1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:07,000 ############### 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,000 blakestacey: Arrrrrrrrrrs Gratia Arrrrrtis! #PirateMGM 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,000 DrRubidium: bad sign already. Cannon production company.. I don't think they exist now 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:23,000 blakestacey: I declare this movie can(n)on! 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:26,000 lousycanuck: Beginning now, because work had a stupid. TITLE CREDIT MUSIC. The Cannon Group -- they had explosive growth in their time. 6 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,000 CA7746: Digitally remastered from poorly preserved celluloid. 7 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:40,000 pzmyers: MARK! I hit the button when the cemetery chimes start up. 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:48,000 CA7746: In 3D 9 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:50,000 szvan: Ah, when stars were still blobs of paint on black paper. 10 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:55,000 blakestacey: Oh, that's just a feminist joke about his-cules. 11 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:58,000 lousycanuck: Lou Ferrigno is... Hulkules! 12 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:13,000 blakestacey: James Beshears? Wonder what HE edits film with? 13 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:13,000 wdonohue: Yay! Cheesy movie & a big rum & lime drink. 14 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:17,000 brx0: Ok, I'm in. Long day of beer and go-kart, and now a Hercules movie. I'm starting to like this being-a-grownup stuff. 15 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:28,000 SpokesGay: A globular production! 16 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:31,000 ColOfNature: Sauron looking a little anaemic 17 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,000 DrRubidium: Good to know Armando Valcuada is who we can blame for all the special F/X bullshit 18 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:48,000 CA7746: Then there were seizures. 19 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:48,000 SpokesGay: Sparklers! 20 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,000 blakestacey: "Before creation, there was darkness. After that, pyrotechnics!" 21 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,000 lousycanuck: "In the beginning there was darkness." *lasers and fireworks* We have different definitions of darkness, narrator and I. 22 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:56,000 CarlieP: Argh - my kid has my computer. Can't tweet well until I have it back. 23 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:58,000 dlandoncole: @pzmyers Every night is a good Scotch night. 24 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,000 blakestacey: "The fire of Chaos! Well, the matchstick of chaos." 25 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:13,000 brx0: Ok, we start with some Portentious Movie Cosmology. That's usually a good sign. 26 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:13,000 SpokesGay: Heheh. He. He said "merged." 27 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:15,000 CA7746: Fire + Darkness ~ Night,Day,Matter,Air 28 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:21,000 szvan: The fire of chaos is a burning marshmallow! Actually, I kind of agree with that. 29 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:29,000 pzmyers: Chaos+Darkness sounds like a funky good time. 30 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:30,000 DrRubidium: so we start with a bit of the bible, a bit of the big bang, a bit of Greek elements #makeupyourmind 31 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:34,000 lousycanuck: The four elements are night, day, matter and air? I swear, the fifth element is pizza. 32 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:41,000 blakestacey: The elements: night, day, matter, air. Settle in for a unique take on the classics, guys... 33 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:53,000 SpokesGay: Bedazzled jar. 34 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:54,000 CA7746: Elemental Nebulae ~ Golden Pot o' Life 35 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:55,000 blakestacey: Pandora's disco jar! 36 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:01,000 brx0: And we see Pandora's Jar explode *3* times. Awesome. 37 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:02,000 CA7746: Gold is notoriously unstable. 38 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:12,000 CA7746: And that's why planets are made of gold. Wait... 39 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,000 szvan: This is a special episode of Stargate SG-1, isn't it? 40 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:19,000 pzmyers: It's Russell's Amphora! 41 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:21,000 DrRubidium: People, that is the solar system model I build for my 3rd grade science class 42 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:25,000 blakestacey: "If you wish to create a Laser Floyd show from scratch, you must first create the Universe." 43 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:31,000 drskyskull: So far, this movie's intro is not much different from "Katamari Damacy". 44 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:32,000 CarlieP: The jar lost that Tetris game it was playing. 45 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:38,000 wdonohue: Pluto's gonna get shafted AGAIN. 46 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:50,000 pzmyers: FOCUS! 47 00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:00,000 SpokesGay: Tiki torches in SPAAAACE 48 00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:00,000 lousycanuck: Planets were formed from the amphora. Right. Saturn, Mercury... how about Ceres and Makemake? Everyone forgets about them in myths. 49 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:01,000 blakestacey: Other fragments became Mercury... sucks to be you, Pluto! 50 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:21,000 brx0: But honestly, I"m not sure where they're heading with all this cosmic potsherd stuff. 51 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:26,000 pzmyers: so far, it's definitely cheesetastic. 52 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:29,000 blakestacey: Jupiter, a Titan? This movie punches mythology IN THE FACE. 53 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:38,000 drskyskull: "One fragment went right up Uranus." #lowhangingjokefruit 54 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:03,000 blakestacey: "And on Earth, life! And, apparently, also hash bars in Amsterdam..." 55 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:21,000 szvan: "Okay, I know how to make this effect too, but I wouldn't." --@BenZvan 56 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:24,000 lousycanuck: So this movie retcons Mount Olympus onto the moon. Okay, I'll buy that more than a mountain on Earth. 57 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:25,000 blakestacey: s/Olympus/Moon 58 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:27,000 SpokesGay: The Supremists? With Diana Rossist? 59 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:34,000 brx0: Ah, so the Greek gods lived on the moon. There's probably someone on YouTube who believes this for reals. 60 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:50,000 DrRubidium: that guy is totes wearing the Burger King crown 61 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:51,000 blakestacey: Whoa, they're hanging out in Sha Ka Ree! 62 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:52,000 pzmyers: Mt Olympus is on the moon? That explains why it's so hard to get there. 63 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:56,000 wdonohue: The Watcher's making a mint renting them Olympus. 64 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:58,000 szvan: Wait, they were gods, not men? Men aren't gods? Don't tell anyone. The internet will explode. 65 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:03,000 CA7746: But gods and moons didn't exist until AFTER the jar broke. #Paradox 66 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:07,000 SpokesGay: That's a wig. 67 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:25,000 pzmyers: How do they talk in a vacuum? Is this Star Wars? 68 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,000 blakestacey: "But evil is dark!" Your goddess of wisdom, everyone. 69 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:30,000 drskyskull: Take away the crown, and I'm pretty sure that deity taught me one of my intro physics classes. 70 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:30,000 lousycanuck: "But evil is dark and strong and kinda icky and mean." 71 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:32,000 SpokesGay: So is that. 72 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:35,000 CA7746: Tilt it to favor good? Nah. Balance. 73 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:36,000 Apuch: @pzmyers Good Scotch night. I say Laphroaig. 74 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:38,000 abiodork: I like my coffee like I like my evil - dark and strong. 75 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:52,000 brx0: Divine brainstorming session. Hercules is the product of a committee, as it turns out. At least they didn't use PowerPoint. 76 00:06:54,000 --> 00:07:00,000 blakestacey: "Stronger and more intelligent than all other men..." Why do I think we won't be seeing much evidence of the intellect? 77 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:12,000 szvan: Zeus is kinda dim. Just sayin'. 78 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:15,000 drskyskull: Woohoo! "Purest off all energies: light!" In your FACES, scientists who study things inferior to optics!!! 79 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:16,000 blakestacey: Dr. Manhattan! 80 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:16,000 DrRubidium: "practically invisible"? WHAT THE FUCK? You're king of the gods, do better! 81 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:25,000 pzmyers: Of course evil is dark. It's a meeting of the Aryan Brotherhood, isn't it? 82 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:25,000 lousycanuck: "A body capable of undergoing every labor, every pain. Except childbirth." 83 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:30,000 blakestacey: Uh, Zeus, you forgot a bit there. 84 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:31,000 SpokesGay: Nice skeletal collagen matrix. 85 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:37,000 Cotesia1: It is Sinterklaas! http://t.co/JP4dPKmH 86 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:43,000 lousycanuck: Or sexual congress apparently, they forgot to forge him a peen. 87 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:52,000 SpokesGay: Rowr, Lou. 88 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:54,000 pzmyers: Look at that package! 89 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:05,000 drskyskull: The little red dots make it look like they've got Hercules chasing a laser pointer. 90 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:13,000 szvan: We made the perfect man but...uh...we forgot one bit. 91 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:18,000 brx0: Animated ball of light flying over scenery to a stirring soundtrack. This seems promising. 92 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:24,000 blakestacey: Thebes! ... it's only a model. 93 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:38,000 szvan: RT @DrRubidium: "practically invisible"? WHAT THE FUCK? You're king of the gods, do better! 94 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:58,000 CA7746: Zeus had disguised himself as her husband one night. 95 00:08:54,000 --> 00:09:00,000 blakestacey: Bad flashbacks to that "The Child" TNG episode... 96 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:06,000 pzmyers: OK, light is cool. Let's fight over the bestest wavelength. 97 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:09,000 drskyskull: From the clothing styles, it looks like Olympus got hit with an asteroid named "Xanadu". 98 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:25,000 blakestacey: And Lady Gaga warns us that the forces of evil are at work in Thebes. 99 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:34,000 brx0: Ooh, magical sword. Pretty sure I saw one just like it on QVC a while back. 100 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:37,000 lousycanuck: Dude is skulking all skulkily-like. ONOES, WATCH OUT SWORD GUARDS WHO AREN'T GUARDING THE ENTRANCE!! 101 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:38,000 SpokesGay: Why is Cher in that blonde wig? 102 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:49,000 blakestacey: Aiee! Land pirate! 103 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:20,000 blakestacey: World's suckiest armor. 104 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:21,000 CA7746: Their armor can't stop arrows. Why take the sword? 105 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:26,000 szvan: You can tell he's evil. He's not physically perfect. 106 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:32,000 pzmyers: that bowman would have poor depth perception. 107 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:34,000 CarlieP: Dang, I was about to make a xanadu joke. Too slow. 108 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:38,000 SpokesGay: Behold, my sword of iron pyrite! 109 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:38,000 drskyskull: @CarlieP AHAHAHAHA!!! >:) 110 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:42,000 blakestacey: Scoop up the sand to balance the weight first! 111 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:54,000 szvan: But if you make your armor out of something less shiny, it might actually stop arrows. 112 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:59,000 SpokesGay: Behold, my Pier One Easter Island decor statues! 113 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:06,000 szvan: RT @drskyskull: From the clothing styles, it looks like Olympus got hit with an asteroid named "Xanadu". 114 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:15,000 lousycanuck: SWORD GET. This guy must be an expert in the Hugging The Sword style of swordfighting. 115 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:16,000 abiodork: I prefer to be paid in cash, personally. 116 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:22,000 CA7746: Their armor can't stop stabs either. 117 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:27,000 lousycanuck: Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal! 118 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:45,000 SpokesGay: Behold, my blue skating rink costume! 119 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:49,000 drskyskull: I'm way too filthy minded for 80s movies. "Violated the temple" just has a meaning to me the writers could not have imagined. 120 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:50,000 lousycanuck: I don't think the King of Thieves gets an ACTUAL throne, dude. 121 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:58,000 CarlieP: They had perms in ancient Rome? 122 00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:00,000 pzmyers: Whoa. THat dress has windows. 123 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:07,000 DrRubidium: did anybody making this movie actually known WHERE Thebes was? 124 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:40,000 lousycanuck: Oh, unless you steal the REAL one too. CLEVER THIEF, THOU HAST OUTWITTED ME 125 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:41,000 CarlieP: When they say the crown was overthrown, they mean it LITERALLY. 126 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:43,000 szvan: Yeah, honey. I don't want you, just your throne. 127 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:44,000 blakestacey: Equal opportunity legshow! 128 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:02,000 PsiWavefunction: RT @drskyskull: I'm way too filthy minded for 80s movies. "Violated the temple" just has a meaning to me the writers could not ... 129 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:17,000 drskyskull: Whoever is lying in that bed is recovering from an all night raspberry jam bender. 130 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:21,000 lousycanuck: CSI: Roma. "Well, this guy looks to have been stabbed repeatedly in bed." 131 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:34,000 DrRubidium: I see they went with the Liz Taylor-as-Cleopatra style of casting #toowhite 132 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:41,000 brx0: The main bad guy isn't much of an actor, is he? 133 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:41,000 szvan: We killed them by daubing them with bad fake blood. They died of shame when they came out of makeup. 134 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:50,000 abiodork: Psych! No baby for you! 135 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:11,000 SpokesGay: Capture her secret passage way! 136 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:15,000 CarlieP: @szvan The unfortunate accident at the factory set jelly making back 200 years. 137 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:15,000 wdonohue: "I've got the biggest helmet, that means I'm in charge." Is that Adam West doing the voice dub? 138 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:16,000 drskyskull: Wait -- is she carrying a baby or a bundle of mosquitoes? 139 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:21,000 blakestacey: And this is when baby Herc fights off a phalanx of grown men? 140 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:22,000 pzmyers: well then, it isn't so secret, is it? 141 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:24,000 Cotesia1: I was totally expecting the hulk in that crib. 142 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:36,000 lousycanuck: Maid saves baby Herc, taking him to a river... gee, will there be a basket? 143 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:02,000 szvan: INow we get the basket of reeds. 144 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:02,000 SpokesGay: That's a baby wig. 145 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:05,000 pzmyers: Come on, it's baby hercules. Just turn him loose against the bad guys. 146 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:09,000 drskyskull: Umm... Hercules? I think you're in the wrong religious mythology! #babyinboat 147 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:21,000 abiodork: Close enough with that whole baby-killing job, right guys? Happy hour! 148 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:22,000 ShaeSheridan: RT @drskyskull: I'm way too filthy minded for 80s movies. "Violated the temple" just has a meaning to me the writers could not ... 149 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:24,000 DrRubidium: Yes, Roman centurions, back to Thebes. 150 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:28,000 CarlieP: "It's no use. We have no power to wade a slow-moving stream." 151 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:38,000 blakestacey: When I am an Evil Overlord, I will never trust the river to do my job for me. 152 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:46,000 pzmyers: Oh, yeah. Stupid villain, trusting a river. 153 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:46,000 drskyskull: "Floating downriver, Hercules grew to manhood..." 154 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:46,000 lousycanuck: "Kill him!" *thwp* *aagh!* "No, not her, you idiot. Welp, let's let the baby float off to safety." 155 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:51,000 szvan: No, no. Kill *him*. The guys are the ones in short skirts. 156 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:05,000 blakestacey: So the newborn, err, toddler Hercules drifted on... 157 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:09,000 CA7746: The End 158 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:17,000 CarlieP: @blakestacey It was a LONG river. 159 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:20,000 brx0: Cute baby though. 160 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:34,000 szvan: RT @CarlieP: "It's no use. We have no power to wade a slow-moving stream." 161 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:35,000 DrRubidium: best worst special F/X EVA #inaboat 162 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:42,000 CarlieP: Terry Gilliam did the special effects? 163 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:57,000 drskyskull: "Put that back in the river!" She said the same thing to Zeus when he found that dead possum. 164 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:58,000 abiodork: Look what I found can I keep it? No - you put that back in the river right now Zeus! I'm not kidding around here. 165 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:14,000 pzmyers: OH, NO! Baby Hercules is on the moon! He'd have a better chance of surviving the waterfall. 166 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:17,000 szvan: Zeus should really see someone about that skin condition. 167 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:42,000 brx0: "Put that back in the river!". I guess she's the antagonist deity of our little adventure here. 168 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:46,000 LalSox: grrrr... no netflix for me tonight... so no 169 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:51,000 drskyskull: @LalSox Booo!!! :-( 170 00:17:54,000 --> 00:18:00,000 abiodork: Seriously @szvan ... if you tricked us into watching tentacle porn I will never forgive you. 171 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:15,000 CarlieP: Leeches are going to suck all his blood out. 172 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:19,000 blakestacey: Serious dickishness on the part of the goddess I'm assuming is Hera, there. 173 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:22,000 pzmyers: Are thosed snakes or feces? 174 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:32,000 szvan: Well, they didn't spend the money on the acting, and they didn't spend it on the effects.... 175 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:40,000 DrRubidium: that is one bad ass baby! 176 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:52,000 lousycanuck: Oh Hera. You could have chosen a more likely to work murder weapon, since baby's still in his teething phase. 177 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:57,000 blakestacey: Hercules! He who could destroy clay puppets, even as a child! 178 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:13,000 DrRubidium: How convenient, I want a baby and here's a baby in a boat... 179 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:16,000 blakestacey: Perhaps the gods sent us exposition! 180 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:22,000 CA7746: That hourglass must be accelerating. 181 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:24,000 SpokesGay: Is every prop in this movie Bedazzled? 182 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:27,000 drskyskull: Looking at that hourglass: I didn't realize ancient Greece's art style was modeled after 8-bit videogames. 183 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:34,000 wdonohue: What is up with that dress, and where is she putting her hands? 184 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:44,000 lousycanuck: Really digging Hera's faux-future garb. Like something out of the original Star Trek. 185 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:50,000 szvan: Um, yes, dear. I was really hoping we could have a kid after all. Uh-huh. Sure. 186 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:56,000 CarlieP: Everyone involved in this movie was on acid the entire time, right? 187 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:58,000 brx0: I hope we don't keep seeing that stupid hourglass whenever time passes. 188 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:06,000 pzmyers: THe great god Exposition? He's boring. 189 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:13,000 BenZvan: I honestly didn't realize that the Hercules myth was a retelling of the Christ story. 190 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:14,000 lousycanuck: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of grinding a millstone for thirty years. 191 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:30,000 pzmyers: wait, wasn't this scene with the grindstone from Conan? 192 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:59,000 lousycanuck: Herc lifts a tree for fun. I can tell already I'll need more booze. 193 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:08,000 drskyskull: @BenZvan It's a retelling of Moses: he's going to part the Red Sea with his AMAZING pecs!!! 194 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:15,000 pzmyers: just like Jesus, he hates trees. 195 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:24,000 DrRubidium: HOLY GODS! They dubbed Lou Ferrigno! 196 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:38,000 blakestacey: Hera looks puzzled as to how the father hasn't aged in 20 years. 197 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:41,000 brx0: Bears! Colbert was right! 198 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:45,000 pzmyers: Somehow, I don't think that's Lou Ferrigno's voice. 199 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:57,000 lousycanuck: Hera sends a bear to kill Herc. She misses. Wonder how many other ridiculous plots she's failed at for the past 30 years. 200 00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:01,000 drskyskull: @BenZvan I knew what you meant!!! ;-) 201 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:04,000 blakestacey: How do they know the child they found in the boat is named Hercules? 202 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:17,000 szvan: Huh. Just realized Hera's lips occurred before they did silicone injections. 203 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:30,000 drskyskull: How the HELL do you not notice a 500 lb bear sneaking up on you? 204 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:39,000 SpokesGay: @szvan Yeah. Used to be you had to hit your puss with a frying pan to get smackers like that. 205 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:41,000 lousycanuck: "Father!" "Hercules!" "Tetsuo!" "Kaneda!" 206 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:50,000 brx0: Right, sounds like danger, so *drop the axe* and run toward it. Nobody ever called Hercules the World's Smartest Man. 207 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:50,000 szvan: I sympathize with the bear's pain. 208 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:07,000 BenZvan: That's the second biggest bear I've ever seen. 209 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:12,000 CarlieP: His skin is bearclaw proof - nice. 210 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:15,000 pzmyers: Nice man in a bear suit. 211 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:19,000 drskyskull: "I keep trying to punch the bear, but it keeps shifting in and out of stock footage!!!" 212 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:21,000 SpokesGay: Leave Gentle Ben alone! 213 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:23,000 brx0: Space bear! Pretty sure I saw that in WWE once. 214 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:27,000 lousycanuck: Zeus gave Herc LASER PUNCHES? Oh that's just overpowered. 215 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:28,000 wdonohue: Oh no, another victim of poisoned ketchup assault! 216 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:30,000 DrRubidium: #1 There are bears in Greece? #2 Hercules just punched out a bear 217 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:30,000 blakestacey: Hercules! The hero with twice the video FX of a normal man! 218 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:45,000 SpokesGay: Bear costumes in SPAAAACE 219 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:49,000 CarlieP: I wonder if Curiosity will find that bear. 220 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:52,000 brx0: So that's where Ursa Major came from. I'd been wondering. 221 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:52,000 BenZvan: No...that's a small bear...no...that's the second biggest bear I've ever seen...no...that's a small bear...no... 222 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:06,000 pzmyers: First bear in orbit! Oh, wait...first Interstellar Bear! 223 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:11,000 szvan: Cause, yeah. The strength of Hercules isn't enough. Has to come with lights and sci-fi sounds. 224 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:15,000 abiodork: The bear changes colors when it it's attacking Hercules. o_O 225 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:19,000 SpokesGay: Is that a Horta or a uterus? 226 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:30,000 drskyskull: @DrRubidium "Punched himself a bar, when he was only thirty." #DavyCrockettImeanHercules! 227 00:24:54,000 --> 00:25:00,000 drskyskull: Did anyone else just think that guy was singing "Day-O", not "Daedalus"? 228 00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:01,000 DrRubidium: is she wearing a bustier? And what the hell is the other one wearing? 229 00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:01,000 wdonohue: If Daedalus is so smart, she ought to know who she is, right? #SCIENCE? 230 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:09,000 szvan: That stuff about chaos. That was what the script said, right? 231 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:10,000 blakestacey: Daedalus is a woman with the power of the Q? 232 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:12,000 lousycanuck: Wait, did Herc just throw that bear into space and he became Ursa Major? You know, we KNOW what that's supposed to look like! 233 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:15,000 SpokesGay: She's got a big dick. 234 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:31,000 CarlieP: You know, what this movie could use is a two-headed shark. 235 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:37,000 brx0: He doesn't believe in the gods, but doing them a favor never hurt. The theology, it burns! 236 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:37,000 abiodork: I want to be that woman at CONvergence next year SO MUCH IT HURTS. 237 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:43,000 DrRubidium: You know me, I believe in science 238 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:57,000 CarlieP: It's only a model. 239 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:10,000 abiodork: Oh good - they considered atmospheric conditions. It might not have worked otherwise. 240 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:14,000 SpokesGay: Ha! It will GROW! 241 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:14,000 CarlieP: @pzmyers With frikkin' lasers. 242 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:17,000 drskyskull: So they're going to kill Hercules with those little sponge toys that grow when you put them in water? 243 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:18,000 wdonohue: Now Minos is wondering if hitting Earth's atmosphere works on other parts. 244 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:18,000 lousycanuck: King Minos calls on Daedalos, antitheist. "Pick gods or science!" "I always pick science!!" "Okay here's some science!" 245 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:22,000 brx0: Programmed to destroy Hercules! Collect the set! 246 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:28,000 szvan: This is my solution to Hercules: steampunk miniatures! 247 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:32,000 pzmyers: a two-headed shark on the moon! 248 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:32,000 DrRubidium: the science "god" is cracking me up! 249 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:38,000 blakestacey: Size is...relative...to atmospheric conditions... ow my brain 250 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:52,000 DrRubidium: @drskyskull YES! 251 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:54,000 BenZvan: These LEGOs will destroy Hercules...by growing huge, big, immense... 252 00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:01,000 blakestacey: Hercules! A giant mechanical duck is coming for you! 253 00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:01,000 SpokesGay: Meanwhile, on the Little House set 254 00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:01,000 lousycanuck: "Go kill Hercules, science!" "Okay!" *flies away* 255 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:04,000 Cotesia1: That is my kids' diorama. 256 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:15,000 drskyskull: I get the feeling that people just make Hercules pull and push random heavy crap around as a prank. #sucker 257 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:35,000 szvan: 'Cut! Not "exterminator". "Terminator." Jeesh, you're really not good with scripts, are you?' 258 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:42,000 wdonohue: Gotta be a big plow, food of the gods and all. 259 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:51,000 abiodork: Run, Hercules! Run! 260 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:56,000 CarlieP: This is just like Star Wars. Aunt Veru! 261 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:59,000 blakestacey: It...was... the sand people.... 262 00:27:54,000 --> 00:28:00,000 lousycanuck: "Hercules! Your mother is in danger! Come!" "What!? ...no, seriously, what? I couldn't hear you! Hey, get back here!" 263 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:25,000 brx0: Also, those are some gratuitously huge rocks in that plow. Hercules also not World's Greatest Engineer. 264 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:26,000 blakestacey: "I must find and kill this man named 'ughkk'." 265 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:32,000 pzmyers: I yam an orphink now. 266 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:33,000 JlnFrancisco: @SpokesGay @szvan boy am I glad I checked out the context to that comment lol 267 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:37,000 lousycanuck: Holy crap that's some big science! I'll poke it with a stick! 268 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:39,000 drskyskull: HERCULES VERSUS THE STEAMPUNK GYPSY MOTH! 269 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:44,000 brx0: Decent stop-motion work though. Shame about the plot and stuff. 270 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:45,000 CarlieP: Animatronic bees. Why did it have to be animatronic bees? 271 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:49,000 szvan: Funnily enough, "Her...cules" is not the most stilted line in the movie. 272 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:50,000 DrRubidium: this movie has really taken a turn. I can't say "for the worse" because I don't think that's possible... 273 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:53,000 BenZvan: That's the second worst death scene I've ever seen. The worst was earlier in this movie. 274 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:04,000 szvan: Caber toss! 275 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:15,000 blakestacey: Silly Hercules. First, you have to break through its AT Field! 276 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:30,000 CarlieP: Definitely Star Wars. I think he just used a lightsaber. 277 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:35,000 lousycanuck: Well that didn't work. I'll poke it with this other stick. Hey, this stick electrocuted it! 278 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:38,000 Cotesia1: oh yeah! my night is complete. mechanical insects #bioinspiration 279 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:42,000 drskyskull: "? The Mighty Hercules fell on his rear! ?" #heroicsongs 280 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:48,000 wdonohue: Minos should've used lithium, foiled by crappy batteries. 281 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:53,000 blakestacey: Wait, he killed it, but he didn't gain its power? 282 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:54,000 brx0: So basically the gods just sent a Predator drone after our hero, right? 283 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:03,000 drskyskull: RT @brx0: So basically the gods just sent a Predator drone after our hero, right? 284 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:19,000 BenZvan: Amazon! No! Don't freeze! 285 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:23,000 pzmyers: That's all he had to do? Poke it with a stick? Anticlimax. 286 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:37,000 wdonohue: "What are the scriptwriters smoking?" 287 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:40,000 lousycanuck: "Farewell, mother." At least Herc still has that Eric Idle lookalike to console him. Also, pyromania. A good burn always helps. 288 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:46,000 CA7746: Well, NOW I don't. 289 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:52,000 drskyskull: "Hercules, what are you doing?" "I like to BURN things!" #SpecialNeedsHercules 290 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:12,000 DrRubidium: You're stronger because you doped with steroids in the late 70s.. - Oh wait, you mean Hercules 291 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:22,000 blakestacey: "Where will you go?" "To the public library!" 292 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:36,000 pzmyers: My scotch is half done. Is that why this movie is making no sense? 293 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:45,000 SpokesGay: This is like watching leather bears at Folsom. But even dumber. 294 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:52,000 pzmyers: maybe if I drink more it will get better. 295 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:17,000 BenZvan: "I don't know, he just came" 296 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:39,000 lousycanuck: "That man is different from the others. Also he has laser swords AND a laser shield. Where'd he get the laser-everything buff?" 297 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:43,000 abiodork: How can he uproot a tree like nothing and take this long to knock over two random swordfighters? 298 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:45,000 szvan: And we have the stream back. I'd asked if we missed anything, but.... 299 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:45,000 wdonohue: What's the princess got under her veil? #LenaHyena 300 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:50,000 blakestacey: The courtier's name is...Dorkon? #snerk #teehee 301 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:03,000 lousycanuck: @brx0 @petsnakereggie Yeah, I can pause it til you catch up. Work emergency screwed me over. 302 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:09,000 brx0: Check out the not-legally-a-lightsaber sword effects. Because 1983. 303 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:23,000 DrRubidium: Hercules is totes going to punch out those horses 304 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:26,000 CarlieP: Pec flex. I just saw a pec flex. 305 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:27,000 drskyskull: She's not actually wearing a veil; this was the year that swine flu was whipping through ancient Greece. 306 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:34,000 SpokesGay: Oh no he di-int. 307 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:49,000 brx0: This chariot test doesn't seem very nice, if you ask me. I bet he passes it though. Short movie otherwise. 308 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:53,000 lousycanuck: Unarmed Hercules vs two horsedrawn carriages with spike wheels. Herc flexes. They're SOOOO DEAD 309 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:57,000 blakestacey: aaaah pec overload 310 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:58,000 drskyskull: RT @blakestacey: The courtier's name is...Dorkon? #snerk #teehee 311 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:08,000 ColOfNature: @pzmyers that's the spirit 312 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:16,000 SpokesGay: Ewww. JUST like Folsom. 313 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:24,000 abiodork: Your shins broke our swords! You're totally gonna have to pay for those you know. 314 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:36,000 ColOfNature: @DrRubidium candygram for hercules? 315 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:36,000 lousycanuck: Well if he's got iron skin and swords break on him, why was he scared of the Science Thingie? 316 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:41,000 SpokesGay: But if you slice that cut across the grain it's pretty tender. 317 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:42,000 drskyskull: The expression on the king's face makes it looks like he's holding back a severe bout of diarrhea. 318 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:45,000 CarlieP: Wait, what? The swords just went through him?Because he's light and...particulate? 319 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:11,000 blakestacey: "There are still the wrestlers. And the LSATs." 320 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:36,000 drskyskull: @blakestacey Ha ha ha! :) 321 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:41,000 brx0: Those are the best wrestlers you've got? 322 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:43,000 lousycanuck: Herc with tree vs ten guys who don't know enough to dodge the obvious Three Stooges attack. 323 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:47,000 DrRubidium: is using a tree allowed in wrestling? 324 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:54,000 abiodork: Tree sez: "I must go - my people need me!" 325 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:59,000 wdonohue: To the moon, princess! 326 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:05,000 drskyskull: "It just so happens, Hercules, we really need a man who can crush 20 men with a log and then throw it into space." 327 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:08,000 lousycanuck: Okay, there's no "log constellation" so where's he chucking that tree? 328 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:09,000 CarlieP: That's the column that came back in 2001. 329 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:10,000 brx0: Hey, that guy on the right tapped out and Hercules squished him anyway. That doesn't seem very fair. 330 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:25,000 pzmyers: "Now, grimace! No, more grimacing! " 331 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:31,000 brx0: Oh sure, throw the log into space, it's not like there's a space junk problem or anything. 332 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:47,000 BenZvan: I think there might be a scene from Strange Brew about to happen. #peeingitout 333 00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:02,000 drskyskull: "One final test, Hercules: two chariots leave Athens and Sparta moving at 20 mph... how long will it take before they meet?" 334 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:06,000 DrRubidium: well, we can all see where this is going... 335 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:13,000 lousycanuck: "You'll accompany my daughter Casseiopeia -- hey, not that way. I'll break your damn kneecaps if you despoil her." 336 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:42,000 szvan: "Wait, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?" 337 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:10,000 blakestacey: Well, Amazon Video crapped out on me. Too much pectorals for its buffers. 338 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:11,000 wdonohue: "Permit me your majesty, I'd like to take Hercules out behind the stables. To... clean. Yesss." 339 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:16,000 lousycanuck: "And the test?" "A simple one. Prove Fermat's last theorem. Here's your abacus." 340 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:28,000 pzmyers: if cleaning is proof of goodness, I am the most evil man I know. 341 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:30,000 drskyskull: @szvan "Um... Sharktopus?" 342 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:36,000 SpokesGay: "My face-sock comes with Febreze(TM)" 343 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:40,000 brx0: Ah, time for the Augean stables. Hope this movie didn't come with a scratch-n-sniff card in the theaters. 344 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:50,000 DrRubidium: the mixture of costumes from various points in history and cultures is annoying 345 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,000 lousycanuck: "I promised I'd marry the first man to see my face. HEY STOP GRABBING AT MY VEIL." 346 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:23,000 drskyskull: Why is she wearing a pro-wrestling belt around her head? 347 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:32,000 CarlieP: The veil is see-through. We can see her face. Does that mean we all have to marry her? 348 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:19,000 pzmyers: Sexist bastard, trying to get the clothes off that innocent young lady. 349 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:22,000 wdonohue: Time for the wet chiton contest, princess. 350 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:29,000 drskyskull: @CarlieP You were the first one to notice, so... 351 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:30,000 lousycanuck: "I was told to clean the stable but not how. Let's go pick up the river and bring it to the stable. Physics be damned." 352 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:46,000 DrRubidium: I'm no astronomer, but that moon don't look right... 353 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:06,000 drskyskull: "The river will do the job for me." He subcontracted out the work to the river! 354 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:10,000 brx0: Now *that's* some murky day-for-night. 355 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:12,000 CarlieP: There is only one river...there is only one sea... 356 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:17,000 lousycanuck: "There. You see the river?" "Dude, that's a rock." 357 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:47,000 BenZvan: Was everyone in this movie reincarnated as @WilliamShatner ? 358 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:49,000 CarlieP: @szvan She does have good breathing technique. 359 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:52,000 szvan: @CarlieP I *was* considering proposing after watching how the veil clung to her nostrils. 360 00:41:55,000 --> 00:42:01,000 lousycanuck: That's a hell of a canyon. If you're planning on damming it, you'll be throwing a lot of rocks. 361 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:19,000 CarlieP: @DrRubidium That's no moon! 362 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:37,000 szvan: I'm starting to think just scraping down the stables would have been easier. 363 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:47,000 lousycanuck: Mile-high canyon and two rocks are all it takes to divert the water up over the side and into the stables. Okay, so Herc is magic. 364 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:52,000 DrRubidium: where the hell are the 1000 horses if not in the stables being drown by the river? 365 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:05,000 drskyskull: Gah! Netflix just dropped my Hercules feed! 366 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:09,000 lousycanuck: Also helps that this river was made of Scrubbing Bubbles. 367 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:19,000 wdonohue: Oops, forgot to take the horses out of the stables. But hey, clean stables! #ting 368 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:24,000 CA7746: But how's it look outside? 369 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:29,000 CarlieP: @drskyskull Oh look, her skirt is see-through, too. Silly costume designers. 370 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:34,000 blakestacey: "I've done what I promised." Original line was "Oh snap, baby." 371 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:38,000 szvan: "I'm sorry. The stable isn't clean. You left a cobweb up here in the corner. Test failed." 372 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:47,000 lousycanuck: "I've done what I promised. Now it's your turn. ... Okay, keep going. Isn't that thing covering your chest part of your veil? No?" 373 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:04,000 pzmyers: THe soft focus, the veil-less face...I am inflamed with lust. 374 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:06,000 brx0: Pretty sure flood insurance doesn't cover that. Title XVII, Section 137b(ii), Acts of Demigods. 375 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:16,000 CA7746: Zeus, defending the sanctity of arranged marriage. 376 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:17,000 abiodork: Why do I suddently feel the urge to get married? Oh wait, that lightning bolt to the head fixed it. Never mind. 377 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:23,000 BenZvan: He's only mostly dead. 378 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:24,000 szvan: I wonder how much lipstick there is on the inside of that veil. 379 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:35,000 CarlieP: Is the volume ridiculous for anyone else? Sound effects loud, speech too quiet. 380 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:49,000 blakestacey: "Wait, why did I just do that?" 381 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:55,000 brx0: Aaaand here's Sibyl Danning, wearing traditional Grecian spandex. 382 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:04,000 BenZvan: Help me Lou Ferigno, you're my only hope. 383 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:15,000 brx0: Ooh, sharks. This sounds promising. 384 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:18,000 abiodork: YAY, sharks! 385 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:21,000 DrRubidium: Sharks? YES! #2headedattack 386 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:26,000 CarlieP: @brx0 SHARKTOPUS! TWO-HEADED SHARK! BRING IT! 387 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:27,000 lousycanuck: "We'll feed him to the sharks. Who live in six feet deep water." Wait, are these sharks two headed??? 388 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:37,000 pzmyers: Two-headed shark, coming right up. 389 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:47,000 bingle4: RT @pzmyers: Important question,: is this a glass of wine night, or a good Scotch night? 390 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:53,000 abiodork: Why do those sharks sound like whales? 391 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:54,000 szvan: Okay, so the blue eyeshadow had a purpose. It almost made her look evil. 392 00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:03,000 blakestacey: "He knows how to take care of himself. And how to mind meld with humpbacks!" 393 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:06,000 wdonohue: Ariana gets the princess, and Dorkon gets nada. Cold. #whalescaptain 394 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:09,000 brx0: Fortunately he's either only mostly dead, or just pining for the fjords. 395 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:33,000 szvan: We're going to take Hercules and feed him to the humpback whales! 396 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:33,000 blakestacey: @drskyskull minute 47 397 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:42,000 brx0: Aw, c'mon, can't he throw a shark into space or something? I feel cheated. #badmovieproblems 398 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:49,000 DrRubidium: am I the only one a bit disappointed Hercules didn't get taken out by a two headed shark? 399 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:53,000 blakestacey: @drskyskull Herc is a-swimmin' 400 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:57,000 CarlieP: And he swam and he swam right over that dam? 401 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:08,000 lousycanuck: No sharks, but lots of porpoise call. Herc is swimming back to shore for seven days. Never mind that he was dumped in shallow water. 402 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:09,000 szvan: Is Hercules immune to the bends? 403 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:10,000 CA7746: In a week, he swam from Greece to an island in the Pacific. 404 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:16,000 CarlieP: @pzmyers JINX. 405 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:17,000 brx0: Moai! It's Trader Vic's! We're saved! 406 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:18,000 pzmyers: and he swam and he swam right over the dam. 407 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:21,000 abiodork: @szvan As long as he was holding his breath the whole time, his lungs probably only exploded. Didn't have to worry about the bends 408 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:23,000 drskyskull: where we at folks? I had to reload on my laptop. 409 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:42,000 DrRubidium: did they just superimpose Easter Island monoliths onto this bitch? #hellzno 410 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:15,000 pzmyers: Like there's a plot to track in this movie. 411 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:18,000 wdonohue: And he swam into Titanic's 2nd unit location in Mexico. And meets Hera's granny. 412 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:30,000 szvan: @drskyskull Started right on the hour. 413 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:37,000 drskyskull: @blakestacey Thx! Thing I'm right on. 414 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:47,000 pzmyers: She sounds like Carol Kane. Is this the Princess Bride now? 415 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:54,000 szvan: Where? Oh, just come into my house, little boy. 416 00:48:56,000 --> 00:49:02,000 lousycanuck: "I know everything." "Then why did you ask?" "To test to see whether YOU knew. I totally knew. Knew you'd say THAT, TOO." 417 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:21,000 drskyskull: @pzmyers Crap -- I was gonna say, "He's only MOSTLY dead..." 418 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:37,000 szvan: You know, dude, if you need help, you might want to be careful about calling people "witch". 419 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:55,000 CA7746: Essentially we are talking about fluid exchange, right? 420 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:55,000 abiodork: Jeez lady, you could have just asked... 421 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:58,000 drskyskull: Holy crap. She moves at the same speed as Torgo! 422 00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:02,000 drskyskull: Lou Ferrigno looks like he just doesn't give a fuck. I'm not sure if that's acting or not. 423 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:06,000 BenZvan: I never realized Daedalus was a fish-woman with a codpiece. 424 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:12,000 lousycanuck: Why'd Herc bother grabbing her arm? That shit wouldn't cut him any more than the chariot blades. 425 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:17,000 pzmyers: I'm a terrible person. I feel an awful urge to cup those magnificent breasts in my hand. 426 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:23,000 blakestacey: Sriracha! 427 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:32,000 drskyskull: "Now, young man, let's discuss how you're going to pay for that food... *leers*" 428 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:38,000 brx0: Yeah, last time at the Red Cross was exactly like this. They said they were the Red Cross anyway. 429 00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:49,000 BenZvan: @DrRubidium If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... 430 00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:01,000 drskyskull: On her way from old to young, the old crone went through a "Klingon" phase. #wrinklehead 431 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:04,000 lousycanuck: Witch is apparently orgasming pretty hard from drinking his blood. Whatever gets you off, I suppose, as long as you both consent. 432 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:06,000 DrRubidium: NEVER TRUST AN OLD CRONE! #protip 433 00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:07,000 drskyskull: @BenZvan That... actually kinda makes sense. 434 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:10,000 szvan: @pzmyers His? Well, they are firmer than most. 435 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:19,000 CarlieP: I wonder how she knew not to drink too much and turn into a toddler. 436 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:20,000 abiodork: Awww...that nose was the best part of the movie so far. And now it's gone. :( 437 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:20,000 lousycanuck: "Who are you?" "Same woman I was a few minutes ago, only much hotter." 438 00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:25,000 blakestacey: "I am Circe...the Circer-est!" 439 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:32,000 CA7746: Another baby! 440 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:50,000 drskyskull: RT @blakestacey: "I am Circe...the Circer-est!" 441 00:51:55,000 --> 00:52:01,000 szvan: "Wait, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?" 442 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:07,000 DrRubidium: so ancient Greece had a crimping iron AND spandex? 443 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:24,000 wdonohue: When you work for Hera, there's lots of perks: perms, underwire bras... 444 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:40,000 ColOfNature: @pzmyers he's a fine figure of a man, right enough 445 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:42,000 lousycanuck: Um, why would Hera care about Cassiopeia's sacrifice? She's after Herc. 446 00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:05,000 lousycanuck: Hey, those drops of blood really gave her a nice 80s eyeshadow job. 447 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:15,000 szvan: Wow. Hercules' blood made her clothes smaller too. 448 00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:22,000 drskyskull: RT @DrRubidium: "Could I just see it grow a little bit?" #thatswhatshesaid 449 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:53,000 DrRubidium: is Datalus wearing a codpiece? 450 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:16,000 DrRubidium: "cosmic rays of deadly fire" means absolutely NOTHING 451 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:25,000 lousycanuck: "More science? The last science wasn't so good." "This one has cosmic rays!" "Oh, sweet! Go kill Cerce and Herc with your science!" 452 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:36,000 blakestacey: fun fact: All scientists get the Daedalus hat when they reach tenure. 453 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:39,000 pzmyers: No, not cosmic rays. Gamma rays. Then he'll HULK OUT! 454 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:40,000 wdonohue: 3 heads? Ghidorah! And Minos is still macking on Daedalus? Damn. 455 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:46,000 szvan: "Do you know what that means?" "Let me guess: Another failure?" 456 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:46,000 DrRubidium: "Could I just see it grow a little bit?" #thatswhatshesaid 457 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:05,000 brx0: Mindstorms dragon that shoots cosmic rays. Dear Santa. 458 00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:07,000 lousycanuck: You can tell King Minos is pleased by the way he tents his fingers. 459 00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:13,000 BenZvan: Wow...that one-piece swimsuit has nice abs. 460 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:31,000 abiodork: I could serve some wicked chips and dip in that shield. 461 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:45,000 BenZvan: So...how did she know about the hydra before the gods knew about the hydra? 462 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:48,000 lousycanuck: Hey, the witch's bodice looks much nicer now too. It's always great that youth potions also update your ensemble. 463 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:54,000 drskyskull: I'm pretty sure if you look closely on that shield, you can read "Made in China" on it in Greek. 464 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:56,000 pzmyers: large pink pillars everywhere. What kind of movie was this again? 465 00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:07,000 szvan: Circe's got a heck of a jazzercize outfit there. 466 00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:18,000 lousycanuck: Hey, bring on Cerberus! Wait, Cerberus was replaced with MECHA-CERBERUS ZOMG. 467 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:33,000 CA7746: Pez dispenser of doom! 468 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:40,000 BenZvan: Those cosmic rays of burning fire look painful. Maybe they should have gone for the cosmic rays of tasty waffles. 469 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:48,000 lousycanuck: Okay, can you really call those three heads? They don't move independently. 470 00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:49,000 brx0: Quick, use something shiny against it! (I'm guessing here.) 471 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:54,000 DrRubidium: there are a lot of robots in ancient Greece/Egypt/Rome #wherearewe 472 00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:04,000 CarlieP: It looks like K-9's bad cousin. 473 00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:10,000 lousycanuck: "The shield!" "Yes, I just threw it at him. What? Oh, I shoulda kept it?! NOW YOU TELL ME." 474 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:15,000 blakestacey: If reflection is all that's necessary, they could just bounce the lazors off her boobs 475 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:16,000 drskyskull: If these special effects are seen by too many people, it will make steampunk instantly uncool again. 476 00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:24,000 BenZvan: Hey! You know what the awesome thing is about the Hydra? Where it's heads grow back twice over? Lets not use that. 477 00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:24,000 wdonohue: So Daedalus is into togapunk? Can this be cosplay thing, please? #antikythera 478 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:43,000 brx0: Not a very robust robohydra, was it? 479 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:46,000 CA7746: Can't we take the bottomless elevator? 480 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:48,000 lousycanuck: "The endless stairway ends at the center of the earth." Okay. Sure. 481 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:14,000 brx0: Meanwhile, somewhere over the rainbow... 482 00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:17,000 blakestacey: "Somewhere, over the rainbow, down in Hell..." 483 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:20,000 drskyskull: "The rainbow that will lead to the gates of Hell." Oh -- narrated by Pat Robertson! 484 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:21,000 lousycanuck: Hey, it's Bifrost! So we're doing Norse mythology too then? 485 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:23,000 CarlieP: The rainbow is upside down. 486 00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:33,000 pzmyers: rainbow bridge? Yeah, definitely a gay movie. 487 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:34,000 DrRubidium: the road to hell is paved with rainbows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #goodnews 488 00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:40,000 drskyskull: @wdonohue @CarlieP Shhh! I'm... on break. 489 00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:49,000 wdonohue: @CarlieP Shouldn't that be a @drskyskull line? 490 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:59,000 BenZvan: I didn't realize Bifrost led to the river Styx. 491 00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:04,000 lousycanuck: "Well? Where do we go from here?" "Castle Greyskull, obviously, it's the only landmark here." 492 00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:19,000 pzmyers: It's always a Skull Mountain. 493 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:22,000 CA7746: Seems legit. 494 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:41,000 CarlieP: Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher mountain.. 495 00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:50,000 pzmyers: Someday, I want to see them do a Pelvis Mountain. 496 00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:52,000 lousycanuck: The only convincing Charon needs to take you across is Herc's fist. ... But with gold in it. Handing it to him. 497 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:53,000 drskyskull: Umm... any DAY, Charon! I want to defeat Minos before he dies of old age. 498 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:55,000 DrRubidium: alternate dialogue: "Hercules you must trust me" "Bitch, I don't even KNOW YOU." 499 00:59:54,000 --> 01:00:00,000 BenZvan: @pzmyers Didn't Disney do Night on Pelvis Mountain? 500 01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:24,000 CA7746: The danger must be growing. 501 01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:25,000 lousycanuck: Music flares. Any second now Herc will exclaim "I HAVE THE POWER." 502 01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:47,000 lousycanuck: SHIT SHIT SHIT THE EYE OF SAURON 503 01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:48,000 brx0: Now our heroes sail slowly across a dim fog-shrouded sound stage... 504 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:54,000 abiodork: Awww... Hubby fell asleep just as the plot started to pick up. Oh wait... 505 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:56,000 wdonohue: For the rower won't stop rowing. Wait, now we're on the Never-Ending Story? 506 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:05,000 szvan: But did they pay Charon his coins? Inquiring minds want to know. And where did they store their money? 507 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:29,000 lousycanuck: Oh, that's why the witch has been so charm-less. Her charm is locked in the World Egg. 508 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:43,000 abiodork: @szvan Same place the Highlander always stored his sword, I assume. 509 01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:49,000 pzmyers: The coins were tucked in the folds of his breasts. He could store a fortune in there! 510 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:51,000 brx0: It's just one test after another. This movie could be called No Demigod Left Behind. 511 01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:08,000 szvan: RT @brx0: It's just one test after another. This movie could be called No Demigod Left Behind. 512 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:24,000 brx0: No prob, just a little Icy Hot there. 513 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:35,000 wdonohue: And now we're doing a gom jabbar? Hercules IS the Kwisatz Haderach. 514 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:46,000 szvan: RT @abiodork: Awww... Hubby fell asleep just as the plot started to pick up. Oh wait... 515 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:46,000 drskyskull: Now he can go to the well of souls and find the ark of the covenant! 516 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:46,000 lousycanuck: "Okay, the disappearing one was weird, the fire one really painful... the ice one isn't so bad though." 517 01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:51,000 ColOfNature: don't touch it... only you can touch it... now touch it... #mixedsignals 518 01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:23,000 BenZvan: I beg you, give it to me Hercules! 519 01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:40,000 lousycanuck: "Give it to me otherwise it will be lost forever!" "Uh, that's what I was about to do, throwing it into space like I do with stuff." 520 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:51,000 blakestacey: "Talismans are a girl's best friend..." 521 01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:59,000 abiodork: @szvan @pzmyers Well, I thought that went without saying, but there you go sayin' it. 522 01:03:55,000 --> 01:04:01,000 pzmyers: Oh, that was a gay movie too? RT @abiodork: @szvan Same place the Highlander always stored his sword, I assume. 523 01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:12,000 szvan: Weirdly, Lou Ferrigno appears to be the best actor in this movie. 524 01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:27,000 DrRubidium: @szvan agreed! 525 01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:53,000 lousycanuck: "The winged horses are lost in infinity." "No, but you can find them again, because infinity isn't big or anything." 526 01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:57,000 CarlieP: The King of Africa? WTF? 527 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:07,000 drskyskull: At the end of this movie we're going to find that these quests were made up by Hercules' high school friends to jerk him around. 528 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:11,000 szvan: "So, hey, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?" 529 01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:12,000 brx0: So the King of Africa just happens to be wandering down the beach just now... 530 01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:31,000 DrRubidium: The King of Africa? Oh to king of a whole continent... 531 01:05:57,000 --> 01:06:03,000 CarlieP: The King of Africa appears to be married to Edith from Downton Abbey. 532 01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:10,000 blakestacey: CIRCE IS INTERFAAAAAAAACED! 533 01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:13,000 ColOfNature: Xerxes piled on the pounds after thermopylae 534 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:31,000 wdonohue: Circe is a size fetishist? #likesembigandstupid #juliebrown 535 01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:42,000 lousycanuck: And through the magic of forced perspective, Hercules goes Godzilla-sized. Stomp those cities Herc! 536 01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:49,000 abiodork: "echoing resplendent bud" All these random words just thrown together.. 537 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:59,000 pzmyers: I'm going to cite the square-cube law and call shenanigans. 538 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:03,000 DrRubidium: when are people going to get killed? 539 01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:21,000 szvan: Because it isn't enough for Hercules to be absurdly strong. He has to be magically tall. 540 01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:23,000 CarlieP: I seriously expected to see Animal from the Muppets there for a minute, just like in The Muppet Movie. 541 01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:47,000 brx0: Oh, so that's where the Mediterranean came from. Was curious. 542 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:56,000 lousycanuck: Hey, aren't those dudes a Bone Ark from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night? 543 01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:58,000 abiodork: @pzmyers Oh sure, play the biologist card why don't ya. 544 01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:26,000 lousycanuck: Zeus and Athena pretend like Hercules "pulled himself up by his bootstraps". Pssh. 545 01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:29,000 szvan: Thus, with the help of Hercules, the Africans were isolated from the Europeans. Really? 546 01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:53,000 BenZvan: Daniel Jackson would have had that door open already. 547 01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:57,000 CA7746: Just knock. 548 01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:59,000 DrRubidium: now that Europe & Africa are separate continents, things will be OK 549 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:15,000 lousycanuck: Oh hey it's one of those combination lock puzzles, let's see, rotate this ring... oh, you're just going to knock it over. Okay. 550 01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:17,000 blakestacey: "Magic...reindeer?" 551 01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:23,000 drskyskull: "How about these rocks? Will these rocks replace flying horses?" 552 01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:25,000 brx0: There are no wooden doors in Hercules movies, apparently. Or hinges. 553 01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:30,000 DrRubidium: how are they going to get the chariot out of that room? 554 01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:47,000 pzmyers: Everything in this movie looks like it belongs in a disco. 555 01:09:56,000 --> 01:10:02,000 drskyskull: @BenZvan That's why sorcerers have been hunted down through the centuries. 556 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:06,000 BenZvan: The secret is: bang those rocks together, guys. 557 01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:16,000 abiodork: Jenga! 558 01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:30,000 lousycanuck: Wow. So that one rock that everything was safely placed around somehow prevented the crossbar from splitting in half. Gotcha. 559 01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:35,000 brx0: Luckily Hercules remembered to oil up before all this shoving of things. 560 01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:37,000 drskyskull: Sorcery: For when you're too fucking lazy to tie ropes to rocks. 561 01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:40,000 BenZvan: Sorcery: It sounds like dubstep. 562 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:54,000 szvan: It's a good thing Ferrigno knows how to flex. He almost made the styrofoam look like rock. 563 01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:06,000 brx0: Ok, clove hitch, That's a good start. 564 01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:10,000 drskyskull: "Thank you sorceress. Now I've got to go and make a mockery of the laws of physics." 565 01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:14,000 DrRubidium: enjoy with the magic, just tie the fucking rope yourself 566 01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:31,000 BenZvan: RT @drskyskull: "How about these rocks? Will these rocks replace flying horses?" 567 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:36,000 ColOfNature: @DrRubidium oh ye of little faith 568 01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:42,000 lousycanuck: "Tie this rope to the rock. Now tie the other end to the chariot." "Dude, you could do that part yourself." 569 01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:43,000 wdonohue: Yes, let's have Herc use his giant intellect... to break a wall? AND he failed knot-tying in Demi-God Scouts. 570 01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:58,000 BenZvan: RT @drskyskull: @BenZvan That's why sorcerers have been hunted down through the centuries. 571 01:11:54,000 --> 01:12:00,000 pzmyers: I just noticed that her breastplate has nipples. She's Batman! 572 01:11:57,000 --> 01:12:03,000 CarlieP: Get on my chariot, baby, I'll take you for a ride. 573 01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:15,000 lousycanuck: Witch has to convince the tank/brawler that he needs ranged DPS and support to win this boss battle. 574 01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:21,000 brx0: But why doesn't Hercules know how to tie knots? 575 01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:21,000 CA7746: Annnd, the chariot gets yanked out from under them. 576 01:12:29,000 --> 01:12:35,000 BenZvan: Something something something fantastic voyage! 577 01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:42,000 pzmyers: But how does the chariot stop? 578 01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:45,000 lousycanuck: Ooh, throw the rock, jump on the chariot, stand there, and don't fly off instantly. PHYSICS!!! 579 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:48,000 CarlieP: Air? In space? Oh, never mind. 580 01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:49,000 brx0: Island of Thera, on the far side of the asteroid belt. Or maybe this is just the scenic route. 581 01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:50,000 blakestacey: "My God, it's full of stars!" 582 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:09,000 brx0: Hey, the moon! Hi, gods! 583 01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:10,000 ColOfNature: physics courtesy of looney tunes 584 01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:11,000 CA7746: Watch out for bears. 585 01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:19,000 szvan: Good thing Hercules aimed so well. 586 01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:20,000 lousycanuck: Seriously, did they just go to Thera by way of Saturn? That's a hell of a detour. 587 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:21,000 pzmyers: Wait...how did it change directions? 588 01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:34,000 abiodork: @pzmyers Gravitational slingshot something or other, right? 589 01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:55,000 brx0: Ah yeah, space tethers are tricky. Same thing happened to the shuttle a couple of times in RL. 590 01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:57,000 blakestacey: "I, the enchantress, have been enchanted--" "Never mind. We're here." #classic 591 01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:59,000 BenZvan: Over here it's daytime. Over there it's SPACE! 592 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:13,000 CA7746: The emerald city? 593 01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:18,000 abiodork: Chicago River on Saint Paddy's Day! 594 01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:22,000 lousycanuck: "In love" is apparently a massive debuff to magic power. 595 01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:24,000 pzmyers: At last, now I understand what happened to *my* magic powers. 596 01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:24,000 drskyskull: @blakestacey Lines like that are why Hercules, though buff & brave, is a virgin in his 30s. 597 01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:45,000 szvan: Ugh. That water looks nasty. Don't swim to the island. 598 01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:55,000 wdonohue: Must be the Oan Citadel, source of green lanterns & Orion slave girls. 599 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:15,000 BenZvan: Well that looks like a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. 600 01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:23,000 brx0: And the PG film teases us with a bathing enchanted princess & Sibyl Danning... 601 01:15:29,000 --> 01:15:35,000 CarlieP: Oh hi, narrator, where have you been? 602 01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:46,000 lousycanuck: Cassiopeia is submissive thanks to the "Black Lotus". What's a Japanese ninja clan have to do with this? 603 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:47,000 ColOfNature: ah, yes. the only thing more helpless than a woman without a man, is a woman with a man. from ancient greece direct to hollywood. 604 01:15:49,000 --> 01:15:55,000 CarlieP: Did she just say the moon was in the seventh house? 605 01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:58,000 ColOfNature: oh look. he's green. 606 01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:09,000 brx0: Robocentaur fail. 607 01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:33,000 lousycanuck: Remember, magic users are squishy. One laser from Mechacentaur and witch is down. 608 01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:40,000 szvan: "Yeah, I'm in love with you, but you're on your own from here." 609 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:43,000 BenZvan: I was going to call that a one-hit wonder, but it took four. 610 01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:10,000 DrRubidium: People, we still have OVER 20 minutes left 611 01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:10,000 blakestacey: "She is the woman chosen for you by the gods. Dicks that they are." 612 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:12,000 pzmyers: Oh, Ray Harryhausen, where are you now? 613 01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:14,000 wdonohue: @DrRubidium Man, rum makes everything go by faster. 614 01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:22,000 lousycanuck: Mechacentaur's weakness is Pickaxe attacks. Cerce is remarkably lucid and unpained before dying. 615 01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:32,000 abiodork: Cosmic death ray! Well..eventual death by death ray. Dr. Horrible built this didn't he? 616 01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:42,000 CA7746: Y'know, that charm might've been useful. 617 01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:47,000 lousycanuck: Oh shit, Herc is angry. You won't like him when he's angry. 618 01:18:08,000 --> 01:18:14,000 CarlieP: I see her in the crystal ball - send the flying monkeys. 619 01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:30,000 DrRubidium: People, we still have 20 minutes left 620 01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:35,000 brx0: Science. You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. 621 01:18:30,000 --> 01:18:36,000 ColOfNature: and now he's angry. d'you think they'll like him more now, or less? 622 01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:37,000 pzmyers: Only 20 minutes left? We could watch the Gor movie after this, then. 623 01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:49,000 lousycanuck: Minos says Herc is in his labyrinth, and he has plans for him. COULD WE BE SEEING A MECHAMINOTAUR!? 624 01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:57,000 drskyskull: @blakestacey Ha! :) 625 01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:22,000 drskyskull: "And then, the mighty Hercules forced his way through the giant Lite-Brite..." 626 01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:23,000 wdonohue: "SCIENCE! In my pants!" Oh Minos, you nut. 627 01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:28,000 pzmyers: that's some really ugly bling she's wearing. 628 01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:29,000 DrRubidium: is totes creepy they're dressing up somebody to MURDER 629 01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:33,000 lousycanuck: Minos: "Science for the sake of science." Yeah, kill the gods with science! DO IT! Minos just became my protagonist. 630 01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:41,000 szvan: So Hercules is to marry Cassiopeia. Is that because they couldn't figure out how to pronounce Deianeira? 631 01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:41,000 blakestacey: Must be Krell metal.... 632 01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:14,000 lousycanuck: Throwing shit into space, busting up science creatures, breaking swords, all nothing compared to bending some thin monkey metal. 633 01:20:15,000 --> 01:20:21,000 blakestacey: Sorry, Hercules, your princess is in another labyrinth! 634 01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:22,000 CarlieP: HA! That trapdoor was as good as Indy pulling out the gun. 635 01:20:18,000 --> 01:20:24,000 szvan: Hercules can throw a bear into space, but he has trouble bending perforated metal. Huh. 636 01:20:32,000 --> 01:20:38,000 drskyskull: "King Minos' plan is about to be fulfilled..." Wait -- what the hell IS his plan!!?? 637 01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:43,000 ColOfNature: @pzmyers who need sleep anyway? 638 01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:45,000 lousycanuck: But wait, Herc didn't even get to try the labyrinth. They put a trapdoor at the fucking entrance! No fair. 639 01:20:44,000 --> 01:20:50,000 DrRubidium: not sad this princess is going to die #saveyourdamnselfprincess 640 01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:52,000 brx0: And the narrator jumps in to explain what we just saw. 641 01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:56,000 szvan: Hercules needed to play more video games. Nobody falls for pit traps anymore. 642 01:20:51,000 --> 01:20:57,000 BenZvan: So they planned for an intermission, removed the intermission, and forgot to remove the bumper narration? 643 01:20:55,000 --> 01:21:01,000 abiodork: Cue sinister organ music! 644 01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:11,000 CarlieP: @szvan Iron chariots do beat the gods, so probably iron doors, too. 645 01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:20,000 wdonohue: "Will evil triumph? Will someone have a wardrobe malfunction?" 646 01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:27,000 DrRubidium: is she wearing pasties? 647 01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:40,000 szvan: Despite this being the 80s, they limited themselves to underboob? 648 01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:41,000 pzmyers: I've never seen that before : both her arms and her breasts are akimbo. 649 01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:58,000 brx0: Listening to King Minos talk about science is like watching the History Channel about history. 650 01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:24,000 lousycanuck: Oh great, the only science booster also thinks that emotion and hope and doubt should be purged. Dammit all. 651 01:22:26,000 --> 01:22:32,000 pzmyers: they've eliminated all emotion except the gloating. 652 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:37,000 BenZvan: exterminate! Exterminate!! EXTERMINATE!!! 653 01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:55,000 DrRubidium: no uncertainty? I find that statistically improbable 654 01:22:53,000 --> 01:22:59,000 lousycanuck: Ohhh, and now a plot to have Minos' daughter rape Herc via drugs. Ain't that grand. 655 01:22:57,000 --> 01:23:03,000 abiodork: Is that a first gen arc reactor? 656 01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:27,000 blakestacey: Damn, if only I were under water, I could break these chains! 657 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:35,000 wdonohue: I'm stealing all of Minos' monologuing for my next mad scientist rant. #wherewasi? 658 01:23:33,000 --> 01:23:39,000 pzmyers: I'm taking notes on great pickup lines. "I'm eager to inflame your passions." Check. 659 01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:42,000 brx0: Now the PG movie teases us with Sibyl Danning & Hercules in chains. Sigh... 660 01:23:56,000 --> 01:24:02,000 lousycanuck: Herc awakes chained on the floor, stitches on his side, discovering that the mirror has "go to a hospital" written on it in lipstick 661 01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:34,000 pzmyers: She got to cup those breasts. I'm a little bit jealous. 662 01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:35,000 CA7746: I'll drink first. 663 01:24:40,000 --> 01:24:46,000 szvan: Where did that hand go? 664 01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:49,000 abiodork: So those chains are Hercules-proof? Actually it looks like he could just slip the collar over his head. 665 01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:59,000 lousycanuck: Oh, that's it, tell the guy what you're going to drug him with. "WAAAaaaaidasecond." 666 01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:08,000 DrRubidium: well, this took a turn for the rapey #no 667 01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:18,000 lousycanuck: Oh don't all attack him at once or anything. 668 01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:20,000 szvan: No PUA moves? Just straight to the drugs? 669 01:25:23,000 --> 01:25:29,000 pzmyers: "Drink deep, to inflame the thousand passions I will give you." Check. 670 01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:35,000 CarlieP: ... Sesame! 671 01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:41,000 abiodork: Oh good - he *was* able to break them. I was starting to worry that they the writers weren't following the rules of their story. 672 01:25:47,000 --> 01:25:53,000 pzmyers: "OPEN!" Check. 673 01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:09,000 szvan: Swing! Swing! Swing! Stop. Attack. Somebody needs to teach Hercules some basic physics. 674 01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:12,000 DrRubidium: so they had hooker heels in ancient Greece? And pasties? And spandex? #toomuch 675 01:26:22,000 --> 01:26:28,000 lousycanuck: "Hey, look, some fires of hell. Shall we?" "Let's." 676 01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:41,000 CA7746: Ariana's suddenly oiled up. 677 01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:14,000 lousycanuck: Dogpile attack thwarted via powerful arm-flexing! 678 01:27:26,000 --> 01:27:32,000 BenZvan: @szvan keeps informing me of the cleavage I miss when I look away from the TV! :-( 679 01:27:54,000 --> 01:28:00,000 lousycanuck: "This is the phoenix. Well, it's a volcano, really. It's a metaphor." 680 01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:06,000 szvan: *That* scene wasn't designed for a shot down the already exposed cleavage. Oh, no, no. 681 01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:24,000 pzmyers: "This volcano, with it's inexhaustible energy." Check. 682 01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:32,000 lousycanuck: "You will become a bride of the phoenix. By which I mean its lunch. By which I mean you'll die in lava. It's a metaphor." 683 01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:37,000 CarlieP: Excalibur??? 684 01:28:37,000 --> 01:28:43,000 drskyskull: Minos might as well tell Cassiopeia the softest and most vital part of his body to stab. 685 01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:46,000 DrRubidium: 'Bride of the Phoenix' sounds like the kind of movie we would make fun of 686 01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:46,000 abiodork: "Could I...uh...maybe have that gold bling back before we melt you down in the volcano?" 687 01:28:51,000 --> 01:28:57,000 wdonohue: Phoenix effect? Now we're doing X-Men. OK 688 01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:05,000 brx0: Every time the story starts making sense, Minos talks again and wrecks everything. 689 01:29:05,000 --> 01:29:11,000 pzmyers: "It's the sword that holds the key to my power." Check. 690 01:29:24,000 --> 01:29:30,000 DrRubidium: Princess, grab the sword and kill that motherfucker #justanidea 691 01:29:31,000 --> 01:29:37,000 lousycanuck: "Cassiopeia, I command you... get in mah belly." 692 01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:45,000 abiodork: @DrRubidium YES. 693 01:29:41,000 --> 01:29:47,000 BenZvan: @pzmyers "I command you, get in!" Check. 694 01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:54,000 szvan: @BenZvan doesn't believe me when I point out underboob. 695 01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:23,000 szvan: Well, except Hercules' underboob. 696 01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:28,000 DrRubidium: good to know the swords aren't actually sharp #safetyfirst 697 01:30:26,000 --> 01:30:32,000 drskyskull: Betcha King Minos' daughter is regretting taking that low contracting bid for hired guards. 698 01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:34,000 pzmyers: She weighs the same as a....duck? 699 01:30:29,000 --> 01:30:35,000 CarlieP: Isn't Minos turning the handle the wrong way to lower it? 700 01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:48,000 BenZvan: @szvan La la la I don't believe you! 701 01:30:55,000 --> 01:31:01,000 DrRubidium: Sure is hot in here... maybe I shouldn't have gotten in this basket... 702 01:31:00,000 --> 01:31:06,000 drskyskull: "Whassup, Minos?" 703 01:31:02,000 --> 01:31:08,000 brx0: Somehow I figured ordering the minions to open the door wouldn't be the answer in this movie. 704 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:19,000 lousycanuck: "DAMN YOOOO!" *throws wooden thing at other wooden thing* Hey, when you got one skill... use it. 705 01:31:28,000 --> 01:31:34,000 brx0: Hey, another not-legally-a-lightsaber! Awesome. 706 01:31:44,000 --> 01:31:50,000 blakestacey: "You're too reliant on your strength!" "And YOU are an Evil Overlord fighting near a ledge!" 707 01:31:52,000 --> 01:31:58,000 BenZvan: Is he swordfighting or directing a symphony? 708 01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:06,000 lousycanuck: Minos has a flaming rainbow sword. That's like Tier 4 rarity. 709 01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:30,000 brx0: "Wait, don't touch that sword!" Lair design fail. 710 01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:31,000 pzmyers: Just stab him and get it over with. Come on. 711 01:32:32,000 --> 01:32:38,000 CarlieP: Hercules is the true king of England! He got the sword out! 712 01:32:47,000 --> 01:32:53,000 lousycanuck: "Don't touch the sword! You'll release the phoenix! The volcano will erupt! It's all metaphorical dammit!!!" 713 01:33:05,000 --> 01:33:11,000 brx0: "This sword, consecrated to Zeus, fears nothing!". I need an excuse to use that. 714 01:33:12,000 --> 01:33:18,000 pzmyers: Conveniently, he maneuvers him right to the sword that can destroy his entire evil plot. 715 01:33:15,000 --> 01:33:21,000 drskyskull: Actually, Minos looks a bit like Ian McKellen. I was expecting him to tell Herc, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" 716 01:33:18,000 --> 01:33:24,000 ColOfNature: took sword from stone: free'd a phoenix /and/ king of all england. not bad. 717 01:33:37,000 --> 01:33:43,000 szvan: When your movie makes old Doctor Who special effects look good.... 718 01:33:37,000 --> 01:33:43,000 blakestacey: "Stop! In the naaaaame of love..." 719 01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:49,000 abiodork: - Yup I think he turned the crank the same direction to raise her up as the other guy did to lower her down. 720 01:33:48,000 --> 01:33:54,000 lousycanuck: Super-cranking! Herc saves Cassiopeia from the volcano. But Minos' daughter! With a sword through her. DENOUEMENT!!!!!! 721 01:34:05,000 --> 01:34:11,000 blakestacey: "She chose...poorly." 722 01:34:08,000 --> 01:34:14,000 DrRubidium: that princess is working my last good nerve 723 01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:24,000 BenZvan: So stabby spear girl was a vampire? 724 01:34:28,000 --> 01:34:34,000 brx0: Stock volcano footage! As previously seen in every Italian b-movie ever! 725 01:34:39,000 --> 01:34:45,000 pzmyers: I've seen that volcano stock footage many times before. 726 01:35:01,000 --> 01:35:07,000 drskyskull: "And so Hercules found the pieces of his brother Osiris, turned water into wine and then gave Loki a kick in the nuts. The End." 727 01:35:02,000 --> 01:35:08,000 brx0: Oh, I get it, this is all about Burning Man, isn't it? 728 01:35:02,000 --> 01:35:08,000 szvan: @brx0 But...but...the color overlay! 729 01:35:19,000 --> 01:35:25,000 CA7746: Lesson: If you do favors for gods, everybody in the country dies. 730 01:35:27,000 --> 01:35:33,000 lousycanuck: Millions die in fire thanks to Hercules' inattention to detail. 731 01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:36,000 abiodork: @blakestacey Ha! 732 01:35:35,000 --> 01:35:41,000 DrRubidium: were the hell did all those people come from? 733 01:35:48,000 --> 01:35:54,000 szvan: RT @CA7746: Lesson: If you do favors for gods, everybody in the country dies. 734 01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:06,000 CA7746: Other than that firebird. 735 01:36:02,000 --> 01:36:08,000 pzmyers: THe volcano set the water on fire! 736 01:36:15,000 --> 01:36:21,000 CarlieP: Did... the entire fire stuff just stop? 737 01:36:36,000 --> 01:36:42,000 drskyskull: "...and that is how the constellation of the dry-humping lovers entered the cosmos." 738 01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:53,000 brx0: Most confusing romantic dialogue evar. 739 01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:53,000 lousycanuck: "Wait, are you Cassiopeia or Ariana or Cerce or what? Im confus." "D: all of the above!" "OKAY! Let's get with the kissing!" 740 01:36:48,000 --> 01:36:54,000 CA7746: The end 741 01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:56,000 abiodork: Hey wait. That dialogue don't make no sense. Oh, but EXPLOSHUN! 742 01:36:54,000 --> 01:37:00,000 DrRubidium: that was 99 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back 743 01:36:59,000 --> 01:37:05,000 szvan: "I'm all of them and none of them. I'm a generic female love interest." 744 01:37:10,000 --> 01:37:16,000 CarlieP: Nice to know they care so much about all the people who just got killed. 745 01:37:14,000 --> 01:37:20,000 DrRubidium: RT @szvan: "I'm all of them and none of them. I'm a generic female love interest." 746 01:37:22,000 --> 01:37:28,000 DrRubidium: @szvan LOL #truth 747 01:37:28,000 --> 01:37:34,000 wdonohue: Wait a minute, Cassiopeia is on a throne in the constella- oh, never mind. #queenisalwaysontop 748 01:37:39,000 --> 01:37:45,000 szvan: @DrRubidium C'mon now. The princess died, at least. 749 01:37:42,000 --> 01:37:48,000 abiodork: @szvan Awesome. 750 01:37:42,000 --> 01:37:48,000 lousycanuck: CREDITS. That was the best movie starring Lou Ferrigno I have EVER SEEN. EVER. 751 01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:49,000 DrRubidium: Not enough people died horribly. AGAIN. 752 01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:55,000 CA7746: Soundman's sidekick, boom man 753 01:37:54,000 --> 01:38:00,000 drskyskull: Did this movie have only a single gaffer? The whole thing was a gaffe! 754 01:37:57,000 --> 01:38:03,000 szvan: RT @drskyskull: "And so Hercules found the pieces of his brother Osiris, turned water into wine and then gave Loki a kick in the ... 755 01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:07,000 blakestacey: @drskyskull I always wondered 756 01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:11,000 pzmyers: You people have wasted another of my THursdays! 757 01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:11,000 BenZvan: RT @pzmyers: You people have wasted another of my THursdays! 758 01:38:36,000 --> 01:38:42,000 drskyskull: RT: You're welcome. RT @pzmyers: You people have wasted another of my THursdays! 759 01:38:51,000 --> 01:38:57,000 abiodork: Time to go do something equally productive as this last hour and a half. *looks for belly button lint* 760 01:39:11,000 --> 01:39:17,000 blakestacey: "And it's unauthorized duplication" - LOL! 761 01:39:19,000 --> 01:39:25,000 DrRubidium: all I'm saying is MOAR people better die next time 762 01:39:21,000 --> 01:39:27,000 BenZvan: RT @szvan: "I'm all of them and none of them. I'm a generic female love interest." 763 01:39:23,000 --> 01:39:29,000 MockTM: You're welcome. RT @pzmyers: You people have wasted another of my THursdays! 764 01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:35,000 pzmyers: My scotch is all gone. Maybe it wasn't such a waste. 765 01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:35,000 CarlieP: From an amazon review: "If you are fan, a real fan, of Lou, then this is for you. " 766 01:39:32,000 --> 01:39:38,000 brx0: Watching the credits. Double apostrophe fail in the legalese right at the end. It's only fitting, somehow.