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Category Archive: Movies

Sep 26 2013

Mock The Movie: Sol transcript

We watched Sol for Mock The Movie last night. I can’t remember what happened in the movie. I have a vague recollection of poor acting, tents and sand. I think I blocked the rest as a defense mechanism. There were more than a few times I simply got distracted from the movie — I’m not …

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Sep 12 2013

Mock The Movie: Deep Blue Sea transcript

While updating the Mock The Movie page. I realized that I’d neglected to post the transcript for Deep Blue Sea. It’s a movie about sharks genetically engineered to be super-intelligent. Get it? Like Deep Blue, the IBM supercomputer? Sigh. Too hip for the shark crowd, I guess.

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Sep 12 2013

Mock The Movie: House of Evil transcript

This movie was obviously a labour of love — an attempt at true art, with lavish setpieces and expensive props at every turn. Or at least so I imagine, behind all the murky darkness we movie-watchers got to experience. Truly though, the experience of watching a mostly-black screen for an hour and a half was …

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Aug 01 2013

Mock The Movie: Total Recall transcript

Last night we took on the universally-beloved sci-fi flick Total Recall. I say “universally beloved” because people either remember the lady with three boobs, or they mistook the movie for Robocop with Arnold Schwarzenegger, or they had their memories rewritten to have enjoyed it. Nobody liked it legitimately, I assure you. Transcripts will be available …

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Jul 30 2013

Hilariously awful Christian End Times movie – title needed

Who says Christians aren’t capable of taking their mythos and creating true works of art? Yes, this film looks like what would happen if you took Mad Max, Fallout, Star Wars and the Bible and stuck them in a blender. Yes, there’s a multitude of mullets. Yes, the laser effects are absolute crap, and the …

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Jul 23 2013

Mock The Movie: Gymkata transcript

Lost in all the excitement of the CONvergence videos and the planning for FtBConscience was this gem of a movie that we mocked the hell out of this past week. So bad a movie is Gymkata that Ed Brayton suggested we do it for MTM — several days after we’d just done it. The movie …

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Jul 13 2013

Mock The Movie: War of the Robots transcript

Playing catch-up with my Mock The Movie stuff. Due to a perfect-storm series of impossible work crises that had me working fifteen hour days all week, I missed out on this one, though I did manage to get the scrape bot running in time. Enjoy the transcript of this trainwreck of bad sci-fi, low budgets …

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Jun 20 2013

Mock The Movie: Delta Force 2 transcript

Twitter changed their APIs about six months ago, and retired the ones I was using last week. I had no clue this was happening. I had to spend two hours after the movie working out what happened, and fixing the scrape script, before I could build this transcript. Okay, sure, I didn’t NEED to spend …

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Jun 07 2013

Mock The Movie: Atlas Shrugged part 1

We did it. We went there. This past Wednesday, we girded our loins for battle and took on quite possibly the dullest, most cynical, most breathtakingly stupefyingly successful movie adaptations of Ayn Rand’s oeuvre ever created — by which I mean, it made $4.6 million gross despite a cost of $20 million. And that despite …

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May 24 2013

Mock The Movie: Expect No Mercy transcript

Again, I managed to forget to start my scrape bot to pull tweets from Mentions directly. CA7746 bailed me out of a bit of a jam by reparsing the raw HTML of Twitter, a trick I’ve done once already but have evidently lost the code for. I was going to rewrite that parser tonight, but …

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