1
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<font color="#808080">#</font><font color="#9579bc">#</font><font color="#cc8080">#</font><font color="#cea262">#</font><font color="#a6bdd7">#</font><font color="#fecc5a">#</font>

2
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<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: And we have title sequence. PEW PEW PEW</font>

3
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: So, the title is "Laser Mission", and 2 secs later we're seeing images of gunfire?  #notagoodsign</font>

4
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:33,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: I hate to admit this, but I do actually own this movie on DVD.  It came in a big box set of B movies.</font>

5
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: is this the worst theme song ever? It must be.</font>

6
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:48,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: OK, let's get this out of the way: "Laser Misson? But I hardly know 'er mission!"</font>

7
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:03,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, remember when laser effect were new and fresh? *nostalgia*</font>

8
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<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Rock out to the sub-Foreigner theme song!</font>

9
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:18,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Producer Hans Kuhle "Senior".  Thank goodness - junior *sucks* at filmmaking!</font>

10
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:18,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Uh-oh, looks like this movie was a family operation.</font>

11
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:34,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: what's up with the armed guards? What the hell kinda party is this?</font>

12
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<font color="#9579bc">brx0: LIke all classic action movies, we begin with unsympathetic rich twits in an art gallery...</font>

13
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:02,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Tonight is a special occasion for we, a select few, have the privilege of mocking the hell out of an 80s movie.</font>

14
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: this is the WORST fake British accent since Mary Poppins</font>

15
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, yeah. 80s skinny tuxes.</font>

16
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:26,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Larger than the Hope! More brilliant than the one that guy found in BLOOD DIAMOND!"</font>

17
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:39,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Oh, shit - the smoke monster from "Lost" is stealing the diamond!!!</font>

18
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:45,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Maybe it's because of how 2011 went, but I'm pretty certain that the gassing scene was unrealistic.</font>

19
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: why the hell is the diamond glowing? Ohhhh..... is it cursed?  You know, like this movie?</font>

20
00:02:54,000 --> 00:03:00,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: What was the point of firing a shotgun blast randomly and indiscriminately into a crowd of sleeping patrons? Overkill, of course!</font>

21
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I've never had champagne quite that bad. Just close.</font>

22
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:33,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Cuba has a cool Art Deco airport, apparently.</font>

23
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:39,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: this is what you'd get if the crew of the original Star Trek beamed down to a Miami Vice planet.</font>

24
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: I love these kind of HARD ROCKIN' CUSTOMS SCENES!!!</font>

25
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<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "What kind of business do you do?" "People management and general ass-kickery."</font>

26
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:34,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Buzzword-intensive management consulting is a dangerous job?</font>

27
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:34,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Brandon Lee lays on the ham and he isn't even through customs yet.</font>

28
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: is that a leather trench coat? REALLY? Sweet mother</font>

29
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<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And a Cuban cigar joke for viewers slow on the uptake.  Which is probably most of them.</font>

30
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<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Wow, he's taking a long walk back from a short pier!</font>

31
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @blakestacey Ha ha!</font>

32
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<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Nice beach. Now if only I could find a poofy-haired blonde lady somewhere around here, we could get this movie started."</font>

33
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:43,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Ernest Borgnine doing his best Old Man and the Sea act.</font>

34
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<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "You're fond of birds?" "Yes, I find albatross is delicious!"</font>

35
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:28,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Ernest Borgnine is either playing a Russian or is doing the worst Count Dracula impersonation ever.</font>

36
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:36,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And Brandon Lee looks like Dean Cain morphed with Harry Potter.  Must be the glasses.</font>

37
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: I'm more Cuban than Ernest Borgnine</font>

38
00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:01,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: He's afraid that Star Wars will destroy the world? His brain must have the secrets of the prequels!</font>

39
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:06,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Oh, this dialogue.  I weep.</font>

40
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:13,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "It will be all here!" *points to groin*</font>

41
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:20,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Are you acquainted with theoretical physics?"  Ernest, I've tried that pickup line; it never works.</font>

42
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:26,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @drskyskull No worse than my own, honestly.</font>

43
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:38,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "In America, you can have a ticket to ride!" "And she won't care?"</font>

44
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:52,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And I thought Ernest Borgnine's eyebrows were distracting.</font>

45
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:58,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Holy fuck! Jason Lee is the WORST spy ever</font>

46
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:09,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: We're still in Cuba, right?  Why does everyone speak English with an Eastern European accent?</font>

47
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Sorry, Mr. Gold, your acting was deemed a crime against humanity."</font>

48
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:37,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "You look a little nauseous." "No I'm fi- HOLY CRAP YOU'RE M BISON!"</font>

49
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:44,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: um, what with all the Russian soldiers?  We are in Cuba, right? Where is Fidel?!</font>

50
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:10,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: So, since the movie is set in a communist country, we get eastern European horror movie music cues?</font>

51
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:22,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: I feel for the Rooskie guy, and all the other niche character actors whose B movie careers ended with the Soviet Union.</font>

52
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:56,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Aaand they have a guillotine?  We're in Soviet France?</font>

53
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:03,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "I work for money." "Haha! In a socialist state!" "No, I mean I take orders from the guy on the money. He talks to me."</font>

54
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:22,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "What'd you do to the professor?" "He is now, as you say...emeritus."</font>

55
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:28,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "What did you do with the professor?" "You should only be worried about what they did with Gilligan."</font>

56
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:37,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: HOLY FUCK!  The Cuban accent was even WORSE than the British one</font>

57
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:44,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "Hey, as long as we're filming in an historical reconstruction village, let's write in this guillotine they just happen to have!"</font>

58
00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:02,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Fight scene theme by CASIO demo button!"</font>

59
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:11,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: The action scenes in "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" were more exciting.</font>

60
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:17,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Ha ha, a knife in the chest! That'll learn ya for waiting fifteen seconds to shoot me after walking around the corner!</font>

61
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:28,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: That looks like the same corridor again.  I call shenanigans.</font>

62
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:31,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Those Russians are running a pretty bullshit Cuban prison</font>

63
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:56,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Yesterday in Havana, a bloodless rampage claimed the lives of eight stuntmen."</font>

64
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Russian soldier: "Hey, guys - I just realized - *bullets* come out of these gun things we have!"</font>

65
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:25,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Damn. He's so good, he mows down people without ever pointing the gun in their direction!</font>

66
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:33,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Officers report an escaped convict open fire with a range of sound effects."</font>

67
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:40,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: What a quick cutaway from the guillotine bit.  Didn't really want to see it, but I still feel cheated somehow.</font>

68
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: um...there is no US embassy there...'cause it's Cuba</font>

69
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:52,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Holy crap, a US embassy in Cuba? Right!</font>

70
00:12:54,000 --> 00:13:00,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "What didn't you do wrong?" "I didn't take money from Goldman Sachs."</font>

71
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:21,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Kiss my ass." "NO!" "Yes." "NO!"</font>

72
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:25,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "You didn't tell me who he was!" "We expected you to know how to Google."</font>

73
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:35,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Am I the only one who hears Doctor Evil every time someone says, "Laaaazzzzer"?</font>

74
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:43,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: So where's this "Kovango" place?  I thought they were in Cuba?  This is so complicated.</font>

75
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:56,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: I'm confused? Where the fuck are we? Cuba, somewhere in Africa? Wait, it's a made up country?</font>

76
00:13:54,000 --> 00:14:00,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @DrRubidium We're filming in Lowbudgetstan.</font>

77
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:25,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @brx0 Next scene will be the same room without the American flags.</font>

78
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: G. Gordon Liddy and Bob Newhart are really giving him hell.</font>

79
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:03,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "You're only in it for the money!" "No, not this time. This time I'll take a post-dated cheque."</font>

80
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:07,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "I'll do it, but not for you, and not for the money. I'll do it because your cameraman really likes my cheekbones."</font>

81
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:15,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Christ. This dialogue is THE WORST.</font>

82
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:28,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: What committee wrote this dialogue?  So, so painful.</font>

83
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:58,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Hey wait, who's this new character with the pencil moustache? Oh wait, right, he's the main character. What a master of disguise!</font>

84
00:15:55,000 --> 00:16:01,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "The perfect disguise, now I'm *senor* Brandon Lee!"</font>

85
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:05,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Yeah, dude. That fake mustache totally makes you look like some *completely different* entitled preppy shit.</font>

86
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:09,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan Nice! :)</font>

87
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:23,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Hey, I think they stole one of my old skydiving videos to make this movie!</font>

88
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:27,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: LMFAO! RT @DrRubidium We're filming in Lowbudgetstan.</font>

89
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:30,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And I guess they just fly into Cuba on a Cessna & drop Our Hero in the woods somewhere?  Subtle.</font>

90
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:51,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Bonjour. I am also uno communisto."</font>

91
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:22,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: *slap slap slap* Hmm... I thought Brandon Lee's martial arts skills were better than that.</font>

92
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:28,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "What did ouu jus see?" "Uh... why you speak English, el capitan?"</font>

93
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:34,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And now Brandon Lee has a fake moustache and a fake Spanish accent.  This is SNL, right?</font>

94
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:59,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: OK, I'm really hoping that they all get killed as soon as possible</font>

95
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:07,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @brx0 The plot is like a Phillip K. Dick novel, isn't it?</font>

96
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:34,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: That Cuban accent sounding remarkably like a German accent</font>

97
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:22,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Waiiiit, I thought we were in Cuba...?</font>

98
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:27,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Did everyone else see the hotel desk clerk's ears wiggle?  O_o</font>

99
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:34,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Comrade Colonel"? Really? KGB presence in Cuba is just natural or something, because all them Commies look alike.</font>

100
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:50,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "I shall pluck out Michael Gold's eyes with my fingers. Or perhaps my toes."</font>

101
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:59,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Because it's not enough that she's a blonde with a curly do and short shorts: She talks baby talk!</font>

102
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:15,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Lions? Monkeys? Snakes?  I smell a plot device here.</font>

103
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:30,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Ah, so THIS is where all the animals are bred for SyFy original movies!</font>

104
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:45,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Michael Gold, master of disguise. Next he'll be the Monty Python "Bring out your dead" guy.</font>

105
00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:01,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "Oh, you're here to talk about my dad! Uh...well...you're cute!"</font>

106
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:17,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Your photographs don't do you justice.  You're handsome in them."</font>

107
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:31,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: so the daughter has no accent?</font>

108
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:56,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Oh yeah, he's playing a hunchback beggar now?  Because that's not conspicuous at all in an animal refuge.</font>

109
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:16,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: So the Cuban army, while hunting for a spy, takes a break to play dice?</font>

110
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:23,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: So the two Cuban soldiers from earlier are going to be our Comic Relief Duo, I guess.  Like we need comic relief here.</font>

111
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:31,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Time to do something stupid, so we can have another fight scene.</font>

112
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:46,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: The musical flair for the alarm being tripped was done by dropping the tears of the focus group on a xylophone. True story.</font>

113
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:53,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: way to go Lee! You're the worst spy ever</font>

114
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:09,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Look, a messy home office full of Death Laser plans.  This seems unprofessional.</font>

115
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:11,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Holy shit, if Brandon Lee is the best agent we've got, all Americans will be speaking Russian by the end of the film.</font>

116
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:16,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: She just said "Caramba".  For reals.</font>

117
00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:02,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: I think that pratfall hurt me more than it hurt them.</font>

118
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:06,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: so this movie is a slapstick comedy? Oh, I get it!</font>

119
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:13,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: I think this is documentary evidence that Brandon Lee is the origin of parkour.</font>

120
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:45,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Boy, Cuban buildings don't hold up to a little action movie-ing, do they?</font>

121
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:48,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "It's rainin' Lee! Hallelujah, it's rainin' Lee!"</font>

122
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:55,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "I just dropped in to say bon appetit." "Que?"</font>

123
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:33,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "I think my father is dead." It's obvious from the dress she wore that she's in mourning.</font>

124
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:40,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "When I want to flirt, I'll be wearing an even more absurd dress."</font>

125
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:42,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @blakestacey AHAHAHAHAHA!!!</font>

126
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:54,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: 80s big hair alert.</font>

127
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:58,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Sweet mother, she's got a Valley girl accent.</font>

128
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:13,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Where do we find this Professor Boobs?"</font>

129
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:15,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @blakestacey Again: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!</font>

130
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:25,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Girls have price stickers? The things you learn.</font>

131
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:32,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Sexy dialogue written by the boys of Mrs. Hanson's third grade class!</font>

132
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:52,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Wait, it was night just a minute ago.  It's day again?  Damn commies and their unnatural day-night cycles.</font>

133
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:59,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: and at what inopportune time are those two going to have sex?</font>

134
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:11,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And that was the death of an acting career, witnessed on film.</font>

135
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:35,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Skeleton... look for... boooooobsaaaghh."</font>

136
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:56,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "I think your father's alive, and I know just where to look for boobs!"</font>

137
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:10,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Ooh, she has a *gun*!  Unexpected!</font>

138
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:29,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "You drive." "You'll be sorry. Because I'm a girl, you see. And we're bitches for not putting out, and can't drive."</font>

139
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:35,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Couldn't they even get Glenn Frey for the soundtrack like every other 80s movie?</font>

140
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:37,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @szvan I'm holding out for Flashdance by the end of the movie.</font>

141
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:44,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: I'm still not 100% sure this looks like Cuba.</font>

142
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:50,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: 'In the violence of the night' is the perfect theme song 'cause this movie makes me want to kill somebody</font>

143
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:14,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: So, he's firing a gun whose effect is to make men jump off of moving vehicles?</font>

144
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:50,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Obligatory car chase vendor stand has been destroyed. Let's see if we can get two in this movie.</font>

145
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:02,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: You know, while I appreciate that Cuba's ethnic diversity is visible in the background...speaking roles, people!</font>

146
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:16,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: All together now: fruit cart!</font>

147
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<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Fruit Cart!</font>

148
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:22,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Another Fruit Cart!</font>

149
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:25,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Rustic Basket Cart!</font>

150
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:14,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: My theory: Alyssa just took a fatal bullet to the brain but we'll only notice it at the end of the film.</font>

151
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:19,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Pretty sure a VW bus wouldn't hold up under this treatment.</font>

152
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:43,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: There are no words to adequately describe that pouty, defiant look on her face, and I'm very sorry for that.</font>

153
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:55,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: And a ramp at the end of a pier with explosives and no reason for them to have driven off it. Oh yeah. This is quality.</font>

154
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:04,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Wait.  VW bus, a Thing in camo paint, and (I think) an old Dasher.  Did VW pay to be in this POS?</font>

155
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:10,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: how many cars are going to end up in the harbor?</font>

156
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:30,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And now we're racing around the Port of Not Really Cuba.</font>

157
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Gratuitous tit shot. This is the 80s, after all.</font>

158
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<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Gratuitous Wet T-Shirt.</font>

159
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: how did the sergeant end up in a tank top? and why is there a wet t-shirt contest in the middle of the movie?</font>

160
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:51,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: How did the girl comic relief get stripped down to her conveniently white tank top for that wet t-shirt scene?</font>

161
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:08,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Tonight, on TOP GEAR: how quickly can Brandon Lee's obligatory love interest make a lap in our reasonably priced car?</font>

162
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:15,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Also, all these vehicles are right hand drive.  Why?</font>

163
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:24,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Where'd you learn to drive like that?" "Well, after my second DUI I really needed to avoid checkpoints..."</font>

164
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:30,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Where'd you learn to drive like that? NASA?" "No, Vassar." #MoonrakerReferenceSeemsAptHere</font>

165
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:37,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: "We've got nothing but time?" You're running from the fucking army!</font>

166
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:52,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "Where to?" "Wait, you mean *you* don't know? We've been driving for hours!"</font>

167
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:08,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Let me ask you something..." Have you ever heard of the "ball-cutting fish"?</font>

168
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:13,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: We should reach the border by dawn?  Pop quiz:  Name all the countries w/ land borders with Cuba.</font>

169
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:17,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: We should reach the border by dawn? What fucking border? Where the fuck are you?</font>

170
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:21,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: The border? I'm guessing not-Cuba is a not-island country.</font>

171
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:25,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Seriously, is this Cuba, or Africa, or what? Where the hell are we? There's a freaking desert now, and a border to the south!</font>

172
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<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And now it's the vast California desert-like part of Cuba.</font>

173
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<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Like it, Professor? It's my newest glass doorknob."</font>

174
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<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Fun true fact: Ernest Borgnine is a member of the Freemasons.</font>

175
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:29,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "I have put that life behind me! Also, that accent!"</font>

176
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:32,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: I think I'm going to acquire a cheesy Boris-n-Natasha accent before this movie's over.</font>

177
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<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "I would rather die!" "What color?"</font>

178
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:09,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And now, today's entry in Unconvincing Severed Heads Museums...</font>

179
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:23,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "What kind of monster are you, collecting latex masks from Spencer's Gifts?"</font>

180
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:25,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "What kind of monster are you?!?" "The kind that dabbles in cheap latex effect in his off hours."</font>

181
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:27,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "What kind of monster are you? How could you possibly think to keep all these horror masks on display when they're just so shoddy?"</font>

182
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:45,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Pleasant dreams?"  "Yes, I was dreaming I was in 'Die Hard'."</font>

183
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:53,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Border to Namibia?  What continent are we in again?</font>

184
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:54,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Wait! We're in Africa?</font>

185
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:56,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Namibia? Okay, so how did Cuba get so far off-course then? The mysteries this movie answers could shake the fate of mankind.</font>

186
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:58,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: I challenge one of you to draw a map of the world as represented in this film.</font>

187
00:36:54,000 --> 00:37:00,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: So if they're heading to Namibia, they were in Angola?</font>

188
00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:02,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: I mean, the Cuban army *was* in Angola for a while in the 80s.  Is the audience supposed to know that?</font>

189
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:41,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Driving across Namibia in a VW bus?  Pretty sure I saw this on Top Gear once.</font>

190
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:22,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "You drive - and turn that damn tape deck off."</font>

191
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:33,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: of course that stupid bitch tripped!</font>

192
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:34,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Yeah, way to murder all those Namibians. Some of them were emigrants from Cuba, you know.</font>

193
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:52,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: And today's entry in Unconvincing Guy-On-Fire-Suit Work....</font>

194
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:25,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Yeah, that's fucking Nevada, not Namibia!</font>

195
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:46,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "How far is it?"  Well, we have to go across two Mobius strips, then circle a logarithmic branch point in the complex plane...</font>

196
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:51,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "A few miles? I'm glad I wore my heels, because they're the most practical way to travel through the Namibian desert."</font>

197
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<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I really hope she's wearing sunscreen on those.</font>

198
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:56,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: @drskyskull LOL!</font>

199
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:58,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Wait, the wall says "Kavango" but they're flying a Polish flag.  This sure doesn't look like Poland.</font>

200
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:04,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: look, either these to are either going to kill each other or have sex. I hope they kill each other and put us out of our misery</font>

201
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:33,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Who are you and who are you working for? Frederick's? Victoria's Secret? Fiacchi?"</font>

202
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:48,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "And let me tell ya something else buster, this is my spunky scene to show that I'm spunky."</font>

203
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:52,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Wait, wasn't he explicitly told that she was KGB?</font>

204
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:58,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: She Isn't Who She Seems. The CIA guys said she was KGB, so this bit isn't actually very mysterious. Unless the screenwriters forgot.</font>

205
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:15,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "News travels fast, even in the desert. We have much free time for, how you say, hashtag meme games."</font>

206
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:18,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: sorry, was that a bottle of Jack Daniels? And why is there a random Australian?</font>

207
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:21,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Did they just find Crocodile Dundee?  Are they in Australia now?</font>

208
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:24,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, my. The first decent accent in the movie!</font>

209
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:40,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: What, now a hard-drinking Aussie prospector with his camels?  Where on earth are we?</font>

210
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:50,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Bottle of Jack Daniels guy is the best actor so far.</font>

211
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:53,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: By which I mean the bottle itself, not the guy holding it.</font>

212
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:13,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Sorry for losing my temper." "It's all right, it was in your contract."</font>

213
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:31,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Look, can we, like, trade shoes for a while or something?"</font>

214
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:42,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Brandon Lee is a paranoid little dude, isn't he?</font>

215
00:44:55,000 --> 00:45:01,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Michael..." "Hmm?"  "Did you know that you can't lick your elbow?"</font>

216
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:29,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Do you think it's safe?" "Not if the synth chords are any clue."</font>

217
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:32,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: No, I don't think it's safe. That ominous music tells me things are going south very quickly.</font>

218
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:36,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Look, an abandoned adobe house. Think it's safe?" "No, of course not. That would be silly."</font>

219
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:45,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: The solo instrumental background music makes me picture them being followed by a wandering troubadour.</font>

220
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:52,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Watch out! Some guy with a bow & arrow is after you!  Because they do that!  In Cuba!</font>

221
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:11,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Eeek - sketch factor 7!</font>

222
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:15,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Yeah, I don't blame that guy for shooting that arrow just then. I would have aimed a bit lower and to the right though.</font>

223
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:26,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: #protip for evil minions:  When you rush in, don't go Huaaaagh! to alert our heroes first.</font>

224
00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:02,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "At least we're out of danger now. Now about that blowjob?" *gunshots* "Everyones a critic of my pickup style."</font>

225
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:13,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Wait, he's running on government business with a .22?</font>

226
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:31,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Everyone in this movie has the worst aim imaginable - with the exception of Lee, of course</font>

227
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:37,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: He certainly has a very hearty scream for someone who just got a bullet through his chest.</font>

228
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:45,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: *stands over body* "Ice to meet you. No, wait, this is a desert. What's a good line for that?"</font>

229
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:52,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @lousycanuck He got his... just deserts.  *puts on sunglasses* YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!</font>

230
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:59,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: @drskyskull well, played! @lousycanuck</font>

231
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:47,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Wandering aimlessly in a desert, nothing interesting in sight... metaphor for how the screenwriters were feeling at this point.</font>

232
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:27,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: there is no way she could walk barefoot on that sand - it would be too fucking hot</font>

233
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:46,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Hmmm, kill the guy who wants to kill us and follow his footprints to a place where there's probably water, or just keep walking?</font>

234
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:04,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: sweet fuck! Those are the worst fight sound effects EVER.</font>

235
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:23,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Tell me who you work for, or I'll move my fist towards you and make a sound like I'm punching a slab of meat again."</font>

236
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:27,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Oh, come on. At least synch up the punch foley!</font>

237
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:31,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan I'm assuming he hit him so hard he ripped a hole in the fabric of time itself.</font>

238
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:12,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "What are you doing?" "I'm helping you!" "No, you're stealing my damn scene! I was gonna do another line and everything!"</font>

239
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:37,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: That horse's walking like it's drunk. Then again, I'd have to be drunk to be in this movie too.</font>

240
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:43,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: No, the horse does not *gallop* across the desert for you.</font>

241
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:56,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Okay, after we find your father, we're going to find this f%&king singer and shut him up once and for all."</font>

242
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:03,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: HOLY SHIT! They're in fucking San Diego.</font>

243
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:20,000
<font color="#9579bc">brx0: Pausing the movie... wife's home...</font>

244
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:23,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @brx0 Don't want to admit to her what you're watching? ;)</font>

245
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:25,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: I wonder whose government he told them to bill this time.</font>

246
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:33,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: ok, is now when we'll get to the gratuitous sex?</font>

247
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:38,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Yeah, the first thing I'd want after crossing the desert is the bed, not the shower. Uh, huh.</font>

248
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:46,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "I'll go tonight and see what I can find under cover of darkness.  Because it's dark at night.  And people can't see me. At night."</font>

249
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:53,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: thank God there wasn't a sex scene</font>

250
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:56,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Oh man. I don't think I could have withstood a sex scene right then. @DrRubidium</font>

251
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:23,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Brandon Lee's attempt at a "passionate" gaze said to me: "I'm about to have severe diarrhea."</font>

252
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:32,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Sure there's no support under that dress. This movie had already broken all credibility, but really?</font>

253
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:43,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: man, they found one voyeuristic synth player.</font>

254
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:44,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Vich room?"  "Mitch room?"  "Vich ROOM?"  "Hitch boom?"</font>

255
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:26,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: how the fuck did this movie ever get made? why did they ever show it to anyone?</font>

256
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:40,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Ladies and gentlemen, the world's least inquisitive spy.</font>

257
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:55,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: In each of these chase scenes, I feel the urge to sing "Chitty-chitty-bang-bang".</font>

258
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:12,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: She hasn't called! But she said she'd call!</font>

259
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:30,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Listen, I've got good news. I just saved a ton of money by switching insurance companies."</font>

260
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<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: love? Really? For fuck's sake</font>

261
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:29,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "German on the sign now? Good thing I'm a..." *sunglasses* "cunning linguist."  YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!</font>

262
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:33,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Entry is stricten verboten! Sittung un bewatching das blinkenlights!</font>

263
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:44,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: the only good thing about this movie is the shit we're talking about it</font>

264
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:49,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @DrRubidium Yep - but that makes it all worthwhile! :)</font>

265
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:46,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: Lee is THE. WORST. SPY. EVER.</font>

266
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:46,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Damn, he's good. Or not.</font>

267
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:13,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "I suppose that's why we're here?" "The glass doorknob of doom, yes."</font>

268
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:37,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: laser + diamond = nuclear weapon. Let's just sit and...process that a while, shall we.</font>

269
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:43,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And now we get to the laser nuclear weapon. Can we hope this is the nadir?</font>

270
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:50,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: This is some very specialized knowledge that Ernest Boobs-dad knows, to turn a laser plus a diamond into a nuke.</font>

271
01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:03,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "At last we meet." "I'd love to shake hands... but I'm a germophobe."</font>

272
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:09,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Turns out the other secret ingredient in the doomsday machine is lame one-liners.</font>

273
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:38,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: No matter how bad the science is in this film, it's no worse than Keanu Reeves as a nuclear engineer in "Chain Reaction".</font>

274
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:43,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Hey, Keanu graduated from the same PhD program as Christmas Jones!</font>

275
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:05,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I'd be more impressed with Lee as an actor if he looked over the people he wanted to fuck and those he wanted to kill...differently.</font>

276
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:26,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Sporting chance."  "Ve're going to play Russian roulette... vith my automatic."</font>

277
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:43,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: that's a LOT of dead animals in one room</font>

278
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:51,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Yes, I keep the diamond in this unlocked wooden box."</font>

279
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:57,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Isn't that the same trophy room they filmed the end of "Roadhouse" in?</font>

280
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:19,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "I intend to kill you and rescue the professor and his daughter." "You fool! She is perhaps passable with beer goggles, but-"</font>

281
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:23,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Dude, there was a crossbow RIGHT THERE. Fail.</font>

282
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:07,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: where the fuck did the ninja come from?!</font>

283
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:13,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Wait... what just happened?  Did we skip a reel? O_o</font>

284
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:18,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: that was the lamest ninja attack EVER</font>

285
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:20,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: A ninja. A ninja that is defeated with one punch and a backbreaker.</font>

286
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:25,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Tell me the ninja is a dream sequence. Tell me the ninja is a dream sequence. Tell me the ninja is a dream sequence.</font>

287
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:28,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Professor!" "I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a grandchild and told him stories about an evil monkey..."</font>

288
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:34,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan Cigar chomping movie mogul: "No! No! No!  Not good enough!  You know what this film needs?  Ninjas!"</font>

289
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:39,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: @drskyskull But we only have the budget for one! And he doesn't know how to fight!</font>

290
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:44,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan ... and it's the director's unemployed no-good cousin!</font>

291
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:03,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: A rock pit. Knowing this movie's track record, it's probably in Egypt.</font>

292
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:17,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And here is where we rebuild the pyramids.</font>

293
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:26,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: how the fuck did the Cuban soldiers end up in Namibia?</font>

294
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:42,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @blakestacey MST3k call sign!!! :)</font>

295
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:11,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Have you gathered the dynamite and placed in the boobs? -Damn it."</font>

296
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:16,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Have you planted the dynamite in the mine?" "As you orde- wait, did you say MINE? DAMMIT Miguel, he said MINE, not MIME."</font>

297
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:22,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: #FFS why are there German's running the mine? Slaves?</font>

298
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:35,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: "No, see, if you just don't build the middle of each wall, it'll look like a ruin!"</font>

299
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:40,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: when did Lee have time to get a new outfit?</font>

300
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:55,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Worst barber ever. She already shaved her cleavage once today, it can't possibly have more than a little stubble by now.</font>

301
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:05,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: OK, slapstick comedy to Holocaust-style mass executions in, what, 60 minutes?</font>

302
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:09,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: @blakestacey Are you sure you don't mean seconds?</font>

303
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:20,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: holy Christ, he gave Borgnine a gun</font>

304
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:24,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @DrRubidium #friendlyfire</font>

305
01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:42,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I'm not sure she hit the right guy with the shovel.</font>

306
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:05,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Bra strap! See, I told you there was support under there.</font>

307
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:31,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: All right. I'll give her props. She's the first person who looked like she wanted to shoot a gun in this whole movie.</font>

308
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:24,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: he was Russian? The fuck you say! That was a German accent for sure!</font>

309
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:32,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: No, sweetie, look, I know it's a horrible movie but don't slit your wrists - oh , the straps. Okay. Thank goodness.</font>

310
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:49,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Since when do Cuban soldiers go, "Yee-hah!"?</font>

311
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:23,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Wow, that gunshot wound sure did knock the wind out of Brandon Lee.</font>

312
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:58,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Dammit. I'm almost out of booze, and we still have "movie" left.</font>

313
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:09,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Now she's going to cut off the buttons of his jacket one by one, then lower one shoulder of his jacket...</font>

314
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:46,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Can't be bitten by the woman"?</font>

315
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:11,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: I'm really pissing off my wife, BTW - I keep cackling at random times.</font>

316
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:32,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: No don't hit that stick! IT'S A TRAP!</font>

317
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:42,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: cause in African mines, the diamonds are just laying around like rocks</font>

318
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:10,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Wow. Their stunt coordinator really has a fetish for tumbling downhill.</font>

319
01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:19,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: A MEXICAN stand-off? Quick, someone make a reference to China. Make this a world tour.</font>

320
01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:25,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @lousycanuck "Ah, you're going with the traditional Antarctic gambit, followed by the Mauritius manuever."</font>

321
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:12,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: explosions don't do that to people</font>

322
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:24,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Director's vision: "And for the third act, I see...lots of people...shooting things!"</font>

323
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:41,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Secure the vehicle. Right. Wait, what is vehicle?"</font>

324
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:11,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: you've got to be fucking kidding! Nobody could survive that fall down a fucking mine shaft!</font>

325
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:15,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: And now it becomes a zombie movie. A bad one, of course, like the bad spy movie, bad romantic comedy, and bad slapstick.</font>

326
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:20,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Thank goodness that bulletproof vest saved me from that fall into the crevice."</font>

327
01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:25,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: Seriously, Russian dude, it would be better for everyone if you just stayed in the mine.</font>

328
01:18:13,000 --> 01:18:19,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "Looks like we narrowly averted... an explosive situation." YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!</font>

329
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:24,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: ...but the explosion doesn't kill him, because he was also wearing his flame-and-explosive-proof vest!</font>

330
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:51,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: So, is Borgnine German, Russian, or Cuban?</font>

331
01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:55,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @drskyskull Why choose? The writers didn't!</font>

332
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:59,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @lousycanuck I'm going with Gerrussiancube.</font>

333
01:18:57,000 --> 01:19:03,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: this movie has the worst collection of fake accents I've ever heard</font>

334
01:19:54,000 --> 01:20:00,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Hahahah! They stole the helicopter! Comedy! *crash, explode* Awww.</font>

335
01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:13,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: This movie's attempts at zaniness just leave me going, "Wait, what?"</font>

336
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:28,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: taking "villain never dies" to a whole new level</font>

337
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:36,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Holy shit, he WAS wearing an explosion-proof suit. And probably car-crash-proof underwear.</font>

338
01:20:35,000 --> 01:20:41,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: ...but he's still not dead, because he's wearing his getting-rammed-through-a-brick-wall-by-a-jeep-vest!</font>

339
01:20:54,000 --> 01:21:00,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: Just keep moving. He's one of the slow zombies.</font>

340
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:14,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: that movie was AWFUL.</font>

341
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:22,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: "But who's the rightful owner?" "You're looking at him, ha ha." *toss toss* *snatch* "Hey, give it back!"</font>

342
01:21:22,000 --> 01:21:28,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: More SMUG than has EVER been in a single freeze-frame before!</font>

343
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:33,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: "Now let's go to Filthy Vinnie's Pawn Shop and hock this sucker!"</font>

344
01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:38,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: Wait one goddamn minute. I WAS PROMISED LASERS.</font>

345
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:44,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: This is another one of those films where I assume the crew names are all pseudonyms.</font>

346
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:55,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: "Like a dream within a dream"? Fun fact: this was the original rejected theme song for INCEPTION.</font>

347
01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:59,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @blakestacey Oh, and they had that scene where he had to spin the diamond to see if he was in the dream, right!</font>

348
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:09,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: So, what have we learned from tonight's adventure?</font>

349
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:14,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: Lesson from this movie: he's a mercenary man. Mercenary. Mercenary man. Mercenary ma-a-an.</font>

350
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:19,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: I learned that it's poor spycraft to be followed around everywhere by 80's theme music.</font>

351
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:24,000
<font color="#fecc5a">DrRubidium: what did we learn? Cuba is actually in Africa!</font>

352
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:29,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: I learned that almost all 80s soundtracks really are as bad as I remember them being.</font>

353
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:34,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: I learned that you can make repeated hamfisted passes at the hot blonde spy and she'll break mission protocol and sleep with you.</font>

354
01:22:33,000 --> 01:22:39,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: I learned that there are actually 80s movies without cute animals.</font>

355
01:22:37,000 --> 01:22:43,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: @lousycanuck Lion cubs! Or didn't you see those near the breasts?</font>

356
01:22:41,000 --> 01:22:47,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: @szvan Right, do you remember the time index for that? Need to rewind to see the... cubs.</font>

357
01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:56,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: @szvan @lousycanuck Wait, there were breasts?</font>

358
01:22:56,000 --> 01:23:02,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan @lousycanuck @blakestacey Yes, but that prude Borgnine refused to remove his shirt.</font>

359
01:23:05,000 --> 01:23:11,000
<font color="#cc8080">lousycanuck: I learned that dogged determination to kill the hero will get you through three near death experiences, but not four.</font>

360
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:41,000
<font color="#a6bdd7">szvan: No identification with actual countries was intended or should be inferred.</font>

361
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:06,000
<font color="#808080">drskyskull: @szvan "Any similarity to actual persons, places or events was really, genuinely, accidental."</font>

362
01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:20,000
<font color="#cea262">blakestacey: @drskyskull @szvan "We mean, really, if there WERE a resemblance, oh jesus, we'd be so, so sorry."</font>