Mock The Movie: .COM For Murder

This movie was easily one of the best worst movies we’ve seen and targeted for Mock The Movie, and not just because of our tech-savvy participants. This movie took itself so seriously, and tried so hard, and yet it failed so miserably at everything it did. Every character was inept, even the supposedly hyper-adept evil hacker. Every action taken was ludicrous, and there were dozens and dozens of ways to short-circuit the evil hacker’s plans. It was ripe for the picking, and boy did we pick.

@szvan: Mock the Movie: Hacksploitation Edition: @MockTM
2013-05-07 20:41:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The drink I made is curdling. A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME?
2013-05-09 00:50:47
@DrRubidium: OMG. The @MockTM looks AWFUL. I love it!
2013-05-09 00:52:16
@lousycanuck: Boy, I hope people were able to find a source for this hacksploitation film. .COM FOR MURDER, on @MockTM in 8 mins!
2013-05-09 00:52:40
@brx0: @MockTM Finally, a movie where being a software engineer makes me an expert, probably.
2013-05-09 00:54:22
@drskyskull: Ready for “.com for Murder” and @MockTM! May leave early, though, to do, you know, productive stuff.
2013-05-09 00:55:24
@CA7746: @MockTM My windows box fried its power supply hours ago. My Debian box lost sound in a recent upgrade. This movie’s cursed!
2013-05-09 00:55:38
@lousycanuck: @CA7746 @MockTM Thor hates you. That’s why he sent his lightning to kill your PS.
2013-05-09 00:57:57
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand, we’re off…
2013-05-09 01:00:24
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is MGM still in business If not, I think I know why…
2013-05-09 01:00:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM Soooo… the movie starts by trying to give half the audience a photo-induced epileptic seizure? #NotCool
2013-05-09 01:01:05
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, it’s Vegas! This looks promising…
2013-05-09 01:01:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh holy shit we’re watching CSI Las Vegas! Oh no, the theme music is off.
2013-05-09 01:01:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM Huey Lewis? SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
2013-05-09 01:01:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Natascha Kinisky?” “Roger Daltry?” “Huey Lewis?” Who the hell are these guys?
2013-05-09 01:02:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @drskyskull I choose to interpret your tweet as to mean you had kidnapped Huey Lewis and he got out to make this movie.
2013-05-09 01:03:05
@drskyskull: @MockTM All these credits are really building the suspense. </sarcasm>
2013-05-09 01:03:18
@brx0: @MockTM A very blurry Vegas at night. I vaguely remember it looking that way once…
2013-05-09 01:03:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey you know what this movie needs more of? Inscrutable imagery and flash cuts. Maybe a lot of blur effects.
2013-05-09 01:03:46
@rvitelli: @lousycanuck @MockTM And the scary part is you were just drinking water…
2013-05-09 01:03:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that’s why I don’t have huge knives just laying about
2013-05-09 01:04:04
@szvan: @MockTM Ahem. *Nausea* is not a “mood” one can set.
2013-05-09 01:04:07
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck Um… no… uh… you’re completely… uh… wrong! *hits groaning burlap sack with shovel again*
2013-05-09 01:04:18
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, I’ve seen this scene in another movie somewhere. Can’t remember which one though.
2013-05-09 01:04:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so 10 stabbing motions, but only 1 stab wound?
2013-05-09 01:05:24
@brx0: @MockTM So far that other movie was better.
2013-05-09 01:05:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This is what Psycho would have looked like if Hitchcock had access to bad Photoshop effects.
2013-05-09 01:05:38
@szvan: @MockTM From the foley, I think someone just bludgeoned her to death with that knife.
2013-05-09 01:05:48
@drskyskull: @MockTM Dear director: just because you have all these nifty video editing effects doesn’t mean you need to use them all in THE FIRST SCENE!
2013-05-09 01:05:48
@CA7746: @MockTM No rules. No restrictions. No standards.
2013-05-09 01:05:55
@brx0: @MockTM This is filmed on VHS, isn’t it?
2013-05-09 01:05:56
@rvitelli: @DrRubidium @MockTM Keeping the MGM lion fed means getting work where you can.
2013-05-09 01:06:07
@pzmyers: @mocktm So this might have the Internet in it? I hear tell the Internet is of the devil.
2013-05-09 01:06:09
@brx0: @MockTM AOL product placement fail.
2013-05-09 01:06:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM American Love Online is the only internet chat room where there are no rules, no restrictions, no pesky harassment policies.
2013-05-09 01:07:11
@brx0: @MockTM Although I’ll forgive this movie anything if someone uses an AOL CD as a ninja star.
2013-05-09 01:07:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM The guy from The Who is totally the killer, am I right?
2013-05-09 01:07:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM FETUS IN A JAR!!! *drinks a shot*
2013-05-09 01:07:42
@CA7746: @MockTM The keyboard’s lit. Where’s he gonna put those fingers?
2013-05-09 01:07:48
@szvan: Always. Or the devil. RT @DrRubidium: @MockTM The guy from The Who is totally the killer, am I right?
2013-05-09 01:07:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Sweet, you can order pickled fetuses in cyberspace now! I’m’a get ten.
2013-05-09 01:07:58
@brx0: @MockTM So, our bad guy shops at Spencer’s Gifts. Hey, does that store still exist?
2013-05-09 01:08:08
@pzmyers: @mocktm Nudity? Already? God will forgive bloody murder, but not nekkidness.
2013-05-09 01:08:21
@szvan: @MockTM At least he realized the prose was terrible.
2013-05-09 01:08:34
@brx0: @MockTM A poet. Now we know he’s the bad guy.
2013-05-09 01:08:35
@drskyskull: @MockTM It is probably wrong of me, but I totally want one of those glowing red keyboards now.
2013-05-09 01:08:43
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie has more breasts than #GOT
2013-05-09 01:08:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So to go to a porn site, you go to “t5ttooo”?
2013-05-09 01:08:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM This killer has a really weird fetish — naked women who have inhaled helium.
2013-05-09 01:09:08
@brx0: @MockTM Nekkidness? On the internet!?
2013-05-09 01:09:10
@pzmyers: @mocktm A neat housekeeper always washes the cutlery immediately after use.
2013-05-09 01:09:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey that last one is a good choice, dude. She has a decent voice… as in a human one.
2013-05-09 01:09:58
@brx0: @MockTM That looked like dialup. Heh. Psycho killer interweb fail.
2013-05-09 01:09:59
@szvan: @MockTM I’m pretty sure that even in 2002, we all knew a talking internet was fucking annoying.
2013-05-09 01:10:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “System is idle, except for all the CPU usage it takes to make that deep resonant voice and flash the ‘system is idle’ message.”
2013-05-09 01:10:34
@pzmyers: @mocktm Nobody told me this was going to be a devbio movie. When you show a fetus in the first act, you have to use it by the third.
2013-05-09 01:10:52
@CA7746: @MockTM The house is computer controlled, and she runs the ‘insanity’ command. What could go wrong?
2013-05-09 01:11:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM After the password hit “recover”, THEN “enter”? I CALL SHENANIGANS
2013-05-09 01:11:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM If this movie had gotten a wide release, I’m pretty confident nobody would ever have used the internet afterwards. #lame
2013-05-09 01:11:42
@pzmyers: @mocktm Where can I get a keyboard with pink glowing keys? I’m feeling envy.
2013-05-09 01:11:44
@brx0: @MockTM So, @Rennlou points out that we never see our stars & the disco ceiling in the same shot.
2013-05-09 01:12:30
@brx0: @MockTM Also, the bad guy seems to be in the same house.
2013-05-09 01:12:52
@drskyskull: @MockTM He called her an anachronistic female? Doesn’t that mean she has eight legs and is going to eat him after mating?
2013-05-09 01:12:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM HAL!? HAL has an insanity command!? THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!
2013-05-09 01:13:11
@brx0: @MockTM When does Kinski turn into a panther?
2013-05-09 01:13:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck And here I thought HAL went nuts because they let a cat walk on the keyboard.
2013-05-09 01:13:40
@brx0: @MockTM Puny little monitor fail. Hey, is that Windows 98?
2013-05-09 01:14:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM How long til “Door open, hello murderer” from our scene-stealing baritone house?
2013-05-09 01:14:32
@lukedones: @drskyskull @MockTM Shows this is an old movie. Helium is too expensive now. Wouldn’t fit in film’s budget.
2013-05-09 01:14:35
@pzmyers: @mocktm Wait…the guy has to tell her to hit the enter key, but she’s playing with a fancy graphical core management system?
2013-05-09 01:14:38
@brx0: @MockTM OOh, “DSL ON!”
2013-05-09 01:14:50
@brx0: @MockTM I never used AOL. Did the logon really work that way? C’mon, fess up, you AOL users out there.
2013-05-09 01:15:40
@brx0: @MockTM Wow. AOL sucks.
2013-05-09 01:16:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM when did the web ever work this way?
2013-05-09 01:16:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM YESSSS, total hacker! Accidentally guessing “smartass” with your voice password interface!
2013-05-09 01:16:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Away on business, but I never stop thinking of you.” Computer: “Away on penis, but I never stop drinking poo.” DAMN YOU SIRI!
2013-05-09 01:17:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM ZALGOOOO
2013-05-09 01:17:37
@brx0: @MockTM Damn popup ads.
2013-05-09 01:17:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm America Love Online? What’s the URL? Did anyone get it?
2013-05-09 01:17:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM crap graphics scare me too
2013-05-09 01:18:06
@szvan: @MockTM Gosh, why would he ever cheat on her? She’s everything anyone could ever want. Zitface?
2013-05-09 01:18:13
@brx0: @MockTM She wasn’t yelling. That wasn’t all caps. Didn’t the 90s know *anything*?
2013-05-09 01:18:43
@pzmyers: @mocktm I’ve seen a few sexy chats online, and those don’t impress.
2013-05-09 01:18:54
@drskyskull: @MockTM Um, movie, if I want to read dialogue like this, I’ll go read YouTube comments.
2013-05-09 01:19:07
@CA7746: @MockTM “The Sorrows of Young Werther” – angsty emo novel circa 1774.
2013-05-09 01:19:12
@CA7746: @MockTM Or maybe he just likes Werther’s Original candy.
2013-05-09 01:19:17
@pzmyers: @mocktm Yeesh. Turn off the annoying sound effects.
2013-05-09 01:19:27
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, a guy with eye makeup. He must be evil.
2013-05-09 01:20:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m going to invent a virtual hotel for cybersex. I’ll charge by the nanosecond. Or maybe by the kilobyte.
2013-05-09 01:20:36
@pzmyers: @mocktm Now I also want the unicode for bleeding letters.
2013-05-09 01:20:45
@pzmyers: @mocktm “Master of the Game”…oh no, she’s connected with a PUA!
2013-05-09 01:21:24
@brx0: @MockTM Nice house anyway.
2013-05-09 01:21:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie has some of the worst dialog ever
2013-05-09 01:22:28
@brx0: @MockTM This is pretty much the #FTBullies hashtag movie, isn’t it?
2013-05-09 01:22:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah, hack the ip nodes and ping the cyber routers! Quickest way to get a person’s drivers license for sure.
2013-05-09 01:23:01
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh, wandering over to the Dark Side of the Interwebs.
2013-05-09 01:24:30
@pzmyers: @mocktm Good to see I’m not the only one who speaks out loud every word he types.
2013-05-09 01:25:32
@brx0: @MockTM “Game On”? Okayyy.
2013-05-09 01:25:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM you see a snuff film and your all “what to do, what to do…”?
2013-05-09 01:26:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Shouldn’t we report this to the service?” Oh right, the Cyber-Cops.
2013-05-09 01:26:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “In his thirties…” Like… thirty-ten, thirty-fifteen-ish.
2013-05-09 01:26:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM illuminated keyboard = creepy douche
2013-05-09 01:27:21
@brx0: @MockTM Starting to think the screenwriter was not female. Just a guess.
2013-05-09 01:27:57
@szvan: @MockTM In 2002, “Ben” was only thirty-twenty-eight.
2013-05-09 01:28:10
@brx0: @MockTM Gah, the bad guy lives in an A-frame. Creepy!
2013-05-09 01:28:44
2013-05-09 01:29:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, THAT’S why he’s crazy. He sees everything in inverted color filter.
2013-05-09 01:29:14
@brx0: @MockTM And scary sounds while Bad Dude closes his vintage PowerBook. So frightening.
2013-05-09 01:29:31
@pzmyers: @mocktm Ableist. Maybe he has vision problems. RT @DrRubidium illuminated keyboard = creepy douche
2013-05-09 01:29:47
@szvan: @MockTM Judging from that sound effect, he’s connected to American Love Online through a spike that just shot into his head.
2013-05-09 01:29:52
2013-05-09 01:30:29
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, is that Windows 98 again, on a PowerBook? Ok, this movie’s starting to become unbelievable now.
2013-05-09 01:30:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh shit, if he stops at that red light, he’ll miss his chance to murder someone he tracked down over teh internets!
2013-05-09 01:30:34
@brx0: @MockTM See, if evil hax0r dude wasn’t white the LAPD would have shot him by now.
2013-05-09 01:32:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM THE CALL IS COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. Wait, that’s not as menacing.
2013-05-09 01:32:36
@pzmyers: @mocktm Texting while driving is bad. Fantasizing about murder is badder.
2013-05-09 01:32:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ben totally has the same accent as that dude. Totally.
2013-05-09 01:33:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what’s the deal with the eyeliner?
2013-05-09 01:33:10
@drskyskull: @MockTM @pzmyers Texting while fantasizing about murder is the worst!
2013-05-09 01:33:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there’s a limit to what chamomile can do
2013-05-09 01:33:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Chamomile tea will make you sleep like a baby after you wash down a dozen valium with it.
2013-05-09 01:34:04
@brx0: @MockTM “Ooooh You Have e-Mail!!!” AOL sucked.
2013-05-09 01:35:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s so my new work email noise. “Ooooh.”
2013-05-09 01:35:14
@drskyskull: @MockTM Sooo… this guy murders people by boring them to death, right?
2013-05-09 01:35:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bad guy’s about to play Splinter Cell: Compuserve Yesterday.
2013-05-09 01:36:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM Hey — these aren’t my night vision goggles — they’re my TNG Geordi glasses!
2013-05-09 01:36:50
@brx0: @MockTM Still, I’ll forgive this movie a lot if they realize he’s in the house because his IP is
2013-05-09 01:36:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM any time you wanna call 911, feel free.
2013-05-09 01:36:55
@szvan: @MockTM When your death scenes are less freaky than your chatting-on-the-internet scenes….
2013-05-09 01:37:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “His version of the Blair Witch Project.” “No, can’t be. THAT had a PLOT.”
2013-05-09 01:37:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well I can’t just sit and watch this!” *continues watching*
2013-05-09 01:37:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM it’s a bad sign when Nicolette Sheridan is the voice if reason
2013-05-09 01:37:52
@CA7746: @MockTM The internet stalker’s gonna kill her with cats.
2013-05-09 01:38:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This murder brought to you by Google Glass.
2013-05-09 01:38:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This failed lockpicking attempt brought to you by someone who learned lockpicking from Skyrim.
2013-05-09 01:39:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM This is a lot like “Silence of the Lambs,” if Hannibal Lecter were played by Pete Campbell from “Mad Men.”
2013-05-09 01:39:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This chat room is only for Los Angeles, and you know what the Cyber Police are like about internet immigration.
2013-05-09 01:40:15
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck You are KILLING it tonight! :D
2013-05-09 01:40:24
@drskyskull: @MockTM Slicing throats is so totally 1970s Italian horror, dude. If you wanna shock on the internet, you need to defenestrate or something.
2013-05-09 01:41:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS?” Don’t worry, it’s just bad poetry over a fake snuff film.
2013-05-09 01:42:11
@drskyskull: @MockTM I predict that film will reveal that it is the imagination of a mentally lacking child looking in a snowglobe, i.e. screenwriter.
2013-05-09 01:43:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there is no way the 911 op would roll that way.
2013-05-09 01:43:37
@brx0: @MockTM Tiny CRT monitor. Heh.
2013-05-09 01:44:10
@pzmyers: @mocktm That reaction…wait until they get a load of “Two girls one cup”.
2013-05-09 01:44:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Just listen to me — someone murdered someone else on the internet!” “Again? We need a squad car at World of Warcraft…”
2013-05-09 01:44:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m really impressed by that eyeliner. What is that, Cover Girl?
2013-05-09 01:44:28
@CA7746: @MockTM Nah. As cute as malware steganography would be, your files are likely clobbered ma’am.
2013-05-09 01:44:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Murderer is so sad! How can murderer get clean if someone keeps pouring raspberry syrup on him!?
2013-05-09 01:45:33
@brx0: @MockTM The bit where they panned over bad poetry as scary movie music played was super effective though. Pure movie magic.
2013-05-09 01:45:41
@szvan: @MockTM Curled fetally in the shower. Yup, that’s how I imagine most PUAs.
2013-05-09 01:45:45
@drskyskull: @MockTM HUEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2013-05-09 01:45:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What’s this?” “Oh, some guy’s firewall encrypted your material by turning it into racist stereotype cartoons.”
2013-05-09 01:47:08
@brx0: @MockTM I do not think encryption means what you think it means.
2013-05-09 01:47:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM wow, I know fuck all about hacking and even I know this is some bullshit
2013-05-09 01:47:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM Was this film intended to be the “Reefer Madness” of internet chat rooms?
2013-05-09 01:48:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A long list of fake non-octet IPs, and you get to look at someone’s C:\Windows\System32 in Win98 File Manager. Good… to… know.
2013-05-09 01:48:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM The best way to break the encryption is to find the stupid screenwriter and punch him in the junk.
2013-05-09 01:49:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM if this guy turns out to be tech support, I’ll need more gin
2013-05-09 01:49:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s right, just call the all-night cyber encryption cracking tech dudes who make house calls. Then Bigfoot and Santa Claus.
2013-05-09 01:49:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM This film would seem frighteningly plausible if they had actually been chatting on Facebook.
2013-05-09 01:50:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM $95 an hour, two hours minimum? That’s dirt cheap for a late night house call.
2013-05-09 01:51:04
@pzmyers: @mocktm I finished all my alcohol 20 minutes ago. Dooomed. RT @DrRubidium if this guy turns out to be tech support, I’ll need more gin
2013-05-09 01:51:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM fog in LA? That’s it! That’s too far!
2013-05-09 01:52:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM This movie is an alternate universe “Rear Window” in which Hitchcock was “Phineas Gage”d before starting filming.
2013-05-09 01:53:06
@pzmyers: @mocktm I hate guys who quote Goethe & can’t even pronounce “Werther” correctly. Wurrr-thurr. Bleh.
2013-05-09 01:53:16
@brx0: @MockTM Damn home control system, turn the fog machine off, dammit.
2013-05-09 01:54:30
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Huey, sometimes I too think “fuck computers” #truth
2013-05-09 01:55:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM “The internet’s a strange place.” And this film predates “planking!”
2013-05-09 01:56:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The internet is a strange place. Voodoo, satanic rituals, The Huffington Post.
2013-05-09 01:56:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Huey Lewis deserves better. This movie fails if Huey doesn’t murder every other single character by the end.
2013-05-09 01:56:46
@szvan: @MockTM “Computers are a house of mirrors to guys like me.” And we find out who the screenwriter’s stand-in is.
2013-05-09 01:56:56
@pzmyers: @mocktm “Zoom in on his plates.” “ENHANCE.”
2013-05-09 01:57:06
@brx0: @MockTM So they think he’s not the real guy? Just cos he looked too old to know about computers? Bigots.
2013-05-09 01:57:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Home security is significantly less effective when you run it with a strobe light.
2013-05-09 01:57:17
@drskyskull: @MockTM “It still doesn’t make sense.” Read the rest of the script, Huey — if you’re waiting for it to make sense, you’ve got a long wait.
2013-05-09 01:57:45
@szvan: @MockTM “No, let’s not act yet. We have another half hour of useless peril to fill before the race to the ending.”
2013-05-09 01:58:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Opening the gate, HAL.”
2013-05-09 01:58:19
@brx0: @MockTM An underbelly of the web? Voodoo and satanic rituals? ZOMFG!
2013-05-09 01:58:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “It’s twice the normal rate.” “And… what rate was that?” “Oh right, I didn’t say, normally I charge one murder per housecall.”
2013-05-09 02:00:05
@szvan: @MockTM “You’re looking for a murder.” “Fine.” Can we just kill these stupid characters now?
2013-05-09 02:00:23
@pzmyers: @mocktm The movie came out in 2002, Pharyngula started in 2003. The prescience terrifies me.
2013-05-09 02:01:09
@drskyskull: @MockTM I hope Huey sings “If this is IT” by the end of the film. GET IT!!?? I-T, not IT!!! GET IT!!?!??!! GET ITTTT!!??!?!?1214afa415r
2013-05-09 02:01:43
@brx0: @MockTM If he’s covered in static when he walks in, he’s probably a bad technician. Just guessing.
2013-05-09 02:01:46
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, just tell me *she* calls the cops.
2013-05-09 02:01:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lynn! Lynn? Um… why are you covered in so much chocolate syrup? Oh jeez did I just walk in on your private time??”
2013-05-09 02:02:14
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, computer’s all matrixy now. He must be a really good hacker.
2013-05-09 02:02:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm HOW IS HE DOING THAT? I can’t even read the screen.
2013-05-09 02:03:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No, not delete, backspace. This is a Windows OS.
2013-05-09 02:03:48
@brx0: @MockTM Oh right, it’s the victim’s friend from like an hour ago.
2013-05-09 02:03:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM really? She falls?
2013-05-09 02:04:19
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is it normal to think that the movie’s psycho killer needs to be given a wedgie and stuffed into a high school locker?
2013-05-09 02:05:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the bad poetry must end. Please make it stop
2013-05-09 02:06:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM God damn it HAL, what good are you if you can’t self-heal a sliced phone line?
2013-05-09 02:06:58
@CA7746: @MockTM If only she had one free arm to apply pressure…
2013-05-09 02:07:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “HAL… unmute the intercom.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:07:29
2013-05-09 02:07:48
@brx0: @MockTM She’s walked these same 5 feet like 5 times now.
2013-05-09 02:08:00
@szvan: @MockTM She’s not afraid of the knife, but the poetry makes her wince. First sensical thing that’s happened this movie.
2013-05-09 02:08:01
@brx0: @MockTM What, no cell phone?
2013-05-09 02:08:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM seriously, where are the cops coming from? The Valley?
2013-05-09 02:09:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The one useful app HAL has right now is to provide a literal ticking clock.
2013-05-09 02:09:32
@drskyskull: @MockTM @DrRubidium They outsourced local law enforcement to a private company in Bangladesh.
2013-05-09 02:09:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lock the door, HAL.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:10:10
@szvan: @MockTM Most movies, I’d be upset that she didn’t think to staunch the bleeding. But her complete inability to think is well established.
2013-05-09 02:10:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Unlock the gun cabinet, HAL.” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:10:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm Horrible psycho killer is bad enough, but pretentious poet? Intolerable.
2013-05-09 02:11:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM who the FBI and LAPD are super easy to hack
2013-05-09 02:11:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM By the time they get to the top of that ramp, every cop will be winded and need a breather.
2013-05-09 02:12:05
@brx0: @MockTM I’m thinking this 20 minute thing is medically dubious.
2013-05-09 02:12:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM if only we had precincts in other parts of town so response times were fast…
2013-05-09 02:12:42
@szvan: @MockTM “I am not going to die.” Well, damn.
2013-05-09 02:13:05
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, why did the movie start in Vegas, again? What was that about?
2013-05-09 02:13:20
@pzmyers: @mocktm Jebus, stupid blonde lady. Apply pressure to the wound! Also, it’s barely trickling.
2013-05-09 02:13:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Elevating the wrist and squeezing it with her other hand is probably not going to help anyway. If anything, she’ll die of plot.
2013-05-09 02:14:11
@brx0: @MockTM And, wrong location. Red herring!
2013-05-09 02:14:41
@brx0: @MockTM Did you ever get the feeling they’re just padding this thing out to feature film length?
2013-05-09 02:15:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm Or poetry. RT @lousycanuck If anything, she’ll die of plot.
2013-05-09 02:16:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Intruder elimination options: first warn, then electrocute. What, you’re a computer, you can’t streamline that process a bit?
2013-05-09 02:16:35
@brx0: @MockTM “Shit” not recognized? Fail.
2013-05-09 02:17:01
@pzmyers: @mocktm Oh, come on. Who builds a fully automated house and forgets to include the death rays? Not me.
2013-05-09 02:17:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey HAL, do you have a module where you auto-clamp pressure onto wounds suffered by blondes laying in the driveway?
2013-05-09 02:17:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If only she could get to the driveway to hand Misty one of those crutches and save her!
2013-05-09 02:18:40
@brx0: @MockTM Illegal to electrocute without warning?! Stupid lawyers.
2013-05-09 02:18:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I think Misty just legit hit her head on the door. Way to walk it off! Method acting!
2013-05-09 02:19:27
@brx0: @MockTM But wait, what if he’s not dead? The creature always comes back at least once, right?
2013-05-09 02:19:37
@pzmyers: @mocktm She’s only lost like half a pint. What’s the worry?
2013-05-09 02:19:57
@drskyskull: @MockTM Tourniquet her head, too — it’s hardly using any blood at all, anyway.
2013-05-09 02:20:18
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, he just surfaced, dead. Lame.
2013-05-09 02:20:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Jostle her a bunch more. That’ll help.
2013-05-09 02:20:39
@szvan: @MockTM “You’re gonna bleed to death. Okay?” “Okay.” “Wait!!!”
2013-05-09 02:21:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan No, it’s “You’re going to bleed to death, okay?” “Okay.” “Well that was easy.”
2013-05-09 02:21:33
@brx0: @MockTM Again, this timer shit is medically dubious.
2013-05-09 02:21:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This fusebox is Unix. I know Unix!”
2013-05-09 02:22:00
@drskyskull: @MockTM The film needs to end with a stuffy old man at a desk explaining the dangers of the internet. “PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!!!”
2013-05-09 02:22:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So I know that’s Huey Lewis. Is his partner The News?
2013-05-09 02:23:12
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the poetry in the movie is the only remotely horrifying thing
2013-05-09 02:23:38
@brx0: @MockTM So with the bad guy zapped, why is the movie still going?
2013-05-09 02:23:48
@brx0: @MockTM I bet he’s magically still alive after all, because why else?
2013-05-09 02:24:05
@CA7746: @MockTM Annnd she flashes him.
2013-05-09 02:24:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If only you’d waited patiently for me to finish drowning while your friend was bleeding to death.
2013-05-09 02:24:38
@brx0: @MockTM These hurrying cops are starting to bore me.
2013-05-09 02:25:42
@pzmyers: @mocktm So he’s not dead? So zapped he was arcing like a high voltage line, & not dead?
2013-05-09 02:25:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is the killer a chain smoker? He sounds like he has emphysema.
2013-05-09 02:25:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 “What the hell? WE’VE BEEN CIRCLING THE PLACE FOR THE PAST 20 MINUTES! Who’s been navigating??!!”
2013-05-09 02:26:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM his bad poetry would motivate me kill his punk ass, cast or no cast
2013-05-09 02:26:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The sounds of eternity boomed like thunder” *crash* OH SHIT HE HACKED THE WEATHER
2013-05-09 02:27:07
@brx0: @MockTM A “passive light intensifier”? I bet this figures in the plot somehow. Just guessing here.
2013-05-09 02:27:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM This killer is going to be taken down by the UC Los Angeles English department for crimes against the arts.
2013-05-09 02:27:56
@szvan: @MockTM I think the only reasonable course of action at this point is for the cops to bomb the whole house.
2013-05-09 02:28:06
2013-05-09 02:28:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM @szvan “Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
2013-05-09 02:28:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Rear Window reference.
2013-05-09 02:29:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I haven’t been this glad a movie is over since Titanic
2013-05-09 02:29:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Cause of death: jaw fracture caused by two light bounces on concrete.”
2013-05-09 02:29:36
@szvan: @MockTM So how long is his timer?
2013-05-09 02:29:39
@brx0: @MockTM Ok dude, you’re really starting to overstay your welcome now.
2013-05-09 02:30:00
@brx0: @MockTM Meanwhile the cops drive fruitlessly in circles…
2013-05-09 02:30:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This movie might almost have been tolerable if she’d started wailing on him with her crutch.
2013-05-09 02:30:26
@pzmyers: @mocktm One thing about this movie: it’s got the villain I’ve hated most in a long time. Not in an entertaining way, though.
2013-05-09 02:30:38
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing.
2013-05-09 02:30:46
@szvan: @MockTM At least they didn’t try to convince us she was saved by a sudden flash of brilliance. Her brilliance, I mean.
2013-05-09 02:31:04
@brx0: @MockTM Flash cubes? But… he has a SURGE PROTECTOR!!! MWHAHAHA!!!!!
2013-05-09 02:31:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Now they need the ridiculously cheerful british guy to show up again. “So what’s awl this, then?”
2013-05-09 02:31:46
@pzmyers: @mocktm Also, pronouncing “Lotte” as “Lo-Tay” is driving me nuts.
2013-05-09 02:31:49
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand, blinded by his own nefarious lightning. Ironic! Artsy!
2013-05-09 02:32:04
@szvan: @MockTM “You proved to be very, very brave. Not smart, but, you know, brave. Cause I have to say something nice. My mom said so.”
2013-05-09 02:32:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM @pzmyers It’s rare to encounter a villain whose head you want to hold in a dirty toilet.
2013-05-09 02:32:53
@szvan: @MockTM And the moral of tonight’s story: Never date Roger Daltrey.
2013-05-09 02:34:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM The moral of the movie: if you go on the internet, horrible things will happen to you. Like watching this movie.
2013-05-09 02:34:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM My verdict: totes legit. Hack the web router proxies!
2013-05-09 02:34:40
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand, the movie’s still going. Why? What now?
2013-05-09 02:35:01
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck It’s the most sensible internet movie scene since the Independence Day Telnet hack of an alien spaceship!
2013-05-09 02:35:20
@pzmyers: @mocktm Bad guy is dead. Please just end it. Don’t drag in another pathetic “surprise”. Please. I beg you.
2013-05-09 02:35:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I’m waiting for the after-credits scene where Huey Lewis and Roger Daltrey sing about love found and lost in internet chat rooms.
2013-05-09 02:35:58
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @mocktm Surprise! One more mispronunciation of Lotte!
2013-05-09 02:36:23
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, the inevitable sequel threat, the worst part of any slasher pic. Please tell me they never made a sequel.
2013-05-09 02:36:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Movie ends with a disclaimer from real psychopaths who disavow any association with the villain of the story.
2013-05-09 02:36:44
@brx0: @MockTM So, no AOL CD ninja-ing, and no gag. Fail.
2013-05-09 02:38:53
@CA7746: @MockTM Old laptop made it through the movie, despite a storm. Then, after the credits kitty stepped on the router’s power strip. Cursed!
2013-05-09 02:38:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM I should go back to writing the horror story I was working on, but I’m afraid that that movie has… affected me.
2013-05-09 02:39:14
@pzmyers: @mocktm Credit to PortoSan. I wish they’d had a much bigger part in the movie.
2013-05-09 02:39:32
@lousycanuck: @brx0 @MockTM Damn. I thought about doing a “the call is coming from” when he was outside but… one abstraction too many.
2013-05-09 02:42:33
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, the friend of victim #1 who showed up again an hour later never reappeared after that. What was that all about?
2013-05-09 02:47:42
@brx0: @mocktm And wait, why did the lightning flash blind him when all the previous lightning flashes didn’t? I call shenanigans.
2013-05-09 02:50:53
@CA7746: @MockTM @brx0 And the electricity and pool water did nothing to the goggles.
2013-05-09 02:57:14
@lousycanuck: @pzmyers @mocktm I dunno, but there was a superpeepingtom dot com during the early gratuitous nudity scene.
2013-05-09 02:57:53
@CA7746: @MockTM @brx0 Ah, he set them on the ground when he picked the lock prior to the shocking/dunking.
2013-05-09 03:02:34
@brx0: @pzmyers @MockTM Just call their 1-800 number and they’ll mail you a CD.
2013-05-09 03:02:49
@brx0: @lousycanuck @pzmyers @MockTM Just realized that bit was Julie Strain’s cameo in the film. She was in the credits & everything.
2013-05-09 03:05:35
@lousycanuck: @mocktm I just realized we all missed a “THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING” quip.
2013-05-09 03:10:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck … My. God. O_O
2013-05-09 03:12:16
@brx0: @lousycanuck @MockTM I think I was checking my phone or something at that point in the movie.
2013-05-09 03:32:18
@brx0: @MockTM So, IMDB says one of the women in the gratuitous nudity bit was also in Showgirls 2, which apparently exists.
2013-05-09 03:36:10
@brx0: @MockTM Also, Huey Lewis has 16 actor credits on IMDb. Does this seem weird to anyone else?
2013-05-09 03:40:06
@brx0: @MockTM Less surprisingly, the writer/director/producer hasn’t worked in Hollywood since this movie came out. Heh.
2013-05-09 03:44:26
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, have we done “The Astounding She Monster” (1957) yet? It’s highly mockable.
2013-05-09 03:51:07
@CatherineQ: @drskyskull @MockTM you’re watching a movie starting Huey Lewis?
2013-05-09 04:26:36
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Huey Lewis plays an FBI agent, in a non-music@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Huey Lewis plays an FBI agent, in a non-musical role. He’s sort of a B-movie Tommy Lee Jones, but uglier.
2013-05-09 05:06:08
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Although he’s a better actor than almost everyone else in the movie. More a comment on the film than on him.
2013-05-09 05:07:24
@CatherineQ: @brx0 @drskyskull @MockTM it sounds bad. Really really bad. Even if I could have got past the Huey Lewis part (I had his CD..the shame)
2013-05-09 05:08:41
@brx0: @CatherineQ @drskyskull @MockTM Roger Daltrey has a cameo too, but he escapes the movie after the first 10 minutes or so.
2013-05-09 05:14:52


  1. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    Got my linux sound back.
    A hidden mute button was ticked, as is usually the case.
    I was worried it was something worse, since the recent dist-upgrade was interrupted and resumed.

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