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Mock The Movie: .COM For Murder

This movie was easily one of the best worst movies we’ve seen and targeted for Mock The Movie, and not just because of our tech-savvy participants. This movie took itself so seriously, and tried so hard, and yet it failed so miserably at everything it did. Every character was inept, even the supposedly hyper-adept evil hacker. Every action taken was ludicrous, and there were dozens and dozens of ways to short-circuit the evil hacker’s plans. It was ripe for the picking, and boy did we pick.

@szvan: Mock the Movie: Hacksploitation Edition: http://t.co/1g8qI7GJQp @MockTM
2013-05-07 20:41:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The drink I made is curdling. A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME?
2013-05-09 00:50:47
@DrRubidium: OMG. The @MockTM looks AWFUL. I love it!
2013-05-09 00:52:16
@lousycanuck: Boy, I hope people were able to find a source for this hacksploitation film. .COM FOR MURDER, on @MockTM in 8 mins!
2013-05-09 00:52:40
@brx0: @MockTM Finally, a movie where being a software engineer makes me an expert, probably.
2013-05-09 00:54:22
@drskyskull: Ready for “.com for Murder” and @MockTM! May leave early, though, to do, you know, productive stuff.
2013-05-09 00:55:24
@CA7746: @MockTM My windows box fried its power supply hours ago. My Debian box lost sound in a recent upgrade. This movie’s cursed!
2013-05-09 00:55:38
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM Thor hates you. That’s why he sent his lightning to kill your PS.
2013-05-09 00:57:57
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand, we’re off…
2013-05-09 01:00:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is MGM still in business If not, I think I know why…
2013-05-09 01:00:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM Soooo… the movie starts by trying to give half the audience a photo-induced epileptic seizure? #NotCool
2013-05-09 01:01:05
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, it’s Vegas! This looks promising…
2013-05-09 01:01:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh holy shit we’re watching CSI Las Vegas! Oh no, the theme music is off.
2013-05-09 01:01:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM Huey Lewis? SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
2013-05-09 01:01:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Natascha Kinisky?” “Roger Daltry?” “Huey Lewis?” Who the hell are these guys?
2013-05-09 01:02:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @drskyskull I choose to interpret your tweet as to mean you had kidnapped Huey Lewis and he got out to make this movie.
2013-05-09 01:03:05
@drskyskull: @MockTM All these credits are really building the suspense. </sarcasm>
2013-05-09 01:03:18
@brx0: @MockTM A very blurry Vegas at night. I vaguely remember it looking that way once…
2013-05-09 01:03:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey you know what this movie needs more of? Inscrutable imagery and flash cuts. Maybe a lot of blur effects.
2013-05-09 01:03:46
@rvitelli: @lousycanuck @MockTM And the scary part is you were just drinking water…
2013-05-09 01:03:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that’s why I don’t have huge knives just laying about
2013-05-09 01:04:04
@szvan: @MockTM Ahem. *Nausea* is not a “mood” one can set.
2013-05-09 01:04:07
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck Um… no… uh… you’re completely… uh… wrong! *hits groaning burlap sack with shovel again*
2013-05-09 01:04:18
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, I’ve seen this scene in another movie somewhere. Can’t remember which one though.
2013-05-09 01:04:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so 10 stabbing motions, but only 1 stab wound?
2013-05-09 01:05:24
@brx0: @MockTM So far that other movie was better.
2013-05-09 01:05:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is what Psycho would have looked like if Hitchcock had access to bad Photoshop effects.
2013-05-09 01:05:38
@szvan: @MockTM From the foley, I think someone just bludgeoned her to death with that knife.
2013-05-09 01:05:48
@drskyskull: @MockTM Dear director: just because you have all these nifty video editing effects doesn’t mean you need to use them all in THE FIRST SCENE!
2013-05-09 01:05:48
@CA7746: @MockTM No rules. No restrictions. No standards.
2013-05-09 01:05:55
@brx0: @MockTM This is filmed on VHS, isn’t it?
2013-05-09 01:05:56
@rvitelli: @DrRubidium @MockTM Keeping the MGM lion fed means getting work where you can.
2013-05-09 01:06:07
@pzmyers: @mocktm So this might have the Internet in it? I hear tell the Internet is of the devil.
2013-05-09 01:06:09
@brx0: @MockTM AOL product placement fail.
2013-05-09 01:06:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM American Love Online is the only internet chat room where there are no rules, no restrictions, no pesky harassment policies.
2013-05-09 01:07:11
@brx0: @MockTM Although I’ll forgive this movie anything if someone uses an AOL CD as a ninja star.
2013-05-09 01:07:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM The guy from The Who is totally the killer, am I right?
2013-05-09 01:07:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM FETUS IN A JAR!!! *drinks a shot*
2013-05-09 01:07:42
@CA7746: @MockTM The keyboard’s lit. Where’s he gonna put those fingers?
2013-05-09 01:07:48
@szvan: Always. Or the devil. RT @DrRubidium: @MockTM The guy from The Who is totally the killer, am I right?
2013-05-09 01:07:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Sweet, you can order pickled fetuses in cyberspace now! I’m’a get ten.
2013-05-09 01:07:58
@brx0: @MockTM So, our bad guy shops at Spencer’s Gifts. Hey, does that store still exist?
2013-05-09 01:08:08
@pzmyers: @mocktm Nudity? Already? God will forgive bloody murder, but not nekkidness.
2013-05-09 01:08:21
@szvan: @MockTM At least he realized the prose was terrible.
2013-05-09 01:08:34
@brx0: @MockTM A poet. Now we know he’s the bad guy.
2013-05-09 01:08:35
@drskyskull: @MockTM It is probably wrong of me, but I totally want one of those glowing red keyboards now.
2013-05-09 01:08:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie has more breasts than #GOT
2013-05-09 01:08:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So to go to a porn site, you go to “t5ttooo”?
2013-05-09 01:08:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM This killer has a really weird fetish — naked women who have inhaled helium.
2013-05-09 01:09:08
@brx0: @MockTM Nekkidness? On the internet!?
2013-05-09 01:09:10
@pzmyers: @mocktm A neat housekeeper always washes the cutlery immediately after use.
2013-05-09 01:09:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey that last one is a good choice, dude. She has a decent voice… as in a human one.
2013-05-09 01:09:58
@brx0: @MockTM That looked like dialup. Heh. Psycho killer interweb fail.
2013-05-09 01:09:59
@szvan: @MockTM I’m pretty sure that even in 2002, we all knew a talking internet was fucking annoying.
2013-05-09 01:10:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “System is idle, except for all the CPU usage it takes to make that deep resonant voice and flash the ‘system is idle’ message.”
2013-05-09 01:10:34
@pzmyers: @mocktm Nobody told me this was going to be a devbio movie. When you show a fetus in the first act, you have to use it by the third.
2013-05-09 01:10:52
@CA7746: @MockTM The house is computer controlled, and she runs the ‘insanity’ command. What could go wrong?
2013-05-09 01:11:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM After the password hit “recover”, THEN “enter”? I CALL SHENANIGANS
2013-05-09 01:11:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM If this movie had gotten a wide release, I’m pretty confident nobody would ever have used the internet afterwards. #lame
2013-05-09 01:11:42
@pzmyers: @mocktm Where can I get a keyboard with pink glowing keys? I’m feeling envy.
2013-05-09 01:11:44
@brx0: @MockTM So, @Rennlou points out that we never see our stars & the disco ceiling in the same shot.
2013-05-09 01:12:30
@brx0: @MockTM Also, the bad guy seems to be in the same house.
2013-05-09 01:12:52
@drskyskull: @MockTM He called her an anachronistic female? Doesn’t that mean she has eight legs and is going to eat him after mating?
2013-05-09 01:12:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM HAL!? HAL has an insanity command!? THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!
2013-05-09 01:13:11
@brx0: @MockTM When does Kinski turn into a panther?
2013-05-09 01:13:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck And here I thought HAL went nuts because they let a cat walk on the keyboard.
2013-05-09 01:13:40
@brx0: @MockTM Puny little monitor fail. Hey, is that Windows 98?
2013-05-09 01:14:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How long til “Door open, hello murderer” from our scene-stealing baritone house?
2013-05-09 01:14:32
@lukedones: @drskyskull @MockTM Shows this is an old movie. Helium is too expensive now. Wouldn’t fit in film’s budget.
2013-05-09 01:14:35
@pzmyers: @mocktm Wait…the guy has to tell her to hit the enter key, but she’s playing with a fancy graphical core management system?
2013-05-09 01:14:38
@brx0: @MockTM OOh, “DSL ON!”
2013-05-09 01:14:50
@brx0: @MockTM I never used AOL. Did the logon really work that way? C’mon, fess up, you AOL users out there.
2013-05-09 01:15:40
@brx0: @MockTM Wow. AOL sucks.
2013-05-09 01:16:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM when did the web ever work this way?
2013-05-09 01:16:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM YESSSS, total hacker! Accidentally guessing “smartass” with your voice password interface!
2013-05-09 01:16:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Away on business, but I never stop thinking of you.” Computer: “Away on penis, but I never stop drinking poo.” DAMN YOU SIRI!
2013-05-09 01:17:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM ZALGOOOO
2013-05-09 01:17:37
@brx0: @MockTM Damn popup ads.
2013-05-09 01:17:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm America Love Online? What’s the URL? Did anyone get it?
2013-05-09 01:17:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM crap graphics scare me too
2013-05-09 01:18:06
@szvan: @MockTM Gosh, why would he ever cheat on her? She’s everything anyone could ever want. Zitface?
2013-05-09 01:18:13
@brx0: @MockTM She wasn’t yelling. That wasn’t all caps. Didn’t the 90s know *anything*?
2013-05-09 01:18:43
@pzmyers: @mocktm I’ve seen a few sexy chats online, and those don’t impress.
2013-05-09 01:18:54
@drskyskull: @MockTM Um, movie, if I want to read dialogue like this, I’ll go read YouTube comments.
2013-05-09 01:19:07
@CA7746: @MockTM “The Sorrows of Young Werther” – angsty emo novel circa 1774.
2013-05-09 01:19:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Or maybe he just likes Werther’s Original candy.
2013-05-09 01:19:17
@pzmyers: @mocktm Yeesh. Turn off the annoying sound effects.
2013-05-09 01:19:27
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, a guy with eye makeup. He must be evil.
2013-05-09 01:20:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m going to invent a virtual hotel for cybersex. I’ll charge by the nanosecond. Or maybe by the kilobyte.
2013-05-09 01:20:36
@pzmyers: @mocktm Now I also want the unicode for bleeding letters.
2013-05-09 01:20:45
@pzmyers: @mocktm “Master of the Game”…oh no, she’s connected with a PUA!
2013-05-09 01:21:24
@brx0: @MockTM Nice house anyway.
2013-05-09 01:21:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie has some of the worst dialog ever
2013-05-09 01:22:28
@brx0: @MockTM This is pretty much the #FTBullies hashtag movie, isn’t it?
2013-05-09 01:22:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, hack the ip nodes and ping the cyber routers! Quickest way to get a person’s drivers license for sure.
2013-05-09 01:23:01
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh, wandering over to the Dark Side of the Interwebs.
2013-05-09 01:24:30
@pzmyers: @mocktm Good to see I’m not the only one who speaks out loud every word he types.
2013-05-09 01:25:32
@brx0: @MockTM “Game On”? Okayyy.
2013-05-09 01:25:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM you see a snuff film and your all “what to do, what to do…”?
2013-05-09 01:26:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Shouldn’t we report this to the service?” Oh right, the Cyber-Cops.
2013-05-09 01:26:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “In his thirties…” Like… thirty-ten, thirty-fifteen-ish.
2013-05-09 01:26:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM illuminated keyboard = creepy douche
2013-05-09 01:27:21
@brx0: @MockTM Starting to think the screenwriter was not female. Just a guess.
2013-05-09 01:27:57
@szvan: @MockTM In 2002, “Ben” was only thirty-twenty-eight.
2013-05-09 01:28:10
@brx0: @MockTM Gah, the bad guy lives in an A-frame. Creepy!
2013-05-09 01:28:44
@drskyskull: @MockTM SUSPENSEFUL DRIVING ACTION!
2013-05-09 01:29:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, THAT’S why he’s crazy. He sees everything in inverted color filter.
2013-05-09 01:29:14
@brx0: @MockTM And scary sounds while Bad Dude closes his vintage PowerBook. So frightening.
2013-05-09 01:29:31
@pzmyers: @mocktm Ableist. Maybe he has vision problems. RT @DrRubidium illuminated keyboard = creepy douche
2013-05-09 01:29:47
@szvan: @MockTM Judging from that sound effect, he’s connected to American Love Online through a spike that just shot into his head.
2013-05-09 01:29:52
@drskyskull: @MockTM DRAMATIC WAITING AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT! I’M ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!
2013-05-09 01:30:29
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, is that Windows 98 again, on a PowerBook? Ok, this movie’s starting to become unbelievable now.
2013-05-09 01:30:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh shit, if he stops at that red light, he’ll miss his chance to murder someone he tracked down over teh internets!
2013-05-09 01:30:34
@brx0: @MockTM See, if evil hax0r dude wasn’t white the LAPD would have shot him by now.
2013-05-09 01:32:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM THE CALL IS COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. Wait, that’s not as menacing.
2013-05-09 01:32:36
@pzmyers: @mocktm Texting while driving is bad. Fantasizing about murder is badder.
2013-05-09 01:32:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ben totally has the same accent as that dude. Totally.
2013-05-09 01:33:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what’s the deal with the eyeliner?
2013-05-09 01:33:10
@drskyskull: @MockTM @pzmyers Texting while fantasizing about murder is the worst!
2013-05-09 01:33:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there’s a limit to what chamomile can do
2013-05-09 01:33:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Chamomile tea will make you sleep like a baby after you wash down a dozen valium with it.
2013-05-09 01:34:04
@brx0: @MockTM “Ooooh You Have e-Mail!!!” AOL sucked.
2013-05-09 01:35:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s so my new work email noise. “Ooooh.”
2013-05-09 01:35:14
@drskyskull: @MockTM Sooo… this guy murders people by boring them to death, right?
2013-05-09 01:35:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bad guy’s about to play Splinter Cell: Compuserve Yesterday.
2013-05-09 01:36:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM Hey — these aren’t my night vision goggles — they’re my TNG Geordi glasses!
2013-05-09 01:36:50
@brx0: @MockTM Still, I’ll forgive this movie a lot if they realize he’s in the house because his IP is 127.0.0.1.
2013-05-09 01:36:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM any time you wanna call 911, feel free.
2013-05-09 01:36:55
@szvan: @MockTM When your death scenes are less freaky than your chatting-on-the-internet scenes….
2013-05-09 01:37:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “His version of the Blair Witch Project.” “No, can’t be. THAT had a PLOT.”
2013-05-09 01:37:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well I can’t just sit and watch this!” *continues watching*
2013-05-09 01:37:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM it’s a bad sign when Nicolette Sheridan is the voice if reason
2013-05-09 01:37:52
@CA7746: @MockTM The internet stalker’s gonna kill her with cats.
2013-05-09 01:38:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This murder brought to you by Google Glass.
2013-05-09 01:38:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This failed lockpicking attempt brought to you by someone who learned lockpicking from Skyrim.
2013-05-09 01:39:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM This is a lot like “Silence of the Lambs,” if Hannibal Lecter were played by Pete Campbell from “Mad Men.”
2013-05-09 01:39:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This chat room is only for Los Angeles, and you know what the Cyber Police are like about internet immigration.
2013-05-09 01:40:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck You are KILLING it tonight! :D
2013-05-09 01:40:24
@drskyskull: @MockTM Slicing throats is so totally 1970s Italian horror, dude. If you wanna shock on the internet, you need to defenestrate or something.
2013-05-09 01:41:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS?” Don’t worry, it’s just bad poetry over a fake snuff film.
2013-05-09 01:42:11
@drskyskull: @MockTM I predict that film will reveal that it is the imagination of a mentally lacking child looking in a snowglobe, i.e. screenwriter.
2013-05-09 01:43:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there is no way the 911 op would roll that way.
2013-05-09 01:43:37
@brx0: @MockTM Tiny CRT monitor. Heh.
2013-05-09 01:44:10
@pzmyers: @mocktm That reaction…wait until they get a load of “Two girls one cup”.
2013-05-09 01:44:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Just listen to me — someone murdered someone else on the internet!” “Again? We need a squad car at World of Warcraft…”
2013-05-09 01:44:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m really impressed by that eyeliner. What is that, Cover Girl?
2013-05-09 01:44:28
@CA7746: @MockTM Nah. As cute as malware steganography would be, your files are likely clobbered ma’am.
2013-05-09 01:44:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Murderer is so sad! How can murderer get clean if someone keeps pouring raspberry syrup on him!?
2013-05-09 01:45:33
@brx0: @MockTM The bit where they panned over bad poetry as scary movie music played was super effective though. Pure movie magic.
2013-05-09 01:45:41
@szvan: @MockTM Curled fetally in the shower. Yup, that’s how I imagine most PUAs.
2013-05-09 01:45:45
@drskyskull: @MockTM HUEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2013-05-09 01:45:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What’s this?” “Oh, some guy’s firewall encrypted your material by turning it into racist stereotype cartoons.”
2013-05-09 01:47:08
@brx0: @MockTM I do not think encryption means what you think it means.
2013-05-09 01:47:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM wow, I know fuck all about hacking and even I know this is some bullshit
2013-05-09 01:47:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM Was this film intended to be the “Reefer Madness” of internet chat rooms?
2013-05-09 01:48:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A long list of fake non-octet IPs, and you get to look at someone’s C:\Windows\System32 in Win98 File Manager. Good… to… know.
2013-05-09 01:48:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM The best way to break the encryption is to find the stupid screenwriter and punch him in the junk.
2013-05-09 01:49:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM if this guy turns out to be tech support, I’ll need more gin
2013-05-09 01:49:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s right, just call the all-night cyber encryption cracking tech dudes who make house calls. Then Bigfoot and Santa Claus.
2013-05-09 01:49:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM This film would seem frighteningly plausible if they had actually been chatting on Facebook.
2013-05-09 01:50:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM $95 an hour, two hours minimum? That’s dirt cheap for a late night house call.
2013-05-09 01:51:04
@pzmyers: @mocktm I finished all my alcohol 20 minutes ago. Dooomed. RT @DrRubidium if this guy turns out to be tech support, I’ll need more gin
2013-05-09 01:51:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM fog in LA? That’s it! That’s too far!
2013-05-09 01:52:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM This movie is an alternate universe “Rear Window” in which Hitchcock was “Phineas Gage”d before starting filming.
2013-05-09 01:53:06
@pzmyers: @mocktm I hate guys who quote Goethe & can’t even pronounce “Werther” correctly. Wurrr-thurr. Bleh.
2013-05-09 01:53:16
@brx0: @MockTM Damn home control system, turn the fog machine off, dammit.
2013-05-09 01:54:30
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Huey, sometimes I too think “fuck computers” #truth
2013-05-09 01:55:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM “The internet’s a strange place.” And this film predates “planking!”
2013-05-09 01:56:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The internet is a strange place. Voodoo, satanic rituals, The Huffington Post.
2013-05-09 01:56:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Huey Lewis deserves better. This movie fails if Huey doesn’t murder every other single character by the end.
2013-05-09 01:56:46
@szvan: @MockTM “Computers are a house of mirrors to guys like me.” And we find out who the screenwriter’s stand-in is.
2013-05-09 01:56:56
@pzmyers: @mocktm “Zoom in on his plates.” “ENHANCE.”
2013-05-09 01:57:06
@brx0: @MockTM So they think he’s not the real guy? Just cos he looked too old to know about computers? Bigots.
2013-05-09 01:57:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Home security is significantly less effective when you run it with a strobe light.
2013-05-09 01:57:17
@drskyskull: @MockTM “It still doesn’t make sense.” Read the rest of the script, Huey — if you’re waiting for it to make sense, you’ve got a long wait.
2013-05-09 01:57:45
@szvan: @MockTM “No, let’s not act yet. We have another half hour of useless peril to fill before the race to the ending.”
2013-05-09 01:58:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Opening the gate, HAL.”
2013-05-09 01:58:19
@brx0: @MockTM An underbelly of the web? Voodoo and satanic rituals? ZOMFG!
2013-05-09 01:58:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s twice the normal rate.” “And… what rate was that?” “Oh right, I didn’t say, normally I charge one murder per housecall.”
2013-05-09 02:00:05
@szvan: @MockTM “You’re looking for a murder.” “Fine.” Can we just kill these stupid characters now?
2013-05-09 02:00:23
@pzmyers: @mocktm The movie came out in 2002, Pharyngula started in 2003. The prescience terrifies me.
2013-05-09 02:01:09
@drskyskull: @MockTM I hope Huey sings “If this is IT” by the end of the film. GET IT!!?? I-T, not IT!!! GET IT!!?!??!! GET ITTTT!!??!?!?1214afa415r
2013-05-09 02:01:43
@brx0: @MockTM If he’s covered in static when he walks in, he’s probably a bad technician. Just guessing.
2013-05-09 02:01:46
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, just tell me *she* calls the cops.
2013-05-09 02:01:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lynn! Lynn? Um… why are you covered in so much chocolate syrup? Oh jeez did I just walk in on your private time??”
2013-05-09 02:02:14
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, computer’s all matrixy now. He must be a really good hacker.
2013-05-09 02:02:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm HOW IS HE DOING THAT? I can’t even read the screen.
2013-05-09 02:03:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No, not delete, backspace. This is a Windows OS.
2013-05-09 02:03:48
@brx0: @MockTM Oh right, it’s the victim’s friend from like an hour ago.
2013-05-09 02:03:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM really? She falls?
2013-05-09 02:04:19
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is it normal to think that the movie’s psycho killer needs to be given a wedgie and stuffed into a high school locker?
2013-05-09 02:05:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the bad poetry must end. Please make it stop
2013-05-09 02:06:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God damn it HAL, what good are you if you can’t self-heal a sliced phone line?
2013-05-09 02:06:58
@CA7746: @MockTM If only she had one free arm to apply pressure…
2013-05-09 02:07:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “HAL… unmute the intercom.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:07:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM GOOD GOD NO MORE SHIT POETRY JUST SLICE MY THROAT OPEN ALREADY #VOGON
2013-05-09 02:07:48
@brx0: @MockTM She’s walked these same 5 feet like 5 times now.
2013-05-09 02:08:00
@szvan: @MockTM She’s not afraid of the knife, but the poetry makes her wince. First sensical thing that’s happened this movie.
2013-05-09 02:08:01
@brx0: @MockTM What, no cell phone?
2013-05-09 02:08:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM seriously, where are the cops coming from? The Valley?
2013-05-09 02:09:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The one useful app HAL has right now is to provide a literal ticking clock.
2013-05-09 02:09:32
@drskyskull: @MockTM @DrRubidium They outsourced local law enforcement to a private company in Bangladesh.
2013-05-09 02:09:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lock the door, HAL.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:10:10
@szvan: @MockTM Most movies, I’d be upset that she didn’t think to staunch the bleeding. But her complete inability to think is well established.
2013-05-09 02:10:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Unlock the gun cabinet, HAL.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:10:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm Horrible psycho killer is bad enough, but pretentious poet? Intolerable.
2013-05-09 02:11:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM who the FBI and LAPD are super easy to hack
2013-05-09 02:11:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM By the time they get to the top of that ramp, every cop will be winded and need a breather.
2013-05-09 02:12:05
@brx0: @MockTM I’m thinking this 20 minute thing is medically dubious.
2013-05-09 02:12:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM if only we had precincts in other parts of town so response times were fast…
2013-05-09 02:12:42
@szvan: @MockTM “I am not going to die.” Well, damn.
2013-05-09 02:13:05
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, why did the movie start in Vegas, again? What was that about?
2013-05-09 02:13:20
@pzmyers: @mocktm Jebus, stupid blonde lady. Apply pressure to the wound! Also, it’s barely trickling.
2013-05-09 02:13:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Elevating the wrist and squeezing it with her other hand is probably not going to help anyway. If anything, she’ll die of plot.
2013-05-09 02:14:11
@brx0: @MockTM And, wrong location. Red herring!
2013-05-09 02:14:41
@brx0: @MockTM Did you ever get the feeling they’re just padding this thing out to feature film length?
2013-05-09 02:15:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm Or poetry. RT @lousycanuck If anything, she’ll die of plot.
2013-05-09 02:16:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Intruder elimination options: first warn, then electrocute. What, you’re a computer, you can’t streamline that process a bit?
2013-05-09 02:16:35
@brx0: @MockTM “Shit” not recognized? Fail.
2013-05-09 02:17:01
@pzmyers: @mocktm Oh, come on. Who builds a fully automated house and forgets to include the death rays? Not me.
2013-05-09 02:17:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey HAL, do you have a module where you auto-clamp pressure onto wounds suffered by blondes laying in the driveway?
2013-05-09 02:17:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If only she could get to the driveway to hand Misty one of those crutches and save her!
2013-05-09 02:18:40
@brx0: @MockTM Illegal to electrocute without warning?! Stupid lawyers.
2013-05-09 02:18:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I think Misty just legit hit her head on the door. Way to walk it off! Method acting!
2013-05-09 02:19:27
@brx0: @MockTM But wait, what if he’s not dead? The creature always comes back at least once, right?
2013-05-09 02:19:37
@pzmyers: @mocktm She’s only lost like half a pint. What’s the worry?
2013-05-09 02:19:57
@drskyskull: @MockTM Tourniquet her head, too — it’s hardly using any blood at all, anyway.
2013-05-09 02:20:18
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, he just surfaced, dead. Lame.
2013-05-09 02:20:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Jostle her a bunch more. That’ll help.
2013-05-09 02:20:39
@szvan: @MockTM “You’re gonna bleed to death. Okay?” “Okay.” “Wait!!!”
2013-05-09 02:21:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan No, it’s “You’re going to bleed to death, okay?” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:21:33
@brx0: @MockTM Again, this timer shit is medically dubious.
2013-05-09 02:21:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This fusebox is Unix. I know Unix!”
2013-05-09 02:22:00
@drskyskull: @MockTM The film needs to end with a stuffy old man at a desk explaining the dangers of the internet. “PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!!!”
2013-05-09 02:22:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So I know that’s Huey Lewis. Is his partner The News?
2013-05-09 02:23:12
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the poetry in the movie is the only remotely horrifying thing
2013-05-09 02:23:38
@brx0: @MockTM So with the bad guy zapped, why is the movie still going?
2013-05-09 02:23:48
@brx0: @MockTM I bet he’s magically still alive after all, because why else?
2013-05-09 02:24:05
@CA7746: @MockTM Annnd she flashes him.
2013-05-09 02:24:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If only you’d waited patiently for me to finish drowning while your friend was bleeding to death.
2013-05-09 02:24:38
@brx0: @MockTM These hurrying cops are starting to bore me.
2013-05-09 02:25:42
@pzmyers: @mocktm So he’s not dead? So zapped he was arcing like a high voltage line, & not dead?
2013-05-09 02:25:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is the killer a chain smoker? He sounds like he has emphysema.
2013-05-09 02:25:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 “What the hell? WE’VE BEEN CIRCLING THE PLACE FOR THE PAST 20 MINUTES! Who’s been navigating??!!”
2013-05-09 02:26:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM his bad poetry would motivate me kill his punk ass, cast or no cast
2013-05-09 02:26:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The sounds of eternity boomed like thunder” *crash* OH SHIT HE HACKED THE WEATHER
2013-05-09 02:27:07
@brx0: @MockTM A “passive light intensifier”? I bet this figures in the plot somehow. Just guessing here.
2013-05-09 02:27:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM This killer is going to be taken down by the UC Los Angeles English department for crimes against the arts.
2013-05-09 02:27:56
@szvan: @MockTM I think the only reasonable course of action at this point is for the cops to bomb the whole house.
2013-05-09 02:28:06
@pzmyers: @mocktm Jebus. No more poetry. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
2013-05-09 02:28:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM @szvan “Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
2013-05-09 02:28:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Rear Window reference.
2013-05-09 02:29:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I haven’t been this glad a movie is over since Titanic
2013-05-09 02:29:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Cause of death: jaw fracture caused by two light bounces on concrete.”
2013-05-09 02:29:36
@szvan: @MockTM So how long is his timer?
2013-05-09 02:29:39
@brx0: @MockTM Ok dude, you’re really starting to overstay your welcome now.
2013-05-09 02:30:00
@brx0: @MockTM Meanwhile the cops drive fruitlessly in circles…
2013-05-09 02:30:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This movie might almost have been tolerable if she’d started wailing on him with her crutch.
2013-05-09 02:30:26
@pzmyers: @mocktm One thing about this movie: it’s got the villain I’ve hated most in a long time. Not in an entertaining way, though.
2013-05-09 02:30:38
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing.
2013-05-09 02:30:46
@szvan: @MockTM At least they didn’t try to convince us she was saved by a sudden flash of brilliance. Her brilliance, I mean.
2013-05-09 02:31:04
@brx0: @MockTM Flash cubes? But… he has a SURGE PROTECTOR!!! MWHAHAHA!!!!!
2013-05-09 02:31:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Now they need the ridiculously cheerful british guy to show up again. “So what’s awl this, then?”
2013-05-09 02:31:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm Also, pronouncing “Lotte” as “Lo-Tay” is driving me nuts.
2013-05-09 02:31:49
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand, blinded by his own nefarious lightning. Ironic! Artsy!
2013-05-09 02:32:04
@szvan: @MockTM “You proved to be very, very brave. Not smart, but, you know, brave. Cause I have to say something nice. My mom said so.”
2013-05-09 02:32:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM @pzmyers It’s rare to encounter a villain whose head you want to hold in a dirty toilet.
2013-05-09 02:32:53
@szvan: @MockTM And the moral of tonight’s story: Never date Roger Daltrey.
2013-05-09 02:34:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM The moral of the movie: if you go on the internet, horrible things will happen to you. Like watching this movie.
2013-05-09 02:34:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM My verdict: totes legit. Hack the web router proxies!
2013-05-09 02:34:40
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand, the movie’s still going. Why? What now?
2013-05-09 02:35:01
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck It’s the most sensible internet movie scene since the Independence Day Telnet hack of an alien spaceship!
2013-05-09 02:35:20
@pzmyers: @mocktm Bad guy is dead. Please just end it. Don’t drag in another pathetic “surprise”. Please. I beg you.
2013-05-09 02:35:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m waiting for the after-credits scene where Huey Lewis and Roger Daltrey sing about love found and lost in internet chat rooms.
2013-05-09 02:35:58
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @mocktm Surprise! One more mispronunciation of Lotte!
2013-05-09 02:36:23
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, the inevitable sequel threat, the worst part of any slasher pic. Please tell me they never made a sequel.
2013-05-09 02:36:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Movie ends with a disclaimer from real psychopaths who disavow any association with the villain of the story.
2013-05-09 02:36:44
@brx0: @MockTM So, no AOL CD ninja-ing, and no 127.0.0.1 gag. Fail.
2013-05-09 02:38:53
@CA7746: @MockTM Old laptop made it through the movie, despite a storm. Then, after the credits kitty stepped on the router’s power strip. Cursed!
2013-05-09 02:38:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM I should go back to writing the horror story I was working on, but I’m afraid that that movie has… affected me.
2013-05-09 02:39:14
@pzmyers: @mocktm Credit to PortoSan. I wish they’d had a much bigger part in the movie.
2013-05-09 02:39:32
@lousycanuck: @brx0 @MockTM Damn. I thought about doing a “the call is coming from 192.168.0.2″ when he was outside but… one abstraction too many.
2013-05-09 02:42:33
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, the friend of victim #1 who showed up again an hour later never reappeared after that. What was that all about?
2013-05-09 02:47:42
@brx0: @mocktm And wait, why did the lightning flash blind him when all the previous lightning flashes didn’t? I call shenanigans.
2013-05-09 02:50:53
@CA7746: @MockTM @brx0 And the electricity and pool water did nothing to the goggles.
2013-05-09 02:57:14
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @mocktm I dunno, but there was a superpeepingtom dot com during the early gratuitous nudity scene.
2013-05-09 02:57:53
@CA7746: @MockTM @brx0 Ah, he set them on the ground when he picked the lock prior to the shocking/dunking.
2013-05-09 03:02:34
@brx0: @pzmyers @MockTM Just call their 1-800 number and they’ll mail you a CD.
2013-05-09 03:02:49
@brx0: @lousycanuck @pzmyers @MockTM Just realized that bit was Julie Strain’s cameo in the film. She was in the credits & everything.
2013-05-09 03:05:35
@lousycanuck: @mocktm I just realized we all missed a “THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING” quip.
2013-05-09 03:10:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck … My. God. O_O
2013-05-09 03:12:16
@brx0: @lousycanuck @MockTM I think I was checking my phone or something at that point in the movie.
2013-05-09 03:32:18
@brx0: @MockTM So, IMDB says one of the women in the gratuitous nudity bit was also in Showgirls 2, which apparently exists. http://t.co/hjxN1fvfPD
2013-05-09 03:36:10
@brx0: @MockTM Also, Huey Lewis has 16 actor credits on IMDb. Does this seem weird to anyone else?
2013-05-09 03:40:06
@brx0: @MockTM Less surprisingly, the writer/director/producer hasn’t worked in Hollywood since this movie came out. Heh.
2013-05-09 03:44:26
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, have we done “The Astounding She Monster” (1957) yet? It’s highly mockable. http://t.co/fGDaXekBLc
2013-05-09 03:51:07
@CatherineQ: @drskyskull @MockTM you’re watching a movie starting Huey Lewis?
2013-05-09 04:26:36
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Huey Lewis plays an FBI agent, in a non-music@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Huey Lewis plays an FBI agent, in a non-musical role. He’s sort of a B-movie Tommy Lee Jones, but uglier.
2013-05-09 05:06:08
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Although he’s a better actor than almost everyone else in the movie. More a comment on the film than on him.
2013-05-09 05:07:24
@CatherineQ: @brx0 @drskyskull @MockTM it sounds bad. Really really bad. Even if I could have got past the Huey Lewis part (I had his CD..the shame)
2013-05-09 05:08:41
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Roger Daltrey has a cameo too, but he escapes the movie after the first 10 minutes or so.
2013-05-09 05:14:52

Comments

  1. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    Got my linux sound back.
    A hidden mute button was ticked, as is usually the case.
    I was worried it was something worse, since the recent dist-upgrade was interrupted and resumed.

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