A public service to koalas and skeptics »« Rigid gender roles hurt men in the workplace

Petition to Chick-Fil-A: Stop serving cocks who like cock!

No, not cannibal chickens. This petition demands that Chick-Fil-A stop serving GAY chickens.

Chick-fil-A has a long history of supporting anti-gay organizations. Now their Chief Operating Officer (and founder’s son) Dan Cathy has said, “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage’. I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.”

But the harsh fact that Chick-fil-A ignores is that, as early as 1764, male chickens have been observed sexually mounting other cocks. How can Chick-fil-A claim to be truly committed to their selective and hateful misreading of the Biblical definition of marriage when the nearly 300 million sandwiches they sell yearly contain chickens, some or all of which might be gay?

Tell Chick-fil-A to put their money where their mouth is and only sell animals that are 100% heterosexual. (That rules out beef, too. Raccoon? Oops! There are homosexual raccoons, too. Er… maybe they can eat crow?)

CITATIONS:
Bagemihl, Bruce. “Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity.” St. Martin’s Press: New York City, 1999. (p. 83)

Neill, James. “The Origins and Role of Same-Sex Relations In Human Societies.” McFarland & Company: Jefferson, NC 2009. (p. 13)

So if you’re interested in reminding those folks of the ubiquity of homosexuality in the natural world, signing this petition is a good way to do it.

Comments

  1. Joven says

    Would they care though? The bible says that the proper treatment for the evil homogays is to kill them…wouldn’t that petition mean they would be sparing the gay chickens?

  2. Nepenthe says

    So… chickens don’t have penises. I propose that the petition be changed, for anatomical accuracy, to “cocks who like cocks”.

    /pedant

  3. N. Nescio says

    Yeah, except that most male “meat breed” chicks wind up in an industrial shredder and not out in the chicken house. Male chickens grow up into roosters, which aren’t that great for meat unless they’re castrated, at which point they’re capon and sell as a specialty item. Unless this is done, they’re an expensive waste of effort to the farmer, especially one who would grow on the scale required to supply Chick-fil-A.

    I highly doubt a fast food restaurant chain of Chick-fil-A’s size is serving capon to its customers. That means that it is most likely that all the meat they are serving comes from female chickens.

    Cute idea? Kinda. But the person who wrote it up has no clue about commercial meat chicken production.

  4. Forbidden Snowflake says

    N. Nescio, I think they’re aiming at a by-species rather than by-specimen basis for the ban. Look here:

    Tell Chick-fil-A to put their money where their mouth is and only sell animals that are 100% heterosexual. (That rules out beef, too. Raccoon? Oops! There are homosexual raccoons, too. Er… maybe they can eat crow?)

  5. Aliasalpha says

    That seems like an unreasonable demand frankly, after all they sell to a species that isn’t 100% heterosexual. It’d be better to demand orientation testing on each and every chicken so it can be stamped with a “totally not gay, promise” seal so bigots can be assured of not catching teh ghey in their food. Also because it’d take fuckloads more time and money to set up such a system, it’d be woefully inaccurate and we could all have a laugh at them being idiots for doing it.

  6. says

    @5 But what about lesbian hens! There are totally still lesbian sandwiches being served at chick-fil-a.

    …I am not actually sure of how this makes me feel about eating chicken sandwiches.

  7. says

    @9 But what about lesbian hens!

    There’s probably a German web site for that if that’s your thing. Who cares if it makes sense, it makes as much sense as basing your life on a 2000 year old system of beliefs.

  8. says

    I have realized that the petition needs to be broadened to address issues with the content of their nuggets and strips. I would like assurances from Chick-fil-a that the pressed/formed meat in their products contain no actual cock cocks.

    To clarify any processed meat from male chickens should be identified so that I am not at risk of eating chicken cock (I’m a dude). Additionally all processed meat from female chickens should be identified so women will not be forced to eat chicken vagina.

    Think of the children!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>