Mock The Movie: Megapython Vs. Gatoroid transcript

I did a bit of digital archaeology and found two of our earliest transcripts had never been posted. Here’s Megapython Vs. Gatoroid, originally airing — err, tweeting — August 31st, 2011. This one was the natural Syfy follow-up to the inaugural Sands of Oblivion event that kicked off Mock The Movie — sadly, we didn’t get a transcript of the first run, so we eventually redid it.

I also found a transcript, in completely the wrong format, from our second-ever event: Atom Age Vampire. I’m going to have to parse it back into shape before I post it.

Go check out the brand-spankin’-new Mock The Movie page where all the old transcripts and subtitle files have been posted.

We’ve added .com For Murder at the end of the queue, with a tagline of “In cyberspace no one can hear you scream”. Come on, how could we not!?

And we’re actively taking submissions for new movies. The sweet spot on IMDB is between 2.5 and 4 stars. Anything lower than that is unwatchable, anything higher than that is probably too good to mock (or too self-aware to make for easy mocking). We get better participation when the movie’s available someplace for free — Hulu for Americans, Archive.org for everyone for movies that are now public domain, and Youtube for movies that may end up getting yanked before showtime (so be careful when offering movies from there). We do some movies that require paid services like Hulu Plus or Netflix now and again, but we try to space those out for better participation and access. Make your suggestions in the comments!

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Defamation is not disagreement

So today, on my latest Mock the Movie transcript, this post hit my moderation wall:

Author : ShiningMoon (IP: 98.89.26.128 , adsl-98-89-26-128.mgm.bellsouth.net)
E-mail : Shimoon@hotmail.com
URL :
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/98.89.26.128
Comment:
A girlfriend of mine and my girlfriend (friend and S.O. I’m lesbian) pointed out that people here aren’t taking what happened to her at the hands of Jason seriously. My girlfriend was raped. Thibeault did that. What people want to say in a friend’s defense won’t change that. I’ll believe my girlfriend over this guy.

However, another thing that I’ve found about this website in the past days are that its generally respectful of victims saying they were abused. So, what did he tell you? Did he claim that she also said he didn’t rape her? This isnt what happened. Consideration that Jason might’ve added details in is what keeps me from judging those who simply accept his word that my girlfriend is a liar. This is all I have to say. I won’t be arguing with people here about whether or not my girlfriend was raped, partly because she doesn’t want a drawn out discussion, and partly because I myself won’t endure that.

Taunts like “Where’s she? Why won’t she face him herself if she’s truly a victim?” will NOT be acknowledged. Assuming that someone is likely to be comfortable facing him, even online, is ignorant at least.

Fascinating. No details? No facts? Just an attempt to put the fear of MRA’s False Rape Accusation Trope into me?
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Mock The Movie: DNA transcript

Last night we watched what happens when you stick Jurassic Park, Terminator, Alien, Iron Chef and Turok: Dinosaur Hunter into a blender, hit puree, then dump half of it out and fill the remainder of your glass with some horrible stop-motion animation. It was slightly disappointing that a few action tropes were missed (I was really hoping for the speedboat to ramp off of some conveniently-placed jungle logs for instance), but there were a lot that were hit, so our mockery quota was satisfied I think.

Our noble Sky Captain, CompulsoryAccount7746, provides the subtitle files for those of you watching this in a format VLC can handle. In color, and for those of you displaying these movies on your monochrome telephonoscope machine, white only.

Here’s our calendar of upcoming events. You can also subscribe to the iCal file.

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Transgender rights bill passes in Canada!

Back on March 20th, despite the Tories’ attempts at kicking the can down the road, NDP, Liberals and a whopping 15 Conservatives passed the controversial transgender rights bill in the House of Commons, making assault on a transgender person a hate crime, and protecting trans* folk against discrimination.

I hate having to say “the controversial” in this case, but as usual, it’s controversial because Conservatives don’t want to pass anything making it any less acceptable to attack anyone who isn’t a straight white cis-gendered males in this world. Making it illegal to discriminate against a trans* person, in the same way as it’s illegal to discriminate against any other non-ciswhitestraightmales, well, would simply be a bridge too far to most of them. So they’ve been fighting it with the rhetoric that it would allow sexual predators to assault women in bathrooms by pretending to be transgender. They’ve honestly smeared it throughout the media and throughout the political discourse as “The Bathroom Bill”.

Yeah, it makes about as little sense as it sounds.
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Saw nothing at all like this on my flight to Minneapolis

They didn’t seat me in row 666, there were no pamphlets on salvation, and the seats — cramped though they were — were a hell of a lot more comfortable than those pews look. And frankly, the pilot’s rapping wasn’t nearly good enough to cause the spontaneous generation of breakdancing angels.

Via Everything Is Terrible, where they know their quality whargarbl.

Mock The Movie: Dark Angel transcript

I watched this movie on TV when I was young-ish, but I knew it only by its alternate title, I Come In Peace. I have distinct memories of how cool the CD-shooting weapon was, how awesome the main character’s roundhouse kick was and how infrequently he used it, how neat it was that we got to see the mechanic lady’s bra — shortly before she died a horrific death, and how suddenly guilty I felt for my twelve-year-old-ish self being excited just a moment prior.

I definitely don’t remember the gratuitous boobs in the strip club (because they were edited out for TV), nor That Guy Who Plays Criminal Savants In Everything having a name (much less “Boner”), nor did I notice exactly how horrible of actors everyone was. At that age, I remember liking it, but I also remember liking Super Mario Bros: The Movie with Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo so I was definitely not one to judge. OH BY THE WAY WE’RE ADDING THAT TO THE QUEUE.

CA7746 again provides the subtitle file for Dark Angel in White Supremacist and Multicultural formats. I mean, err, white-only text and multi-colored text. As usual, save them, rename them to the same as the movie file with the extension .srt, and keep in the same folder as the movie file, and load the movie in VLC.

There’s also a subtitle file for our last film in white-only, which is fitting for black-and-white movies. (With all white actors.)

Here’s our calendar of upcoming events. You can also subscribe to the iCal file.


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Father hacks Donkey Kong rom so daughter can be Pauline

Remember that Wind Waker hack I told you about recently, where a young girl’s father — who’d been changing Link’s gender on the fly for his daughter while reading it to her — decided to make things simpler for himself by hacking the rom script?

Another father was asked by his daughter if she could play one of her favorite games, the original Donkey Kong, as Pauline instead of Mario. So, he hacked the rom (very probably from the WiiWare version, judging by the 2010 copyright), editing all the frames of animation for both Mario and Pauline to switch their roles.

Doesn’t change the functionality of the game at all, just the aesthetics. In such simple games, only in a society that prescribes strongly-defined gender roles would the default hero be a man and the default “damsel” be a woman. And yet, in an alternate universe where this was released instead of the one with Mario (or Jumpman) as the hero, I wager it would not have sold as well because video games, even back then, were already being pigeonholed as a “guy thing”.

Who knows, though. Maybe, MAYBE, inverting the Damsel In Distress trope, making the girl the one with agency and the guy the one forced to helplessly stand at the top of the building with Donkey Kong, might have been a blow struck for equality and perhaps the video game industry would have turned out much different. Perhaps.

Thanks to the dozen or so folks who kept pointing this out!