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Jul 25 2012

A song by Josh about the skeptical sexism wars

Josh of the Many Spokesgay-Related Titles has written us all a song that I think merits re-blogging. Because reasons! Also, because it is way better than those other songs featured at prominent skeptical conventions that have to elide half of Elevatorgate, and all the fallout and trolling thereafter, just to get a laugh.

Josh’s song is a ballad to the poor oppressed Dood, who’s really getting short shrift as we fight across the blogosphere about the degree to which bitches are shit. Sing it to the tune of Total Eclipse of the Heart. If I could sing, I’d totally do a Youtube video of this.

Verse One
♫What the fuck. . .
Once upon a time I was the king of the castle on the top of every pile

What the fuck. . .
Once upon a time I could say shit about boobiez and they’d just sit there and giggle and smile

What the fuck
Once upon a time there were no Skepchicks or Feminazis lurking
with a knife to my balls

What the fuck
Once upon a time I could play grab ass with co-eds and not get
kicked out of residence halls

Double down, Nice Guy
Once upon a time I was the bomb

Double down, DouchePie
Bitches now be tellin’ me I’m wrong

Chorus
♫I don’t think I heard that right
And I think you’re on your menses
So just lay back and squeeze me tight
And my peen’ll restore your senses

Cuz it’s only what’s normal and right,
The dick can never be wrong. . .
together we can take it till the end of my line
You can maybe have a climax if you guarantee mine

I’m just about to go, I’m right up on the edge
Now take those purty fingers stick ‘em into my wedge

You really put out tonight!
That pussy’s really out of sight
Now kindly go shut off the light.

Once upon a time I had snizz on demand
Now you say I ruin the mood
There’s nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the Dood.

Once upon time I never had to eat snatch
Now you say I’m boorish and rude
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the Dood.

Verse Two
♫What the fuck. . .
Once upon a time I was the king of the conference and the skeptics always clapped

What the fuck. . .
Once upon a time I could investigate Nessie and no atheists would
spout off their crap

What the fuck. . .
Once upon a time you just invited your speakers with no worries
that the line-up was fair

What the fuck. . . .
Once upon a time I could go drink at the Del Mar without running
into Feminist Hair

Double down, Nice Guy
Ladies like to shop cuz evo-psych

Double Down, Douche Pie
If you don’t believe me you’re a dyke!

Chorus
♫Used to talk about the spooks
That’s how we knew we all were Skeptics
In the days of bending spoons
Before the fems got all dyspeptic

We could hoggle our brains out all night
Cuz we could never be wrong. . .
You could count on Penn and Teller being douchebags all night
Reminisce on Uri Geller ’til the morning’s first light

Rebecca Watson’s a blight!
And Amy with her stoneware bling
The reasons we can’t have nice things.. .

Once upon a time ladies stayed in their place
You could have a cup of coffee or two
Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the Doodz

Once upon a time it was Grothe and Tam
The ladies just provided the boobz
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the Doodz.

A total eclipse of the Doodz.

Double down, Nice Guy
Double down, Doo-ouche Pie. . .

Maybe we could have a Kickstarter to see if we could hire Bonnie Tyler.

Is this fair to TAM, DJ Grothe, or anyone else who have independently and conjointly drawn the line in the sand, and said Skepchick and Freethought Blogs are bullies? No, probably not.

Social justice politics ain’t beanbag though. It’s a hell of an answer to that execrably one-sided “both sides” song by Satirista that I linked above. There’s an Overton window for this fight, and it’s being pulled way too far toward “feminists are calling for men’s balls”, contra all evidence. This serves to yank that window back hard.

16 comments

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  1. 1
    karmakin

    Hurrs?

    It’s not that I disagree with the song (it’s a great parody), but that particular Overton window that you mentioned isn’t pulled back from the brink by this, and I can’t understand why you’d think that.

    As someone who is greatly concerned with that particular window (I.E I think that it causes a lot of unneeded strife and pain and suffering for a lot of people who really don’t want it or deserve it as well as being a massive detrimental factor working against gender equality as a whole), I don’t see things like this having any effect one way or the other. (To be honest, it’s probably borderline negative)

    Don’t get me wrong it’s very good on different fronts/windows..humor is a good way to reach people. Just not on that particular window you mentioned.

  2. 2
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    Glad it gave you a chuckle Jason!

    Karmakin, my intent is mockery. Nothing more or less. I’m so tired of the sexism and the bullshit defense of it I want its practitioners to be objects of ridicule while hopefully giving the targets a belly laugh.

  3. 3
    karmakin

    Yup. And there is definitely value in that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you had bad intentions or anything like that..exactly the opposite. And it’s really good and funny. I just do think it’s simply not a blow against the idea of feminists as conquerors.

    (The only reason I say it’s slightly negative is the use of the term “Nice Guy” which describes behavior that can be seen from time to time in women as well (although it’s less common), and I prefer the gender-neutral term “White Knight”.

  4. 4
    Feminace, formerly Qurikythrope

    And here is why Josh is one of my fav commenters on this entire site.

  5. 5
    Stacy

    Love it! Go Josh!

    Who can sing? A performance needs to be produced, videotaped, and distributed.

    ~
    ~
    ~

    *TRIGGER WARNING* Compare and contrast: Penn sang this at the TAM9 donuts-and-bacon party (don’t know whether he sang it again this year):

    “Let’s all slip her a roofie” and “/Stick your cock in her mouth now/Just to shut her the fuck up now.”

    http://hero.com/bennett/nogodband.com/15.php

  6. 6
    Ophelia Benson

    Oh jeezis (those lyrics that Jillette sang).

    Fantastic, Josh!

  7. 7
    mdevile

    I want a “Double Down, Nice Guy” t-shirt.

    This is brilliant.

  8. 8
    HappiestSadist, Repellent Little Martyr

    <3 to Josh.

  9. 9
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    What. . those lyrics. . .I don’t understand. What? What?

    If I hadn’t already written off the TAM crew, that would have been it. I wish I hadn’t so I could tell them all to fuck off anew.

  10. 10
    Elfreda

    Great song Josh!

    Stacey @5 I nominate Crommunist for the video.

  11. 11
    xenologer

    I like you lots.

  12. 12
    CanadianChick

    Crommunist & I should record this…

  13. 13
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    Crommunist & I should record this…

    On two conditions:

    1. I get to do the harmony and all backing vocals

    2. It shall not be performed in a garage-band-dude-rock style.

    Thank you for your interest in SpokesGay Music, Ltd.

  14. 14
    carlie

    For Josh. ♥

  15. 15
    Portia (aka Smokey the Advocate)

    Love it.

  16. 16
    ButchKitties

    Epic. Josh wins all the Internets.

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