Sep 15 2012

Mock the Movie: Hercules transcript

I ended up an hour late to this one thanks to a work emergency that very conveniently came up just fifteen minutes before the start of Mock The Movie: Hercules. CA7746′s subtitle files should have me timeshifted appropriately, but I haven’t bothered to go and interweave my contributions back in sync with everyone else.

Work has been a huge timesink lately. And a huge stressor. Sorry that I’ve not been writing as much as usual these past few weeks.

Subtitle files are here for colors for each mocker, and here for monochrome, depending on your subtitling needs. Download, rename to .srt, make sure it’s named the same as your movie file and in the same folder, and VLC should pick it up automatically.

@lousycanuck: @MockTM Might have to bow out thanks to a work emergency. :/
2012-09-14 00:45:46
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Wish there was a way not to have to type @mocktm every time
2012-09-14 00:46:11
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Oh noez canuck
2012-09-14 00:46:58
@lousycanuck: @SpokesGay @MockTM Yeah I miss being able to do things
2012-09-14 00:47:56
@drskyskull: @lousycanuck @MockTM Bummer! :-(
2012-09-14 00:48:08
@szvan: Warmed up for @MockTM by snarking over Kanazawa: http://t.co/2fqw5tFF :/
2012-09-14 00:48:31
@SpokesGay: @mocktm I’m so ready for this hulking jelly.
2012-09-14 00:49:34
@CA7746: @SpokesGay @mocktm My app inserts the name, but the current version isn’t so useful on netflix nights. No file for VLC to play.
2012-09-14 00:51:33
@pzmyers: Important question, @MockTM: is this a glass of wine night, or a good Scotch night?
2012-09-14 00:55:27
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Scotch!
2012-09-14 00:56:06
@pzmyers: @MockTM I hope it’s not a jug o’ Ripple or Everclear night.
2012-09-14 00:56:18
@SpokesGay: @mocktm I have all the wine anyway. It is belong to me.
2012-09-14 00:56:22
@DrRubidium: @pzmyers I went with a vodka tonic for tonight’s @MockTM
2012-09-14 00:56:46
@ColOfNature: @pzmyers @MockTM Vodka, baby
2012-09-14 00:57:13
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Netlflix thinks that based on my interest in tonight’s movie, I might like Gor.
2012-09-14 00:58:05
@SpokesGay: @mocktm we gonna get a mark?
2012-09-14 00:59:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Arrrrrrrrrrs Gratia Arrrrrtis! #PirateMGM
2012-09-14 01:00:06
@CA7746: @MockTM Digitally remastered from poorly preserved celluloid.
2012-09-14 01:00:31
@pzmyers: @MockTM MARK! I hit the button when the cemetery chimes start up.
2012-09-14 01:00:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM I declare this movie can(n)on!
2012-09-14 01:00:38
@CA7746: @MockTM In 3D
2012-09-14 01:00:43
@szvan: @MockTM Ah, when stars were still blobs of paint on black paper.
2012-09-14 01:00:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM bad sign already. Cannon production company.. I don’t think they exist now
2012-09-14 01:00:53
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, I’m in. Long day of beer and go-kart, and now a Hercules movie. I’m starting to like this being-a-grownup stuff.
2012-09-14 01:01:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, that’s just a feminist joke about his-cules.
2012-09-14 01:01:10
@drskyskull: @MockTM Arrgh! Catching up in a moment. Netflix decided to do a mandatory system update…
2012-09-14 01:01:16
@SpokesGay: @mocktm A globular production!
2012-09-14 01:01:22
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Sauron looking a little anaemic
2012-09-14 01:01:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM James Beshears? Wonder what HE edits film with?
2012-09-14 01:01:28
@abiodork: @MockTM Just pressed play – am I on time?
2012-09-14 01:01:35
@CA7746: @MockTM Then there were seizures.
2012-09-14 01:01:43
@dlandoncole: @pzmyers @MockTM Every night is a good Scotch night.
2012-09-14 01:01:53
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, we start with some Portentious Movie Cosmology. That’s usually a good sign.
2012-09-14 01:02:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Before creation, there was darkness. After that, pyrotechnics!”
2012-09-14 01:02:07
@CA7746: @MockTM Fire + Darkness ~ Night,Day,Matter,Air
2012-09-14 01:02:10
@szvan: @MockTM The fire of chaos is a burning marshmallow! Actually, I kind of agree with that.
2012-09-14 01:02:16
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Good to know Armando Valcuada is who we can blame for all the special F/X bullshit
2012-09-14 01:02:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The fire of Chaos! Well, the matchstick of chaos.”
2012-09-14 01:02:23
@pzmyers: @MockTM Chaos+Darkness sounds like a funky good time.
2012-09-14 01:02:24
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Sparklers!
2012-09-14 01:02:24
@CarlieP: @MockTM Argh – my kid has my computer. Can’t tweet well until I have it back.
2012-09-14 01:02:32
@CA7746: @MockTM Elemental Nebulae ~ Golden Pot o’ Life
2012-09-14 01:02:49
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Heheh. He. He said “merged.”
2012-09-14 01:02:49
@brx0: @MockTM And we see Pandora’s Jar explode *3* times. Awesome.
2012-09-14 01:02:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM The elements: night, day, matter, air. Settle in for a unique take on the classics, guys…
2012-09-14 01:02:56
@CA7746: @MockTM Gold is notoriously unstable.
2012-09-14 01:02:57
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so we start with a bit of the bible, a bit of the big bang, a bit of Greek elements #makeupyourmind
2012-09-14 01:03:06
@CA7746: @MockTM And that’s why planets are made of gold. Wait…
2012-09-14 01:03:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Pandora’s disco jar!
2012-09-14 01:03:10
@szvan: @MockTM This is a special episode of Stargate SG-1, isn’t it?
2012-09-14 01:03:11
@wdonohue: @MockTM Yay! Cheesy movie & a big rum & lime drink.
2012-09-14 01:03:13
@pzmyers: @MockTM It’s Russell’s Amphora!
2012-09-14 01:03:14
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Hercules: The Legendary Flexings
2012-09-14 01:03:29
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Bedazzled jar.
2012-09-14 01:03:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “If you wish to create a Laser Floyd show from scratch, you must first create the Universe.”
2012-09-14 01:03:40
@pzmyers: @MockTM FOCUS!
2012-09-14 01:03:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM People, that is the solar system model I build for my 3rd grade science class
2012-09-14 01:03:57
@CarlieP: @MockTM The jar lost that Tetris game it was playing.
2012-09-14 01:04:08
@brx0: @MockTM But honestly, I”m not sure where they’re heading with all this cosmic potsherd stuff.
2012-09-14 01:04:13
@pzmyers: @MockTM so far, it’s definitely cheesetastic.
2012-09-14 01:04:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Other fragments became Mercury… sucks to be you, Pluto!
2012-09-14 01:04:33
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Tiki torches in SPAAAACE
2012-09-14 01:04:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM So far, this movie’s intro is not much different from “Katamari Damacy”.
2012-09-14 01:04:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Jupiter, a Titan? This movie punches mythology IN THE FACE.
2012-09-14 01:05:01
@szvan: @MockTM “Okay, I know how to make this effect too, but I wouldn’t.” –@BenZvan
2012-09-14 01:05:16
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, so the Greek gods lived on the moon. There’s probably someone on YouTube who believes this for reals.
2012-09-14 01:05:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “And on Earth, life! And, apparently, also hash bars in Amsterdam…”
2012-09-14 01:05:35
@wdonohue: @MockTM Pluto’s gonna get shafted AGAIN.
2012-09-14 01:05:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM s/Olympus/Moon
2012-09-14 01:05:45
@pzmyers: @MockTM Mt Olympus is on the moon? That explains why it’s so hard to get there.
2012-09-14 01:05:47
@szvan: @MockTM Wait, they were gods, not men? Men aren’t gods? Don’t tell anyone. The internet will explode.
2012-09-14 01:05:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM “One fragment went right up Uranus.” #lowhangingjokefruit
2012-09-14 01:05:53
@CA7746: @MockTM But gods and moons didn’t exist until AFTER the jar broke. #Paradox
2012-09-14 01:05:58
@SpokesGay: @mocktm The Supremists? With Diana Rossist?
2012-09-14 01:06:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM Whoa, they’re hanging out in Sha Ka Ree!
2012-09-14 01:06:11
@pzmyers: @MockTM How do they talk in a vacuum? Is this Star Wars?
2012-09-14 01:06:20
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that guy is totes wearing the Burger King crown
2012-09-14 01:06:26
@CA7746: @MockTM Tilt it to favor good? Nah. Balance.
2012-09-14 01:06:30
@ColOfNature: @mocktm someone’s had his HGH
2012-09-14 01:06:31
@Apuch: @pzmyers @MockTM Good Scotch night. I say Laphroaig.
2012-09-14 01:06:31
@SpokesGay: @mocktm That’s a wig.
2012-09-14 01:06:43
@brx0: @MockTM Divine brainstorming session. Hercules is the product of a committee, as it turns out. At least they didn’t use PowerPoint.
2012-09-14 01:06:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “But evil is dark!” Your goddess of wisdom, everyone.
2012-09-14 01:06:49
@szvan: @MockTM Zeus is kinda dim. Just sayin’.
2012-09-14 01:07:07
@SpokesGay: @mocktm So is that.
2012-09-14 01:07:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM Of course evil is dark. It’s a meeting of the Aryan Brotherhood, isn’t it?
2012-09-14 01:07:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Stronger and more intelligent than all other men…” Why do I think we won’t be seeing much evidence of the intellect?
2012-09-14 01:07:20
@Cotesia1: @mocktm It is Sinterklaas! http://t.co/JP4dPKmH
2012-09-14 01:07:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM Dr. Manhattan!
2012-09-14 01:07:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Take away the crown, and I’m pretty sure that deity taught me one of my intro physics classes.
2012-09-14 01:07:45
@pzmyers: @MockTM Look at that package!
2012-09-14 01:07:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM Uh, Zeus, you forgot a bit there.
2012-09-14 01:07:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “practically invisible”? WHAT THE FUCK? You’re king of the gods, do better!
2012-09-14 01:07:52
@wdonohue: @MockTM The Watcher’s making a mint renting them Olympus.
2012-09-14 01:07:56
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Nice skeletal collagen matrix.
2012-09-14 01:08:07
@szvan: @MockTM We made the perfect man but…uh…we forgot one bit.
2012-09-14 01:08:08
@abiodork: @mocktm I like my coffee like I like my evil – dark and strong.
2012-09-14 01:08:10
@brx0: @MockTM Animated ball of light flying over scenery to a stirring soundtrack. This seems promising.
2012-09-14 01:08:10
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Rowr, Lou.
2012-09-14 01:08:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Woohoo! “Purest off all energies: light!” In your FACES, scientists who study things inferior to optics!!!
2012-09-14 01:08:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM Thebes! … it’s only a model.
2012-09-14 01:08:44
@CA7746: @MockTM Zeus had disguised himself as her husband one night.
2012-09-14 01:08:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM OK, light is cool. Let’s fight over the bestest wavelength.
2012-09-14 01:09:01
@drskyskull: @MockTM The little red dots make it look like they’ve got Hercules chasing a laser pointer.
2012-09-14 01:09:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM Bad flashbacks to that “The Child” TNG episode…
2012-09-14 01:09:20
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, magical sword. Pretty sure I saw one just like it on QVC a while back.
2012-09-14 01:09:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM And Lady Gaga warns us that the forces of evil are at work in Thebes.
2012-09-14 01:09:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Aiee! Land pirate!
2012-09-14 01:10:09
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Why is Cher in that blonde wig?
2012-09-14 01:10:14
@CA7746: @MockTM Their armor can’t stop arrows. Why take the sword?
2012-09-14 01:10:16
@szvan: @MockTM You can tell he’s evil. He’s not physically perfect.
2012-09-14 01:10:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM From the clothing styles, it looks like Olympus got hit with an asteroid named “Xanadu”.
2012-09-14 01:10:24
@pzmyers: @MockTM that bowman would have poor depth perception.
2012-09-14 01:10:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM World’s suckiest armor.
2012-09-14 01:10:40
@szvan: @MockTM But if you make your armor out of something less shiny, it might actually stop arrows.
2012-09-14 01:10:49
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Thebes, Egypt or ancient Rome? MAKE UP YOUR MIND and sort out your costumes
2012-09-14 01:10:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Scoop up the sand to balance the weight first!
2012-09-14 01:11:02
@CarlieP: @mocktm Dang, I was about to make a xanadu joke. Too slow.
2012-09-14 01:11:10
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Behold, my sword of iron pyrite!
2012-09-14 01:11:14
@CA7746: @MockTM Their armor can’t stop stabs either.
2012-09-14 01:11:17
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Behold, my Pier One Easter Island decor statues!
2012-09-14 01:11:35
@drskyskull: @mocktm @CarlieP AHAHAHAHA!!! >:)
2012-09-14 01:11:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM Whoa. THat dress has windows.
2012-09-14 01:11:55
@ColOfNature: @mocktm surely that was an unused effect from a Ralph Bakshi film
2012-09-14 01:12:09
@drskyskull: @mocktm I’m way too filthy minded for 80s movies. “Violated the temple” just has a meaning to me the writers could not have imagined.
2012-09-14 01:12:20
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Behold, my blue skating rink costume!
2012-09-14 01:12:21
@CarlieP: @mocktm They had perms in ancient Rome?
2012-09-14 01:12:34
@szvan: @MockTM Yeah, honey. I don’t want you, just your throne.
2012-09-14 01:12:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM did anybody making this movie actually known WHERE Thebes was?
2012-09-14 01:12:43
@abiodork: @mocktm I prefer to be paid in cash, personally.
2012-09-14 01:12:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Equal opportunity legshow!
2012-09-14 01:13:04
@CarlieP: @mocktm When they say the crown was overthrown, they mean it LITERALLY.
2012-09-14 01:13:17
@brx0: @MockTM The main bad guy isn’t much of an actor, is he?
2012-09-14 01:13:33
@szvan: @MockTM We killed them by daubing them with bad fake blood. They died of shame when they came out of makeup.
2012-09-14 01:13:36
@drskyskull: @mocktm Whoever is lying in that bed is recovering from an all night raspberry jam bender.
2012-09-14 01:13:48
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I see they went with the Liz Taylor-as-Cleopatra style of casting #toowhite
2012-09-14 01:14:10
@pzmyers: @MockTM well then, it isn’t so secret, is it?
2012-09-14 01:14:17
@Cotesia1: @mocktm I was totally expecting the hulk in that crib.
2012-09-14 01:14:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM And this is when baby Herc fights off a phalanx of grown men?
2012-09-14 01:14:41
@drskyskull: @mocktm Wait — is she carrying a baby or a bundle of mosquitoes?
2012-09-14 01:14:47
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Capture her secret passage way!
2012-09-14 01:14:47
@CarlieP: @szvan @MockTM The unfortunate accident at the factory set jelly making back 200 years.
2012-09-14 01:14:51
@szvan: @MockTM INow we get the basket of reeds.
2012-09-14 01:14:57
@pzmyers: @MockTM Come on, it’s baby hercules. Just turn him loose against the bad guys.
2012-09-14 01:15:00
@abiodork: @MockTM Psych! No baby for you!
2012-09-14 01:15:22
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Yes, Roman centurions, back to Thebes.
2012-09-14 01:15:38
@SpokesGay: @mocktm That’s a baby wig.
2012-09-14 01:15:38
@drskyskull: @mocktm Umm… Hercules? I think you’re in the wrong religious mythology! #babyinboat
2012-09-14 01:15:40
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, yeah. Stupid villain, trusting a river.
2012-09-14 01:15:41
@szvan: @MockTM No, no. Kill *him*. The guys are the ones in short skirts.
2012-09-14 01:15:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM When I am an Evil Overlord, I will never trust the river to do my job for me.
2012-09-14 01:15:58
@CarlieP: @mocktm “It’s no use. We have no power to wade a slow-moving stream.”
2012-09-14 01:16:04
@CA7746: @MockTM The End
2012-09-14 01:16:04
@brx0: @MockTM Cute baby though.
2012-09-14 01:16:12
@wdonohue: @MockTM “I’ve got the biggest helmet, that means I’m in charge.” Is that Adam West doing the voice dub?
2012-09-14 01:16:15
@drskyskull: @mocktm “Floating downriver, Hercules grew to manhood…”
2012-09-14 01:16:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM So the newborn, err, toddler Hercules drifted on…
2012-09-14 01:16:25
@DrRubidium: @MockTM best worst special F/X EVA #inaboat
2012-09-14 01:16:49
@abiodork: @MockTM Close enough with that whole baby-killing job, right guys? Happy hour!
2012-09-14 01:16:53
@CarlieP: @blakestacey @MockTM It was a LONG river.
2012-09-14 01:16:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM OH, NO! Baby Hercules is on the moon! He’d have a better chance of surviving the waterfall.
2012-09-14 01:17:09
@szvan: @MockTM Zeus should really see someone about that skin condition.
2012-09-14 01:17:12
@CarlieP: @mocktm Terry Gilliam did the special effects?
2012-09-14 01:17:18
@drskyskull: @mocktm “Put that back in the river!” She said the same thing to Zeus when he found that dead possum.
2012-09-14 01:17:23
@brx0: @MockTM “Put that back in the river!”. I guess she’s the antagonist deity of our little adventure here.
2012-09-14 01:17:34
@LalSox: grrrr… no netflix for me tonight… so no @MockTM
2012-09-14 01:17:41
@pzmyers: @MockTM Are thosed snakes or feces?
2012-09-14 01:18:17
@drskyskull: @LalSox @MockTM Booo!!! :-(
2012-09-14 01:18:17
@szvan: @MockTM Well, they didn’t spend the money on the acting, and they didn’t spend it on the effects….
2012-09-14 01:18:27
@abiodork: @MockTM Look what I found can I keep it? No – you put that back in the river right now Zeus! I’m not kidding around here.
2012-09-14 01:18:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM Serious dickishness on the part of the goddess I’m assuming is Hera, there.
2012-09-14 01:18:39
@CarlieP: @mocktm Leeches are going to suck all his blood out.
2012-09-14 01:18:51
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that is one bad ass baby!
2012-09-14 01:18:54
@CA7746: @MockTM That hourglass must be accelerating.
2012-09-14 01:19:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hercules! He who could destroy clay puppets, even as a child!
2012-09-14 01:19:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM How convenient, I want a baby and here’s a baby in a boat…
2012-09-14 01:19:27
@abiodork: @MockTM Seriously @szvan … if you tricked us into watching tentacle porn I will never forgive you.
2012-09-14 01:19:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM Perhaps the gods sent us exposition!
2012-09-14 01:19:36
@szvan: @MockTM Um, yes, dear. I was really hoping we could have a kid after all. Uh-huh. Sure.
2012-09-14 01:19:45
@brx0: @MockTM I hope we don’t keep seeing that stupid hourglass whenever time passes.
2012-09-14 01:19:50
@drskyskull: @mocktm Looking at that hourglass: I didn’t realize ancient Greece’s art style was modeled after 8-bit videogames.
2012-09-14 01:19:53
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Is every prop in this movie Bedazzled?
2012-09-14 01:20:00
@pzmyers: @MockTM THe great god Exposition? He’s boring.
2012-09-14 01:20:01
@BenZvan: @MockTM I honestly didn’t realize that the Hercules myth was a retelling of the Christ story.
2012-09-14 01:20:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM wait, wasn’t this scene with the grindstone from Conan?
2012-09-14 01:20:25
@CarlieP: @mocktm Everyone involved in this movie was on acid the entire time, right?
2012-09-14 01:20:32
@pzmyers: @MockTM just like Jesus, he hates trees.
2012-09-14 01:21:10
@brx0: @MockTM Bears! Colbert was right!
2012-09-14 01:21:33
@drskyskull: @MockTM @BenZvan It’s a retelling of Moses: he’s going to part the Red Sea with his AMAZING pecs!!!
2012-09-14 01:21:34
@wdonohue: @MockTM What is up with that dress, and where is she putting her hands?
2012-09-14 01:21:34
@DrRubidium: @MockTM HOLY GODS! They dubbed Lou Ferrigno!
2012-09-14 01:21:38
@pzmyers: @mocktm Somehow, I don’t think that’s Lou Ferrigno’s voice.
2012-09-14 01:21:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hera looks puzzled as to how the father hasn’t aged in 20 years.
2012-09-14 01:21:58
@szvan: @MockTM Huh. Just realized Hera’s lips occurred before they did silicone injections.
2012-09-14 01:22:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM How do they know the child they found in the boat is named Hercules?
2012-09-14 01:22:24
@drskyskull: @BenZvan @MockTM I knew what you meant!!! ;-)
2012-09-14 01:22:27
@brx0: @MockTM Right, sounds like danger, so *drop the axe* and run toward it. Nobody ever called Hercules the World’s Smartest Man.
2012-09-14 01:22:42
@szvan: @MockTM I sympathize with the bear’s pain.
2012-09-14 01:22:45
@drskyskull: @MockTM How the HELL do you not notice a 500 lb bear sneaking up on you?
2012-09-14 01:22:56
@BenZvan: @MockTM That’s the second biggest bear I’ve ever seen.
2012-09-14 01:23:02
@pzmyers: @MockTM Nice man in a bear suit.
2012-09-14 01:23:10
@brx0: @MockTM Space bear! Pretty sure I saw that in WWE once.
2012-09-14 01:23:15
@SpokesGay: @szvan @MockTM Yeah. Used to be you had to hit your puss with a frying pan to get smackers like that.
2012-09-14 01:23:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM #1 There are bears in Greece? #2 Hercules just punched out a bear
2012-09-14 01:23:44
@brx0: @MockTM So that’s where Ursa Major came from. I’d been wondering.
2012-09-14 01:23:44
@drskyskull: @MockTM “I keep trying to punch the bear, but it keeps shifting in and out of stock footage!!!”
2012-09-14 01:23:45
@BenZvan: @MockTM No…that’s a small bear…no…that’s the second biggest bear I’ve ever seen…no…that’s a small bear…no…
2012-09-14 01:23:47
@CarlieP: @mocktm His skin is bearclaw proof – nice.
2012-09-14 01:23:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hercules! The hero with twice the video FX of a normal man!
2012-09-14 01:23:50
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Leave Gentle Ben alone!
2012-09-14 01:23:57
@pzmyers: @MockTM First bear in orbit! Oh, wait…first Interstellar Bear!
2012-09-14 01:24:01
@szvan: @MockTM Cause, yeah. The strength of Hercules isn’t enough. Has to come with lights and sci-fi sounds.
2012-09-14 01:24:06
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Bear costumes in SPAAAACE
2012-09-14 01:24:21
@CarlieP: @mocktm I wonder if Curiosity will find that bear.
2012-09-14 01:24:25
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Is that a Horta or a uterus?
2012-09-14 01:24:55
@drskyskull: @MockTM @DrRubidium “Punched himself a bar, when he was only thirty.” #DavyCrockettImeanHercules!
2012-09-14 01:24:56
@szvan: @MockTM That stuff about chaos. That was what the script said, right?
2012-09-14 01:25:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is she wearing a bustier? And what the hell is the other one wearing?
2012-09-14 01:25:09
@drskyskull: @MockTM Did anyone else just think that guy was singing “Day-O”, not “Daedalus”?
2012-09-14 01:25:26
@wdonohue: @MockTM Oh no, another victim of poisoned ketchup assault!
2012-09-14 01:25:28
@brx0: @MockTM He doesn’t believe in the gods, but doing them a favor never hurt. The theology, it burns!
2012-09-14 01:25:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Daedalus is a woman with the power of the Q?
2012-09-14 01:25:30
@abiodork: @MockTM The bear changes colors when it it’s attacking Hercules. o_O
2012-09-14 01:25:47
@DrRubidium: @MockTM You know me, I believe in science
2012-09-14 01:25:51
@SpokesGay: @mocktm She’s got a big dick.
2012-09-14 01:25:51
@brx0: @MockTM Programmed to destroy Hercules! Collect the set!
2012-09-14 01:25:56
@CarlieP: @mocktm You know, what this movie could use is a two-headed shark.
2012-09-14 01:26:07
@szvan: @MockTM This is my solution to Hercules: steampunk miniatures!
2012-09-14 01:26:23
@pzmyers: @MockTM a two-headed shark on the moon!
2012-09-14 01:26:27
@CarlieP: @mocktm It’s only a model.
2012-09-14 01:26:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the science “god” is cracking me up!
2012-09-14 01:26:40
@drskyskull: @MockTM So they’re going to kill Hercules with those little sponge toys that grow when you put them in water?
2012-09-14 01:26:43
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Ha! It will GROW!
2012-09-14 01:26:45
@BenZvan: @MockTM These LEGOs will destroy Hercules…by growing huge, big, immense…
2012-09-14 01:26:49
@CarlieP: @pzmyers @MockTM With frikkin’ lasers.
2012-09-14 01:26:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM Size is…relative…to atmospheric conditions… ow my brain
2012-09-14 01:26:58
@Cotesia1: @mocktm That is my kids’ diorama.
2012-09-14 01:26:59
@DrRubidium: @drskyskull @MockTM YES!
2012-09-14 01:27:00
@wdonohue: @MockTM If Daedalus is so smart, she ought to know who she is, right? #SCIENCE?
2012-09-14 01:27:01
@abiodork: @MockTM I want to be that woman at CONvergence next year SO MUCH IT HURTS.
2012-09-14 01:27:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hercules! A giant mechanical duck is coming for you!
2012-09-14 01:27:21
@szvan: @MockTM ‘Cut! Not “exterminator”. “Terminator.” Jeesh, you’re really not good with scripts, are you?’
2012-09-14 01:27:30
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Meanwhile, on the Little House set
2012-09-14 01:27:32
@drskyskull: @MockTM I get the feeling that people just make Hercules pull and push random heavy crap around as a prank. #sucker
2012-09-14 01:27:41
@abiodork: @MockTM Oh good – they considered atmospheric conditions. It might not have worked otherwise.
2012-09-14 01:27:42
@brx0: @MockTM Also, those are some gratuitously huge rocks in that plow. Hercules also not World’s Greatest Engineer.
2012-09-14 01:27:59
@brx0: @MockTM Decent stop-motion work though. Shame about the plot and stuff.
2012-09-14 01:28:18
@wdonohue: @MockTM Now Minos is wondering if hitting Earth’s atmosphere works on other parts.
2012-09-14 01:28:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM It…was… the sand people….
2012-09-14 01:28:19
@pzmyers: @MockTM I yam an orphink now.
2012-09-14 01:28:27
@JlnFrancisco: @SpokesGay @szvan @MockTM boy am I glad I checked out the context to that comment lol
2012-09-14 01:28:28
@CarlieP: @mocktm This is just like Star Wars. Aunt Veru!
2012-09-14 01:28:32
@szvan: @MockTM Funnily enough, “Her…cules” is not the most stilted line in the movie.
2012-09-14 01:28:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I must find and kill this man named ‘ughkk’.”
2012-09-14 01:28:46
@BenZvan: @MockTM That’s the second worst death scene I’ve ever seen. The worst was earlier in this movie.
2012-09-14 01:28:48
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this movie has really taken a turn. I can’t say “for the worse” because I don’t think that’s possible…
2012-09-14 01:28:58
@szvan: @MockTM Caber toss!
2012-09-14 01:28:59
2012-09-14 01:29:05
@CarlieP: @mocktm Animatronic bees. Why did it have to be animatronic bees?
2012-09-14 01:29:21
@abiodork: @MockTM Run, Hercules! Run!
2012-09-14 01:29:23
@brx0: @MockTM So basically the gods just sent a Predator drone after our hero, right?
2012-09-14 01:29:28
@Cotesia1: @mocktm oh yeah! my night is complete. mechanical insects #bioinspiration
2012-09-14 01:29:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM Silly Hercules. First, you have to break through its AT Field!
2012-09-14 01:29:35
@wdonohue: @MockTM Gotta be a big plow, food of the gods and all.
2012-09-14 01:29:42
@CarlieP: @mocktm Definitely Star Wars. I think he just used a lightsaber.
2012-09-14 01:30:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait, he killed it, but he didn’t gain its power?
2012-09-14 01:30:13
@BenZvan: @MockTM Amazon! No! Don’t freeze!
2012-09-14 01:30:14
@pzmyers: @MockTM That’s all he had to do? Poke it with a stick? Anticlimax.
2012-09-14 01:30:18
@CA7746: @MockTM Well, NOW I don’t.
2012-09-14 01:30:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Hercules, what are you doing?” “I like to BURN things!” #SpecialNeedsHercules
2012-09-14 01:31:18
@DrRubidium: @MockTM You’re stronger because you doped with steroids in the late 70s.. – Oh wait, you mean Hercules
2012-09-14 01:31:20
@pzmyers: @MockTM My scotch is half done. Is that why this movie is making no sense?
2012-09-14 01:31:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where will you go?” “To the public library!”
2012-09-14 01:31:42
@pzmyers: @MockTM maybe if I drink more it will get better.
2012-09-14 01:31:47
@wdonohue: @MockTM Minos should’ve used lithium, foiled by crappy batteries.
2012-09-14 01:31:48
@SpokesGay: @mocktm This is like watching leather bears at Folsom. But even dumber.
2012-09-14 01:32:16
@wdonohue: @MockTM “What are the scriptwriters smoking?”
2012-09-14 01:32:37
@szvan: @MockTM And we have the stream back. I’d asked if we missed anything, but….
2012-09-14 01:32:40
@brx0: @MockTM Check out the not-legally-a-lightsaber sword effects. Because 1983.
2012-09-14 01:32:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM The courtier’s name is…Dorkon? #snerk #teehee
2012-09-14 01:33:10
@brx0: @MockTM This chariot test doesn’t seem very nice, if you ask me. I bet he passes it though. Short movie otherwise.
2012-09-14 01:33:23
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Hercules is totes going to punch out those horses
2012-09-14 01:33:31
@drskyskull: @MockTM She’s not actually wearing a veil; this was the year that swine flu was whipping through ancient Greece.
2012-09-14 01:33:53
@CarlieP: @mocktm Pec flex. I just saw a pec flex.
2012-09-14 01:34:02
@ColOfNature: @pzmyers @MockTM that’s the spirit
2012-09-14 01:34:03
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Oh no he di-int.
2012-09-14 01:34:05
@abiodork: @MockTM How can he uproot a tree like nothing and take this long to knock over two random swordfighters?
2012-09-14 01:34:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM aaaah pec overload
2012-09-14 01:34:17
@ColOfNature: @DrRubidium @MockTM candygram for hercules?
2012-09-14 01:34:31
@wdonohue: @MockTM What’s the princess got under her veil? #LenaHyena
2012-09-14 01:34:45
@SpokesGay: @mocktm Ewww. JUST like Folsom.
2012-09-14 01:34:47
@drskyskull: @MockTM The expression on the king’s face makes it looks like he’s holding back a severe bout of diarrhea.
2012-09-14 01:35:08
@SpokesGay: @mocktm But if you slice that cut across the grain it’s pretty tender.
2012-09-14 01:35:12
@brx0: @MockTM Those are the best wrestlers you’ve got?
2012-09-14 01:35:15
@CarlieP: @mocktm Wait, what? The swords just went through him?Because he’s light and…particulate?
2012-09-14 01:35:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM “There are still the wrestlers. And the LSATs.”
2012-09-14 01:35:31
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, that guy on the right tapped out and Hercules squished him anyway. That doesn’t seem very fair.
2012-09-14 01:35:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is using a tree allowed in wrestling?
2012-09-14 01:35:55
@abiodork: @MockTM Your shins broke our swords! You’re totally gonna have to pay for those you know.
2012-09-14 01:35:56
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey Ha ha ha! :)
2012-09-14 01:36:02
@brx0: @MockTM Oh sure, throw the log into space, it’s not like there’s a space junk problem or anything.
2012-09-14 01:36:05
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Now, grimace! No, more grimacing! ”
2012-09-14 01:36:20
@drskyskull: @MockTM “It just so happens, Hercules, we really need a man who can crush 20 men with a log and then throw it into space.”
2012-09-14 01:36:31
@CarlieP: @mocktm That’s the column that came back in 2001.
2012-09-14 01:36:45
@BenZvan: @MockTM “I don’t know, he just came”
2012-09-14 01:37:04
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, we can all see where this is going…
2012-09-14 01:37:14
@wdonohue: @MockTM To the moon, princess!
2012-09-14 01:37:15
@abiodork: @MockTM Tree sez: “I must go – my people need me!”
2012-09-14 01:37:26
@drskyskull: @MockTM “One final test, Hercules: two chariots leave Athens and Sparta moving at 20 mph… how long will it take before they meet?”
2012-09-14 01:37:28
@szvan: @MockTM “Wait, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?”
2012-09-14 01:37:37
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, time for the Augean stables. Hope this movie didn’t come with a scratch-n-sniff card in the theaters.
2012-09-14 01:38:14
@pzmyers: @MockTM if cleaning is proof of goodness, I am the most evil man I know.
2012-09-14 01:38:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, Amazon Video crapped out on me. Too much pectorals for its buffers.
2012-09-14 01:38:30
@drskyskull: @MockTM @szvan “Um… Sharktopus?”
2012-09-14 01:38:56
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the mixture of costumes from various points in history and cultures is annoying
2012-09-14 01:38:58
@SpokesGay: @mocktm “My face-sock comes with Febreze(TM)”
2012-09-14 01:39:07
@drskyskull: @MockTM Why is she wearing a pro-wrestling belt around her head?
2012-09-14 01:39:49
@CarlieP: @mocktm The veil is see-through. We can see her face. Does that mean we all have to marry her?
2012-09-14 01:40:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM Sexist bastard, trying to get the clothes off that innocent young lady.
2012-09-14 01:40:14
@brx0: @MockTM Now *that’s* some murky day-for-night.
2012-09-14 01:40:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM I’m no astronomer, but that moon don’t look right…
2012-09-14 01:40:54
@drskyskull: @mocktm @CarlieP You were the first one to notice, so…
2012-09-14 01:40:55
@drskyskull: @mocktm “The river will do the job for me.” He subcontracted out the work to the river!
2012-09-14 01:41:32
@BenZvan: @MockTM I think there might be a scene from Strange Brew about to happen. #peeingitout
2012-09-14 01:41:34
@wdonohue: @MockTM Time for the wet chiton contest, princess.
2012-09-14 01:41:38
@szvan: @MockTM @CarlieP I *was* considering proposing after watching how the veil clung to her nostrils.
2012-09-14 01:41:47
@CarlieP: @mocktm There is only one river…there is only one sea…
2012-09-14 01:41:48
@CarlieP: @szvan @MockTM She does have good breathing technique.
2012-09-14 01:42:25
@szvan: @MockTM I’m starting to think just scraping down the stables would have been easier.
2012-09-14 01:42:32
@CarlieP: @DrRubidium @MockTM That’s no moon!
2012-09-14 01:42:55
@DrRubidium: @MockTM where the hell are the 1000 horses if not in the stables being drown by the river?
2012-09-14 01:43:00
@CA7746: @MockTM But how’s it look outside?
2012-09-14 01:43:19
@drskyskull: @mocktm Gah! Netflix just dropped my Hercules feed!
2012-09-14 01:43:31
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m sorry. The stable isn’t clean. You left a cobweb up here in the corner. Test failed.”
2012-09-14 01:43:33
@brx0: @MockTM Pretty sure flood insurance doesn’t cover that. Title XVII, Section 137b(ii), Acts of Demigods.
2012-09-14 01:43:40
@pzmyers: @MockTM THe soft focus, the veil-less face…I am inflamed with lust.
2012-09-14 01:43:59
@CarlieP: @drskyskull @mocktm Oh look, her skirt is see-through, too. Silly costume designers.
2012-09-14 01:44:05
@CA7746: @MockTM Zeus, defending the sanctity of arranged marriage.
2012-09-14 01:44:11
@szvan: @MockTM I wonder how much lipstick there is on the inside of that veil.
2012-09-14 01:44:19
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand here’s Sibyl Danning, wearing traditional Grecian spandex.
2012-09-14 01:44:22
@wdonohue: @MockTM Oops, forgot to take the horses out of the stables. But hey, clean stables! #ting
2012-09-14 01:44:35
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, sharks. This sounds promising.
2012-09-14 01:44:42
@CarlieP: @mocktm Is the volume ridiculous for anyone else? Sound effects loud, speech too quiet.
2012-09-14 01:45:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ve done what I promised.” Original line was “Oh snap, baby.”
2012-09-14 01:45:23
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Sharks? YES! #2headedattack
2012-09-14 01:45:29
@pzmyers: @MockTM Two-headed shark, coming right up.
2012-09-14 01:45:32
@brx0: @MockTM Fortunately he’s either only mostly dead, or just pining for the fjords.
2012-09-14 01:45:36
@abiodork: @MockTM Why do I suddently feel the urge to get married? Oh wait, that lightning bolt to the head fixed it. Never mind.
2012-09-14 01:45:40
@szvan: @MockTM Okay, so the blue eyeshadow had a purpose. It almost made her look evil.
2012-09-14 01:45:49
2012-09-14 01:46:02
@brx0: @MockTM Aw, c’mon, can’t he throw a shark into space or something? I feel cheated. #badmovieproblems
2012-09-14 01:46:09
@szvan: @MockTM We’re going to take Hercules and feed him to the humpback whales!
2012-09-14 01:46:28
@BenZvan: @MockTM Was everyone in this movie reincarnated as @WilliamShatner ?
2012-09-14 01:46:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Wait, why did I just do that?”
2012-09-14 01:46:38
@abiodork: @MockTM YAY, sharks!
2012-09-14 01:46:41
@brx0: @MockTM Moai! It’s Trader Vic’s! We’re saved!
2012-09-14 01:46:44
@DrRubidium: @MockTM am I the only one a bit disappointed Hercules didn’t get taken out by a two headed shark?
2012-09-14 01:46:57
@szvan: @MockTM Is Hercules immune to the bends?
2012-09-14 01:47:04
@CA7746: @MockTM In a week, he swam from Greece to an island in the Pacific.
2012-09-14 01:47:05
@pzmyers: @MockTM and he swam and he swam right over the dam.
2012-09-14 01:47:13
@abiodork: @MockTM Why do those sharks sound like whales?
2012-09-14 01:47:16
@wdonohue: @MockTM Ariana gets the princess, and Dorkon gets nada. Cold. #whalescaptain
2012-09-14 01:47:22
@CarlieP: @mocktm And he swam and he swam right over that dam?
2012-09-14 01:47:33
@drskyskull: @MockTM where we at folks? I had to reload on my laptop.
2012-09-14 01:47:49
@DrRubidium: @MockTM did they just superimpose Easter Island monoliths onto this bitch? #hellzno
2012-09-14 01:47:50
@CarlieP: @pzmyers @MockTM JINX.
2012-09-14 01:47:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He knows how to take care of himself. And how to mind meld with humpbacks!”
2012-09-14 01:47:52
@pzmyers: @MockTM Like there’s a plot to track in this movie.
2012-09-14 01:48:10
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM minute 47
2012-09-14 01:48:22
@szvan: @MockTM @drskyskull Started right on the hour.
2012-09-14 01:48:25
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM Herc is a-swimmin’
2012-09-14 01:48:42
@pzmyers: @MockTM She sounds like Carol Kane. Is this the Princess Bride now?
2012-09-14 01:48:42
@abiodork: @MockTM @szvan As long as he was holding his breath the whole time, his lungs probably only exploded. Didn’t have to worry about the bends
2012-09-14 01:48:44
@szvan: @MockTM Where? Oh, just come into my house, little boy.
2012-09-14 01:48:49
@drskyskull: @blakestacey @MockTM Thx! Thing I’m right on.
2012-09-14 01:49:03
@BenZvan: @MockTM He’s only mostly dead.
2012-09-14 01:49:10
@szvan: @MockTM You know, dude, if you need help, you might want to be careful about calling people “witch”.
2012-09-14 01:49:32
@wdonohue: @MockTM And he swam into Titanic’s 2nd unit location in Mexico. And meets Hera’s granny.
2012-09-14 01:49:34
@drskyskull: @MockTM @pzmyers Crap — I was gonna say, “He’s only MOSTLY dead…”
2012-09-14 01:49:47
@CA7746: @MockTM Essentially we are talking about fluid exchange, right?
2012-09-14 01:49:50
@BenZvan: @MockTM Help me Lou Ferigno, you’re my only hope.
2012-09-14 01:49:51
@brx0: @MockTM Yeah, last time at the Red Cross was exactly like this. They said they were the Red Cross anyway.
2012-09-14 01:50:05
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’m a terrible person. I feel an awful urge to cup those magnificent breasts in my hand.
2012-09-14 01:50:12
@drskyskull: @MockTM Holy crap. She moves at the same speed as Torgo!
2012-09-14 01:50:24
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Now, young man, let’s discuss how you’re going to pay for that food… *leers*”
2012-09-14 01:50:58
@szvan: @MockTM @pzmyers His? Well, they are firmer than most.
2012-09-14 01:51:05
@DrRubidium: @MockTM NEVER TRUST AN OLD CRONE! #protip
2012-09-14 01:51:14
@abiodork: @MockTM Jeez lady, you could have just asked…
2012-09-14 01:51:18
@CA7746: @MockTM Another baby!
2012-09-14 01:51:32
@drskyskull: @MockTM @BenZvan That… actually kinda makes sense.
2012-09-14 01:51:33
@CarlieP: @mocktm I wonder how she knew not to drink too much and turn into a toddler.
2012-09-14 01:51:55
@szvan: @MockTM “Wait, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?”
2012-09-14 01:51:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Sriracha!
2012-09-14 01:52:12
@drskyskull: @MockTM Lou Ferrigno looks like he just doesn’t give a fuck. I’m not sure if that’s acting or not.
2012-09-14 01:52:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so ancient Greece had a crimping iron AND spandex?
2012-09-14 01:52:15
@ColOfNature: @pzmyers @MockTM he’s a fine figure of a man, right enough
2012-09-14 01:52:35
@abiodork: @MockTM Awww…that nose was the best part of the movie so far. And now it’s gone. :(
2012-09-14 01:52:43
@szvan: @MockTM Wow. Hercules’ blood made her clothes smaller too.
2012-09-14 01:53:10
@drskyskull: @MockTM On her way from old to young, the old crone went through a “Klingon” phase. #wrinklehead
2012-09-14 01:53:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I am Circe…the Circer-est!”
2012-09-14 01:53:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is Datalus wearing a codpiece?
2012-09-14 01:54:01
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “cosmic rays of deadly fire” means absolutely NOTHING
2012-09-14 01:54:24
@brx0: @MockTM Mindstorms dragon that shoots cosmic rays. Dear Santa.
2012-09-14 01:54:32
@pzmyers: @MockTM No, not cosmic rays. Gamma rays. Then he’ll HULK OUT!
2012-09-14 01:54:34
@szvan: @MockTM “Do you know what that means?” “Let me guess: Another failure?”
2012-09-14 01:54:41
@BenZvan: @MockTM I never realized Daedalus was a fish-woman with a codpiece.
2012-09-14 01:54:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Could I just see it grow a little bit?” #thatswhatshesaid
2012-09-14 01:54:54
@BenZvan: @MockTM @DrRubidium If I had a nickel for every time I heard that…
2012-09-14 01:55:36
@pzmyers: @MockTM large pink pillars everywhere. What kind of movie was this again?
2012-09-14 01:55:51
@wdonohue: @MockTM 3 heads? Ghidorah! And Minos is still macking on Daedalus? Damn.
2012-09-14 01:55:56
@BenZvan: @MockTM Wow…that one-piece swimsuit has nice abs.
2012-09-14 01:55:58
@szvan: @MockTM Circe’s got a heck of a jazzercize outfit there.
2012-09-14 01:56:02
@brx0: @MockTM Quick, use something shiny against it! (I’m guessing here.)
2012-09-14 01:56:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM fun fact: All scientists get the Daedalus hat when they reach tenure.
2012-09-14 01:56:25
@CA7746: @MockTM Pez dispenser of doom!
2012-09-14 01:56:28
@BenZvan: @MockTM So…how did she know about the hydra before the gods knew about the hydra?
2012-09-14 01:56:30
@abiodork: @MockTM I could serve some wicked chips and dip in that shield.
2012-09-14 01:56:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there are a lot of robots in ancient Greece/Egypt/Rome #wherearewe
2012-09-14 01:57:02
@brx0: @MockTM Not a very robust robohydra, was it?
2012-09-14 01:57:10
@BenZvan: @MockTM Those cosmic rays of burning fire look painful. Maybe they should have gone for the cosmic rays of tasty waffles.
2012-09-14 01:57:25
@CarlieP: @mocktm It looks like K-9′s bad cousin.
2012-09-14 01:57:40
@brx0: @MockTM Meanwhile, somewhere over the rainbow…
2012-09-14 01:57:41
@CA7746: @MockTM Can’t we take the bottomless elevator?
2012-09-14 01:57:41
@drskyskull: @MockTM I’m pretty sure if you look closely on that shield, you can read “Made in China” on it in Greek.
2012-09-14 01:58:06
@BenZvan: @MockTM Hey! You know what the awesome thing is about the Hydra? Where it’s heads grow back twice over? Lets not use that.
2012-09-14 01:58:09
@pzmyers: @MockTM rainbow bridge? Yeah, definitely a gay movie.
2012-09-14 01:58:28
@wdonohue: @MockTM So Daedalus is into togapunk? Can this be cosplay thing, please? #antikythera
2012-09-14 01:58:40
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the road to hell is paved with rainbows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #goodnews
2012-09-14 01:58:42
@CarlieP: @mocktm The rainbow is upside down.
2012-09-14 01:58:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM If reflection is all that’s necessary, they could just bounce the lazors off her boobs
2012-09-14 01:59:04
@pzmyers: @MockTM It’s always a Skull Mountain.
2012-09-14 01:59:14
@CA7746: @MockTM Seems legit.
2012-09-14 01:59:17
@drskyskull: @MockTM If these special effects are seen by too many people, it will make steampunk instantly uncool again.
2012-09-14 01:59:28
@BenZvan: @MockTM I didn’t realize Bifrost led to the river Styx.
2012-09-14 01:59:44
@pzmyers: @MockTM Someday, I want to see them do a Pelvis Mountain.
2012-09-14 01:59:45
@DrRubidium: @MockTM alternate dialogue: “Hercules you must trust me” “Bitch, I don’t even KNOW YOU.”
2012-09-14 02:00:03
@wdonohue: @CarlieP @mocktm Shouldn’t that be a @drskyskull line?
2012-09-14 02:00:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Somewhere, over the rainbow, down in Hell…”
2012-09-14 02:00:06
@brx0: @MockTM Now our heroes sail slowly across a dim fog-shrouded sound stage…
2012-09-14 02:00:15
@CarlieP: @mocktm Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher mountain..
2012-09-14 02:00:17
@CA7746: @MockTM The danger must be growing.
2012-09-14 02:00:19
@drskyskull: @MockTM “The rainbow that will lead to the gates of Hell.” Oh — narrated by Pat Robertson!
2012-09-14 02:00:32
@BenZvan: @MockTM @pzmyers Didn’t Disney do Night on Pelvis Mountain?
2012-09-14 02:00:45
@drskyskull: @MockTM @wdonohue @CarlieP Shhh! I’m… on break.
2012-09-14 02:00:52
@szvan: @MockTM But did they pay Charon his coins? Inquiring minds want to know. And where did they store their money?
2012-09-14 02:01:00
@brx0: @MockTM It’s just one test after another. This movie could be called No Demigod Left Behind.
2012-09-14 02:01:18
@pzmyers: @MockTM The coins were tucked in the folds of his breasts. He could store a fortune in there!
2012-09-14 02:01:44
@brx0: @MockTM No prob, just a little Icy Hot there.
2012-09-14 02:01:51
@drskyskull: @MockTM Umm… any DAY, Charon! I want to defeat Minos before he dies of old age.
2012-09-14 02:02:05
@wdonohue: @MockTM For the rower won’t stop rowing. Wait, now we’re on the Never-Ending Story?
2012-09-14 02:02:12
@abiodork: @MockTM Awww… Hubby fell asleep just as the plot started to pick up. Oh wait…
2012-09-14 02:02:17
@ColOfNature: @mocktm don’t touch it… only you can touch it… now touch it… #mixedsignals
2012-09-14 02:02:46
@abiodork: @MockTM @szvan Same place the Highlander always stored his sword, I assume.
2012-09-14 02:03:06
@wdonohue: @MockTM And now we’re doing a gom jabbar? Hercules IS the Kwisatz Haderach.
2012-09-14 02:03:51
@BenZvan: @MockTM I beg you, give it to me Hercules!
2012-09-14 02:03:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, that was a gay movie too? RT @abiodork: @szvan Same place the Highlander always stored his sword, I assume.
2012-09-14 02:03:56
@szvan: @MockTM Weirdly, Lou Ferrigno appears to be the best actor in this movie.
2012-09-14 02:04:07
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM agreed!
2012-09-14 02:04:35
@brx0: @MockTM So the King of Africa just happens to be wandering down the beach just now…
2012-09-14 02:04:39
@drskyskull: @MockTM Now he can go to the well of souls and find the ark of the covenant!
2012-09-14 02:04:58
@szvan: @MockTM “So, hey, guys. Any of you know any characters from Greek myths aside from Hercules?”
2012-09-14 02:05:06
@abiodork: @MockTM @szvan @pzmyers Well, I thought that went without saying, but there you go sayin’ it.
2012-09-14 02:05:22
@CarlieP: @mocktm The King of Africa? WTF?
2012-09-14 02:05:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM The King of Africa? Oh to king of a whole continent…
2012-09-14 02:05:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Talismans are a girl’s best friend…”
2012-09-14 02:05:40
@ColOfNature: @mocktm Xerxes piled on the pounds after thermopylae
2012-09-14 02:06:08
@CarlieP: @mocktm The King of Africa appears to be married to Edith from Downton Abbey.
2012-09-14 02:06:39
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’m going to cite the square-cube law and call shenanigans.
2012-09-14 02:06:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM when are people going to get killed?
2012-09-14 02:07:11
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, so that’s where the Mediterranean came from. Was curious.
2012-09-14 02:07:14
@szvan: @MockTM Because it isn’t enough for Hercules to be absurdly strong. He has to be magically tall.
2012-09-14 02:07:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM At the end of this movie we’re going to find that these quests were made up by Hercules’ high school friends to jerk him around.
2012-09-14 02:07:19
@wdonohue: @MockTM Circe is a size fetishist? #likesembigandstupid #juliebrown
2012-09-14 02:07:47
@CarlieP: @mocktm I seriously expected to see Animal from the Muppets there for a minute, just like in The Muppet Movie.
2012-09-14 02:07:59
2012-09-14 02:07:59
@abiodork: @MockTM “echoing resplendent bud” All these random words just thrown together..
2012-09-14 02:08:12
@szvan: @MockTM Thus, with the help of Hercules, the Africans were isolated from the Europeans. Really?
2012-09-14 02:08:24
@brx0: @MockTM There are no wooden doors in Hercules movies, apparently. Or hinges.
2012-09-14 02:08:52
@CA7746: @MockTM Just knock.
2012-09-14 02:08:52
@DrRubidium: @MockTM now that Europe & Africa are separate continents, things will be OK
2012-09-14 02:09:07
@abiodork: @MockTM @pzmyers Oh sure, play the biologist card why don’t ya.
2012-09-14 02:09:21
@BenZvan: @MockTM Daniel Jackson would have had that door open already.
2012-09-14 02:09:23
@DrRubidium: @MockTM how are they going to get the chariot out of that room?
2012-09-14 02:09:38
@pzmyers: @MockTM Everything in this movie looks like it belongs in a disco.
2012-09-14 02:09:42
@brx0: @MockTM Luckily Hercules remembered to oil up before all this shoving of things.
2012-09-14 02:10:02
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, clove hitch, That’s a good start.
2012-09-14 02:10:33
@BenZvan: @MockTM The secret is: bang those rocks together, guys.
2012-09-14 02:10:36
@szvan: @MockTM It’s a good thing Ferrigno knows how to flex. He almost made the styrofoam look like rock.
2012-09-14 02:10:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Magic…reindeer?”
2012-09-14 02:11:06
@BenZvan: @MockTM Sorcery: It sounds like dubstep.
2012-09-14 02:11:10
@DrRubidium: @MockTM enjoy with the magic, just tie the fucking rope yourself
2012-09-14 02:11:22
@ColOfNature: @DrRubidium @MockTM oh ye of little faith
2012-09-14 02:11:31
@drskyskull: @MockTM “How about these rocks? Will these rocks replace flying horses?”
2012-09-14 02:11:35
@abiodork: @MockTM Jenga!
2012-09-14 02:11:39
@brx0: @MockTM But why doesn’t Hercules know how to tie knots?
2012-09-14 02:11:48
@pzmyers: @MockTM I just noticed that her breastplate has nipples. She’s Batman!
2012-09-14 02:11:55
@drskyskull: @MockTM @BenZvan That’s why sorcerers have been hunted down through the centuries.
2012-09-14 02:12:14
@CA7746: @MockTM Annnd, the chariot gets yanked out from under them.
2012-09-14 02:12:16
@brx0: @MockTM Island of Thera, on the far side of the asteroid belt. Or maybe this is just the scenic route.
2012-09-14 02:12:16
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, the moon! Hi, gods!
2012-09-14 02:12:36
@pzmyers: @MockTM But how does the chariot stop?
2012-09-14 02:12:37
@CarlieP: @mocktm Get on my chariot, baby, I’ll take you for a ride.
2012-09-14 02:12:39
@drskyskull: @MockTM Sorcery: For when you’re too fucking lazy to tie ropes to rocks.
2012-09-14 02:12:49
@BenZvan: @MockTM Something something something fantastic voyage!
2012-09-14 02:13:05
@ColOfNature: @mocktm physics courtesy of looney tunes
2012-09-14 02:13:05
@CA7746: @MockTM Watch out for bears.
2012-09-14 02:13:06
@szvan: @MockTM Good thing Hercules aimed so well.
2012-09-14 02:13:14
@pzmyers: @MockTM Wait…how did it change directions?
2012-09-14 02:13:16
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Thank you sorceress. Now I’ve got to go and make a mockery of the laws of physics.”
2012-09-14 02:13:22
@brx0: @MockTM Ah yeah, space tethers are tricky. Same thing happened to the shuttle a couple of times in RL.
2012-09-14 02:13:22
@CarlieP: @mocktm Air? In space? Oh, never mind.
2012-09-14 02:13:24
@CA7746: @MockTM The emerald city?
2012-09-14 02:14:08
@pzmyers: @MockTM At last, now I understand what happened to *my* magic powers.
2012-09-14 02:14:19
@BenZvan: @MockTM Over here it’s daytime. Over there it’s SPACE!
2012-09-14 02:14:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “My God, it’s full of stars!”
2012-09-14 02:14:39
@szvan: @MockTM Ugh. That water looks nasty. Don’t swim to the island.
2012-09-14 02:14:40
@abiodork: @MockTM @pzmyers Gravitational slingshot something or other, right?
2012-09-14 02:14:57
@abiodork: @MockTM Chicago River on Saint Paddy’s Day!
2012-09-14 02:15:41
@ColOfNature: @mocktm ah, yes. the only thing more helpless than a woman without a man, is a woman with a man. from ancient greece direct to hollywood.
2012-09-14 02:15:42
@BenZvan: @MockTM Well that looks like a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.
2012-09-14 02:15:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I, the enchantress, have been enchanted–” “Never mind. We’re here.” #classic
2012-09-14 02:15:46
@ColOfNature: @mocktm oh look. he’s green.
2012-09-14 02:15:53
@brx0: @MockTM And the PG film teases us with a bathing enchanted princess & Sibyl Danning…
2012-09-14 02:16:07
@wdonohue: @MockTM Must be the Oan Citadel, source of green lanterns & Orion slave girls.
2012-09-14 02:16:11
@CarlieP: @mocktm Oh hi, narrator, where have you been?
2012-09-14 02:16:11
@CarlieP: @mocktm Did she just say the moon was in the seventh house?
2012-09-14 02:16:31
@szvan: @MockTM “Yeah, I’m in love with you, but you’re on your own from here.”
2012-09-14 02:16:35
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey Lines like that are why Hercules, though buff & brave, is a virgin in his 30s.
2012-09-14 02:16:36
@brx0: @MockTM Robocentaur fail.
2012-09-14 02:16:53
@pzmyers: @MockTM Oh, Ray Harryhausen, where are you now?
2012-09-14 02:17:07
@BenZvan: @MockTM I was going to call that a one-hit wonder, but it took four.
2012-09-14 02:17:13
@DrRubidium: @MockTM People, we still have OVER 20 minutes left
2012-09-14 02:17:18
@CA7746: @MockTM Y’know, that charm might’ve been useful.
2012-09-14 02:17:37
@brx0: @MockTM Science. You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
2012-09-14 02:18:24
@wdonohue: @DrRubidium @MockTM Man, rum makes everything go by faster.
2012-09-14 02:18:30
@ColOfNature: @mocktm and now he’s angry. d’you think they’ll like him more now, or less?
2012-09-14 02:18:31
@pzmyers: @MockTM Only 20 minutes left? We could watch the Gor movie after this, then.
2012-09-14 02:18:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM People, we still have 20 minutes left
2012-09-14 02:18:38
@CarlieP: @mocktm I see her in the crystal ball – send the flying monkeys.
2012-09-14 02:18:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “She is the woman chosen for you by the gods. Dicks that they are.”
2012-09-14 02:18:54
@abiodork: @MockTM Cosmic death ray! Well..eventual death by death ray. Dr. Horrible built this didn’t he?
2012-09-14 02:18:55
@pzmyers: @MockTM that’s some really ugly bling she’s wearing.
2012-09-14 02:19:23
@szvan: @MockTM So Hercules is to marry Cassiopeia. Is that because they couldn’t figure out how to pronounce Deianeira?
2012-09-14 02:19:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is totes creepy they’re dressing up somebody to MURDER
2012-09-14 02:19:37
@szvan: @MockTM Hercules can throw a bear into space, but he has trouble bending perforated metal. Huh.
2012-09-14 02:20:19
@ColOfNature: @pzmyers @MockTM who need sleep anyway?
2012-09-14 02:20:38
@wdonohue: @MockTM “SCIENCE! In my pants!” Oh Minos, you nut.
2012-09-14 02:20:39
@szvan: @MockTM Hercules needed to play more video games. Nobody falls for pit traps anymore.
2012-09-14 02:20:51
@CarlieP: @mocktm HA! That trapdoor was as good as Indy pulling out the gun.
2012-09-14 02:20:58
@DrRubidium: @MockTM not sad this princess is going to die #saveyourdamnselfprincess
2012-09-14 02:20:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey Ha! :)
2012-09-14 02:21:09
@brx0: @MockTM And the narrator jumps in to explain what we just saw.
2012-09-14 02:21:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Must be Krell metal….
2012-09-14 02:21:25
@BenZvan: @MockTM So they planned for an intermission, removed the intermission, and forgot to remove the bumper narration?
2012-09-14 02:21:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM “And then, the mighty Hercules forced his way through the giant Lite-Brite…”
2012-09-14 02:21:34
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is she wearing pasties?
2012-09-14 02:21:35
@szvan: @MockTM Despite this being the 80s, they limited themselves to underboob?
2012-09-14 02:21:35
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’ve never seen that before : both her arms and her breasts are akimbo.
2012-09-14 02:21:36
@CarlieP: @szvan @MockTM Iron chariots do beat the gods, so probably iron doors, too.
2012-09-14 02:21:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Sorry, Hercules, your princess is in another labyrinth!
2012-09-14 02:22:05
@brx0: @MockTM Listening to King Minos talk about science is like watching the History Channel about history.
2012-09-14 02:22:17
@abiodork: @MockTM Cue sinister organ music!
2012-09-14 02:22:19
@pzmyers: @MockTM they’ve eliminated all emotion except the gloating.
2012-09-14 02:22:27
@wdonohue: @MockTM “Will evil triumph? Will someone have a wardrobe malfunction?”
2012-09-14 02:22:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM “King Minos’ plan is about to be fulfilled…” Wait — what the hell IS his plan!!??
2012-09-14 02:22:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM no uncertainty? I find that statistically improbable
2012-09-14 02:23:03
@BenZvan: @MockTM exterminate! Exterminate!! EXTERMINATE!!!
2012-09-14 02:23:07
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’m taking notes on great pickup lines. “I’m eager to inflame your passions.” Check.
2012-09-14 02:23:34
@brx0: @MockTM Now the PG movie teases us with Sibyl Danning & Hercules in chains. Sigh…
2012-09-14 02:24:01
@abiodork: @MockTM Is that a first gen arc reactor?
2012-09-14 02:24:21
@pzmyers: @MockTM She got to cup those breasts. I’m a little bit jealous.
2012-09-14 02:24:29
@CA7746: @MockTM I’ll drink first.
2012-09-14 02:24:30
@szvan: @MockTM Where did that hand go?
2012-09-14 02:24:41
@wdonohue: @MockTM I’m stealing all of Minos’ monologuing for my next mad scientist rant. #wherewasi?
2012-09-14 02:24:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM Damn, if only I were under water, I could break these chains!
2012-09-14 02:25:11
@szvan: @MockTM No PUA moves? Just straight to the drugs?
2012-09-14 02:25:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM well, this took a turn for the rapey #no
2012-09-14 02:25:16
@pzmyers: @MockTM “Drink deep, to inflame the thousand passions I will give you.” Check.
2012-09-14 02:25:24
@pzmyers: @MockTM “OPEN!” Check.
2012-09-14 02:25:48
@szvan: @MockTM Swing! Swing! Swing! Stop. Attack. Somebody needs to teach Hercules some basic physics.
2012-09-14 02:26:04
@abiodork: @MockTM So those chains are Hercules-proof? Actually it looks like he could just slip the collar over his head.
2012-09-14 02:26:07
@CarlieP: @mocktm … Sesame!
2012-09-14 02:26:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so they had hooker heels in ancient Greece? And pasties? And spandex? #toomuch
2012-09-14 02:26:20
@CA7746: @MockTM Ariana’s suddenly oiled up.
2012-09-14 02:26:35
@abiodork: @MockTM Oh good – he *was* able to break them. I was starting to worry that they the writers weren’t following the rules of their story.
2012-09-14 02:26:59
@szvan: @MockTM *That* scene wasn’t designed for a shot down the already exposed cleavage. Oh, no, no.
2012-09-14 02:28:01
@BenZvan: @MockTM @szvan keeps informing me of the cleavage I miss when I look away from the TV! :-(
2012-09-14 02:28:02
@pzmyers: @MockTM “This volcano, with it’s inexhaustible energy.” Check.
2012-09-14 02:28:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM ‘Bride of the Phoenix’ sounds like the kind of movie we would make fun of
2012-09-14 02:28:54
@brx0: @MockTM Every time the story starts making sense, Minos talks again and wrecks everything.
2012-09-14 02:29:06
@pzmyers: @MockTM “It’s the sword that holds the key to my power.” Check.
2012-09-14 02:29:06
@CarlieP: @mocktm Excalibur???
2012-09-14 02:29:09
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Princess, grab the sword and kill that motherfucker #justanidea
2012-09-14 02:29:38
@szvan: @MockTM @BenZvan doesn’t believe me when I point out underboob.
2012-09-14 02:29:49
@abiodork: @MockTM “Could I…uh…maybe have that gold bling back before we melt you down in the volcano?”
2012-09-14 02:30:04
@wdonohue: @MockTM Phoenix effect? Now we’re doing X-Men. OK
2012-09-14 02:30:13
@BenZvan: @mocktm @pzmyers “I command you, get in!” Check.
2012-09-14 02:30:17
@szvan: @MockTM Well, except Hercules’ underboob.
2012-09-14 02:30:18
@pzmyers: @MockTM She weighs the same as a….duck?
2012-09-14 02:30:29
@DrRubidium: @MockTM good to know the swords aren’t actually sharp #safetyfirst
2012-09-14 02:30:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Minos might as well tell Cassiopeia the softest and most vital part of his body to stab.
2012-09-14 02:30:55
@abiodork: @MockTM @DrRubidium YES.
2012-09-14 02:31:03
@CarlieP: @mocktm Isn’t Minos turning the handle the wrong way to lower it?
2012-09-14 02:31:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Sure is hot in here… maybe I shouldn’t have gotten in this basket…
2012-09-14 02:31:09
@brx0: @MockTM Somehow I figured ordering the minions to open the door wouldn’t be the answer in this movie.
2012-09-14 02:31:09
@BenZvan: @MockTM @szvan La la la I don’t believe you!
2012-09-14 02:31:18
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, another not-legally-a-lightsaber! Awesome.
2012-09-14 02:31:35
@brx0: @MockTM “Wait, don’t touch that sword!” Lair design fail.
2012-09-14 02:32:17
@pzmyers: @MockTM Just stab him and get it over with. Come on.
2012-09-14 02:32:26
@BenZvan: @MockTM Is he swordfighting or directing a symphony?
2012-09-14 02:32:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Betcha King Minos’ daughter is regretting taking that low contracting bid for hired guards.
2012-09-14 02:32:44
@brx0: @MockTM “This sword, consecrated to Zeus, fears nothing!”. I need an excuse to use that.
2012-09-14 02:32:58
@CarlieP: @mocktm Hercules is the true king of England! He got the sword out!
2012-09-14 02:33:10
@pzmyers: @MockTM Conveniently, he maneuvers him right to the sword that can destroy his entire evil plot.
2012-09-14 02:33:13
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Whassup, Minos?”
2012-09-14 02:33:18
@ColOfNature: @MockTM took sword from stone: free’d a phoenix /and/ king of all england. not bad.
2012-09-14 02:33:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You’re too reliant on your strength!” “And YOU are an Evil Overlord fighting near a ledge!”
2012-09-14 02:33:34
@szvan: @MockTM When your movie makes old Doctor Who special effects look good….
2012-09-14 02:33:38
@brx0: @MockTM Stock volcano footage! As previously seen in every Italian b-movie ever!
2012-09-14 02:34:21
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that princess is working my last good nerve
2012-09-14 02:34:22
@pzmyers: @MockTM I’ve seen that volcano stock footage many times before.
2012-09-14 02:34:40
@BenZvan: @MockTM So stabby spear girl was a vampire?
2012-09-14 02:34:54
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, I get it, this is all about Burning Man, isn’t it?
2012-09-14 02:34:55
@szvan: @brx0 @MockTM But…but…the color overlay!
2012-09-14 02:35:03
@abiodork: @MockTM – Yup I think he turned the crank the same direction to raise her up as the other guy did to lower her down.
2012-09-14 02:35:07
@CA7746: @MockTM Lesson: If you do favors for gods, everybody in the country dies.
2012-09-14 02:35:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Stop! In the naaaaame of love…”
2012-09-14 02:35:27
@drskyskull: @MockTM Actually, Minos looks a bit like Ian McKellen. I was expecting him to tell Herc, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
2012-09-14 02:35:33
@DrRubidium: @MockTM were the hell did all those people come from?
2012-09-14 02:35:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “She chose…poorly.”
2012-09-14 02:35:55
@CA7746: @MockTM Other than that firebird.
2012-09-14 02:36:01
@pzmyers: @MockTM THe volcano set the water on fire!
2012-09-14 02:36:03
@brx0: @MockTM Most confusing romantic dialogue evar.
2012-09-14 02:36:40
@CA7746: @MockTM The end
2012-09-14 02:36:49
@CarlieP: @mocktm Did… the entire fire stuff just stop?
2012-09-14 02:36:53
@abiodork: @MockTM @blakestacey Ha!
2012-09-14 02:36:54
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m all of them and none of them. I’m a generic female love interest.”
2012-09-14 02:37:00
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that was 99 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back
2012-09-14 02:37:08
@drskyskull: @MockTM “And so Hercules found the pieces of his brother Osiris, turned water into wine and then gave Loki a kick in the nuts. The End.”
2012-09-14 02:37:19
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM LOL #truth
2012-09-14 02:37:36
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM C’mon now. The princess died, at least.
2012-09-14 02:37:40
@CarlieP: @mocktm Nice to know they care so much about all the people who just got killed.
2012-09-14 02:37:48
@CA7746: @MockTM Soundman’s sidekick, boom man
2012-09-14 02:37:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Not enough people died horribly. AGAIN.
2012-09-14 02:37:57
@pzmyers: @MockTM You people have wasted another of my THursdays!
2012-09-14 02:38:06
@abiodork: @MockTM Hey wait. That dialogue don’t make no sense. Oh, but EXPLOSHUN!
2012-09-14 02:38:14
@wdonohue: @MockTM Wait a minute, Cassiopeia is on a throne in the constella- oh, never mind. #queenisalwaysontop
2012-09-14 02:38:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM “…and that is how the constellation of the dry-humping lovers entered the cosmos.”
2012-09-14 02:38:54
@abiodork: @MockTM @szvan Awesome.
2012-09-14 02:39:06
@MockTM: You’re welcome. RT @pzmyers: @MockTM You people have wasted another of my THursdays!
2012-09-14 02:39:24
@brx0: @MockTM Watching the credits. Double apostrophe fail in the legalese right at the end. It’s only fitting, somehow.
2012-09-14 02:39:25
@pzmyers: @MockTM My scotch is all gone. Maybe it wasn’t such a waste.
2012-09-14 02:39:30
@DrRubidium: @MockTM all I’m saying is MOAR people better die next time
2012-09-14 02:39:33
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM I always wondered
2012-09-14 02:39:51
@CA7746: @MockTM All of Atlantis died.
2012-09-14 02:39:54
@CarlieP: @mocktm From an amazon review: “If you are fan, a real fan, of Lou, then this is for you. ”
2012-09-14 02:40:07
@drskyskull: @MockTM Did this movie have only a single gaffer? The whole thing was a gaffe!
2012-09-14 02:40:12
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM Maybe not next time. Definitely the time after.
2012-09-14 02:40:14
@abiodork: @MockTM Time to go do something equally productive as this last hour and a half. *looks for belly button lint*
2012-09-14 02:40:15
@ColOfNature: @mocktm yup. that was rubbish.
2012-09-14 02:40:37
@pzmyers: @MockTM Isn’t the next one Moontrap? Prospects of massive death…fading.
2012-09-14 02:40:44
@ColOfNature: @mocktm fortnight from now?
2012-09-14 02:40:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “And it’s unauthorized duplication” – LOL!
2012-09-14 02:41:01
@DrRubidium: I really hope @SyFymovies Pegasus vs. Chimera is better than this week’s @MockTM http://t.co/2u6mEJzk
2012-09-14 02:41:10
@CarlieP: @mocktm 5-star review:”This is the hercules that I remember as a child.I was delighted to find it and it’s just as good as I remember.”
2012-09-14 02:41:15
@DrRubidium: @szvan @MockTM well, I guess I can hold on a bit longer :D
2012-09-14 02:41:32
@wdonohue: @MockTM Well folks, that was horribly cheesetastic. I loved it.
2012-09-14 02:41:33
@abiodork: @MockTM The biggest tragedy of this night is that I’ll have to see this movie in my Netflix “Recently Watched” category for a while.
2012-09-14 02:41:52
@pzmyers: @MockTM you are a bad person. RT @wdonohue: Well folks, that was horribly cheesetastic. I loved it.
2012-09-14 02:42:08
@ColOfNature: @mocktm i’m looking forward to moontrap. it’s got chekov in it. ehehe. “wessels”.
2012-09-14 02:42:23
@szvan: @MockTM I think the big lesson from tonight’s movie is that screenwriters need to learn more about Greek mythos. Cassiopeia, my ass.
2012-09-14 02:42:36
@szvan: @pzmyers @MockTM The one after that, everyone dies.
2012-09-14 02:43:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM @szvan See, I thought the lesson was, “You don’t have to make an ounce of fucking sense if you’ve got big pecs.”
2012-09-14 02:44:01
@SpokesGay: @abiodork @MockTM And that Netflix will suggest that you might like “Gor,” based on your interest in Hercules.
2012-09-14 02:44:02
@drskyskull: @MockTM @abiodork I’m waiting for my wife to log into Netflix and go, “WTF?”
2012-09-14 02:44:30
@ColOfNature: @szvan @MockTM s/Greek mythos/writing/ #ftfy
2012-09-14 02:44:47
@DrRubidium: @MockTM the voice over of Lou Ferrigno reminded me of the voice over of Andie MacDowell in Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan
2012-09-14 02:45:15
@MockTM: Yes, with Checkov and Ash! RT @ColOfNature: @mocktm fortnight from now?
2012-09-14 02:45:39
@abiodork: @MockTM @SpokesGay DAMMIT TO THEBES!
2012-09-14 02:45:53
@SpokesGay: @abiodork @MockTM That’s “Thebes” to you, missy.
2012-09-14 02:46:20
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Then Hercules slew the Balrog, but Vader wouldn’t let him off so easily — he sent the mighty Roc to attack.” #Icantstop
2012-09-14 02:46:43
@drskyskull: @MockTM @abiodork Eh, more fun to let her discover my odd movie choices all on her own! >:)
2012-09-14 02:47:21
@ColOfNature: @MockTM wait, what? how did i not spot bruce campbell?! now i’m *really* looking forward to it. must… resist watching… before 2 th…
2012-09-14 02:50:49
@ColOfNature: @mocktm 2 th? tooth. twoth? 27th!
2012-09-14 02:51:58
@meb_1976: @pzmyers @MockTM Always Scotch. I recommend JW Black, neat. If there were a god worth his salt, he’d drink that.
2012-09-14 03:08:49
@szvan: @CarlieP @mocktm “And no one else should bother.” LOL
2012-09-14 03:10:39
@wdonohue: @blakestacey @MockTM @brx0 So, no Daedalus hat for me? Fine, I’ve got my fez to keep me warm. #fearofashinyhat
2012-09-14 03:11:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Beginning now, because work had a stupid. TITLE CREDIT MUSIC. The Cannon Group — they had explosive growth in their time.
2012-09-14 03:15:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Lou Ferrigno is… Hulkules!
2012-09-14 03:15:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “In the beginning there was darkness.” *lasers and fireworks* We have different definitions of darkness, narrator and I.
2012-09-14 03:16:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The four elements are night, day, matter and air? I swear, the fifth element is pizza.
2012-09-14 03:17:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Planets were formed from the amphora. Right. Saturn, Mercury… how about Ceres and Makemake? Everyone forgets about them in myths.
2012-09-14 03:18:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So this movie retcons Mount Olympus onto the moon. Okay, I’ll buy that more than a mountain on Earth.
2012-09-14 03:20:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “But evil is dark and strong and kinda icky and mean.”
2012-09-14 03:20:51
@SpokesGay: @lousycanuck @MockTM Also, it will grow “big, immense.”
2012-09-14 03:21:23
@szvan: At least in tonight’s @MockTM, they used drugs as a reason the princess lacked the volition to save herself. Creepy, but recognized agency.
2012-09-14 03:21:37
@brx0: @MockTM So to sum up tonight’s film: Not enough drugs in the universe for this to make sense. Epic cosplay opportunities though.
2012-09-14 03:21:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “A body capable of undergoing every labor, every pain. Except childbirth.”
2012-09-14 03:22:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Or sexual congress apparently, they forgot to forge him a peen.
2012-09-14 03:22:20
@rvitelli: @lousycanuck @MockTM Then again, Olympus Mons is on Mars…
2012-09-14 03:22:42
@SpokesGay: @lousycanuck @MockTM And that’s the answer to, “What about the MENZ?”
2012-09-14 03:22:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dude is skulking all skulkily-like. ONOES, WATCH OUT SWORD GUARDS WHO AREN’T GUARDING THE ENTRANCE!!
2012-09-14 03:24:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM SWORD GET. This guy must be an expert in the Hugging The Sword style of swordfighting.
2012-09-14 03:26:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal!
2012-09-14 03:26:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I don’t think the King of Thieves gets an ACTUAL throne, dude.
2012-09-14 03:26:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, unless you steal the REAL one too. CLEVER THIEF, THOU HAST OUTWITTED ME
2012-09-14 03:27:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM CSI: Roma. “Well, this guy looks to have been stabbed repeatedly in bed.”
2012-09-14 03:27:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Maid saves baby Herc, taking him to a river… gee, will there be a basket?
2012-09-14 03:29:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Kill him!” *thwp* *aagh!* “No, not her, you idiot. Welp, let’s let the baby float off to safety.”
2012-09-14 03:30:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh Hera. You could have chosen a more likely to work murder weapon, since baby’s still in his teething phase.
2012-09-14 03:33:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Really digging Hera’s faux-future garb. Like something out of the original Star Trek.
2012-09-14 03:34:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of grinding a millstone for thirty years.
2012-09-14 03:34:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Herc lifts a tree for fun. I can tell already I’ll need more booze.
2012-09-14 03:35:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hera sends a bear to kill Herc. She misses. Wonder how many other ridiculous plots she’s failed at for the past 30 years.
2012-09-14 03:36:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Father!” “Hercules!” “Tetsuo!” “Kaneda!”
2012-09-14 03:37:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Zeus gave Herc LASER PUNCHES? Oh that’s just overpowered.
2012-09-14 03:37:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, did Herc just throw that bear into space and he became Ursa Major? You know, we KNOW what that’s supposed to look like!
2012-09-14 03:39:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM King Minos calls on Daedalos, antitheist. “Pick gods or science!” “I always pick science!!” “Okay here’s some science!”
2012-09-14 03:40:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Go kill Hercules, science!” “Okay!” *flies away*
2012-09-14 03:41:26
@petsnakereggie: Stupid long meeting made me miss another @MockTM. Next time! Next time….
2012-09-14 03:41:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hercules! Your mother is in danger! Come!” “What!? …no, seriously, what? I couldn’t hear you! Hey, get back here!”
2012-09-14 03:42:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Holy crap that’s some big science! I’ll poke it with a stick!
2012-09-14 03:43:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well that didn’t work. I’ll poke it with this other stick. Hey, this stick electrocuted it!
2012-09-14 03:44:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Farewell, mother.” At least Herc still has that Eric Idle lookalike to console him. Also, pyromania. A good burn always helps.
2012-09-14 03:45:05
@brx0: @petsnakereggie @MockTM @lousycanuck just started watching too, so there’s still time. If you dare.
2012-09-14 03:46:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “That man is different from the others. Also he has laser swords AND a laser shield. Where’d he get the laser-everything buff?”
2012-09-14 03:47:04
@lousycanuck: @brx0 @petsnakereggie @MockTM Yeah, I can pause it til you catch up. Work emergency screwed me over.
2012-09-14 03:47:28
@brx0: @lousycanuck @MockTM You raise an excellent point. How *do* you make a Makemake?
2012-09-14 03:47:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Unarmed Hercules vs two horsedrawn carriages with spike wheels. Herc flexes. They’re SOOOO DEAD
2012-09-14 03:48:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well if he’s got iron skin and swords break on him, why was he scared of the Science Thingie?
2012-09-14 03:49:01
@wdonohue: @petsnakereggie Aww, we missed you. Does @chebutykin ever show up for @MockTM, or would that be a busman’s holiday?
2012-09-14 03:49:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Herc with tree vs ten guys who don’t know enough to dodge the obvious Three Stooges attack.
2012-09-14 03:50:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, there’s no “log constellation” so where’s he chucking that tree?
2012-09-14 03:50:33
@brx0: @lousycanuck I watched earlier, but @petsnakereggie just got out of a meeting. @MockTM
2012-09-14 03:51:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’ll accompany my daughter Casseiopeia — hey, not that way. I’ll break your damn kneecaps if you despoil her.”
2012-09-14 03:51:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “And the test?” “A simple one. Prove Fermat’s last theorem. Here’s your abacus.”
2012-09-14 03:52:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I promised I’d marry the first man to see my face. HEY STOP GRABBING AT MY VEIL.”
2012-09-14 03:53:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I was told to clean the stable but not how. Let’s go pick up the river and bring it to the stable. Physics be damned.”
2012-09-14 03:54:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “There. You see the river?” “Dude, that’s a rock.”
2012-09-14 03:55:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s a hell of a canyon. If you’re planning on damming it, you’ll be throwing a lot of rocks.
2012-09-14 03:56:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Mile-high canyon and two rocks are all it takes to divert the water up over the side and into the stables. Okay, so Herc is magic.
2012-09-14 03:57:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Also helps that this river was made of Scrubbing Bubbles.
2012-09-14 03:57:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ve done what I promised. Now it’s your turn. … Okay, keep going. Isn’t that thing covering your chest part of your veil? No?”
2012-09-14 03:58:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We’ll feed him to the sharks. Who live in six feet deep water.” Wait, are these sharks two headed???
2012-09-14 03:59:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No sharks, but lots of porpoise call. Herc is swimming back to shore for seven days. Never mind that he was dumped in shallow water.
2012-09-14 04:01:33
@ColOfNature: @lousycanuck reading these tweets actually makes the film sounf more interesting than it was. @mocktm
2012-09-14 04:03:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I know everything.” “Then why did you ask?” “To test to see whether YOU knew. I totally knew. Knew you’d say THAT, TOO.”
2012-09-14 04:03:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Why’d Herc bother grabbing her arm? That shit wouldn’t cut him any more than the chariot blades.
2012-09-14 04:04:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Witch is apparently orgasming pretty hard from drinking his blood. Whatever gets you off, I suppose, as long as you both consent.
2012-09-14 04:05:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Who are you?” “Same woman I was a few minutes ago, only much hotter.”
2012-09-14 04:05:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Um, why would Hera care about Cassiopeia’s sacrifice? She’s after Herc.
2012-09-14 04:07:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, those drops of blood really gave her a nice 80s eyeshadow job.
2012-09-14 04:07:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “More science? The last science wasn’t so good.” “This one has cosmic rays!” “Oh, sweet! Go kill Cerce and Herc with your science!”
2012-09-14 04:08:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You can tell King Minos is pleased by the way he tents his fingers.
2012-09-14 04:09:32
@DrRubidium: @mock my bad, should have been @MockTM
2012-09-14 04:09:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, the witch’s bodice looks much nicer now too. It’s always great that youth potions also update your ensemble.
2012-09-14 04:10:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, bring on Cerberus! Wait, Cerberus was replaced with MECHA-CERBERUS ZOMG.
2012-09-14 04:10:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, can you really call those three heads? They don’t move independently.
2012-09-14 04:11:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The shield!” “Yes, I just threw it at him. What? Oh, I shoulda kept it?! NOW YOU TELL ME.”
2012-09-14 04:11:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The endless stairway ends at the center of the earth.” Okay. Sure.
2012-09-14 04:12:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, it’s Bifrost! So we’re doing Norse mythology too then?
2012-09-14 04:12:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Well? Where do we go from here?” “Castle Greyskull, obviously, it’s the only landmark here.”
2012-09-14 04:13:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The only convincing Charon needs to take you across is Herc’s fist. … But with gold in it. Handing it to him.
2012-09-14 04:14:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Music flares. Any second now Herc will exclaim “I HAVE THE POWER.”
2012-09-14 04:14:50
2012-09-14 04:15:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, that’s why the witch has been so charm-less. Her charm is locked in the World Egg.
2012-09-14 04:15:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Okay, the disappearing one was weird, the fire one really painful… the ice one isn’t so bad though.”
2012-09-14 04:17:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Give it to me otherwise it will be lost forever!” “Uh, that’s what I was about to do, throwing it into space like I do with stuff.”
2012-09-14 04:18:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The winged horses are lost in infinity.” “No, but you can find them again, because infinity isn’t big or anything.”
2012-09-14 04:19:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And through the magic of forced perspective, Hercules goes Godzilla-sized. Stomp those cities Herc!
2012-09-14 04:21:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, aren’t those dudes a Bone Ark from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night?
2012-09-14 04:22:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Zeus and Athena pretend like Hercules “pulled himself up by his bootstraps”. Pssh.
2012-09-14 04:22:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh hey it’s one of those combination lock puzzles, let’s see, rotate this ring… oh, you’re just going to knock it over. Okay.
2012-09-14 04:23:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow. So that one rock that everything was safely placed around somehow prevented the crossbar from splitting in half. Gotcha.
2012-09-14 04:24:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Tie this rope to the rock. Now tie the other end to the chariot.” “Dude, you could do that part yourself.”
2012-09-14 04:26:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Witch has to convince the tank/brawler that he needs ranged DPS and support to win this boss battle.
2012-09-14 04:26:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ooh, throw the rock, jump on the chariot, stand there, and don’t fly off instantly. PHYSICS!!!
2012-09-14 04:27:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Seriously, did they just go to Thera by way of Saturn? That’s a hell of a detour.
2012-09-14 04:27:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “In love” is apparently a massive debuff to magic power.
2012-09-14 04:28:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Cassiopeia is submissive thanks to the “Black Lotus”. What’s a Japanese ninja clan have to do with this?
2012-09-14 04:30:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Remember, magic users are squishy. One laser from Mechacentaur and witch is down.
2012-09-14 04:30:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Mechacentaur’s weakness is Pickaxe attacks. Cerce is remarkably lucid and unpained before dying.
2012-09-14 04:31:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh shit, Herc is angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.
2012-09-14 04:32:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Minos says Herc is in his labyrinth, and he has plans for him. COULD WE BE SEEING A MECHAMINOTAUR!?
2012-09-14 04:33:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Minos: “Science for the sake of science.” Yeah, kill the gods with science! DO IT! Minos just became my protagonist.
2012-09-14 04:33:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Throwing shit into space, busting up science creatures, breaking swords, all nothing compared to bending some thin monkey metal.
2012-09-14 04:34:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM But wait, Herc didn’t even get to try the labyrinth. They put a trapdoor at the fucking entrance! No fair.
2012-09-14 04:35:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh great, the only science booster also thinks that emotion and hope and doubt should be purged. Dammit all.
2012-09-14 04:36:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ohhh, and now a plot to have Minos’ daughter rape Herc via drugs. Ain’t that grand.
2012-09-14 04:37:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Herc awakes chained on the floor, stitches on his side, discovering that the mirror has “go to a hospital” written on it in lipstick
2012-09-14 04:38:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, that’s it, tell the guy what you’re going to drug him with. “WAAAaaaaidasecond.”
2012-09-14 04:39:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh don’t all attack him at once or anything.
2012-09-14 04:39:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, look, some fires of hell. Shall we?” “Let’s.”
2012-09-14 04:40:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dogpile attack thwarted via powerful arm-flexing!
2012-09-14 04:41:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is the phoenix. Well, it’s a volcano, really. It’s a metaphor.”
2012-09-14 04:42:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You will become a bride of the phoenix. By which I mean its lunch. By which I mean you’ll die in lava. It’s a metaphor.”
2012-09-14 04:42:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Cassiopeia, I command you… get in mah belly.”
2012-09-14 04:43:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “DAMN YOOOO!” *throws wooden thing at other wooden thing* Hey, when you got one skill… use it.
2012-09-14 04:45:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Minos has a flaming rainbow sword. That’s like Tier 4 rarity.
2012-09-14 04:46:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Don’t touch the sword! You’ll release the phoenix! The volcano will erupt! It’s all metaphorical dammit!!!”
2012-09-14 04:47:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Super-cranking! Herc saves Cassiopeia from the volcano. But Minos’ daughter! With a sword through her. DENOUEMENT!!!!!!
2012-09-14 04:48:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Millions die in fire thanks to Hercules’ inattention to detail.
2012-09-14 04:49:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Wait, are you Cassiopeia or Ariana or Cerce or what? Im confus.” “D: all of the above!” “OKAY! Let’s get with the kissing!”
2012-09-14 04:51:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM CREDITS. That was the best movie starring Lou Ferrigno I have EVER SEEN. EVER.
2012-09-14 04:52:09
@petsnakereggie: @wdonohue @chebutykin @MockTM She doesn’t so far as I know but she really should.
2012-09-14 12:58:47
@DrRubidium: I humbly suggest this straight-to-video gem for @MockTM http://t.co/70gfOdRl cc @szvan @drskyskull @lousycanuck
2012-09-15 01:38:14
@szvan: @DrRubidium @MockTM @drskyskull @lousycanuck But that one definitely has to go in the queue.
2012-09-15 02:28:51
@drskyskull: @DrRubidium @MockTM @szvan @lousycanuck I like it!!!
2012-09-15 02:42:07
@brx0: @szvan @DrRubidium @MockTM @drskyskull @lousycanuck Yes on both of those.
2012-09-15 02:47:35
@brx0: @szvan @DrRubidium @MockTM @drskyskull @lousycanuck How about an Italian Star Wars ripoff featuring David Hasselhoff? http://t.co/wJelHoLc
2012-09-15 02:48:21
@szvan: @brx0 @DrRubidium @MockTM @drskyskull @lousycanuck And Christopher Plummer? I’m in.
2012-09-15 02:51:24
@DrRubidium: @szvan @brx0 @MockTM @drskyskull @lousycanuck me too!
2012-09-15 04:14:06

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