Belphegor was fairly thinly attended, and not super mockable, but I did my level best to provide the snark. I hope it works out for you viewers.
@lousycanuck: In THREE MINUTES, we get attacked by a mummy at the Louvre. Are you girded for battle? @MockTM
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well I didn’t expect the first victim to be Indiana Ghandi.
@CA7746: @MockTM The crew is afflicted by a strange virus… Hey, are we watching Dracula 3000 again?
@szvan: @MockTM And that’s our stock footage budgets, folks. Maybe more Egypt next time. Also, ships in color.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM 15 June: crew afflicted with Dancing Fever. They can’t stop dancing, playing Walk Like an Egyptian on loop.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, Canal+. Always a mark of quality.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Even odder, his name and serial number were erased from this casket. I think we’re looking at a case of Grand Theft Mummy.”
@szvan: @mocktm That is indeed a very shiny metal object.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Figures they’d have found the mummified remains of Maxwell Dillon. I’m betting the wrapping is synthetic spider-web.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t rush me.” “Rush you? You’re not getting any younger. Be like me! I have three dates today, and four tomorrow!”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I do love how French folks put the emphasis on the second syllable of the one-syllable word “merde”.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM When 3502 years old you reach, look as good you will not, hmm?
@CA7746: @MockTM Should we wait for family? Nah, they’ll be late.
@szvan: @MockTM According to the particle accelerator? It has an AI that conducts other kinds of tests?
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Knowing her previous attempts at flirting, she was probably actually just trying to get mouth-to-mouth from dude and overcommitted.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are you my mummy?”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Sex: male. Age: really old. Evil spirits: not present.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dudes, you’re cutting into a really old mummy with a surgical saw. MASKS!?
@szvan: @MockTM Getting high on snorting mummy dust.
@szvan: @MockTM She’s not interested, dude.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, look at you, name-dropping Akhenaton. Think you’re all fancy now huh?
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Obvious English accent is obvious. Thicker than MINE when I (rarely) speak French!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @DrRubidium Yo, get in here and mock the French mummy movie you recommended!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s totally okay to wander around a museum at night alone if it adjoins your basement directly, I say.
@szvan: @MockTM I love how the Louvre has this big, gaping hole in their wall that they just haven’t bothered to set a guard on.
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM DAMN! HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS WAS HAPPENING?!?!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s totally okay to go wandering through a science lab at Level Minus-Three if one of the inhabitants’ spirits wills it, I say.
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @MockTM We’re at 24 mins!
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM DAMN DAMN DAMN
@szvan: @lousycanuck @DrRubidium @MockTM Julie Christie’s dead, and the possession just occurred.
@szvan: @MockTM Maybe start by looking at that big hole in your wall?
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude. Trying to get your mack on with the lady who’s being evicted, lost Grandma, and had a big dead-creature scare isnt gonna work.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Bingo! I found his little black book!”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Something wrong?” “No, I always have this reaction when someone offers to buy me a non-alcoholic drink.”
@DrRubidium: @szvan @lousycanuck @MockTM NOT JULIE CHRISTIE!!!!!!!!!!! #Ihazasad
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You believe in ghosts?” “Sure. I’ve seen enough Scooby Doo to go from skeptic to believer, when they did Thirteen Ghosts.”
@szvan: @DrRubidium @lousycanuck @MockTM Actually, I was wrong. Grannie died. Christie is playing an oddball, drunken scientist. :)
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t move, you’ll ruin the phantom’s chance at killing you with a touch!”
@szvan: @MockTM That may have been the least scary ghost scene of all time.
@szvan: @MockTM Including in Ghost.
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, now they realize they have guards who can cover the entrances. Still don’t seem to know they have a hole in their wall, though.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Wait… which royal seal is two golden arches again?”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This mummy’s a voyeur, then? Weird.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A voyeur and not so much into informed consent. There you go, now he’s a villain.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well, that’s a new interpretation of “I want you inside of me”.
@CA7746: @MockTM Uh is the demon in her or the cloak? Is there’s a dwarf in there, riding around on naked peoples’ shoulders?
@CA7746: @MockTM As a native English speaker, I break into ‘Frere Jacques’ when I’m scared.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You’d better not be accessories to the supernatural. Sanctions will be merciless, since Congress passed No More Movie Monsters act.
@szvan: @MockTM This is a very confidence-inspiring inspector.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What, your Ikea doesn’t stock ornately-carved single-piece wooden furniture?
@szvan: @MockTM See? Even the inspector thinks you see more from the closet than you do from outside it.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nobody puts inspector on the closet-shelf!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What’s the Man in the Iron Mask’s name?” “Tony Stark. American. Rich asshole.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Listen, lady, you’re just a little TOO familiar with the myths. Like you were THERE or something… WAIT A SECOND…”
@szvan: @MockTM I can’t see a shrink. I’m seeing an electrician.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Insistent phone is insistent! I wonder if their rotary phones are set up to be more abraisive if the call is urgent.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Once he figures out your phobias…” “OH RIGHT THAT’S MY CUE TO DECLARE MY FEAR OF NEEDLES”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Look, Glenda, I called you in for a specific job.” “This is how I DO this job! Loaded on spiked tea!”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here. Again. For the dozenth night in a row.”
@szvan: @MockTM We’ll be there just as soon as we’re done beating up the prisoner we now know can’t be the ghost.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Huh, drawings and formulae drawn on the bathtub walls. Eh, totally normal, just like the ones I have at home.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’re in what year?” “Uh, I’m in electrical engineering.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Now THERE’S a plot twist: if the mummy’s not actually named Belphegor, then the movie is misnamed!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m the keymaster! Are you the gatekeeper!?”
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM dammit!! I missed mock the movie!
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM Ah crap. I’m sorry. First Wednesday of every month.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Do the dead leave the living in peace?” “Well… yeah, usually.”
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM we decided 2 go out 4 dinner & splurge The Boy’s 1st #realjob pay check
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, inspector, you sly dog you.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ve got you inside me.” “Um, it doesn’t work that way.”
@szvan: @MockTM You could probably just head to the Louvre if you’re looking for her, you know.
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM I think that’s an adequate excuse! Congratulations!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay, it works that way sometimes. But in Soviet Egypt, spirits inhabit you!”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Coitus interruptus.” “Whoa, what makes you think you were getting laid there pal?”
@TransAndGodless: Damn, did I miss the @MockTM?
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM what movie is it?
@lousycanuck: @TransAndGodless @MockTM First Wednesday of the month… I’m sorry we didn’t do so god a job of promoting this time. :/
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 Belphegor: Phantom of the Louvre. @MockTM
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If you care, play it cool. Ancient mummies don’t like it if you try to be all needy and shit.”
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM http://t.co/kl2FLr0vPk
@szvan: @MockTM I’m sorry. The mummy doesn’t speak French.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Full-floating torso!”
@szvan: @MockTM I’ve seen better dance scenes.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’ve seen this fight: Quicksilver vs Wolverine. Generally you win by waiting for QS to run into your fist. It never gets old.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It reminds me of stories from my childhood… is it… Rumplestiltskin? That’s Egyptian, right?”
@CA7746: @MockTM *Crushed ribcage* Great, now the egyptologist’s ghost is upset too!
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “One ring… to rule them all…”
@CA7746: @MockTM “For 2000 years he’s been dead.” Umm, 20th Dynasty was 2000 BCE. I know folks supposedly lived longer back then, but…
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You want to use this room to return a 3502 year old spirit to the underworld? SOUNDS LEGIT.”
@szvan: @MockTM The mummy had its chance at you, boyo. It didn’t like you.
@CA7746: @MockTM Oops, 1100 BCE. Still…
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We must help this poor evil spirit get back to the underworld. Despite all the deaths that’ll entail.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Amulet. Adze. Sponge. Water.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, that portal to the afterlife took that mummy to… downtown France. Okay then. That’s a plot twist.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m a little disappointed it didn’t just start playing “I Believe It’s Magic” by Mick Smile.
@szvan: @MockTM The actors all tried very hard. They really did. Despite the script and the effects, they almost managed to make it a movie.
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Needs moar Ghostbusters.