You rolled a natural twenty! Go straight to hell!


Apparently someone thought enough of Jack Chick’s original tract that they decided to run a Poe-alarm-tweaking Kickstarter to get this movie made. Seriously, this thing is self-parodying, so I cannot tell if this JR Rails character is doing this in earnest, or as a parody. But either way, with the amount of money the Kickstarter made, we can expect such gems as this:

Stretch Goal #2: $21,000 – One of the most powerful ways to get across the powerful emotions that a serious drama like this raises is through song. I’d like to include a dream sequence where Debbie visualizes her internal struggle through verse:

(Debbie, in a sad, thoughtful singsong:)
“Is this God in my hand, or is it just a d4?
Oh can anyone tell me what I’m rolling for?
Are there traps and daggers, magic missiles galore?
No, this ain’t God in my hand, it is just a d4.”

(Ms Frost, cackling:)
“You have mastered the magic, you have mastered the spell,
You are ready to unleash the powers of hell!
You have God in your hand, and you have your d4.”
Now I hope that you know what you’re rolling for.”

Do Christians still get all jimmie-rustled over Dungeons and Dragons? Really? Its popularity explosion was a passing fad and an unnecessary moral panic, sadly. Now the kids are all about their Pokeymans and their hairy potters.

Hat tip to James.

UPDATE: Sasha Pixlee’s sharp eyes and incredible stamina for scrolling on monolithic websites clued him in to something I missed — he points out that if you go to the homepage and read the FAQs carefully, it’s pretty plain that it’s a satire-and-parody claiming honest representation by virtue of what Chick actually believed. It’ll only read as parody to us because it’s already so outlandish. Dude’s one of us, going for “very earnest Poe”.

Comments

  1. says

    They sure are, but D&D hit its height of popularity long ago. Rubiks Cubes are also still around but not nearly as high demand an item as they were in the 80s, by the same measure. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

  2. says

    Its popularity explosion was a passing fad

    Ha!
    It morphed into every online role-playing game you’ve ever seen. How many people have played Warcraft? The underlying concept there is: D&D

  3. Robert B. says

    I wouldn’t expect a sincere believer to know dice jargon, let alone be able to name three things that might do damage in d4s.

  4. sinned34 says

    As an atheist that lived through the Satanic Panic, played D&D for years (and would play again if I could find a group), and actually received multiple copies of the Dark Dungeons Chick Tract back in the 80’s, I fully approve of this movie.

    Robert B: Without looking it up: dagger, light hammer, sling stone.

  5. Anthony Burber says

    Thank you for pointing out how the FAQ gradually reveals the truth. My favorite item:

    How many zombies are there in Dark Dungeons the Movie?

    As we are trying to staying as true to the comic as adaptation will allow, Dark Dungeons the movie takes place in a monozombistic world.

    I may start referring to Jack Chick and his ilk as “monozombeists”.

  6. Christoph Burschka says

    Who in Hell is Ernest Poe?

    One of the most renowned figures of American literature; the author of such famous pieces as The Cask of White Elephants and A Farewell to the House of Usher.

  7. rikitiki says

    Uh, no. Should be: you rolled a natural 1 on your D20, go straight to hell!
    At least it would be in my game. A natural 20 would send you somewhere
    else (heaven? Outer Plane?).

  8. SK says

    On the kickstarter page they note that they’ll be working with the folks who made The Gamers. There is no way that this will be anything but parody, sweet, juicy parody.

  9. justsomeguy says

    Dark Dungeons inspired me to name my first D&D character Black Leaf. As a DM, I frequently use some variation or translation of “Black Leaf” for NPC names.

    …. hmmm….

    “Black Leaf” turns into “Lack Bleaf” pretty easily, and that turns into “lack belief” even easier. Hidden message, anyone?

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