I was hoping for more of an origin story of the alien starfish we met in this movie’s sequel, Attack from Space. Sadly, what we got instead was a handwaved-away “aliens are in orbit around our planet keeping an eye on our blundering ways and infiltrating us from time to time to destroy the technological …
Category Archive: Movies
Jan 30 2013
Mock The Movie: Warning from Space
Tonight! We’ll see all the drama and suspense leading up to the Japanese action film Attack from Space that we’d previously mocked so ruthlessly, when we tackle its cinematic ancestor, Warning from Space. You’ll thrill at giant meteors! You’ll gawk at an alien species completely and totally unlike anything on Earth (except for starfish)! You’ll …
Jan 17 2013
Mock The Movie: House of Fears transcript
What do you get when you take a haunted house, add a dash of racist “curse from deepest Africa”, a handful of horror tropes that get paid lip service but never actually make the screen, then mix in a bunch of barely-pubescent teens, and totally neglect to include any character trait that might ever make …
Jan 16 2013
Mock The Movie: House of Fears, tonight!
I’ve been calling it a “gritty reboot of Killer Klowns from Outer Space”, but that may have been giving it all too much credit after I actually tried watching the trailer and not just snarking based on Stephanie’s post’s title. It looks like this 2008 stinker isn’t just about clowns, so much as a bunch …
Jan 03 2013
Mock The Movie: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter transcript
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is to American history what the Creation Institute is to geology. It is pap, pure and simple. There’s something refreshing about a movie so self-aware and so self-confident in its ability to deliver Big Epic Moments without even the slightest patina of historical accuracy. Honestly, I think the only thing I …
Dec 15 2012
Mock The Movie: Yor: The Hunter from the Future
Oooh, look at me, with two colons in the title of this post. Just like the two colons it took to have shat out this monsterpiece (WHAT A LEAD-IN!), which goes from 10,000 BC to Star Wars so abruptly that it’s almost as though the plot was barely fleshed out to begin with. Watch for …
Nov 30 2012
Mock The Movie: Sands Of Oblivion transcript
Don’t forget, the Gamers For Godlessness 24 Hour Gameathon fundraiser for Camp Quest and Women In Secularism starts tomorrow at 12 Noon EST! This link will take you there, though the link will only be live tomorrow at 10am EST. –- Even Adam Baldwin and Morena Baccarin and liberal reuse of CGI giant snake models …
Nov 16 2012
Mock The Movie: The Yesterday Machine transcript
Last night’s Mock The Movie, surprisingly, delivered Nazis and a time machine, and a number of snappy tunes. It did not, however, deliver on murders, the intricacies of time travel (every major character was apparently fully aware of and unaffected by the timeline manipulation), or anything resembling science, despite a twenty minute dissertation by Nazi …
Nov 01 2012
Noah’s ark film delayed due to… yes, flooding
Via WorstPreviews.com, a slight silver lining to all the bad news coming out of Hurricane Sandy. It seems Darren Aronofsky’s current project, Noah, has suffered from delays and set damage owing to all the flooding in Oyster Bay, New York. The best part? This quote: To make it as realistic as possible, the director built …
Oct 28 2012
Mock The Movie: Bride of the Monster Transcript
Bah! In the middle of repairing a busted desktop, which I’ll need if we intend to go through with this 24hr gameathon I’ve got planned with JT Eberhart ready to roll any time soon, so I’ll come back and edit in the subtitle files ASAP. CA7746 also sent along a hilarious screenshot of Bela Eyebrows. …
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I have opinions. So do you. You want to share them with me. I would like to do likewise. Please don't expect a platform for proselytizing that will go unchecked and unchallenged, though.
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Contact me via these services:
I reserve the right to publish any contact, especially if it's hateful or ridiculous.
Not detailed enough to allow for proper stalking? Please read my Hello Freethought Blogs post. I promise* it will include my favorite style of underwear.
* Not a real promise
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