's glare!</font>

70
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "You, doctor, will build the ships with which we will conquer the universe." "Uh, wait, question. What's your medical coverage?"</font>

71
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ok, the bad guys want to conquer the universe now.  So maybe they're bad after all.</font>

72
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ok, it's ultimatum time.  Not a bad ultimatum as far as these things go, although Lrrrr, Leader of Omicron Persei VIII still wins.</font>

73
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: No! Not the sherpas!</font>

74
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So our only hope is for all scientists to pool their resources & work together.  In other words:  DOOOOOOM!!!</font>

75
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Also, in the future, universe-conquering spaceships are designed by a guy doodling on a blank sheet of paper.</font>

76
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: So Tokyo is somewhere south of New York according to this alien general guy.</font>

77
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Well, if they aim those missiles where they pointed, I think the world's population is safe.</font>

78
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:18,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: There go some models of Empire State Building and the Diet Building in Tokyo.  D'oh.</font>

79
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: The bad guys are bad, sure, but they do keep their prisoners in fresh hair ribbons.</font>

80
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:04,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Hey, a plan that relies on surprising the guards.  I guess it was either that, or sneak through the air ducts.</font>

81
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Stop! You are forbidden to beat up on guards and steal their clothes!" "All right. We won't do it any more."</font>

82
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:03,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ok, multiple guards surprised & overcome.  Amazing how well that works in the movies.</font>

83
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:26,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Say... are those pigtails standard issue pseudoNazi hair style?</font>

84
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:30,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: And once you have a guard uniform, you're golden.  Nobody remembers seeing you dressed as a prisoner an hour ago.</font>

85
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Sabotage!" "Sound the emergency beluga!"</font>

86
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:12,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So the baddies act like space Nazis, but they dress kinda like they're flying a Carnival cruise ship.</font>

87
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: And as space Nazis, they can't seem to settle on exactly how to salute each other.  Stiff arm up?  Stiff arm across the chest?</font>

88
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Finally, the ol "pace around & look for unfamiliar minions" method.</font>

89
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Hat at a rakish angle? Glitter hat band? Yeah, the bad guys really are just disco early-adopters.</font>

90
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Go ahead! Execute them! No, wait, why are you marching them around? Don't execute them by walking them to death! Use your guns!"</font>

91
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:09,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Firing squad out on the outside of the space station.  Space atmosphere & gravity fail....</font>

92
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:36,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: And Starman reappears after vanishing for 20 minutes or so.  Fisticuffs ensue.</font>

93
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:05,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: So Starman vs. a ton of baddies.  Some he karate chops, others he just shoots (when pistols magically appear in his hands).</font>

94
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: The invulnerable Starman dual-wielding Lugers. Seems a bit senselessly murderous. I LIKE IT.</font>

95
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Gratuitous bicep flex.  More pistols.  And we're back to fisticuffs.</font>

96
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:04,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Starman's backflipping around now. Shit just got real.</font>

97
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:05,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I do have to admit, a machine gun makes a pretty bad ass smoke machine.</font>

98
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:56,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: How can you conquer the universe if you've never heard of handcuffing your prisoners?</font>

99
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<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Dude must have punched or shot a hundred nazis. Where are they all? Evaporated! Self-cleaning henchmen are a Spherion technology.</font>

100
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:40,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Dear impervious StarMan: Time to stop showing off and find the prisoner.</font>

101
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:46,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Yeah, why can't you at least beat up on guys while working in the general direction of your goal?</font>

102
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:40,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: The closeup indicates it's more of a slap fight than fisticuffs.  I stand corrected.</font>

103
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:23,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: You just know Yamanaka's going to die in a noble sacrifice, and Starman will come out completely unscathed. Such injustice.</font>

104
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:30,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "Ooh, ooh! Call on me, captain! Call on me!"</font>

105
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:38,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: 1% of the stars of this film have 99% of the superpowers! Occupy Starman!!!</font>

106
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:06,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Another gratuitous bicep flex.  Is this what Starman does instead of having a cheesy catchphrase?</font>

107
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<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Gratuitous backflips, and more slappicuffs.</font>

108
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:31,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: The young woman with the machine gun is the only one who's been smart through this whole thing. If she dies, I'm pissed.</font>

109
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:36,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: You know, I think the little doodlybopper on top of Starman's hood really ties his outfit together.</font>

110
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:53,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Starting to think Starman movies were to Japan what Hercules movies were to Italy.</font>

111
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:48,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: This is actually becoming a very tedious fight sequence.  Everyone is indestructible, apparently.</font>

112
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:05,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ok, here we go.  END BOSS!</font>

113
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:29,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: What do you mean you still have to fight minions after whacking the end boss?  That ain't right.</font>

114
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:39,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Thank goodness it's you Starman! I've been sitting here shooting nazis for like half an hour now! What took you so long?"</font>

115
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:14,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: More "humans breathing in space" movie magic.</font>

116
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:33,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Also, Starman could totally catch the spaceship right now if he wanted to, but he kind of likes the snuggling.</font>

117
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:50,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Don't worry about the young lady, folks. They only got rid of all the air in space in about 1968.</font>

118
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:14,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, hi, dear. Um...sorry for leaving you behind and all that.</font>

119
01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:59,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "More thrust! This baby can get up to Mach 80, I hear!"</font>

120
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:15,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Hey, our heroes deflected the baddies into orbit EM-10!  And now they're speeding up to Mach 100!  They mean business, guys.</font>

121
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:24,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: "Mach 100?! Whaddaya, nuts!?" "More thrust." "Turning it higher!" "More thrust." "Look, I'll just set it to Mach Infinity, okay?"</font>

122
01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:15,000
<font color="#90cc90">brx0: Ok, poof goes the space station.  And Starman waves and flies off into the sunset.  The End!</font>

123
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:31,000
<font color="#c9a375">lousycanuck: Today's lesson: flex. Always flex. Bullets will bounce off you if you flex.</font>