An MRA explains Christianity


Turns out Christianity was never a bid to control men by other men — it was invented by women as a way of subjugating them to the Gynocracy, according to an MRA that Dave Futrelle has so kindly pointed us all to.

But it’s not JUST that Mary Magdalene was the first wave of the feminazis, oh no. She did it after being impregnated by an ALIEN. That’s right. Shit just got REAL.

Sorry, xtainity was always a crock of shit, and I have seen inside it deeper than most….

Today, in the 21st century, we can for the first time create a pregnant virgin, so 2,000 years ago “god” was an alien, or a figment of imagination.

(trigger warning for the usual anti-woman “men’s rights advocate” bullshit.)

2,000 years ago Mary Magdalene even if impregnated via test tube in the lab on the alien space ship, gave birth via the cunt, so no tight virginity there.

Ever since then, the holy trinity…

1/ God, an ethreal being that no-one ever saw, except jesus, so if he existed he was an alien ship doctor.. eg he was NOT human.

2/ Jesus, who was NOT human, even the biblical teachings stress this point, he was not a man.

3/ Mary Magdalene, the only human, and therefore the MOST REVERED human in the religion is a wimminz, who fucked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all and feed and house them.

“Chivalry” in the middle ages was literally based on worship of Mary Magdalen’s cunt, and the chivalric symbology and iconography is replete with cunt symbolism, right down to the order of the garter.

The only remotely male centric tenets of christianity were lifted wholesale from other religions and beliefs and incorporated in an early example of embrace and extend.

Christianity has NEVER been a man’s religion.

Hell even the pristhood, the highest echelons of the meme, were not allowed to fuck.

You wonder why movement atheism and movement skepticism need to address this MRA nonsense. If I was at all unskeptical, and this was at all different from other MRA nonsense, I might call Men’s Rights Poe. If there’s one thing Christianity has done for women, it’s put them out of power for thousands of years.

Are you done laughing yet? Good. Get to eviscerating. Also, no fair cheating and suggesting that Mary, Joseph and Jesus never existed, because this MRA has set those as ground rules. Let’s rip it apart without going for the root.

I’ll go first. The mother of Jesus was not Mary Magdalene.

Comments

  1. Alukonis, metal ninja says

    I’ve seen a lot of religious paintings but I don’t remember any of them being like Georgia O’Keefe’s work. I mean has this guy even seen a cunt, ever?

    Also I looked up “order of the garter” on wikipedia and I definitely see a belt with a wang hanging down, but maybe that’s just me.

  2. Happiestsadist says

    I’m oddly hung up on the fact that this schmuck seems to think Mary Magdalene and Mary, Jesus’ mom were the same person. I mean, aside from the aliens. And the fact that there’s no actual such thing as virginity (Not to mention, teachings are pretty strong on the whole “her hymen remained intact after birth” thing which is actually possible.) The fact that Jesus was originally depicted as human, and this was a later, voted-in idea, and a contentious one at that. Priestly celibacy was also a later invention, like 11th C iirc, and done to preserve wealth and power by removing heirs to inherit shit. Also, chivalry was all about “you can totally rape/fuck any low-born women you want”, so.

    That’s all I got after a long-ass day. My foot-blisters have layers.

  3. says

    I considered adding it as a comment to play along, but whaddayagonnado?

    Seriously. First thing that jumped out at me. Sorry, I should have let someone else grab that one, but I wanted to get the low-hanging fruit out of the way.

  4. Happiestsadist says

    Well, yeah. It was pretty “DUDE, your alien conspiracy theory is talking about two separate people, which should be glaringly obvious.”

  5. Loqi says

    The odds of a human being able to mate with an alien are almost as low as this guy’s odds getting a clue.

  6. Loqi says

    Hell even the pristhood, the highest echelons of the meme, were not allowed to fuck.

    He forgot to add “because the church sees women as a corrupting influence.” You know, kind of like MRAs.

  7. Alukonis, metal ninja says

    @Happiestsadist

    Yeah okay that’s kind of female-genetalia-esque but I remain unconvinced that “chivalric symbology and iconography is replete” with it.

    @Loqi

    Well it worked for Sarek and Amanda Grayson >_>

  8. Happiestsadist says

    Loqi: A corrupting influence out to turn men away from goodness and to steal all their hard-earned money, which could go to their old boys’ club instead. I thought MRAs looked familiar.

  9. Happiestsadist says

    Alukonis: Well, the tradition of courtly love is all about teh wimminz (in a pedestal-y, prize sort of way, but still), but that’s way, way later than Christianity itself.

  10. says

    I’m reminded of Mass Effect 3 and my Shepard’s romance with Garrus. Dextro-amino semen gotta BURN

    *twitch* I tried my damndest not to think about that…

  11. Loqi says

    God, an ethreal being that no-one ever saw, except jesus, so if he existed he was an alien ship doctor.. eg he was NOT human.

    If someone exists but only one person sees him, he is therefore an alien. And not just any alien. An alien ship doctor!

  12. says

    Loqi@18: That is after all the most parsimonious explanation.

    Having a discussion right now on Twitter about MRAs — the consensus (between me and another dude) is that MRAs look like Giorgio Tsoukalos after a decade of hard drinking. “Women won’t fuck me? ALIENS.”

  13. Loqi says

    Mary Magdalene, the only human, and therefore the MOST REVERED human in the religion…

    All those other people in the bible were aliens, then? Including “Joe the carpenter?”

  14. Loqi says

    “Women won’t fuck me? ALIENS.”

    I’d make a terrible MRA, because I’m the inverse of this. “This woman wants to fuck me? She must be ill. I should call an ambulance.”

  15. says

    “Chivalry” in the middle ages was literally based on worship of Mary Magdalen’s cunt, and the chivalric symbology and iconography is replete with cunt symbolism, right down to the order of the garter.

    What the fuck? I’ll never get how MRAs always seem to miss the extremely sexist aspects of “chivalry” as it existed in the middle ages. Sure, be polite to women and defend them, but also help keep them pure (e.g. barefoot, pregnant, and uneducated) and submissive.

    Oh, and to really split some hairs while we’re criticizing this idiot: Catholic priests haven’t always been required to be celibate. In Catholicism, celibacy is a “tradition”, that can be changed whenever the Pope feels like it, not a “Tradition”, which they falsely claim is “immutable” (This is the root of their justification for sexism in holy orders [priestly ordination]).

  16. 'Tis Himself says

    Christianity has NEVER been a man’s religion.

    Benny Ratzi might have a different idea than Futrelle.

  17. callistacat says

    Mary Magdelene was the one who was about to be stoned to death by a mob of men for being sluttyMcslutslut until Jesus said “guys, don’t do that.”

  18. Loqi says

    Mary Magdelene was the one who was about to be stoned to death by a mob of men for being sluttyMcslutslut until Jesus said “guys, don’t do that.”

    I knew this was somehow Rebecca Watson’s fault.

  19. nualle says

    Early Christianity had factions. One of them thought women could be perfected spiritually, by becoming men — not really a pro-woman position, IMO. That faction advocated strict celibacy for everyone and produced literature like “The Acts of Paul and Thecla.”

    The faction that grew into today’s flavors of Christianity was very much into traditional Roman-patterned, paterfamilias-led households. They wrote the pastoral epistles, which made it into the NT canon. 1 Timothy and Titus actually require male church leaders to have fucked. Only centuries later did a new celibate faction within Catholicism, unrelated to the early ones, gain the upper hand and decide to ignore those verses.

  20. callistacat says

    @Happiestsadist

    No? Now I’m really confused. And I went to Sunday School.

    @nualle
    Eastern Orthodox Christian priests are allowed to marry. I’m not sure if this was always the case.

  21. OtherSider says

    Seeing as you’re all too willing to brush an entire movement with the words of the crazies, I am to understand that it’s a fair assessment to say that you are in support of National Castration Day (Femitheist), or calling 9-year old boys who make a rape comment “Mr. Rape Threat” (Allecto), or supporting throwing him out of a window while it’s still closed (Commenter on the previous blog post)?

  22. reneerp says

    Magdalene is identified as a prostitute, but not the woman taken in adultery (nearly stoned)

    “Pope Gregory the Great’s homily on Luke’s gospel dated 14 September 591 first suggested that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute: “She whom Luke calls the sinful woman, whom John calls Mary, we believe to be the Mary from whom seven devils were ejected according to Mark. And what did these seven devils signify, if not all the vices? … It is clear, brothers, that the woman previously used the unguent to perfume her flesh in forbidden acts.”(homily XXXIII)[16]”

  23. says

    I’m not 100% sure about this, but the conflation of Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus seems to be a Jesus Myth People conceit. (here follows a list of reasons why Jesus Myth People annoy the crap out of me) For me, it’s pretty clear that the Gospels at least portray Mary Magdalene as Jesus’ girlfriend or wife, and if neither of those, someone who was still at least as close to him as his disciples.

    Now of course, we don’t know how much of the gospel accounts we can trust, but I feel pretty safe in saying that there was a Mary known to Jesus’ inner circle who wasn’t his mother.

  24. Loqi says

    Seeing as you’re all too willing to brush an entire movement with the words of the crazies…

    Being one of “the crazies,” as you so crudely put it, is a criterion of being an MRA.

  25. Tony •King of the Hellmouth• says

    Seeing as you’re all too willing to brush an entire movement with the words of the crazies,

    Wait, there’s a Men’s Rights Movement?
    I get to join another marginalized group?
    Gay, PoC, Male.
    Cool.
    Now I just have to figure out how I, as a male, have somehow lost some rights.
    Where did I misplace them?
    Wait, how can I find these rights if I don’t know what I’ve lost?
    Can someone tell this poor ignorant man what rights I once had, but no longer possess? Then tell me how to get them back.
    I’d be ever so grateful.

    ***it’s sad that some MRA out there will read this and think I’m being serious***

  26. Sili says

    Would it spoil all the fun to point out that Mary Magdalene was not the mother of Jesus?

    But wouldn’t it be awesome if she was?!

    In fact – being impregnated by aliens obviously made her immortal, so that’s why she’s not old later in the tale. That also explains the perpetual virginity of the the other Mary, since she was only ever Jesus’ fostermother.

    Wheee! Sophistimacated theology is fuuuunnnn.

  27. OtherSider says

    “Being one of “the crazies,” as you so crudely put it, is a criterion of being an MRA.”

    Well, I suppose while we’re at it, I can just say that feminism is just female supremacy. Why even bother arguing points when ad hominem work just as well?

    “Can someone tell this poor ignorant man what rights I once had, but no longer possess? Then tell me how to get them back.”

    To repeat myself: Try being in criminal courts next to a woman, of your same race even. You will be punished heavier.

    You do not get funding for college that women do.

    You do not get equal treatment in custody courts.

    While women are more likely to be raped in civilian areas, if you are raped or sexually assaulted or assaulted in general, you will get no support. Again, funding for shelters for men is close to non-existant.

    Need I go on?

  28. Stacy says

    @Othersider–let’s compare and contrast, shall we?

    Feminist crazies: a few obscure people (I’ve been a feminist for 50 years and I’d never heard of them til you eagerly pointed them out) nobody takes seriously.

    MRA crazies: mainstream within the movement. (Think I’m joking? Tom Martin, well known in Great Britain and championed by A Voice For Men. He thinks child prostitutes victimize pedophiles. Really.)

    Even the fuckwit in the OP had 60 upvotes until Dave Futrelle featured him on Manboobz. Then he got downvoted rather quickly.

  29. OtherSider says

    @Stacy

    Fringe? I don’t think so. I know I’m mentioning an old case, but how about Lorena Bobbitt being treated like a freaking hero? And in recent cases, the feminists cheering on the woman who raped the burglar.

    The Amazing Atheist, hate him for honestly misogynistic statements he made, made the “It’s Only Sexist When Men Do It”. Look it over, and tell me if he actually says anything that’s objectionable- Lamenting society’s acceptance of misandry (like the Talk women not being punished or even majorly criticised after laughing at a man getting mutilated).

    It has over 2500 downvotes. Far more than your “60 upvotes”, which apparently you think 60 people make a mainstream.

  30. Stacy says

    Try being in criminal courts next to a woman, of your same race even. You will be punished heavier

    By 2 to 5 months, yes.

    You do not get funding for college that women do.

    Citation needed.

    You do not get equal treatment in custody courts

    And most mothers spend more time with their children than most fathers do. You’d better look at that reality–and the expectations underlying it–before you complain about custody inequities.

    funding for shelters for men is close to non-existant

    So get to work and create some men’s shelters, already. Nobody’s stopping you. Do you think there was “funding” for women’s shelters when feminists began working on domestic violence issues? Women started shelters on shoestring budgets and raised private funds.

  31. OtherSider says

    - 2-5 months claim: Wrong.

    http://ftp.iza.org/dp2870.pdf

    page 31-32.

    – If you don’t know of the funding being given to organizations like NOW which promote female colleges… I’ll look up a link, but it’s a fact that’s hardly debated.

    – This justifies cases where abusive women get the child anyway why?

    – They -are- starting to pop up, via Fathers and Families and places like that. Again: YOUR privilege is showing that you get to downplay people’s rights problems by asking them why they’re not using their money to do what the government does for you.

  32. OtherSider says

    @Mel

    Well if it’s inexistant (despite sourced claims to the contrary) then what do we have to work towards again?

    Typical male-bashing nonsense.

  33. A 'Nym Too says

    King Tony – you had to get Teh Ghey because those evil, pussy-hoarding b*tchez won’t fuck you! It’s part of our Femifesto y’see. It’s why I only fuck other women, to deprive Teh Menz.

    OtherSider – you should go into comedy, man. I have laughtears rolling down my face. My fave bit? The idea that institutionalised ‘misandry’ is a thing! Good job dude, inverting reality for the sake of humour.

    Next I’d like to see you perform as a straight man who thinks gays rule the world, or a Christian who says his religion is forced underground by evil notChristians. I’m sure you have the talent, considering your ‘MRA’ skit!

  34. OtherSider says

    @A’Nym’Too

    Ahahahahhahaa My linked sources to studies that prove my claims are -absolutely hilarious-.

    Really. When society allows women on prime TV to laugh at a man getting castrated and hail the woman as a hero, that’s just in my head.

    How would -you- act if men did the same thing to women on Prime TV? I’m guessing you’d flip a lid.

    Also see , Title IX capping men’s athelete teams, and Obama calling the system that has lead to men being grossly under-represented in college a “great accomplishment”

    To quote your own line you so often use: Your privilege is showing.

  35. A 'Nym Too says

    I love your ability to stay in character! Impressive.

    Sadly I lack the imagination to imagine your more surreal scenarios, such as an entertainment industry where women are venerated and men are vilified as a matter of routine. Patriarchy has stifled me somewhat.

    Stick with it kiddo, surrealist comedy is my favourite. You should do a bit about how women earn more, or a world where men are constantly objectified. I dunno, maybe that’s too out there?

    Oh and although the dedication to the portrayal of a creep is not in doubt, the accuracy is somewhat lacking. A real unhinged creeper, who’d googled my every comment, would have noticed that Title Whatever, President Thingymabob etc. are not of interest to me. I’m from that little place called NotUSA.

    Keep refining the act though, the swivel-eyed loner persona is pretty convincing!

  36. OtherSider says

    @A’Nym’Too

    Your commitment to ad hominem is equally impressive.

    Now: Really? If you want the vilification of men, just look at ads telling men to “man up”, who use violence on men as a joke “hitting in the privates” sort of thing. How about the huge number of shows portraying men as incompetent buffoons who have to rely on the women for everything (see: Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Dilbert, Ray Barome…). Oh, and did I mention the playing of male rape as a joke in mainstream media?

    And no, sexualization is still done towards mostly women. I’m not an idiot, despite your attempts at hyperbolic strawmen.

  37. Samantha Vimes, Chalkboard Monitor says

    Colleges are now giving applicants bonus points for being male, because they don’t want a female majority. Young men aren’t as willing to go into debt to get into college, because men are much more likely to be able to get jobs that didn’t require a college degree and still pay well. A woman, in fact, has to earn a PhD to get paid as much as a man with a BA, and a woman needs a BA to earn as much as a man with a high school diploma. Men aren’t as likely to go to college because women know they need a degree to have any hope of independence in this world.

  38. OtherSider says

    BTW:

    I didn’t want to get into this on this thread, I’m sorry. It’s just that when I dared to say that not all MRAs are extreme misogynist nutbags and that it’s not fair to tarnish the many by the actions of the few…

    Well, you know. The usual “men are privileged and have nothing to fight for” arguments came out.

  39. Steamshovelmama says

    “Magdalene is identified as a prostitute, but not the woman taken in adultery (nearly stoned)”

    Ah, no. The Magdalene was not identified as a prostitute until the 6th Century – Pope Gregory IIRC, though Paul VI threw some doubt on it (how does Papal Infallibility work when Popes disagree? I’m genuinely curious about the answer and “reasoning” about that works).

    The Gospels say very little about her. Luke 8:2 and Mark 16:9 identify her as a woman who had “seven demons” driven out of her but, again IIRC, one of those is considered to be a later interpolation.

    Treating Xtianity as mythology, I’v always had a soft spot for Mary Magdalene. Any woman who needed 7 devils driven out of her and got into arguments with other disciples who were clearly jealous of her influence (Judas)to the point that Jesus stepped in on her side… well, that’s a woman who is clearly doing her best to live her own life!

  40. A 'Nym Too says

    When did I call you an idiot? I’ve praised you for being a gifted comedian, convincingly playing some sort of subliterate, weapons-grade Bircher who believes that men are suffering from some sort of institutionalised reverse-sexism.

    It’s brilliant, true subversive surrealism. Shame it’s too late to get a slot at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, cos this act would kill them.

    I love how deep you go, none of your character’s bizarre beliefs are off limits. Very brave, very dark, especially the rant about a need for state funding for battered men.

    Only a woman could use a parody like that to shine a light onto how hard the fight was to get attention for victims of DV and marital rape., and how we still lack solid support and a safety net, even now.

    Rock on sister! Nothing sticks it to The Man like subversion through art.

  41. A 'Nym Too says

    Who else here would pay to see OtherSider perform her comedy act live? We should crowdsource some funding to make it a reality.

    She’s so adept at showing how men react to feminism, and how hard we still have to push for our rights. Comedic theatre is the perfect medium for this kind of satire, don’t you think?

  42. A 'Nym Too says

    Refine the act a bit, tweak it, and I’ll see about doing an IndieGoGo drive for you. We could embed clips of your best gags, like the child custody stuff, and the hilarious “White Men are held back out of academia” routine. If you could work reverse-racism and reverse-sexism in together, it would be comedy gold.

    You could even get your own sitcom out of this. Think big, girl!

    Who’s going to play your MRA dudebro? Casting is important.

  43. A 'Nym Too says

    Back on topic, I’d love to see an episode of Ancient X-Files based on the Alien Jesus thing.

    I’m sure it could gain traction among certain segments of society. The dude should do a thorough sporking of the whole bible, as a standalone series! That would be epic.

  44. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    the MOST REVERED human in the religion is a wimminz, who
    [got herself impregnated via test tube in the lab on the alien space ship] to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all and feed and house them.

    So Magdalene could hail a UFO to intentionally mate with an alien?
    Why didn’t she get the alien daddy to ‘pay for it all’.
    ETs would’ve had cooler stuff.
     
    Hmm, if Joe paid for it all, maybe she got him to hire the aliens…
     
    Wait a minute. The alien abductee was asking for it!?
     

    God, an ethreal being that no-one ever saw, except jesus

    http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/contra/seen.html

  45. A 'Nym Too says

    Why didn’t she get the alien daddy to ‘pay for it all

    Duhhh! Because women b*tches always go after Bad Boys. Then when they get hurt, the Nice Guy steps in and picks up the pieces
    .

    Who’s badder than a genocidal father figure who knocks up a 14 year old?

  46. says

    “Women created Christianity to suppress Teh Nenz” makes me think of the racist nutbars who think Christianity was created by Jews to supress the “White Race.”

  47. nualle says

    @callistacat

    Sex has been problematized throughout Christian history but, on the basis of the pastorals, Orthodox priests have never (to my knowledge) been forbidden to marry. Not sure if policies on a second marriage have been consistent, should the first wife die, though. Divorce has mostly been right out.

  48. male voice says

    We already know that feminism is a dishonest and intellectually bankrupt ideology. But one feature that is rarely talked about is the lying by omitting. Nowhere on this feministe blog network is any mention of this recent incident:

    http://nicegirlslikesextoo.com/2012/07/30/the-dark-side-of-geek-feminism/
    http://rikkiendsley.com/?p=90
    http://revision3.com/nixiepixel/too-sexy-for-linux

    These young women were slut-shamed by feminists at a tech conference and nobody mentions it despite that whenever some women are treated badly by men in say the gaming community blogposts here about it are numerous.

    And what is really fascinating is that the discussion is a mirror image of the discussion that went on on ftb about sexual harassment just with exchanged roles:
    http://geekfeminism.org/2012/08/01/a-response-to-nice-girls-the-dark-side-of-geek-feminism/

    The feminists there now use the exact same arguments that the alleged MRAs used here.

    Feminism is an evil ideology and it needs to be fought.

  49. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    From Nice Girl’s followup post:

    While I understand that these experiences do not represent the geek feminist community as a whole, they should not be discounted.

    male voice’s concluding statement:

    Feminism is an evil ideology and it needs to be fought.

     

    These young women were slut-shamed by feminists at a tech conference and nobody mentions it despite that whenever some women are treated badly by men in say the gaming community blogposts here about it are numerous.

    You’re implying gamer harassment is so rare every instance is hyped, and any instance of feminists being jerks to women that gets missed indicates a grand cover-up.

  50. Quesadilla says

    “Slut-shaming” is a phrase stupid in it’s redundancy. “Slut” is already a derogatory term. The shame is IMPLIED. Can MRAs follow this advanced logic?

    Promiscuity is bad not because of some abstract morality argument no one can figure out. It is bad in a practical sense because it is risky for women in a female-unique way. It hurts them often.

    Therefore, while it’s true that some women are promiscuous (or as the woman-haters say, “slutty”), the behavior is the result of Stockholm Syndrome rather than some contained lack of morality. It is not healthy and I do not blame the women. I blame the patriarchy.

    Rape is the only crime that expects the rapEE to prove the presence of a “no”.
    If rape were handled as all other crimes were handled, the rapER would have to prove the presence of a “yes”. Without *proof of a yes from the defendant*, then any intercourse is RAPE in the eyes of the law.

    Think about that, MRAs. Think hard.

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