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Jun 17 2013

A scene that plays out all too often in my life as well.

Over at Pharyngula, on the thread discussing the Silverman / Vacula deba[cle|te], screechymonkey posted the most delicious proof of the femispiracy ever. I present it without comment.

I just didn’t notice the cult-like hold my fat, lumpy, old body had on the libidos of the young women in the group. [-- PZ]

Don’t be silly. The attraction isn’t physical. It’s just that feminists completely forget their misandrist, anti-sex dogma and go ga-ga for any man who recites feminist talking points. I can’t tell you how many times the following scene has happened to me:

Me: “Hello”
Shrieking Feminist Harpy: “HELLO? How dare you say hello to me, you oppressive tool of the patriarchy! Security!”
[security guards arrive, women of course, because companies are now afraid to hire men for fear of being sued by Feminazis]
Guard 1: “What seems to be the problem here? Is this penis-haver oppressing you?”
SFH: “Yes! He just came up and started speaking to me! And he was looking at me, too! I think — [sniffs] — I think he was about to [whispering] ask me for coffee”
Guard 1: “That’s a violation of article IX, Section 2, paragraph (b), clause 6 of the Anti-Harassment Policy.”
Guard 2: “You’re going to have to come with us!”
Me: “Wait…”
[pause]
Guard 1: “What?”
Me: “No, really, I meant wait a second while I check my privilege. Done now, thanks. You see, I think she heard me say ‘hello,’ but what I really meant to say was ‘sorry.’ As in, ‘sorry for being part of the patriarchy.’ Of course, intent doesn’t matter, and the fact that I thought I heard myself say ‘hello’ is probably just due to my privilege, so I’m sure she is correct. Please take me away and punish me for the sins of all men.”
SFH: “Ooh, tell me more!” [flutters eyelashes]
Guard 1: [cooing] “I didn’t know you were an ally!”
Guard 2: “Maybe we can all ‘punish’ each other for the sins of all men”
Me: “Sure, why don’t we go somewhere private and discuss… intersectionality?”

6 comments

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  1. 1
    OverlappingMagisteria

    I think the reason he can’t tell you how many times its happened is because that number is zero. Revealing this would invalidate his argument and we can’t have that happen, can we?

  2. 2
    John Horstman

    I can’t tell you how many times the following scene has happened to me

    My guess is because it’s “zero times” for anyone ever.

  3. 3
    John Horstman

    Also, I’ll point out once again that the go-to “charge” that men only buy into feminism for access to female genitals is pure projection from people (mostly men, some women) who can only imagine that women have value to men exclusively as sexual objects.

  4. 4
    Pen

    I really wasn’t expecting the twist (you’re supposed to say that after a play aren’t you?). Well, quite funny, needs a few more acts.

  5. 5
    Stacy

    : D Glad you posted this, Jason–it made me lol the first time I read it and it still does.

  6. 6
    mofa

    Makes me lol too.

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