1
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blakestacey: We choose to watch this movie not because it is easy, but because it is hard!
2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,000
ImprobableJoe: Cue the stock footage
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:18,000
lousycanuck: July 20th 1969? What happened THEN?
4
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,000
ReasJack: July 20, 1969. Hollywood soundstage.
5
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:55,000
blakestacey: You know what's a good way to create suspense? Start your movie with footage of an event which EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT.
6
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brx0: Wait, this moon landing looks like a Hollywood movie. Conspiracy!
7
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:12,000
lousycanuck: Will they make it to the moon!? THE TENSION IS KILLING ME
8
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:33,000
blakestacey: "Ok, Neil, we can see you...whoops, got distracted by Forrest Gump playing ping-pong."
9
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lousycanuck: "One small step for man, one giant leap for conspiracy theorists!"
10
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,000
lousycanuck: Oh shit it's that robot from Hoth!
11
00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:01,000
brx0: Wait, we just cut over to Apollo 15 footage for the alien/takeoff part. I call shenanigans.
12
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:04,000
ReasJack: Teletubbies assemble!
13
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:05,000
blakestacey: Settle in for the zeerust, my friends.
14
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:13,000
ImprobableJoe: One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for movie-making
15
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mrfright: woah, 90s!
16
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blakestacey: The "hey, it's that guy!" factor now reading 700 megacochranes!
17
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szvan: Any film which includes the line "You must be bored too" just isn't trying.
18
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abiodork: Ahhh - I'm late! What time is everyone at in the movie?
19
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mrfright: It's absolute zero and no air.
20
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blakestacey: "Don't torture yourself. That's Takei's job." "Oh, myyyyy."
21
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lousycanuck: "What the hell I'm a masochist". You're in good company with the crowd subjecting themselves to your movie, Chekov!
22
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brx0: Special effects by "Acme Special Effects Company". This sounds promising.
23
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blakestacey: Special effects by Acme? Will they catch the roadrunner this time!?!
24
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Cotesia1: UhOh, special effects by ACME.
25
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:03,000
blakestacey: You know another way to create excitement? People talking about BEING BORED.
26
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lousycanuck: "You wanted adventure. HIIIIIGH ADVENTURE. Hint hint. Check your duffel bag, I packed you something green."
27
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ImprobableJoe: Tes Ragsdale must be proud
28
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brx0: Astronaut ennui dialogue over the credits....
29
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ReasJack: Breaker Breaker 19.
30
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mrfright: That is no moon...
31
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brx0: Synths! Space shuttle barrel rolls!
32
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:47,000
blakestacey: 2001 rip-off segues into Star Wars into Trek reference... keep reminding us of other movies we could be watching. Yes.
33
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lousycanuck: Um, I think that's the theme to Space Quest 4.
34
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szvan: Soooo, who wants to explain to them about the shuttle and the moon.
35
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brx0: Wow, Bruce Campbell looks young.
36
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mrfright: Heh, let me just evacuate the oxygen as a joke...
37
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:55,000
ReasJack: Sulu never dozed off\
38
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:57,000
szvan: Uh-huh. This guy passed the psych eval. Right.
39
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:23,000
blakestacey: When was the last time the shuttle flew with only 2 people? Quick, to the Bat-Wikipedia!
40
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,000
lousycanuck: "Yeah, I do have a top gun nickname. It's "Bottom Gun.""
41
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:41,000
ReasJack: It was sweetie pie
42
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:50,000
blakestacey: Bruce "the Penetrator" Campbell. Grooooovy.
43
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:58,000
brx0: Tunisia? I don't remember that one. 80s foreign policy is all a blur anymore.
44
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:05,000
ImprobableJoe: Radar contact, how far behind am I?
45
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:08,000
lousycanuck: "The Penetrator" refers to his chin.
46
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:19,000
blakestacey: They're flying into some serious VGA graphics.
47
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:36,000
mrfright: Woah, not space janator, space master of the janatorial arts.
48
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:06,000
blakestacey: Because crazy elliptical orbits and placid circular ones make for easy rendezvous. Ayup.
49
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:14,000
lousycanuck: "Is that what I think it is?" "A Star Destroyer?"
50
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:28,000
ReasJack: This is NASA after the Atari buyout.
51
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:36,000
mrfright: Is that what I think it is? What is it? Then it isn't what you think it is.
52
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:57,000
brx0: Now that's a low budget Mission Control they've got there.
53
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:23,000
ImprobableJoe: Strictly volunteer... you can leave the spaceship any time you like!
54
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:24,000
blakestacey: Glad to see they got the zero-prep EVA figured out.
55
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:33,000
mrfright: Weee!
56
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:33,000
szvan: "You're command! Where did you learn to take risks like that?" "Ask my old captain."
57
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:35,000
lousycanuck: "You shouldn't be taking risks like that, you're the command pilot!" "Bullshit! I learned it from the best, Captain Kirk!"
58
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:58,000
mrfright: you hear heavy breathing because I'm mastur.... doing nothing in my suit.
59
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:03,000
blakestacey: "All I hear is heavy breathing." "It's big. Very big." Please, movie, leave *some* of the work for us.
60
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ImprobableJoe: "justin credible" what?
61
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:18,000
szvan: "Is it radioactive?" "Oh, wait. Let me check now he's on his spacewalk."
62
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blakestacey: "I can't find any other words for it." "Maybe we should have sent a poet. Over."
63
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ColOfNature: "Bullshit. Kirk wouldn't send no red-shirt and neither will I. I'm out the door, Houston"
64
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lousycanuck: Holy shit, the Two Guys from Andromeda followed me for the SQ4 reference. @AndromedaGuys
65
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:32,000
mrfright: "Peanut butter", but no words other than that.
66
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mrfright: I can't read.
67
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:10,000
blakestacey: "It's...covered in...sulphur..."
68
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:17,000
szvan: "Strange hieroglyphics. Like lots of martini glasses."
69
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:23,000
lousycanuck: "Looks like there's writing of some kind. Strange hieroglyphics." "Dude, it's English. You shouldn't have quit school so early."
70
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:34,000
ColOfNature: If that thing spawns some kind of face hugging type creature I'm out
71
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:40,000
ReasJack: Strange Hieroglyphics. My god, the Mormons have conquered space
72
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:48,000
blakestacey: "Now I'm coming up on a breach in the hull." "Houston here. Our film-studies major wants to call that a yonic symbol. Over."
73
00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:02,000
brx0: They aren't selling me on this being zero gravity, gotta say.
74
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lousycanuck: "What is it?" "Well, not burned to hell. Egg shaped. Can't possibly be a creature."
75
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:10,000
szvan: "Let's have local gravity kick in momentarily so I can pick this up."
76
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:18,000
mrfright: One small step for man, one giant leWHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!
77
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ImprobableJoe: Strange hieroglyphics... if I rub them, maybe I can read them
78
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:51,000
blakestacey: Jump scares just don't *work* in microgravity.
79
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CA7746: *yaaawn*
80
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lousycanuck: Another thing burned to hell, and it's a Draugr. Let's take it on board!
81
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:08,000
blakestacey: 14,000 years old. That's even older than the StarGate!
82
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:14,000
mrfright: WOULD SOMEONE TURN OFF THE ATARI PLAYING THAT MUSIC!
83
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:22,000
ReasJack: But he doesn't look a day over 10000.
84
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:31,000
blakestacey: "I suspect it's filled with nougat."
85
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:41,000
lousycanuck: "We've run the carbon dating a number of times." Because they know the decay rate of that thing's origin planet. Suuure.
86
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:58,000
ColOfNature: "cockamamie theory". There's a phrase doesn't get used enough in real life.
87
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:23,000
ImprobableJoe: It looks like an alien egg, but since we can't know for sure, we're going to pretend it is a cola can from out back
88
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:25,000
blakestacey: "What is it with you? Are you the default jerk antagonist for this movie?"
89
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:42,000
szvan: Ah, the Buzz Aldrin school of acting.
90
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:34,000
brx0: Mr. Haskell sneers at their puny ancient astronaut relics. I bet he gets et first.
91
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:36,000
lousycanuck: Alien robot facehugger? Oh don't worry. Ash will take out his chainsaw any minute now.
92
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:41,000
ColOfNature: I knew it
93
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:08,000
ColOfNature: Oh, robo-face-hugger. This is new.
94
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:25,000
szvan: Wow, wifi? This *is* science fiction.
95
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:27,000
ReasJack: The eggs only hatch in the presence of spooky violin music.
96
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lousycanuck: That analysis is really really interested in the Draugr's shoulders for some reason.
97
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:09,000
szvan: We can do a reconstruction with no data, right?
98
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:15,000
ImprobableJoe: Oh noes, alien robot egg thingy, magical old skool computer thingy
99
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lousycanuck: SUIT RECONSTRUCTION? SHIP!? From what fucking data did you pull that analysis out of your ass?
100
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:24,000
blakestacey: I find it hard to believe they don't leave anyone to watch what is potentially the most significant scientific discovery in ever...
101
00:17:54,000 --> 00:18:00,000
mrfright: Prometheus Crater would be a great rock band name
102
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:22,000
brx0: Alien robot watches some TV first thing. Now there's a fun way to deliver a lot of backstory fast.
103
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:29,000
blakestacey: Something tells me that Prometheus crater will be important.
104
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:39,000
ColOfNature: We have to go back to the moon. Truer words...
105
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:50,000
ImprobableJoe: "We have to go back to the moon!" maybe they can find the rest of the plot.
106
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:03,000
brx0: 20 years since Apollo, time to go back. This makes me sad.
107
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szvan: I'm completely ready to fly a ship I've never trained on. Right now!
108
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:32,000
mrfright: Is that robot having sex with the corpse?
109
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CA7746: No stuffed animal will be safe.
110
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lousycanuck: "It's aliiiive! ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!"
111
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blakestacey: If this movie were made today, the alien robot would be using nanobots. #trufax
112
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ImprobableJoe: I wan't to fly a ship into my brain...
113
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mrfright: Chiks with clipboards are hot.
114
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brx0: Uh oh. An extra wanders in to where the alien was. This usually ends badly.
115
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blakestacey: Hot robot-on-secretary action??
116
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szvan: "All the electronics exploded! Let me call security on this intercom!"
117
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mrfright: Did I miss the party in the isolation room?
118
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lousycanuck: Widespread damage by self-replicating robots, discovered by some Asian lady who's about to die.
119
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ImprobableJoe: AAAAHHHH! Someone poured sriracha onto my clipboard!
120
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CA7746: THAT snuck up on her!?
121
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szvan: Well, you see, we don't really have the budget for a death scene.
122
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ReasJack: The most poorly staffed space program in the galaxy.
123
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mrfright: I'm pretty drunk...
124
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brx0: In the history of movies, whoever says "proper channels" is by definition not the protagonist.
125
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lousycanuck: @mrfright Second. I called him Ash earlier.
126
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mrfright: Coffee machine, you're lucky I don't have my chainsaw hand #firstEvilDeadReference
127
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mrfright: HIYA! That's right, my groin bulge made you give me coffee.
128
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lousycanuck: NASA-brand paramilitary is going to get the job done.
129
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blakestacey: "We don't take no shit from a machine." foreshadowing now reading over 9000.
130
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szvan: And @BenZvan is very excited to be able to identify an InSoc sample.
131
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lousycanuck: Ahaha! Bruce roundhouse kicks the coffee machine and says "I don't take no shit from the machine." FORESHADOWING
132
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BenZvan: "Hey, we don't take no shit from a machine...a machine....ma...chhhiinnnneeeee"
133
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szvan: This is our chance to...die horribly.
134
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CA7746: Randi, noooo!
135
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:43,000
ImprobableJoe: ... what the hell? This is a great moment for mankind! We can finally talk to a giant stupid plot point!
136
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brx0: THis also isn't going to end well. Establishing contact. Coming in peace. Heh.
137
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:56,000
CA7746: The Amazing Vitruvian Man
138
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ReasJack: we have to meet it with human flesh
139
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lousycanuck: "This is our chance to meet with a non-human intelligence." "And you pick fucking Cylon Megatron? No, go for guns."
140
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ColOfNature: No, never hostility! It's only an8 foot high killing machine! It's probably just misunderstood!
141
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CA7746: *robot sneezed*
142
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BenZvan: so now I know the kind of films @InSoc was into...
143
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lousycanuck: "Ha ha! Your guns are no match for my pickaxe hand and electrospark eyes!"
144
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:15,000
BenZvan: Quick! Everybody remove the magazines from your weapons! It will never suspect that!
145
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:19,000
ColOfNature: YOUR PITIFUL EARTH WEAPONS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME, PUNY HUMANS.
146
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:41,000
szvan: The best part of this scene is that Koenig is no longer trying to act like a leading man.
147
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:55,000
szvan: Oh, wait.
148
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:58,000
mrfright: I know, I'll leave you assholes by escaping in the ducts!
149
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:23,000
szvan: Are shotguns standard NASA equipment?
150
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:26,000
ImprobableJoe: Hah! You're bulletproof, but we can't just hide behind the same cheap thin aluminum scrap you're made out of!
151
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:27,000
brx0: Note the full size robot just moves its head and arms a little. Probably was surprisingly cheap to build.
152
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:39,000
blakestacey: "Oh, if only Buff Van Der Huge were here!"
153
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:42,000
brx0: "Over here, laser breath!" What does that even mean?
154
00:27:54,000 --> 00:28:00,000
blakestacey: "Ducts. Why is it always ducts?"
155
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Cotesia1: "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."
156
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:58,000
mrfright: ok, gotta aim real careful with this shotgun, because it's a precision weapon...
157
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:59,000
lousycanuck: "Over here laser breath!" "Hey, I take offense to that. I have robot halitosis and I struggle with social interactions."
158
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:07,000
ColOfNature: Shoot weak point for Maximum Damage!
159
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:17,000
szvan: Apparently, NASA just needs to train its shooters better.
160
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:23,000
brx0: That's the deal with cyborgs. Always shoot for the human parts.
161
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mrfright: hey son, I'm breathing heavy, come here
162
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lousycanuck: "Ah, yes, I knew the veak point because zees robots vere invented by a little old lady from Leningrad."
163
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szvan: You mean he's procreated?
164
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:29,000
brx0: Chekhov's not selling me on the whole musclebound action hero thing.
165
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:09,000
mrfright: Dune buggy and surf board? How does that work?
166
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:29,000
blakestacey: "Hi, mom! We're having greaseburgers!"
167
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:30,000
mrfright: BEST. TSHIRT. EVER.
168
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:33,000
brx0: That humpback whale + moon shirt is kind of awesome though. Three Wolf Moon can go bite it.
169
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lousycanuck: "Yeah, just a second. (I think he's bombed.)" Just like our audience!
170
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:22,000
ReasJack: And for god sake put some pants on.
171
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:27,000
ColOfNature: Wow! Check out that hair!!
172
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:27,000
mrfright: BOOBS
173
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:27,000
CA7746: Cut to mom working out...
174
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:38,000
BenZvan: Boobies! In! Space!
175
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lousycanuck: 80s movie. OBVIOUSLY there's boobs.
176
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:12,000
brx0: Gratuitous nekkidness!
177
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:24,000
blakestacey: "No respect for America's heroes in space." Sums up this movie pretty well, actually.
178
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:42,000
mrfright: Guess what? We're engaged!
179
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blakestacey: "Vat is this place, and vy are zere no dancing cat vomen?"
180
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:05,000
brx0: Cover of Newsweek! Movie of the week! The sky's the limit!
181
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:06,000
ReasJack: Airports and spaceports, always with the strip clubs.
182
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:06,000
lousycanuck: "How's your picture on the cover of Newsweek sound? No? How bout Rolling Stone?"
183
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:38,000
mrfright: No, seriously, who is that guy Bruce is sitting with?
184
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:13,000
CA7746: Did we all just black out and miss the launch?
185
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:15,000
szvan: @CA7746 Wouldn't that be nice?
186
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:17,000
brx0: And poof, we're on the moon. I really expected a little more Saturn V stock footage there.
187
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:19,000
lousycanuck: So we're on the moon now. That was a quick flight.
188
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:21,000
mrfright: Are their space suits made of felt?
189
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blakestacey: "Man, it's a good thing I don't have anything to do on the Moon except stand around."
190
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:49,000
brx0: Soundstage! This looks faked! Conspiracy!
191
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:55,000
mrfright: They're still drunk, aren't they?
192
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:13,000
lousycanuck: Always wanted to run down a hill and fall on your ass on really sharp moon dust. Good job.
193
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brx0: Also, you aren't really supposed to do that in a lunar spacesuit.
194
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:31,000
szvan: Actually, slowing down the film doesn't make them look like their in low gravity. Sorry to have to tell you.
195
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ReasJack: Keep reaching for your dreams.
196
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mrfright: Oh man, he can have my body anytime!
197
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lousycanuck: Dude, airplanes work best in an atmosphere. Yes, even your F-14. You're still drunk aren't you?
198
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:12,000
BenZvan: The F-14 Tomcat is an impressive machine, but I doubt it's ability to operate in vacuum.
199
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:31,000
mrfright: This movie needs more lasers. And boobs.
200
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:34,000
blakestacey: Hm. It's "the Penetrator" versus an Imperial Probe Droid. #NotedWithoutFurtherComment
201
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lousycanuck: "Tag, moon lander! You're it! Now come get me!"
202
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:04,000
brx0: D'oh, your LEM's getting assimilated!
203
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:06,000
mrfright: LASER BOOBS!!!
204
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:10,000
szvan: I'm sure they'll never notice the divots.
205
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:18,000
blakestacey: How did they know where on the Moon to land?
206
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:44,000
mrfright: fucking frisbees, how do they work?
207
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:06,000
CA7746: Ah, mission control. I was beginning to think it was just the 3 of them.
208
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mrfright: Does that orbital pilot sound really sexy, or is just me?
209
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:16,000
lousycanuck: Is it weird that I'm doing the Imperial Probe noise every time that cylon probe thingy pops out of the moon dust?
210
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:23,000
BenZvan: The moon is made of talcum powder.
211
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:07,000
szvan: This is supposed to be banter, isn't it? Oh, dear.
212
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lousycanuck: You never saw it in orbit, but it's got a green laser gem on top. Cripes. You people are all blind!
213
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:32,000
ColOfNature: "...admiring the jungle plants in Vietnam. During combat. While they burned. Agent Orange. I'm talking about Agent Orange."
214
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mrfright: god... damn... base....
215
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:51,000
BenZvan: Talcum powder and tiny model moon rovers.
216
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blakestacey: All that base will belong to US!
217
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:21,000
lousycanuck: No watch out you're gonna crash right into the base -- oh, perspective. Okay. Carry on.
218
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:40,000
mrfright: now all of a sudden they have their rover buggy thing
219
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:48,000
lousycanuck: "Well. Justin Credible. Let's do it." "Uh, no, Justin Credible's a pro wrestler, we're astronauts."
220
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:11,000
mrfright: It's time to pray
221
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:22,000
mrfright: Heratio... I knew him
222
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:31,000
blakestacey: Shouldn't they be taking pictures or something?
223
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:39,000
mrfright: We forgot something... the plot
224
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:19,000
lousycanuck: Uzis on the moon. Maybe something that doesn't depend on combustion, next time you're prepping an assault on a moon base? Just sayin
225
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:41,000
brx0: Don't they seem a bit, I dunno, lightly armed wandering into an ancient alien moonbase like this?
226
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mrfright: @blakestacey fuck pictures, we got gunZZZ!
227
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:44,000
lousycanuck: "Whaddaya think?" "Looks like a human hand scanner to me, dude. What were you saying about bar mitzvahs? Maybe a bris?"
228
00:45:55,000 --> 00:46:01,000
ColOfNature: Whaddaya know, aliens have five fingered appendages. Hopefully those appendages are hands.
229
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:12,000
mrfright: sorry, I got gas
230
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:58,000
mrfright: DRINKING MAKES ME PEE SO BAD
231
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:09,000
mrfright: I still can't read
232
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:19,000
blakestacey: Guns that small, on an American space mission? I think not.
233
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:23,000
brx0: Ancient alien airlock. Helmets coming off shortly, because everybody trusts ancient alien airlocks. What could go wrong?
234
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:28,000
BenZvan: It's a woman...moar boobies?
235
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:41,000
ColOfNature: DON'T TRUST HER! SHE'S A GO'AOULD!
236
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:53,000
lousycanuck: "My god, she's alive. And more importantly she's breathing vacuum."
237
00:47:55,000 --> 00:48:01,000
mrfright: My god she's alive.. and HOT!
238
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:20,000
CA7746: That lunar dust won't wreck your lungs or anything.
239
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:51,000
lousycanuck: "Don't let her go." "Ha ha, gotcher gun!" "Look goddammit we're human. And breathing vacuum too."
240
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:56,000
mrfright: That was my husband... Hey space man, wanna hook up?
241
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:33,000
CA7746: Speaking of hooking up...
242
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:41,000
lousycanuck: "Oi, will someone please turn off that proximity alarm? What's going to get near the lander on the MOON? Come on!!"
243
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:16,000
lousycanuck: The surprise package? In what movie is that not a nuke?
244
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:44,000
brx0: Oh good, she has a spacesuit too. That's convenient.
245
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:53,000
lousycanuck: "That thing's supposed to work after all these centuries?" "Hell, SHE works after all these centuries. Suspend disbelief dude!"
246
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:24,000
mrfright: Is this over yet? Am I done?
247
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:43,000
CA7746: That spider had allergies too.
248
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:49,000
szvan: I suppose that keeping fight scenes short does save on the FX budget.
249
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:53,000
lousycanuck: "What the hell was that?" "Spider droid. You don't have those where you come from?"
250
00:52:54,000 --> 00:53:00,000
ColOfNature: Did he just say "it's God"?
251
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:15,000
blakestacey: "Advise on team status." "They seem to have found a moon princess. Over."
252
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:26,000
lousycanuck: What bodily part would you prefer to sit on, control?
253
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:40,000
brx0: They have about one model shot of the Apollo capsule, don't they?
254
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:59,000
mrfright: mmm... nominal
255
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:08,000
ColOfNature: Oh, "it's gone". my mistake.
256
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:22,000
brx0: The alien robo dudes have graduated to Grand Theft LEM. The bastards!
257
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:27,000
lousycanuck: I think we have a different definition of "nominal", Control.
258
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:44,000
szvan: It's so nice that the suit radios are compatible after all these millennia.
259
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:23,000
mrfright: ho boy, blank out stage. Why am I following twitter and youtube?
260
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:30,000
ColOfNature: Walk> This is the moon! We BOUNCE!
261
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:35,000
lousycanuck: "We walk." "Great plan Einstein. No wonder you have that nickname."
262
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:41,000
szvan: "Okay, Einstein. What next?" "Next I beat you until you forget I ever told you my nickname."
263
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:46,000
blakestacey: "Good time to try the skippy kangaroo hop!"
264
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:49,000
ColOfNature: Walk? This is the moon! We BOUNCE!
265
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:07,000
lousycanuck: "Dude, I said walk, not trudge. This is the MOON, okay?!"
266
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:11,000
mrfright: Fantastic view of the moon.... from the moon.
267
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:12,000
CA7746: A sandcrawler? Our alien tech scavengers are Jawas.
268
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:17,000
blakestacey: "Ok, everybody together now: And everything under the sun is in tune..."
269
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:07,000
lousycanuck: "You're not going up against that alone." "Okay, but one of us has to put on a red shirt. "
270
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:29,000
mrfright: ROBOT FIGHTING ON THE MOON!
271
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:18,000
BenZvan: Guns are much more accurate when you scream at them.
272
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:21,000
mrfright: No Bruce!
273
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:37,000
lousycanuck: Lucky being thrown across the Moon landscape only provided injuries and not explosive decompression or anything.
274
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:43,000
blakestacey: "In space, no one can hear you overact."
275
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:47,000
szvan: And the last reason left to watch this movie dies. Badly.
276
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:52,000
brx0: It's not a B movie without a Bruce Campbell death scene.
277
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:54,000
mrfright: this MIDI sound track is leaving me in suspense
278
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:28,000
BenZvan: why do they keep calling Checkov Jason?
279
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:29,000
mrfright: fire the retros!
280
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:13,000
brx0: Wow, whatsisname the CM pilot sure gave up easy. Aaand back to the Bruce death scene.
281
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:23,000
CA7746: And... Shop Smart... Shop S-mart.
282
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:33,000
mrfright: Remember one thing! We dont' take no shit from no machine! So don't act crazy when the printer doesn't work!
283
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:35,000
blakestacey: "Oh, Jesus...Damn you for...hey, I guess I get the Moon princess by default."
284
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:50,000
szvan: And you can tell he's dead because his visor *completely* fogged over with his...breath.
285
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:15,000
lousycanuck: "DAMN YOU RAY FOR REQUIRING INTERNAL ORGANS! ALWAYS THE EASY WAY OUT, DYING INSTEAD OF TOUGHING IT OUT WITHOUT A SPLEEN!"
286
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:34,000
ColOfNature: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
287
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:10,000
brx0: She's all, I busted out of 14000 years of suspended animation for this crap?
288
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:30,000
mrfright: Ok, so my hot wife is downstairs wondering what the fuck I'm doing. I might be bowing out soon...
289
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:37,000
lousycanuck: Luckily he has this inflate-a-moon-igloo, now with airlock.
290
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:08,000
szvan: That's the crappiest airlock I've ever seen.
291
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:24,000
mrfright: mmm... someone young...
292
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:27,000
brx0: Inflatable moon tent is kind of cool.
293
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:31,000
szvan: The interior, however, I think I've seen in a Bond movie. This means I know what's coming next.
294
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:32,000
lousycanuck: Here comes the boobies everyone was looking for.
295
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:10,000
szvan: It's funny how hairstyles haven't changed in 14,000 years. What goes around comes around?
296
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:24,000
mrfright: Did she say Jason or Jesus? This is important.
297
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:32,000
lousycanuck: Okay, she -- from her point of view -- just lost her beloved. And she's already going for Chekov in an inflate-an-igloo. WHAT.
298
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:34,000
ColOfNature: actually I'd be more amused by: 'spoon' as shorthand for 'spooooooooooooooooon!'
299
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:07,000
CA7746: Her people had a strange funeral custom.
300
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:09,000
mrfright: We're back to boobies, it's ok
301
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:11,000
brx0: More 80s nekkidness! 250,000 mile high club!
302
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:16,000
blakestacey: "Mm, your breath tastes like, uh, 14,000 years of suspended animation. Maybe I have a space mint around here somewhere..."
303
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:32,000
lousycanuck: Ten thousand years of separation, and I'm sure they're still copulatorily compatible. And no bacteria differences or anything.
304
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:39,000
brx0: Time for the moonwalk of shame...
305
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:48,000
mrfright: It was nice, but I gotta put my space suit back on...
306
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:57,000
BenZvan: Well that was quick...but I suppose...it had been 14,000 years for her...
307
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:09,000
ColOfNature: i.e. the tag means a huge expansion of the vowel, with exclamation
308
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:23,000
ColOfNature: i'm very drunk
309
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:23,000
szvan: If they'd made this movie 10 years later, we'd have gotten astronaut butt too.... I can't really say I'm sorry.
310
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:46,000
mrfright: Carry me
311
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:51,000
Cotesia1: - and again they skipped "the launch".
312
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:55,000
CA7746: The End
313
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:34,000
mrfright: @ColOfNature Welcome!
314
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:50,000
BenZvan: @brx0 one day, I hope to take a picture of the moonwalk of shame.
315
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:57,000
CA7746: They cut both launches to make room for that vital igloo scene.
316
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:39,000
mrfright: Nice sweat pants and shirts... IN SPACE!
317
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:09,000
szvan: Well, this is just gratuitous. And in this movie, that's saying something.
318
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:14,000
lousycanuck: The robot cut off a flap of clothing and somehow it sprayed Chekov with blood?
319
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:23,000
CA7746: Take yer time.
320
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:42,000
mrfright: Im just gonna BEAT THE ROBOT WITH A FOREARM!!
321
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:46,000
blakestacey: Man save Wo-Man with Blunt Ob-ject!
322
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:52,000
szvan: If she could speak English, she'd say, "Hit it in its weak spot, you asshole!"
323
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:57,000
lousycanuck: Okay, Chekov found a serendipitiously placed Berserker Pack and punched the crap out of the robot.
324
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:49,000
lousycanuck: "How many bullets is in that Uzi?" "All of them." "Right."
325
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:13,000
brx0: Stock shuttle footage. But no stock Saturn V footage earlier. Beats me.
326
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:14,000
blakestacey: "Intrepid has cleared the tower." Why don't they ever just name a spaceship the USS Ballsy?
327
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:30,000
DrRubidium: starting movie nearly 1 hr 15 minutes late. Already I HATE this movie
328
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:41,000
mrfright: The 14,000 woman knows how to fly a NASA shuttle, that's cool.
329
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:12,000
lousycanuck: The follow-up mission has Lando Calrissian on it? Why the hell wasn't he on the A-Team? Oh right, because black guy and woman.
330
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:16,000
blakestacey: "Now, we remembered to pack the cargo bay with guns and nukes, right?"
331
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:58,000
DrRubidium: Mira, I wouldn't trust his crazy ass either
332
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:49,000
blakestacey: "My God, it's full of eggs!"
333
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:50,000
lousycanuck: Okay, now they're ripping off the scene from Star Trek: The Motion Picture where Spock goes all 2001: A Space Odyssey. Triple ref!
334
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:15,000
mrfright: insertion complete. I heard that one before.
335
01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:21,000
DrRubidium: BLACK ASTRONAUT IS STILL ALIVE? In a movie made in 1989?!?!?!?!
336
01:14:47,000 --> 01:14:53,000
DrRubidium: there are a LOT of 1970s porn staches in this movie
337
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:31,000
mrfright: I have no idea what the fuck is going on
338
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:57,000
blakestacey: Why the Hell is an Apollo lander the piece of equipment they needed...oh, never mind.
339
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:06,000
DrRubidium: what's up with eerie blue light? Seriously, who's lighting this thing? CSI:Miami?
340
01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:19,000
lousycanuck: What exactly was so vital about a lunar lander that they'd wait 14000 years to use it to complete their dreadnaught!?
341
01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:35,000
szvan: I...what...no. Just....no.
342
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:50,000
blakestacey: A space shuttle with missiles? Which 8-year-old wrote this script?
343
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:55,000
CA7746: Missiles? Where?
344
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:57,000
ColOfNature: does't that sound like the tron 2.0 soundtrack to a anyone?
345
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:58,000
DrRubidium: missiles on the space shuttle? Um, @NASA, you have some explaining to do...
346
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:03,000
szvan: When an electronic spark knocks a spaceship wildly out of orbit...yeah, still no.
347
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:14,000
lousycanuck: "Intrepid's gone!" "Uh, no damage, Control. WTF are you on?"
348
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:46,000
mrfright: surprise surpise. ?
349
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:47,000
brx0: Oh, this must be the "surprise package" they did all that foreshadowing about earlier.
350
01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:49,000
DrRubidium: Really bad acting. To be fair, it's better than Two Headed Shark Attack
351
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:26,000
DrRubidium: why does NASA have the smallest viewing screens EVER? It's NASA! #embiggin
352
01:18:58,000 --> 01:19:04,000
DrRubidium: no good comes from something crawling out of a pod
353
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:14,000
blakestacey: Hell of a recoil on that baby... that's how you know it was made in the U.S. motherfuckin' second amendment in SPACE A.
354
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:23,000
szvan: In which our hero, who has piloted shuttle missions, finally figures out conservation of momentum.
355
01:19:46,000 --> 01:19:52,000
lousycanuck: Okay now lazily pick Chekov and Mira up.
356
01:19:57,000 --> 01:20:03,000
brx0: Suddenly, Chekhov discovers 0g physics! They're saved!
357
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:14,000
mrfright: God damn government contracters...
358
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:16,000
lousycanuck: "Goddamn government contractors"?! What a one-liner! Koenig is the man!
359
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:18,000
brx0: No space debris! Now that's a fancy bomb.
360
01:20:44,000 --> 01:20:50,000
DrRubidium: that comb-over is AWFUL. Like Donald Trump AWFUL
361
01:20:57,000 --> 01:21:03,000
lousycanuck: Oh it's so sweet how terrible you are at English after just a night on Earth.
362
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:22,000
szvan: I wonder where they found an actress short enough....
363
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:27,000
DrRubidium: I only saw 10 minutes of this movie and I wish more characters had been taken out by that blast
364
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:42,000
brx0: Now we realize why they didn't give here a lot of dialogue earlier.
365
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:55,000
lousycanuck: THE END!???
366
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:11,000
szvan: Sequel!
367
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:18,000
brx0: Alien pod in a junkyard! Sequel!
368
01:22:33,000 --> 01:22:39,000
szvan: If they do a sequel, will things actually happen.
369
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:41,000
CA7746: Scavenger robots from a junkyard. Could they be... Gremlins?
370
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:44,000
mrfright: Ok, my inebriation is giving me less speech than these people. Good night!
371
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:53,000
lousycanuck: Lesson for this movie: boobies are more important than breathing oxygen. And moon igloos are good sex pads.