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Jul 10 2014

Mock The Movie: Belphegor: Phantom of the Louvre

Belphegor was fairly thinly attended, and not super mockable, but I did my level best to provide the snark. I hope it works out for you viewers.

@lousycanuck: In THREE MINUTES, we get attacked by a mummy at the Louvre. Are you girded for battle? @MockTM
2014-06-05 00:57:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well I didn’t expect the first victim to be Indiana Ghandi.
2014-06-05 01:02:00
@CA7746: @MockTM The crew is afflicted by a strange virus… Hey, are we watching Dracula 3000 again?
2014-06-05 01:02:10
@szvan: @MockTM And that’s our stock footage budgets, folks. Maybe more Egypt next time. Also, ships in color.
2014-06-05 01:02:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM 15 June: crew afflicted with Dancing Fever. They can’t stop dancing, playing Walk Like an Egyptian on loop.
2014-06-05 01:03:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, Canal+. Always a mark of quality.
2014-06-05 01:04:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Even odder, his name and serial number were erased from this casket. I think we’re looking at a case of Grand Theft Mummy.”
2014-06-05 01:06:07
@szvan: @mocktm That is indeed a very shiny metal object.
2014-06-05 01:06:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Figures they’d have found the mummified remains of Maxwell Dillon. I’m betting the wrapping is synthetic spider-web.
2014-06-05 01:07:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t rush me.” “Rush you? You’re not getting any younger. Be like me! I have three dates today, and four tomorrow!”
2014-06-05 01:08:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I do love how French folks put the emphasis on the second syllable of the one-syllable word “merde”.
2014-06-05 01:10:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM When 3502 years old you reach, look as good you will not, hmm?
2014-06-05 01:11:29
@CA7746: @MockTM Should we wait for family? Nah, they’ll be late.
2014-06-05 01:11:52
@szvan: @MockTM According to the particle accelerator? It has an AI that conducts other kinds of tests?
2014-06-05 01:12:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Knowing her previous attempts at flirting, she was probably actually just trying to get mouth-to-mouth from dude and overcommitted.
2014-06-05 01:12:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are you my mummy?”
2014-06-05 01:13:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Sex: male. Age: really old. Evil spirits: not present.”
2014-06-05 01:14:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dudes, you’re cutting into a really old mummy with a surgical saw. MASKS!?
2014-06-05 01:15:18
@szvan: @MockTM Getting high on snorting mummy dust.
2014-06-05 01:15:32
@szvan: @MockTM She’s not interested, dude.
2014-06-05 01:16:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, look at you, name-dropping Akhenaton. Think you’re all fancy now huh?
2014-06-05 01:16:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Obvious English accent is obvious. Thicker than MINE when I (rarely) speak French!
2014-06-05 01:18:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @DrRubidium Yo, get in here and mock the French mummy movie you recommended!
2014-06-05 01:20:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s totally okay to wander around a museum at night alone if it adjoins your basement directly, I say.
2014-06-05 01:21:10
@szvan: @MockTM I love how the Louvre has this big, gaping hole in their wall that they just haven’t bothered to set a guard on.
2014-06-05 01:22:42
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM DAMN! HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS WAS HAPPENING?!?!
2014-06-05 01:23:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It’s totally okay to go wandering through a science lab at Level Minus-Three if one of the inhabitants’ spirits wills it, I say.
2014-06-05 01:23:45
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @MockTM We’re at 24 mins!
2014-06-05 01:24:34
@DrRubidium: @lousycanuck @MockTM DAMN DAMN DAMN
2014-06-05 01:25:48
@szvan: @lousycanuck @DrRubidium @MockTM Julie Christie’s dead, and the possession just occurred.
2014-06-05 01:25:53
@szvan: @MockTM Maybe start by looking at that big hole in your wall?
2014-06-05 01:27:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude. Trying to get your mack on with the lady who’s being evicted, lost Grandma, and had a big dead-creature scare isnt gonna work.
2014-06-05 01:27:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Bingo! I found his little black book!”
2014-06-05 01:27:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Something wrong?” “No, I always have this reaction when someone offers to buy me a non-alcoholic drink.”
2014-06-05 01:28:51
@DrRubidium: @szvan @lousycanuck @MockTM NOT JULIE CHRISTIE!!!!!!!!!!! #Ihazasad
2014-06-05 01:30:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You believe in ghosts?” “Sure. I’ve seen enough Scooby Doo to go from skeptic to believer, when they did Thirteen Ghosts.”
2014-06-05 01:30:59
@szvan: @DrRubidium @lousycanuck @MockTM Actually, I was wrong. Grannie died. Christie is playing an oddball, drunken scientist. :)
2014-06-05 01:31:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t move, you’ll ruin the phantom’s chance at killing you with a touch!”
2014-06-05 01:31:53
@szvan: @MockTM That may have been the least scary ghost scene of all time.
2014-06-05 01:32:13
@szvan: @MockTM Including in Ghost.
2014-06-05 01:32:24
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, now they realize they have guards who can cover the entrances. Still don’t seem to know they have a hole in their wall, though.
2014-06-05 01:33:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Wait… which royal seal is two golden arches again?”
2014-06-05 01:34:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This mummy’s a voyeur, then? Weird.
2014-06-05 01:36:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A voyeur and not so much into informed consent. There you go, now he’s a villain.
2014-06-05 01:37:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well, that’s a new interpretation of “I want you inside of me”.
2014-06-05 01:38:20
@CA7746: @MockTM Uh is the demon in her or the cloak? Is there’s a dwarf in there, riding around on naked peoples’ shoulders?
2014-06-05 01:38:26
@CA7746: @MockTM As a native English speaker, I break into ‘Frere Jacques’ when I’m scared.
2014-06-05 01:39:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You’d better not be accessories to the supernatural. Sanctions will be merciless, since Congress passed No More Movie Monsters act.
2014-06-05 01:41:23
@szvan: @MockTM This is a very confidence-inspiring inspector.
2014-06-05 01:42:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What, your Ikea doesn’t stock ornately-carved single-piece wooden furniture?
2014-06-05 01:43:17
@szvan: @MockTM See? Even the inspector thinks you see more from the closet than you do from outside it.
2014-06-05 01:43:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nobody puts inspector on the closet-shelf!
2014-06-05 01:43:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What’s the Man in the Iron Mask’s name?” “Tony Stark. American. Rich asshole.”
2014-06-05 01:45:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Listen, lady, you’re just a little TOO familiar with the myths. Like you were THERE or something… WAIT A SECOND…”
2014-06-05 01:47:38
@szvan: @MockTM I can’t see a shrink. I’m seeing an electrician.
2014-06-05 01:50:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Insistent phone is insistent! I wonder if their rotary phones are set up to be more abraisive if the call is urgent.
2014-06-05 01:50:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Once he figures out your phobias…” “OH RIGHT THAT’S MY CUE TO DECLARE MY FEAR OF NEEDLES”
2014-06-05 01:51:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Look, Glenda, I called you in for a specific job.” “This is how I DO this job! Loaded on spiked tea!”
2014-06-05 01:52:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here. Again. For the dozenth night in a row.”
2014-06-05 01:54:16
@szvan: @MockTM We’ll be there just as soon as we’re done beating up the prisoner we now know can’t be the ghost.
2014-06-05 01:55:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Huh, drawings and formulae drawn on the bathtub walls. Eh, totally normal, just like the ones I have at home.”
2014-06-05 01:59:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’re in what year?” “Uh, I’m in electrical engineering.”
2014-06-05 02:00:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Now THERE’S a plot twist: if the mummy’s not actually named Belphegor, then the movie is misnamed!
2014-06-05 02:01:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m the keymaster! Are you the gatekeeper!?”
2014-06-05 02:02:37
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM dammit!! I missed mock the movie!
2014-06-05 02:03:05
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM Ah crap. I’m sorry. First Wednesday of every month.
2014-06-05 02:03:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Do the dead leave the living in peace?” “Well… yeah, usually.”
2014-06-05 02:04:27
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM we decided 2 go out 4 dinner & splurge The Boy’s 1st #realjob pay check
2014-06-05 02:05:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, inspector, you sly dog you.”
2014-06-05 02:05:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ve got you inside me.” “Um, it doesn’t work that way.”
2014-06-05 02:06:49
@szvan: @MockTM You could probably just head to the Louvre if you’re looking for her, you know.
2014-06-05 02:07:50
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 @MockTM I think that’s an adequate excuse! Congratulations!
2014-06-05 02:08:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay, it works that way sometimes. But in Soviet Egypt, spirits inhabit you!”
2014-06-05 02:08:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Coitus interruptus.” “Whoa, what makes you think you were getting laid there pal?”
2014-06-05 02:09:00
@TransAndGodless: Damn, did I miss the @MockTM?
2014-06-05 02:10:23
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM what movie is it?
2014-06-05 02:11:07
@lousycanuck: @TransAndGodless @MockTM First Wednesday of the month… I’m sorry we didn’t do so god a job of promoting this time. :/
2014-06-05 02:11:25
@lousycanuck: @DirtyNerdy2 Belphegor: Phantom of the Louvre. @MockTM
2014-06-05 02:11:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If you care, play it cool. Ancient mummies don’t like it if you try to be all needy and shit.”
2014-06-05 02:12:54
@DirtyNerdy2: @lousycanuck @MockTM http://t.co/kl2FLr0vPk
2014-06-05 02:13:30
@szvan: @MockTM I’m sorry. The mummy doesn’t speak French.
2014-06-05 02:16:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Full-floating torso!”
2014-06-05 02:16:23
@szvan: @MockTM I’ve seen better dance scenes.
2014-06-05 02:17:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’ve seen this fight: Quicksilver vs Wolverine. Generally you win by waiting for QS to run into your fist. It never gets old.
2014-06-05 02:18:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It reminds me of stories from my childhood… is it… Rumplestiltskin? That’s Egyptian, right?”
2014-06-05 02:20:04
@CA7746: @MockTM *Crushed ribcage* Great, now the egyptologist’s ghost is upset too!
2014-06-05 02:20:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “One ring… to rule them all…”
2014-06-05 02:21:13
@CA7746: @MockTM “For 2000 years he’s been dead.” Umm, 20th Dynasty was 2000 BCE. I know folks supposedly lived longer back then, but…
2014-06-05 02:24:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You want to use this room to return a 3502 year old spirit to the underworld? SOUNDS LEGIT.”
2014-06-05 02:24:28
@szvan: @MockTM The mummy had its chance at you, boyo. It didn’t like you.
2014-06-05 02:26:00
@CA7746: @MockTM Oops, 1100 BCE. Still…
2014-06-05 02:27:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We must help this poor evil spirit get back to the underworld. Despite all the deaths that’ll entail.”
2014-06-05 02:28:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Amulet. Adze. Sponge. Water.”
2014-06-05 02:29:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, that portal to the afterlife took that mummy to… downtown France. Okay then. That’s a plot twist.
2014-06-05 02:30:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
2014-06-05 02:31:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m a little disappointed it didn’t just start playing “I Believe It’s Magic” by Mick Smile.
2014-06-05 02:32:30
@szvan: @MockTM The actors all tried very hard. They really did. Despite the script and the effects, they almost managed to make it a movie.
2014-06-05 02:34:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Needs moar Ghostbusters.
2014-06-05 02:35:36

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