Mock The Movie: Megapython Vs. Gatoroid transcript

I did a bit of digital archaeology and found two of our earliest transcripts had never been posted. Here’s Megapython Vs. Gatoroid, originally airing — err, tweeting — August 31st, 2011. This one was the natural Syfy follow-up to the inaugural Sands of Oblivion event that kicked off Mock The Movie — sadly, we didn’t get a transcript of the first run, so we eventually redid it.

I also found a transcript, in completely the wrong format, from our second-ever event: Atom Age Vampire. I’m going to have to parse it back into shape before I post it.

Go check out the brand-spankin’-new Mock The Movie page where all the old transcripts and subtitle files have been posted.

We’ve added .com For Murder at the end of the queue, with a tagline of “In cyberspace no one can hear you scream”. Come on, how could we not!?

And we’re actively taking submissions for new movies. The sweet spot on IMDB is between 2.5 and 4 stars. Anything lower than that is unwatchable, anything higher than that is probably too good to mock (or too self-aware to make for easy mocking). We get better participation when the movie’s available someplace for free — Hulu for Americans, Archive.org for everyone for movies that are now public domain, and Youtube for movies that may end up getting yanked before showtime (so be careful when offering movies from there). We do some movies that require paid services like Hulu Plus or Netflix now and again, but we try to space those out for better participation and access. Make your suggestions in the comments!

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Defamation is not disagreement

So today, on my latest Mock the Movie transcript, this post hit my moderation wall:

Author : ShiningMoon (IP: 98.89.26.128 , adsl-98-89-26-128.mgm.bellsouth.net)
E-mail : Shimoon@hotmail.com
URL :
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/98.89.26.128
Comment:
A girlfriend of mine and my girlfriend (friend and S.O. I’m lesbian) pointed out that people here aren’t taking what happened to her at the hands of Jason seriously. My girlfriend was raped. Thibeault did that. What people want to say in a friend’s defense won’t change that. I’ll believe my girlfriend over this guy.

However, another thing that I’ve found about this website in the past days are that its generally respectful of victims saying they were abused. So, what did he tell you? Did he claim that she also said he didn’t rape her? This isnt what happened. Consideration that Jason might’ve added details in is what keeps me from judging those who simply accept his word that my girlfriend is a liar. This is all I have to say. I won’t be arguing with people here about whether or not my girlfriend was raped, partly because she doesn’t want a drawn out discussion, and partly because I myself won’t endure that.

Taunts like “Where’s she? Why won’t she face him herself if she’s truly a victim?” will NOT be acknowledged. Assuming that someone is likely to be comfortable facing him, even online, is ignorant at least.

Fascinating. No details? No facts? Just an attempt to put the fear of MRA’s False Rape Accusation Trope into me?
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Mock The Movie: DNA transcript

Last night we watched what happens when you stick Jurassic Park, Terminator, Alien, Iron Chef and Turok: Dinosaur Hunter into a blender, hit puree, then dump half of it out and fill the remainder of your glass with some horrible stop-motion animation. It was slightly disappointing that a few action tropes were missed (I was really hoping for the speedboat to ramp off of some conveniently-placed jungle logs for instance), but there were a lot that were hit, so our mockery quota was satisfied I think.

Our noble Sky Captain, CompulsoryAccount7746, provides the subtitle files for those of you watching this in a format VLC can handle. In color, and for those of you displaying these movies on your monochrome telephonoscope machine, white only.

Here’s our calendar of upcoming events. You can also subscribe to the iCal file.

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Mock The Movie

Every month-ish, some nerdy atheisty sciencey types, including Yours Truly, hang out on Twitter and watch the same movie at the same time. We all tweet our snarks about said movie directly at a Twitter user we built, and a few of us computerey nerd-types including Yours Truly pull all those tweets into logs for your enjoyment. We call our creation…

Mock The Movie film reel logo

Upcoming Events
Here’s our upcoming schedule. You can also subscribe to the iCal file.

The Archive
We’ve done quite a few of these so far. Here’s an archive of what we have in digital form.

Airdate TITLE IMDB Transcript Subtitles
2015-07-27 Crossroads (2002) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-07-09 Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1993) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-06-18 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-06-03 IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-05 IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-04-01 God’s Not Dead (2014) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-03-04 Them! (1954) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-02-05 Deadly Outbreak IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2015-01 IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-12-03 Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-11-05 In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-10-08 Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption (2011) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-09-10 Dungeons and Dragons (2000) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-08-06 Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-07-09 Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-06-04 Belphegor: Phantom of the Louvre (1956) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-05-07 Dracula 3000 (2004) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-04-02 Battle Beyond the Stars (1980) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-03-05 The Giant Claw (1957) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-02-05 Road House (1989) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2014-01-01 Slugs: The Movie (1988) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-12-02 The Indestructible Man (1956) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-11-06 Terror in the Haunted House (1958) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-10-23 The Cloth (2013) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-10-09 Miami Connection (1987) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-09-25 Sol (2012) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-09-11 House of Evil (1968) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-08-28 Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike (2012) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-08-14 Deep Blue Sea (1999) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-07-31 Total Recall (1990) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-07-17 Gymkata (1985) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-07-10 War of the Robots (1978) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-06-19 Delta Force 2 (1990) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-06-05 Atlas Shrugged pt 1 (2011) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-05-22 Expect No Mercy (1995) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-05-08 .COM For Murder (2002) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-04-25 Super Mario Bros. (1993) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-04-12 Masque of the Red Death (1964) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-03-27 DNA (1997) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-03-13 Dark Angel (1990) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-02-27 Cat Women of the Moon (1953) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-02-13 Killer Condom (1996) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-01-30 Warning from Space (1956) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-01-16 House of Fears (2007) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2013-01-02 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-12-13 Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-11-29 Sands Of Oblivion (2007) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-11-15 The Yesterday Machine (1963) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-10-25 Bride of the Monster (1955) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-10-11 Rabid Grannies (1988) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-09-27 Moontrap (1989) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-09-13 Hercules (1983) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-08-30 In The Year 2889 (1967) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-08-16 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-08-02 Ninja Terminator (1985) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-06-04 She Gods of Shark Reef (1958) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-05-17 Night of the Demon (1980) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-05-03 2012 Zombie Apocalypse (2011) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-04-19 Frankenstein (2004) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-03-15 Wasp Woman (1959) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2012-01-12 Laser Mission (1989) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-10-28 Attack from Space (1965) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-10-06 Maniac (1934) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-09-22 Rocketship X-M (1950) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-08-31 Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-08-18 Atom Age Vampire (1960) IMDB Transcript Color B&W
2011-08-10 Sands of Oblivion (2007) IMDB Transcript Color B&W

Subtitle Files
Subtitle files provided by the inestimable and ineffable Sky Captain of the blogosphere, CompulsoryAccount7746. Huge thanks for all his hard work and scripting support — he has pitched in in innumerable ways, even when I didn’t realize I could use the help. As backup when I have needed it, I could not ask for a better Mysterious Stranger.

To use the subtitle files, choose the appropriate — colorized by tweeter, or all white — then download it. Rename it to the exact same name as the movie file you have downloaded, and change the extension to .srt (they’re all uploaded as .txt right now). Use VLC to play the movie, and VLC should automatically use the subtitle file for you.

Statistics
(Coming soon!)
(Hahaha, who am I kidding, I don’t have time to pull together a statistics parser.)

Transgender rights bill passes in Canada!

Back on March 20th, despite the Tories’ attempts at kicking the can down the road, NDP, Liberals and a whopping 15 Conservatives passed the controversial transgender rights bill in the House of Commons, making assault on a transgender person a hate crime, and protecting trans* folk against discrimination.

I hate having to say “the controversial” in this case, but as usual, it’s controversial because Conservatives don’t want to pass anything making it any less acceptable to attack anyone who isn’t a straight white cis-gendered males in this world. Making it illegal to discriminate against a trans* person, in the same way as it’s illegal to discriminate against any other non-ciswhitestraightmales, well, would simply be a bridge too far to most of them. So they’ve been fighting it with the rhetoric that it would allow sexual predators to assault women in bathrooms by pretending to be transgender. They’ve honestly smeared it throughout the media and throughout the political discourse as “The Bathroom Bill”.

Yeah, it makes about as little sense as it sounds.
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Saw nothing at all like this on my flight to Minneapolis

They didn’t seat me in row 666, there were no pamphlets on salvation, and the seats — cramped though they were — were a hell of a lot more comfortable than those pews look. And frankly, the pilot’s rapping wasn’t nearly good enough to cause the spontaneous generation of breakdancing angels.

Via Everything Is Terrible, where they know their quality whargarbl.

Mock The Movie: Dark Angel transcript

I watched this movie on TV when I was young-ish, but I knew it only by its alternate title, I Come In Peace. I have distinct memories of how cool the CD-shooting weapon was, how awesome the main character’s roundhouse kick was and how infrequently he used it, how neat it was that we got to see the mechanic lady’s bra — shortly before she died a horrific death, and how suddenly guilty I felt for my twelve-year-old-ish self being excited just a moment prior.

I definitely don’t remember the gratuitous boobs in the strip club (because they were edited out for TV), nor That Guy Who Plays Criminal Savants In Everything having a name (much less “Boner”), nor did I notice exactly how horrible of actors everyone was. At that age, I remember liking it, but I also remember liking Super Mario Bros: The Movie with Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo so I was definitely not one to judge. OH BY THE WAY WE’RE ADDING THAT TO THE QUEUE.

CA7746 again provides the subtitle file for Dark Angel in White Supremacist and Multicultural formats. I mean, err, white-only text and multi-colored text. As usual, save them, rename them to the same as the movie file with the extension .srt, and keep in the same folder as the movie file, and load the movie in VLC.

There’s also a subtitle file for our last film in white-only, which is fitting for black-and-white movies. (With all white actors.)

Here’s our calendar of upcoming events. You can also subscribe to the iCal file.


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Father hacks Donkey Kong rom so daughter can be Pauline

Remember that Wind Waker hack I told you about recently, where a young girl’s father — who’d been changing Link’s gender on the fly for his daughter while reading it to her — decided to make things simpler for himself by hacking the rom script?

Another father was asked by his daughter if she could play one of her favorite games, the original Donkey Kong, as Pauline instead of Mario. So, he hacked the rom (very probably from the WiiWare version, judging by the 2010 copyright), editing all the frames of animation for both Mario and Pauline to switch their roles.

Doesn’t change the functionality of the game at all, just the aesthetics. In such simple games, only in a society that prescribes strongly-defined gender roles would the default hero be a man and the default “damsel” be a woman. And yet, in an alternate universe where this was released instead of the one with Mario (or Jumpman) as the hero, I wager it would not have sold as well because video games, even back then, were already being pigeonholed as a “guy thing”.

Who knows, though. Maybe, MAYBE, inverting the Damsel In Distress trope, making the girl the one with agency and the guy the one forced to helplessly stand at the top of the building with Donkey Kong, might have been a blow struck for equality and perhaps the video game industry would have turned out much different. Perhaps.

Thanks to the dozen or so folks who kept pointing this out!