Seelix on how to spot and how to shame fake geeks

Seelix (whom you might know as Emily, the comic book costumer) has had it UP TO HERE (err, imagine me waving my hand animatedly at forehead level) with the scourge of the fandom community, the breed of supposed fan that just sucks all the joy out of being a dyed-in-the-wool fan of science fiction, fantasy and comics: the dreaded Fake Geek.

It’s time to put our collective feet down and put a stop to the mindless worship of these faux-nerds. They ruin everything with their perfect bodies and their skin-tight costumes. They ruin everything with their laughing eyes, hiding the contempt they feel for us, the real nerds. They ruin everything when they reject us when we so kindly show them the attention they were obviously asking for with their skimpy outfits. They ruin everything when they pretend to get angry when we give them a little extra grab while they take a picture with us.

It’s why they do it. They secretly love the attention. They love the groping. They love the constant romantic overtures. They only complain because they think they’re supposed to. After all, they wouldn’t dress sexily if they didn’t want the attention.

And that’s exactly why they do it. It’s obvious. They absolutely love the attention they get when donning skintight spandex and prancing around in front of their adoring sycophants.

I mean, look at these guys. Do you really believe they’re nerds? Come on.

I demand that you read on, so you know how best to identify these fake geeks and nerds who have infiltrated our community to pick up poor socially-awkward nerd girls by putting on spandex costumes and being all hot and shit. Preying on nerdy females’ vulnerabilities by pretending to like and know about the things that they like. Bah! Bet they couldn’t even name all the Green Lanterns.

Though, I think she might just be bitter. I saw her boyfriend at CONvergence and he seems to be one of “them” — bet he doesn’t even really know who Hawkeye is, or his real name (no, his first name is NOT “Agent”!), or what his non-Avengers costume looks like. Next time I see him, I’ll ask him all sorts of uncomfortable questions rather than just taking it on faith that he’s actually a fan. Rassin’ frassin.


  1. says


    I thought that was Agent Colson’s first name.

    On the OP, yay for misogynist women. It’s ever so refreshing to see it not come from dudes! Oh wait, no, it isn’t. Actually, I guess it sort of is; for all how nerds feel the popular girls wounded them, well, let’s just say that misogynist dudes are the second or third barrier to entry into geekery; the first is our peers in school.

    Still, this is asinine. If you go to the trouble to make a good costume, you’re a nerd.

    They love the groping.

    No. Wrong. Fuck you.

    After all, they wouldn’t dress sexily if they didn’t want the attention.

    Unless they really wanted to dress like a comic book heroine. Then they don’t get a choice.

  2. Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts says

    Read a little more closely. It isn’t what you think.

    It is easy to miss that this is satire because the only hint* is the use of a male pronoun at the end of it,

    I mean, look at these guys. Do you really believe they’re nerds? Come on.

    And this is hardly a give-away considering that it is the norm to use male-pronouns, even when talking about women.

    *in the quoted section above, if you click the link, it gets much more obvious.

  3. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    Superman’s belt lacks utility…
    Say, do any comic book characters have costumes with suspenders?
    (excluding holsters and bandoliers, and maybe lederhosen braces)

  4. says

    Ah, I didn’t click through because I get enough misogynist rants like this in my game time. My bad.

    Without the pictures though, it’s really quite easy to miss. Especially since misogynist geek women are frighteningly common.

  5. Ysanne says

    It is easy to miss that this is satire because the only hint* is the use of a male pronoun at the end of it,

    I thought it was blindingly obvious from beginning to end.
    Then again, maybe I’m just an optimist when it comes to judging what anyone could possibly mean seriously…

  6. says

    I chanced upon Seelix’s article elsewhere, and recognized it as satire almost at once – although in part that was because Seelix’s rant is a satire of an earlier rant by some comic book illustrator got ripped up by PZ & others.

    If all I had was this post by Jason to go by I think it would be telling that Jason just passed on the article with supportive commentary.

  7. says

    Rutee: What, it’s not possible to have two people named Agent working in an organization? Agent Barton and Agent Coulson. They must get confused when people call the helicarrier and ask for “Agent”.

    CA7746: I thought maybe Funnyman, but it turns out no.

  8. left0ver1under says

    Methinks she doth Poe-test too much.

    Her words sound less like a rant against attractive men and more like mockery of Tony Harris for deriding (*ahem*) “less than perfect” women.

  9. Tony ∞The Trolling Queer Duck∞ says

    A true geek knows that Clint Barton started his career off as a criminal working with the soviet spy Natasha Romanova (aka the Black Widow) and came into conflict with Iron Man several times before joining The Avengers in a bid to reform (ah, Caps Kooky Quarter…)

  10. Tony ∞The Trolling Queer Duck∞ says

    At 37, I have been a comic book fan since I was 6, with a special emphasis on Marvel and a big affection for Avengers. Kurt Busiek & George Perez’s run following the horrific Heroes Reborn debacle (complete with Rob Liefeld writing and “art”) is my favorite, followed closely by Roger Sterns run. I am glad Brian Michael Bendis is off the book, because he doesnt write team oriented action comics well. My favorite Avengers are Cage, Carol Ms Marvel/Captai Marvel-Danvers, Monica-Captain Marvel/Photon/Pulsar/Daystar-Rambeau, Namor, Quicksilver, and Hank Pym (yes, he is guilty of spousal abuse, and I think that was a blight on a good character borne out of a writers lack of knowledge of nervous breakdowns).

    I have the real names of most of the Avengers memorized and own an unbroken run from the early 70s to the late 00s.

    I hope that establishes my cred. No need for Wikipedia here.

  11. Tony ∞The Trolling Queer Duck∞ says

    Incidentally, I thought my use of one of Natashas names would be a big clue. Hawkeyes Wikipedia entry only refers to her as Black Widow. Not Natasha Romanova.

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