Jackie Paper left a great comment on my post about the Brian Dalton episode I’m informally titling Mr. Deity and the Victim-Blaming and Dismissiveness of Serious Allegations. It’s something I haven’t been able to wrap my head around either.
I’m having trouble understanding why certain people seem drawn to the “She just regrets screwing him” narrative.
If she merely didn’t think the sex was worth shaving her legs over or she found out afterward that he bit his toenails..or whatever caused this “regret”, why would she want to tell anyone she was raped? Exactly how bad in bed is this guy supposed to be? How batshit, cackling, evil is this woman supposed to be to want vengeance years later because she got some dull nookie? Is this something they think women do? Do they think every now and then one of us get’s a lackluster lay, so we write a note in our journals reminding us to frame the dude for rape years later? ? Is she supposed to regret it because sex is shameful and nasty and makes her a slut? That isn’t regret. That’s shame and I don’t see why a person would draw attention to the thing they are so irrationally ashamed of. Are they saying that out of shame she came forward anonymously so that people who don’t know who she is won’t think she had icky, dirty sex on purpose? Really, what sort of motivation is there supposed to be for her to lie about being raped?
In order to think that scenario is more plausible than one in which the woman is being honest, you have to believe some very nasty things about women to begin with. Which I think is the case with these people.
I cannot say I have ever seen anyone go nuclear on someone with false rape charges over a consensual but lousy lay. Ever. And I HAVE heard people banter about certain guys being self-centered or unfulfilling.
That’s not to say this doesn’t happen, but I’d have to see some hard numbers before I believe the narrative that this is a valid rationale for dismissing ANY rape claims out of hand. The idea violates Occam’s Razor. It necessitates a will toward vengeance, and a lack of the self-preservation that keeps so many rape victims from speaking up. It necessitates a willingness to have your personal life become very, very public, as the victim is most often the one whose life gets turned upside-down and ultimately put on trial. It requires your overdeveloped sense of vengeance to overcome your fear of getting in trouble. And for that vengeance to be triggered by sex being unsatisfying, well, that’s an extraordinary claim indeed.
If you want to see some research on REAL situations that might lead to false rape reports, visit Stephanie’s blog where she rips apart some rape myths with hard figures. One very salient point is that false reports almost always involve strangers:
Kelly’s paper provides some interesting detail on a sample of reports that were accurately coded as false. Unlike the stereotype, most of the false reports did not involve direct accusations of a particular person. They were stranger-rape scenarios.
Also, in both the stranger-rape and acquaintance-rape scenarios, the false accuser was generally a victim of some sort. Some had been otherwise abused by those people they accused, including prior sexual abuse. Some were reporting rape to avoid abuse they would have otherwise received, as is suspected to the case for Tawana Brawley.
There are real false-rape allegations, and they don’t look a thing like the chaff that rape apologists throw up to confuse the matter.