1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:20,000 brx0: BELA LUGOSI! TOR JOHNSON! 2 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:24,000 ReasJack: Tor. His parents named him after their favorite physical unit, but he dropped the r later to blend in. 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:25,000 lousycanuck: All movies should start with a timpani and a sprinkler system providing storm effects. 4 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:34,000 brx0: It was a dark and stormy night... 5 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,000 Million_Gods: It's 6:30 AM here... Do you realise how early in the day this is for Ed Wood? 6 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:47,000 brx0: "Original Story & Screenplay by Edward D. Wood Jr." Awwyeah... 7 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:12,000 lousycanuck: Make Up Artists? Really? You mean Tor doesn't look like that? 8 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:27,000 brx0: "Produced & Directed by Edward D. Wood Jr." Ohhyeah... 9 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,000 Million_Gods: This movie is self aware... It certainly isn't natural. 10 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:55,000 lousycanuck: "Better than being barbecued!" "You can't be serious, you can't light a barbecue in this weather!" 11 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:58,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck I am british... trust me. That's barbeque weather 12 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:33,000 lousycanuck: "That big foreboding mansion is deserted! Except for Old Man Carruthers and his haunted roller coaster that is." 13 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:44,000 brx0: Stuck outside in a thunderstorm, or enter Bela Lugosi's lab. Decisions, decisions... 14 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:14,000 Million_Gods: Bela Lugosi only knows one voice... Dracula... I would use that voice for everything... Takeaways... Patient Histories... Sex talk.. 15 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:33,000 ReasJack: This is my butler, Flintstone. 16 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:43,000 brx0: Go ahead, get off Bela's lawn already. 17 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:45,000 lousycanuck: Oh Tor. He can evoke so much sympathy and pathos without speaking a word. 18 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:48,000 Million_Gods: Perhaps you will meet the monster... bwahahaha (Evil Scientist Chat Up Lines) 19 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:41,000 brx0: Inanimate rubber octopus! 20 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:58,000 ReasJack: He should get The Clapper for that. 21 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:12,000 brx0: Bela turns stuff on and off a few times. Evil lab tech support probably told him to do that. 22 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:05,000 Million_Gods: understand that the monster is scary, but why do they have to censor it with an octopus. 23 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:06,000 ReasJack: It's got Frodo! 24 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:23,000 brx0: And that guy gets eaten by stock footage of an octopus not eating anything... 25 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:28,000 lousycanuck: @ReasJack They didn't speak friend before entering the pond. 26 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:44,000 brx0: Rubber octopus, now featuring victim-operated tentacles. 27 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:49,000 leilah: Dude, stop shooting me! I'm being attacked by an octopus! 28 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:23,000 lousycanuck: "Get these straps off of me. Unless this is some kinda kinky sex club, in which case proceed." 29 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:55,000 Million_Gods: That's totally how you check the Jugular Venous Pulse. Well done Ed Wood! 30 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:03,000 brx0: "Already he tires of our humble hospitality"... 31 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:15,000 lousycanuck: "Borlov. Dr. Eric Borlov. The name will mean little to you unless you've read my recent papers on applied monsterology." 32 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:08,000 ReasJack: A giant with the strenght of twenty men, well, don't point it at that part of me, (wink wink) 33 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:37,000 lousycanuck: Even Tor knows Dr. Eric Borlov doesn't have a real medical degree, listening to dude's temple with a stethoscope. 34 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:56,000 Million_Gods: So what's the prognosis for this "torch light to the eyes" procedure? 35 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:15,000 brx0: "You will soon be as big as a giant, strength of 20 men. Or, like all the others, dead." #NotAnObstacleToFDAApproval 36 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:35,000 Million_Gods: He's dead. Your a lunatic not a doctor! 37 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:39,000 lousycanuck: Monster Takes Two... ON BROADWAY 38 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:41,000 leilah: Monster takes two what? Aspirin? 39 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:43,000 ReasJack: Monster takes two. Tied with Giants with one week remaing./ 40 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:45,000 brx0: Someone used to have a full time job designing these fake newspapers for movies, back in the day... 41 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:21,000 Million_Gods: No Jail Can Hold Me! #Famouslastwords 42 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:41,000 lousycanuck: Thin guy with hat encounters drunk chubby bum in hall. "Hey hey, Ralphie-boy". The jokes write themselves. 43 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:35,000 lousycanuck: Lieutenant Renfield Ugarte reporting for duty, sir. 44 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:42,000 Million_Gods: I love it when cops abuse their powers for a newspaper... 45 00:12:54,000 --> 00:13:00,000 brx0: Cops in Ed Wood movies are always total assholes, but still the good guys somehow. 46 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:04,000 Million_Gods: Dick Craig is what I would pick as my #pornstar name. 47 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:05,000 ReasJack: Can we just feed the brown noser to the monster now? 48 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:34,000 lousycanuck: Well that's an interesting take on the office stress toy drinking bird. 49 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:42,000 lousycanuck: Facts are our business. Facts and only facts. And sometimes bribes. 50 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:59,000 Million_Gods: If you don't agree with me I will break up with you. And try and keep this ring... 51 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:21,000 brx0: "Everything points to an inhuman violence!" 52 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Million_Gods: Inhuman Violence is the name of my next metal album... Now in all good record stores and that new fangled iStore. 53 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:50,000 brx0: "A figment of my imagine is something *I* believe!" 54 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:59,000 lousycanuck: "Facts! Evidence!" "Figments! Belief!" 55 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:19,000 brx0: This isn't very good dialogue, is it? 56 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:22,000 Million_Gods: A POGO STICK? A DANCING COSTUME? Twelve went down? This is some very very kinky stuff... 57 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:09,000 lousycanuck: "She's just crazy enough to follow through with her proposed plans of action! Too bad she's not a guy or I'd admire her gumption!" 58 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:12,000 leilah: Crazy dames doing what they say they will... what's the world coming to? 59 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:08,000 Million_Gods: I shall defeat you through property tax law!!! 60 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:13,000 lousycanuck: "I ain't going anyplace, and neither are those files, har har har. Because they're paper, not sentient beings you see." 61 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:39,000 brx0: I'm not sure I understand the newspaper's archival system there... 62 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:53,000 lousycanuck: "Tell him I, I dunno, have an ulcer or something." "Oh, leave it to me. I'll cook up some story about 'female issues'. *wink*" 63 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:56,000 Million_Gods: I can't date you dick. I have an ulcer... 64 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:15,000 lousycanuck: "Have you ever heard of Loch Ness?" "Wackless?" "Loch... Ness." "Flack Mess?!" 65 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:20,000 ReasJack: I think he means lackness, a quality this dialog has. 66 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:31,000 brx0: Ooh, a foreign perfesser, here to chat about the Loch Ness Monster. He's an expert, even. 67 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:54,000 Million_Gods: How would you ever be an authority on monsters? A BSc. in Monsterology or Monsteronomy? 68 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:57,000 lousycanuck: "Is it your theory that perhaps the Loch Ness Monster crossed --" "No." 69 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:10,000 ReasJack: What an interesting lack of detail . 70 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:13,000 brx0: Pretty sure I've seen this foreign perfesser guy on the History Channel a few times. 71 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:17,000 Million_Gods: I shall use my Knowledge to shed light on this... ROLL FOR INITIATIVE! 72 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:44,000 leilah: "I shall be most happy to have Lt Craig's... assistance." Yeah, I bet... 73 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:47,000 ReasJack: You know. A little company. Lt. Craig has taken a shine to you. 74 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:56,000 Million_Gods: At times the police can be quite useful. Other times they are glass hammers. 75 00:22:54,000 --> 00:23:00,000 lousycanuck: "How soon can you be ready?" "I'm ready. I'm always ready. They call me Lientenant "Action" Dick Craig." 76 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:14,000 brx0: "The night, the monster, all in good time..." 77 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:18,000 Million_Gods: Wow... this guy is pretty genre savvy... Monster attacks at night, so we go in during the day. I think his credentials check out. 78 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:41,000 lousycanuck: "Until morning, Lt. Craig." "Awww, MORNING? But how long will THAT be!?" 79 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:43,000 ReasJack: Maybe the Lt. can get the bronx undertones out of your fake central European accent. 80 00:23:54,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Million_Gods: Oh Burn! Got a date? 81 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:17,000 lousycanuck: "If she's gone to Lake Marsh alone I'll do something paternalistic and sexist if it's the last thing I do!" 82 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:20,000 Million_Gods: You may have insulted my manhood, but I shall restore it through spousal violence. 83 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:06,000 brx0: Wait, now the weather's confusing me. Is it sunny? Raining? Day? Night? 84 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:10,000 lousycanuck: It's stormy at night, clear during the day. That's how weather works in an Ed Wood horror film. 85 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:22,000 Million_Gods: Women... Can't Drive and Can't be Spanked... 86 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:47,000 brx0: If anyone wants to do a stage play about Ed Wood, consider "A Long Day's Jump Cut Into Night" as a title. 87 00:25:54,000 --> 00:26:00,000 lousycanuck: Tor's just here to change your flat tire, lady. He's with Triple A. 88 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:18,000 Million_Gods: In Soviet Russia, Calamari Eats You. 89 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:05,000 leilah: Rest... rest... I mean... SLEEEEEEEEEP! 90 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:09,000 Million_Gods: My Rohypnol Powers Will Make You Sleep... 91 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:17,000 lousycanuck: "What you need now is rest. And hypnosis." He picked up the hypnosis powers on his last gig as Dracula, you see. 92 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:22,000 brx0: Bela pretty much has to whip out the hypno-eyebrows in every single movie, doesn't he? 93 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:56,000 brx0: Next morning! Wait, where'd the perfesser go? Who's this other guy? 94 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:03,000 Million_Gods: Wait. If the monster is an octopus and the movie is called "the bride of the monster"... I don't like the direction this is heading. 95 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:22,000 Million_Gods: The ground is alive with Crawling Death. 96 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:32,000 lousycanuck: Ah, it's almost sunset again. You can tell by the impending thunderstorm. 97 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:36,000 brx0: "This swamp is a monument to death. Snakes, alligators, quicksand. All bent on one thing: Destruction!" 98 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:48,000 Million_Gods: Atom Bombs do not work that way! 99 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:17,000 lousycanuck: "Well, let's get at it, before we encounter the exploding alligators and acidic quicksand bent on destruction." 100 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:27,000 Million_Gods: Where else could he go? The Arcade? The Pub? The Rave Review Show of the Producers? 101 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:51,000 Million_Gods: How do you know it's Janet's Car? Because it's parked terribly. 102 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:03,000 lousycanuck: "Hey, we found her car! Let's not search the area, there's a coffee shop ten miles back! Let's check there. And get some coffee." 103 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:08,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck They have their priorities straight. Coffee Before Dames. 104 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:39,000 brx0: Oh, there's the perfesser. Cool car. 105 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:12,000 lousycanuck: @brx0 It's got a carafe of coffee and a phone. Obviously it's a coffee shop. 106 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:19,000 brx0: This would be a very short movie if people in it had mobile phones. 107 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:36,000 Million_Gods: Why has no one mentioned the bird on his shoulder? Is it the elephant in the room? 108 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:40,000 ReasJack: Why don't they just use the radio attached to that whip antenna instead of driving 10 miles. 109 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:05,000 brx0: I'm not 100% sure that's a real coffee shop. 110 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:18,000 ReasJack: Shouldn't the Captain have an eye patch to go with that bird? 111 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:33,000 lousycanuck: "Hello Jim? Yeah. About the Lawton girl. Yeah, she's pretty hot. A bit of a snoop though." 112 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:46,000 CA7746: Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain. 113 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:50,000 Million_Gods: Tor Make You Breakfast In Bed! 114 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:18,000 CA7746: So that's what the whip was for... 115 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:40,000 lousycanuck: Bela Lugosi and Tor Johnson are into BDSM. I said it. All the evidence is there. 116 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:51,000 brx0: Sorry, just had to whip Lobo for a bit. Coffee? Cream and sugar? 117 00:33:55,000 --> 00:34:01,000 ReasJack: See, he's a kitten. Just whip him with a bull whip. 118 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:34,000 Million_Gods: I knew it! Defeated through property tax laws!!! 119 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:21,000 Million_Gods: You must have seen my press card... Is that what the kids are calling it these days? 120 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:36,000 lousycanuck: "He has been quite useful to me. At times. He is not so handy as player two on Super Mario Bros though." 121 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:41,000 Million_Gods: Only problem is Tor communicates solely through the language of bull whips. 122 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:55,000 brx0: Bela eyebrows! Drink! 123 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:04,000 ReasJack: Is he a scientist or Svengali? 124 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:15,000 lousycanuck: Okay, @Million_Gods called it. Rohypnol in the tea. Gotta be. 125 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:37,000 brx0: Not so sure about Bela's lab equipment. Cool fridge though. 126 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:39,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck or Bela Lugosi is a Jedi. Just like Christopher Lee 127 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:50,000 lousycanuck: "Take the girl to my quarters." "BUT WHERE YOU SLEEP BOSS" "I'll take the futon in the front hall." 128 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:30,000 brx0: You'd think Lobo's arms would get tired walking around like that all the time. 129 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:25,000 CA7746: A commode chair? In the hall? 130 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:07,000 brx0: Ah, the perfesser is a Secret Agent, inviting Bela back home to continue his work. International intrigue! 131 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:23,000 lousycanuck: "Why the sudden interest in me Professor Strauss?" "I am doing a profile for my monsterology newsletter!" 132 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:47,000 ReasJack: Nah. I gotta a swamp, a bald mute, and a shoestring lab. Who could ask for anything more. 133 00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:03,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck This is still more thrilling and grounded in science than Finding Bigfoot 134 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:56,000 lousycanuck: "I proposed using the atom elements to create beings of strength and science. I was branded as a madman... a creationist!" 135 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:03,000 Million_Gods: I shall now use my atomic supermonsters to defeat aliens in a game of intergalactic basketball for the fate of the planet! 136 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:41,000 lousycanuck: "I am here to bring you home." "Um. I think you should look around. This is it. I even have the deed. Check the Newspaper archives." 137 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:12,000 brx0: "I will perfect my own race of people! A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!" 138 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:49,000 Million_Gods: How dare you want to rule the world through atomic supermen. That's our government's plan! 139 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:51,000 lousycanuck: "Lobo, throw him onto... THE COMFY OCTOPUS CHAIR." 140 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:55,000 brx0: Inanimate rubber octopus! Drink! 141 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:17,000 Million_Gods: Stop falling on the comfy octopus chair!!! @lousycanuck 142 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:52,000 lousycanuck: "Stop struggling Professor Strauss, and let the comfy octopus chair's massage tentacles do their job!" 143 00:44:55,000 --> 00:45:01,000 Million_Gods: Fire up the computer. I want to play tic tac toe 144 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:22,000 ReasJack: 14 missing and the police have not pressured to search the house. 145 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:28,000 Million_Gods: fine... Noughts and Crosses... If I said that americans would get confused. 146 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:38,000 brx0: Ed Wood owed (but undoubtedly didn't pay) serious royalties to whoever invented the off-camera scream. 147 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:10,000 Million_Gods: You know where I am... AT THE GODDAMN BEACH TANNING MY CHEEKS! 148 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:13,000 lousycanuck: "Oh Marty, you see anything suspicious, you know where I am." "Yes, that is indeed a good way to identify you." 149 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:26,000 ReasJack: I will put on my trenchcoat and search the swamp ... at night. 150 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:43,000 lousycanuck: LAND SHAAAAARK 151 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:46,000 Million_Gods: This just looks like someone set out to make a Richard Pryor sketch about how white people get bitten by snakes. 152 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:24,000 brx0: Random shooting at stock footage of slow-moving reptiles! Drink! 153 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:04,000 Million_Gods: Congratulations, you just shot at an alligator that wasn't doing anything... You douche 154 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:25,000 Million_Gods: I haven't murdered anyone this week. 155 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:58,000 brx0: Newspaper file clerk still hasn't cleaned up after our intrepid reporter. Their system perplexes me. 156 00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:27,000 lousycanuck: Wait, his name is Eerick Varnoff now? So confused. 157 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:45,000 Million_Gods: Are we ready for the girl? Does that mean "Buy More Rohypnol"? 158 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:56,000 brx0: Bela hypno-hands! Drink! 159 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:08,000 Million_Gods: Oh his pre-mad science ritual involves resistance yoga... 160 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:26,000 ReasJack: All mad scientists have wedding dresses lying around. 161 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:30,000 lousycanuck: There we have it, Bride of the Monster. I feel ripped off here. She doesn't look like an octopus at all. 162 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:34,000 brx0: Surprise costume change! She must be the Bride... of the Monster! 163 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:38,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck Rule 34! RULE 34!!! 164 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:42,000 brx0: Roughly what % of this film does our heroine spend hypnotized or unconscious, anyway? 165 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:57,000 lousycanuck: "Do as I command, you! I'll teach you to disobey me. I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!" 166 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:58,000 ReasJack: Why doesn't he just use the hypno hand beam on Tor. 167 00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:06,000 Million_Gods: It would have been less effort to strap her in than break out the whip you know... 168 00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:51,000 lousycanuck: Bride of the Atom recipe. Ingredients: one woman, one wedding dress, liberal sprinkling of atoms. 169 00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:19,000 Million_Gods: Your wedding present is cancer... 170 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:20,000 brx0: I admit I have doubts about his plans here. Giving atomic super strength to unwilling -- and angry -- subjects? 171 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:21,000 lousycanuck: Lobo's got him in the Dragon Sleeper! It's all over, I tell ya! 172 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:25,000 ReasJack: Hey no fair sending in more than one man at a time. 173 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:44,000 Million_Gods: 14 deaths and kidnappings? Then the cops show up? This is like India. 174 00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:53,000 brx0: Hey, it's night again. Drink! (I'm making this up as I go.) 175 00:54:55,000 --> 00:55:01,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck It's 7:30 AM and I am sober... 176 00:54:55,000 --> 00:55:01,000 lousycanuck: @brx0 Hey we're watching an Ed Wood movie! The drinking game is "drink til it makes sense!" 177 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:05,000 Million_Gods: Kelton! This is your first time out. Try not to screw up or it's back in the box for you! 178 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:48,000 lousycanuck: "Such lovely skin should not be marred... EXCEPT BY ATOMS." 179 00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:52,000 Million_Gods: These BDSM restraints come in handy! 180 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:55,000 leilah: Not sure about the whole elbow-bondage thing. Was that a thing? 181 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:24,000 CA7746: Bracers, bald, revealing outfit, reluctant obedience... Is Lobo a genie? 182 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:37,000 ReasJack: Damn these blanks just don't have the stopping power. 183 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:40,000 brx0: Suddenly! Lobo attacks! 184 00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:43,000 lousycanuck: Lobo is through jobbing for you! Lobo will no-sell these bullets! 185 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:33,000 lousycanuck: In another display of Lobo's superhuman strength, he properly unbuckles the straps. 186 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:10,000 Million_Gods: It's never going to work out Tor. She is a beautiful lady and you are a horrific mute simpleton. Tell me have heard of r/mensrights 187 00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:17,000 ReasJack: Give 'im the Chair. 188 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:52,000 lousycanuck: Oh great idea Lobo. Let's turn Bela into a superhuman atomic creature that also has hypnosis powers. 189 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:38,000 brx0: Yeah, drop the gun and fistfight the big guy. What cop school did you go to, anyway? 190 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:13,000 ReasJack: I can neither speak nor move well but I understand dramatic irony. 191 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:26,000 lousycanuck: Tor was breaking character when he decided to strip the cop protagonist. 192 01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:34,000 brx0: Lobo has... business to attend to. This would be a good time to leave, guys. 193 01:00:55,000 --> 01:01:01,000 Million_Gods: Tor is a new switch... the Safe Word is Whipping 194 01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:46,000 Million_Gods: Kelton, stand here where your ineptness will have no ill effect. And you get to hold this bell 195 01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:20,000 ReasJack: Hey Fire. That's my cue! 196 01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:26,000 lousycanuck: Atomic Bela will show you how you rip leather straps apart. 197 01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:47,000 lousycanuck: Lobo Chop! 198 01:02:56,000 --> 01:03:02,000 brx0: Bela has atomic super strength! Suddenly the upper hand is on the other foot! 199 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:21,000 CA7746: Vornoff could've conquered the world if he'd just scoured Tibet for more super-strong Lobos. 200 01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:37,000 brx0: Aaand cue the magic mad scientist lab fire.... 201 01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:05,000 CA7746: Of course the place is on fire. It's a fireplace. 202 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:13,000 lousycanuck: "Okay so I want you to jump over the fire and tuck and roll. Perfect on the first take! As always!" 203 01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:17,000 brx0: The entire police subplot is just filler, isn't it? 204 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:33,000 ReasJack: We have no idea what he's doing. Lets empty our guns into him boys. 205 01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:48,000 Million_Gods: If you are going to rip the shirt off your hero, make sure he is suitably ripped. 206 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:25,000 Million_Gods: Get up over top of him... That's not English... 207 01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:45,000 brx0: Bela looking all atomic and crap. The bullets, they do nothing! 208 01:05:55,000 --> 01:06:01,000 lousycanuck: OH NO, BULLETS, MY ONE WEAKNESS, HOW DID YOU KNOW!? 209 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:05,000 Million_Gods: stop kissing the unconscious lady and start shooting! 210 01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:10,000 brx0: I'm just amazed her dress didn't catch fire back in the lab. Scariest part of the movie, by far. 211 01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:16,000 lousycanuck: Judging by the giant ball of poop, the monster was really an atomic dung beetle this whole time. The Octopus was a red herring!! 212 01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:41,000 brx0: Atomic Bela eyebrows! Drink! 213 01:06:56,000 --> 01:07:02,000 brx0: Inanimate rubber octopus! Drink! 214 01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:18,000 lousycanuck: "Aah! That boulder rolled over my legs which caused me to fall over in place, then teleport into the pond with the monster!" 215 01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:40,000 Million_Gods: Defeated by Calamari... Who would have thought it... 216 01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:50,000 brx0: And *that*, kids, is what happens when an atomic superman is eaten by a rubber octopus, and then they're both hit by lightning. 217 01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:11,000 lousycanuck: Welp, mad scientist turned into a mushroom cloud, and the people in the fallout blithely comment "he tampered in God's domain." 218 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:15,000 lousycanuck: In other words, it's God's job to wreak havoc on innocent victims and explode into firey nuclear death. 219 01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:19,000 lousycanuck: Lesson: the mountains of Tibet are apparently good places to pick up gigantic bulletproof mutes as slave labour. 220 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:22,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck explains why China invaded... HO HO! REALITY! 221 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:45,000 Million_Gods: @lousycanuck This Ed and Bela pairing certainly beats Twilight... 222 01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:48,000 lousycanuck: We survived. And a new genre of Tor/Bela slash fiction was born. I declare this movie Mission Accomplished.