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May 06 2012

Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse transcript

As always, below the fold is the Twitter transcript for Mock The Movie: 2012: Zombie Apocalypse. I still haven’t gotten around to doing the script to convert to SRT’s, sadly. Home improvement over the past week or so has taken priority. That, and the fact that I’ve got ideas for ways to improve it means I’m unlikely to get it done any time soon — for instance, making each unique tweeter a randomly generated color, for instance, for those subtitle readers that can handle the non-standard font color extension. CompulsoryAccount, if you feel like running your script and emailing the result to me, I’ll put it up happily.


@blakestacey: Everybody ready for @MockTM? After today, I think I need it…
2012-05-04 00:54:50
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM netflix is showing 2.5 stars for 2012: Zombie Apocolypse. I must not have right one, that’s waaaaaay too high
2012-05-04 00:55:14
@blakestacey: Tonight’s @MockTM will no doubt remove the head or destroy the brain. http://t.co/mYrkmwbc
2012-05-04 00:55:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And start! Whee!
2012-05-04 01:01:00
@szvan: @MockTM Off to a good start with zooming security cameras.
2012-05-04 01:01:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “SyFy Presents” – clearly the scariest scene in the movie!
2012-05-04 01:01:45
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Why’s my screen all fuzzy? I thought I chose HD…
2012-05-04 01:01:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Paris, France” [shot of Eiffel Tower] – gee, I would *never* have guessed!
2012-05-04 01:02:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM There goes Big Ben! BIG CARNAGE!
2012-05-04 01:02:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, she bit a bad maraschino cherry!
2012-05-04 01:02:20
@szvan: @MockTM At least Michael Jackson used dancers for his zombies so they had some idea how to move.
2012-05-04 01:02:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM See, this is what happens when you write “zombies” into your Death Note!
2012-05-04 01:02:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM Zombie virus outbreak in Guthrie, OH! … nobody cares.
2012-05-04 01:02:51
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM So far, this is the most reading I’ve ever done in a zombie movie
2012-05-04 01:03:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @blakestacey Nobody even NOTICES, actually.
2012-05-04 01:03:21
@BenZvan: @MockTM @szvan LIke this one? http://t.co/UfUMKXCI
2012-05-04 01:03:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM EMPs detonated? Why?
2012-05-04 01:03:23
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh. I haven’t seen effects like this since War Games!
2012-05-04 01:03:27
@DrRubidium: Done with night class! Too late for @MockTM?!
2012-05-04 01:03:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Six months later, the events we actually have the budget to show!”
2012-05-04 01:03:42
@drskyskull: @MockTM Whoops — totally forgot about the movie! Have fun, gang!
2012-05-04 01:03:46
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Eddie Steeples! Yes!
2012-05-04 01:03:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ving Rhames! “Feel that sting? That’s the zombie virus fuckin’ with you!”
2012-05-04 01:04:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And Gary Whatsisface That’s In Everything Else! He rocks, I love him!
2012-05-04 01:04:23
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM anyone else have that office max song stuck in their heads now? Cause I do
2012-05-04 01:04:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Any food?” “No, but we found the mother lode of Slim Jims!”
2012-05-04 01:04:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, while you’re in there, look for bottlecaps. We need currency for when we find our next shop.”
2012-05-04 01:04:53
@szvan: @MockTM As our protagonists return from a month-long stay in the hills with their school backpacks….
2012-05-04 01:04:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh no! That zombie has a helmet! Headshots won’t work on him!
2012-05-04 01:05:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM No, just stand there outside of shelter while the zombies approach. I’m sure it’ll work out for you!
2012-05-04 01:05:30
@brx0: @drskyskull @MockTM Me too, and the grocery store calls.
2012-05-04 01:05:39
@drskyskull: @brx0 @MockTM *sigh*
2012-05-04 01:05:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Crap, I need to fire offscreen to reload!”
2012-05-04 01:05:56
@szvan: @MockTM Dude! No shooting off the rubber mask! That’s just not kosher.
2012-05-04 01:06:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM NOOOO NOT GARY WHATSISFACE!!!
2012-05-04 01:06:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Is it just inept direction which makes it not at all obvious that their escape routes are blocked, or something?
2012-05-04 01:06:22
@szvan: @MockTM Zombies do kosher, right?
2012-05-04 01:06:22
@Ben_TAF: @drskyskull @brx0 @MockTM You are missing some seriously amazing FX going on here
2012-05-04 01:07:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, the competent people just showed up!
2012-05-04 01:07:22
@szvan: @MockTM Luckily, the zombies don’t know that she doesn’t know how to use that katana.
2012-05-04 01:07:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM If Ving Rhames doesn’t go medieval on a zombie with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, I will be sorely disappointed.
2012-05-04 01:07:58
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Note to self: you can kill a zombie with a sword. Just make sure you don’t actually HIT the zombie with the sword
2012-05-04 01:08:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Twenty bucks says she never once cleans or sharpens that katana, and it doesn’t get any blood on it either.
2012-05-04 01:08:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM Zombie survival tip #1: don’t be too fucking stupid to run away.
2012-05-04 01:08:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM Uh-oh, silvery eyes – he must have been shocked by the Galactic Barrier!
2012-05-04 01:08:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That’s not a zombie! It’s a Goa’ould!!~
2012-05-04 01:09:11
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey Oh dammit, you out-nerded me with the Star Trek reference. @MockTM
2012-05-04 01:09:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Stand up, spread your arms and legs. Don’t worry, I was a TSA agent.”
2012-05-04 01:10:24
@szvan: @MockTM “Just doin’ a bite check.” “Yeah, I’d bite him there.”
2012-05-04 01:10:32
@szvan: @MockTM Yeah, she needs to die soon.
2012-05-04 01:11:47
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Shit! Zombie geese!
2012-05-04 01:12:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM Sympathy level for blonde woman: 0.22 millifucksgiven.
2012-05-04 01:12:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “How far to the docks?” “A day or two.” “And Tipperary?” “Long way.”
2012-05-04 01:12:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM Filmed on location in Detroit!
2012-05-04 01:12:53
@szvan: @MockTM Fun fact: Dead zombies never fall in heaps, always sprawls. It’s the virus trying to make a getaway.
2012-05-04 01:12:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @Ben_TAF Act 3 has a zombie platypus. OOPS SPOILERS
2012-05-04 01:13:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What’s the deal with the arrow?” “Archers!” #headdesk
2012-05-04 01:13:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What’s with the arrow?” “Archers.” “And hey, what’s with your sword?” “Samurai.”
2012-05-04 01:14:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We can’t take the dog with us.” “Aww, but I wanted to call it Dogmeat!”
2012-05-04 01:14:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Leave the dog!” “But I’m hungry!”
2012-05-04 01:14:46
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM Platypus, maybe. But 5 bucks says that dog reappears and saves someone
2012-05-04 01:15:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey! HEY! That sign says One Way! Can’t you read!?
2012-05-04 01:15:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM “That’s why we never go anywhere alone! Well, that and the Les Yay.”
2012-05-04 01:16:24
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM peeing in the woods brings a sense of reality that even the hunger games didn’t address. This is an A+ movie for sure
2012-05-04 01:16:57
@szvan: @MockTM Now we know why women go to the bathroom in groups, guys. Solve the zombie problem, solve that.
2012-05-04 01:17:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Afro dude’s monkey wrench seems grossly insufficient compared to the katana and sledgehammer.
2012-05-04 01:17:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what would help these characters? Characterization!
2012-05-04 01:18:17
@szvan: @MockTM Empty houses with no sign of break-in. No one goes for food. Are we sure they’re not infected.
2012-05-04 01:18:32
@drskyskull: @Ben_TAF @brx0 @MockTM Argh! I was afraid of that! :)
2012-05-04 01:19:06
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM No, see? We don’t need to actually budget for broken glass in our movie, because now there’s an app for that! I swear it looks real
2012-05-04 01:19:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Uh, did someone actually hit that Optical place with an explosive on the roof? And recently, considering the smoke?
2012-05-04 01:19:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM I’m sorry, there’s just no way breaking into a strip mall can look badass.
2012-05-04 01:19:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Any humans here?” “Nope, just us zombies. And one Licker.”
2012-05-04 01:20:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM What are they trying to find here, cycling helmets?
2012-05-04 01:21:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, while we’re here and prepping, we should do some exercises. You know, increase our Strength stats.”
2012-05-04 01:21:09
@szvan: @MockTM Is one of them really going to break in new shoes while running from zombies?
2012-05-04 01:21:38
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Upgrading from the wrench to the golf club. Good call
2012-05-04 01:21:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And an upgrade for afro-dude. Yes, the nine-iron will work great up until you bend it over the first zombie skull you hit.
2012-05-04 01:22:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What are we looking for?” “I was thinking, like, crocs?”
2012-05-04 01:22:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, bonus points for impaling a zombie with a hockey skate. Fuck yeah. TCB.
2012-05-04 01:23:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Air horn as a zombie distraction? Well, I suppose it worked in Dead Nation.
2012-05-04 01:24:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Guys, stop adding characterization. Let’s go find a place that’s safe.”
2012-05-04 01:25:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM Zombies are attracted to the noise of an air horn? OK, that was…random.
2012-05-04 01:25:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh damn, I lost the bet. She sharpened the blade.
2012-05-04 01:25:36
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Ooh! Ooh! Can we sit by the windows! It’s soooo pretty outside
2012-05-04 01:26:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hey, as long as we’re just chillaxin in a diner, anybody read that Neil Gaiman story about the guy with the ruby…?”
2012-05-04 01:26:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Found it.” “What?” “Civilization.” “What is it?” “When humanity bands together to improve one another’s lot. But first, spaghetti.”
2012-05-04 01:27:11
@szvan: @MockTM It’s a good thing the utilities are still working in the absence of any people so they can cook their pasta.
2012-05-04 01:27:39
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM They lit a candle. At another table. Really? *sigh*
2012-05-04 01:27:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So Catalina’s the MacGuffin that’ll never turn out to be true.
2012-05-04 01:28:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You can mess with me, but not my horse.” That’s my Ving Rhames! <3
2012-05-04 01:28:58
@szvan: @MockTM We have now reached the point in the movie where we think we’ve had enough blood. Now to make you care about the characters.
2012-05-04 01:29:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, Blonde-Lady is astonishingly unobservant of conversational moods.
2012-05-04 01:29:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ohh, he’s the brooding loner. Ergo the protagonist.
2012-05-04 01:30:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Have you lost anyone?” “Just everyone I grew up with.”
2012-05-04 01:30:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan Sorry, that’s going to take more than this movie has to offer.
2012-05-04 01:31:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM @szvan Funny how they’re doing it in exactly the wrong order, isn’t it?
2012-05-04 01:32:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh noes, Dogmeat is a zombie!
2012-05-04 01:32:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dogmeat was actually really ineffective as a zombie. He barked and barked until the lady with the katana came out to hit him.
2012-05-04 01:33:30
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Okay, so I got the dog part, was wrong about saving someone. I call that a wash. Am now truly hopefully for zombie platypi
2012-05-04 01:33:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, Afro dude took a hockey stick instead? Damn but this is my kinda movie!
2012-05-04 01:34:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “Wait, what was with the arrows again?” “Archers” “Oh yeah”
2012-05-04 01:34:37
@szvan: @MockTM Who knew he was only holding on by the front centimeter of his throat?
2012-05-04 01:35:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM This katana has got to be the best sword ever. Beheading that dude by waving it in front of him was AWESOME.
2012-05-04 01:35:16
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I’m confused, why wouldn’t an 8 foot fence be impervious to zombies?
2012-05-04 01:35:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wondering what zombified household pets we’ll see by the end. Who wants to start a pool?
2012-05-04 01:35:49
@szvan: @blakestacey @MockTM If by funny you mean “sadly predictable”, then, why, yes!
2012-05-04 01:36:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Where is everyone?” “If we’re lucky, barricaded inside.” “If we’re unlucky?” “Archers.”
2012-05-04 01:36:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Smells really bad in here.” “I’m guessing cafeteria meatloaf.”
2012-05-04 01:36:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM Zombies. The only thing which could have made high-school gym class worse.
2012-05-04 01:38:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “They’re here.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, they’re here.” “Uh, you didn’t specify what you meant by ‘they’. Sooo… zombies.”
2012-05-04 01:38:15
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM Seriously though, you should refer to him by his given name “Rubberband Man” http://t.co/cpgZSp9T
2012-05-04 01:38:20
@szvan: @MockTM Come on. We all know they won’t find survivors. That would mean paying for more speaking roles.
2012-05-04 01:38:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM A zombie ambush! ZOMG! Or, I guess, ZOMB!”
2012-05-04 01:38:58
@szvan: @MockTM I would like to take this moment to thank the cinematographers who refused to dwell on the zombie makeup.
2012-05-04 01:39:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM Zombie cheerleader? Sounds like an escapee from a music video, more than anything else.
2012-05-04 01:39:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Luckily these guys entered the infinite ammo cheat early on.
2012-05-04 01:39:56
@Ben_TAF: @blakestacey @MockTM I’m holding out for zombified house plants. I got my money on Fawn of the Dead
2012-05-04 01:39:58
@szvan: @MockTM Awww. They got Paul Ruebens to reprise his role from Buffy!
2012-05-04 01:40:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Geez, they’re ineffective at rescuing people. Like, not even trying.
2012-05-04 01:41:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “There was a zombie so I killed it.” “Yes. That’s what you do with zombies. Good girl.”
2012-05-04 01:41:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Where’s Billy?” “Where we left him. Couldn’t be arsed, really.”
2012-05-04 01:42:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Who cares if they were hiding? You have infinite fucking ammo! Just kill the assholes!”
2012-05-04 01:42:49
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I’d believe you tried everything to save him if only your sword wasn’t so damned clean
2012-05-04 01:42:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I don’t talk as much as you do.” OHHHH SNAP. Y’all just got SERVED.
2012-05-04 01:43:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey look, they got to reuse the set from Lost.
2012-05-04 01:44:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “I know you lost your friend to zombies, but I lost my brush!” #FirstWorldZombieProblems
2012-05-04 01:44:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m tired of having perfect hair in this dismal wasteland!”
2012-05-04 01:44:36
@szvan: @MockTM Wow, when she puts her hand up to her face, you can really see how pale they made her face.
2012-05-04 01:44:57
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “I miss my horse. If only there was a way to bring him back from the de- OH MY GOD GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF A GREAT IDEA!!!”
2012-05-04 01:45:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I don’t want much. Small house. Garden for tomatoes. A tank that shoots sharks with legs.”
2012-05-04 01:45:54
@szvan: @MockTM “I don’t want to die like my friends.” “Yeah, um, about that…say, let’s get the map.”
2012-05-04 01:46:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Look at that!” “Yep, definitely Photoshopped.”
2012-05-04 01:46:46
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM That’s right they can be worse! You just wait till those zombie geese come back!
2012-05-04 01:46:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Look at that.” “Things could be a lot worse. Catalina could turn out to be a time-traveling island and we end up in purgatory.”
2012-05-04 01:47:11
@szvan: @MockTM “Maybe we’re going the wrong way.” “You think? You don’t recognize these houses?”
2012-05-04 01:47:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Could be the archers. Should we help ‘em?” “Hey, we’re all melee class.”
2012-05-04 01:47:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan “Yeah, maybe we’re going in circles. I mean, I’ve seen the same zombie three times now!”
2012-05-04 01:48:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, Bald Hawkeye is pretty cool.
2012-05-04 01:49:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Come with me if you want to live! … Sorry, always wanted to say that, you know?”
2012-05-04 01:49:16
@szvan: @MockTM Because, you know, only white guys can be archers. Or something.
2012-05-04 01:49:29
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh snap! Ving Rhames just got out Ving Rhamesed by Zombine Ving Rhames.
2012-05-04 01:50:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Big ribbed guy is so obviously there to provide Ving Rhames with an appropriate challenge.
2012-05-04 01:50:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh hells yessss! Ving Rhames with a CHAINSAW!
2012-05-04 01:50:49
@szvan: @MockTM “Distract him. I’ve got a plan. I’ll go serendipitously find a chainsaw.”
2012-05-04 01:50:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I kinda don’t care that the big guy was obviously there to challenge Ving Rhames, and the chainsaw obviously a plot device.
2012-05-04 01:51:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Considering how he fared in the Of The Deads, I hope like hell Ving Rhames demanded that he survive this one.
2012-05-04 01:52:34
@blakestacey: @MockTM Just think, because of *this* *movie,* countless young women are taking up archery!!
2012-05-04 01:53:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “God damn, these archers are hot. Yeah, even Bald Hawkeye.”
2012-05-04 01:53:58
@szvan: @blakestacey @MockTM Thanks to Myrah, so are countless young men.
2012-05-04 01:54:24
@Ben_TAF: @blakestacey @MockTM twitter fails to let me express my approval of that comment with a whistle and 3 fingered salute
2012-05-04 01:54:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bald Hawkeye probably took a big pay cut from his recurring role in Leverage.
2012-05-04 01:55:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I don’t think that wiring was up to code
2012-05-04 01:55:29
@rvitelli: @lousycanuck @MockTM Is the movie set in Texas?
2012-05-04 01:57:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, the third act of the movie brings in the aliens?
2012-05-04 01:57:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The meteor-that-caused-the-zombie-infestation is a little behind schedule in this movie.
2012-05-04 01:58:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know shit just got real when ammo *finally* becomes a problem.
2012-05-04 01:58:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Are they expecting to, what, swim to Catalina?
2012-05-04 01:59:16
@Ben_TAF: @blakestacey @MockTM They just need to pull the trigger while aiming off screen, right?
2012-05-04 02:00:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM And coming up the other way is John Connor on a motorcycle…
2012-05-04 02:00:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh holy crap it’s the sewer things from GTA: San Andreas!
2012-05-04 02:00:32
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM So much for that whole “Anyone who can safely retrieve an arrow, do so” thing.
2012-05-04 02:00:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Damn. Why couldn’t we have been following the archers this whole time?
2012-05-04 02:01:44
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Dude! Rule #2 of zombieland, avoid the bathrooms!
2012-05-04 02:02:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, how does one keep their feathered anime-style hair looking so great during the zombie apocalypse?
2012-05-04 02:02:22
@szvan: @MockTM “Oh, the dead ones distract them. Except, you know, when they don’t.”
2012-05-04 02:02:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Surprising nobody, a zombie in the port-a-potty. Surprising everyone, a zombie that can tackle.
2012-05-04 02:03:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hey, I wonder if this van has gas and keys?”
2012-05-04 02:03:51
@rvitelli: @lousycanuck @MockTM Well-conditioned hair is a natural defense against zombies. Everybody knows that…
2012-05-04 02:05:12
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM It’s official! That sledgehammer scene just made the entire movie worth watching.
2012-05-04 02:05:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s…neat how the likeability and competence of the humans we’ve met increases for each set of new arrivals.
2012-05-04 02:05:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh Ving Rhames. I want to be… your… Sledge hammer. Dun dun. Why don’t you call my name.
2012-05-04 02:05:54
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Why, hello there, grenade launcher! #YouHaveMyAttention
2012-05-04 02:06:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No no, you’re not supposed to show you got bit. You’re supposed to hide it til you’re about to turn for dramatic tension.
2012-05-04 02:07:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The drama and interpersonal characterization makes me think I’m watching Zombie: 90210.
2012-05-04 02:08:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, um, are you really trying to strangle the zombified Julian? Really?
2012-05-04 02:09:10
@szvan: @MockTM I’ve never met a glowing virus before.
2012-05-04 02:09:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that scene went on for quite a while after I was, “JUST STAB HIM ALREADY!”
2012-05-04 02:09:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Anime-hair archer is really broken up about this. EMOTE, LADY! EMOTE!
2012-05-04 02:10:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, that’s really a mini-gun on a shopping cart. I just got independent verification of this.
2012-05-04 02:10:52
@szvan: @MockTM “What do we do?” “We’ve got a chain gun. Let’s run away from it!”
2012-05-04 02:11:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Super slo-mo!!
2012-05-04 02:11:14
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I see the director wanted his Mustang in the shot. “Yeah, I’ll just pull it up onto the curb all post-apocalyptic like”
2012-05-04 02:11:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Either that was the Holy Hand Grenade, or cars in this universe blow up identically to those in the Fallout universe. #mininuke
2012-05-04 02:12:10
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh, well then. That is *exactly* how an 8 foot fence can help against zombies. I retract my earlier question
2012-05-04 02:12:50
@szvan: @MockTM That’s it. We’re definitely running around in circles now.
2012-05-04 02:13:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “… and then, the Army decided to nuke the city. The End.” #notreallybutIneedtotakeabathroombreak
2012-05-04 02:13:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Luckily Ving Rhames’ telescopic vision can make out that the light-flashing is the other team.
2012-05-04 02:14:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wheeled vehicle with a minigun on it = NO KICKBACK AT ALL.
2012-05-04 02:14:52
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I love how bullet casings are falling out on the left side while the bullets on the feeder side aren’t moving #GeniusFX
2012-05-04 02:15:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This way! Leave the minigun, it’s useless!”
2012-05-04 02:15:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Weren’t runner zombies supposed to be rare?
2012-05-04 02:16:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Again, the dead distract them, until they don’t.
2012-05-04 02:16:37
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Seriously, though. What *can’t* carabiners hold back?
2012-05-04 02:17:02
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I think we’re going to be OK.” “And I think you should stop tempting fate.”
2012-05-04 02:17:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “So you guys are the archers, huh?” “What gave us away?”
2012-05-04 02:17:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait, the blonde is still in the movie? I’d forgotten.
2012-05-04 02:18:24
@szvan: @MockTM “Yeah, sure. You cared about your friend but not mine. I’m going to wander off and become zombie fodder now.”
2012-05-04 02:18:36
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh shit! Here come the zombie flies!
2012-05-04 02:20:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Zombies didn’t do this. It was … raptors.”
2012-05-04 02:20:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Fuck yeah! ZOMBIE TIGER! #bossfight
2012-05-04 02:21:47
@szvan: @MockTM Because it isn’t really a movie until you bring in the zombie tiger.
2012-05-04 02:22:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM Stab it with the arrows you’re carrying?
2012-05-04 02:22:37
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM that must be one deep watered dock
2012-05-04 02:22:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, melee class, stay back. Support will try to hold him in place and Archers DPS. Ving Rhames, be awesome.
2012-05-04 02:22:45
@szvan: @MockTM Zombie tigers have much, much thicker skulls than humans, doncha know, but at least they can’t swim?
2012-05-04 02:22:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ving Rhames: “LEEEROY JENKINS!”
2012-05-04 02:22:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Meow, bitch.” *throat gouge* “Well then. Now I’m dead.”
2012-05-04 02:24:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Luckily, the sledgehammer was actually Mjollnir.
2012-05-04 02:24:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM If this entire movie had been Ving Rhames and Anime Archer Girl, I would have paid for this movie. True’s true.
2012-05-04 02:24:57
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM Yeah. Ditto. For serious.
2012-05-04 02:25:17
@szvan: @MockTM For all the blood they spent on this movie, they couldn’t use a little more for someone bleeding out?
2012-05-04 02:25:19
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM Srsly, but how can he be expected to tank with all these keyboard turnin’ n00bs? amirite?
2012-05-04 02:25:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Every time I see Anime Archer, I think “BANGARANG”
2012-05-04 02:25:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Uh, from that sound, did he just…squirt?
2012-05-04 02:25:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Kiss my husband…now that that sexy, sexy complication was removed…”
2012-05-04 02:26:38
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM So many unanswered questions! Like, what about the geese? And, was the pasta any good?
2012-05-04 02:27:31
@szvan: @MockTM And the movie ends with the least plausible bit yet. The boat from the zombie-free island returned to the mainland.
2012-05-04 02:27:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM Cast: Ving Rhames … and some other people. Really, you didn’t care. Why should we?
2012-05-04 02:27:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM There was actually a boat! Well I’ll be damned.
2012-05-04 02:28:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM Aww, the zombie dog got a credit. That’s so…cute…or something…
2012-05-04 02:28:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Any similarity to actual persons, living or undead…oh come on, you *knew* we’d go there.”
2012-05-04 02:28:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM I’m wondering if we can deduce from ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE some general SyFy rules of storytelling.
2012-05-04 02:29:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So Ving Rhames opted with the “kill me at the end of the movie but make it a noble death, after some one-liners involving ‘bitch’”.
2012-05-04 02:30:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM e.g., “First, gore. Second, unlikeable, incompetent characters. Third, somewhat more competent characters.”
2012-05-04 02:30:34
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Just had to go watch it again 1:13:05 where the bullets don’t move while being shot from the minigun on a shopping cart. Classic!
2012-05-04 02:30:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM “For budgetary reasons, save anyone the audience might care about until the third act.”
2012-05-04 02:30:57
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I say we just go straight into tearing apart “The Zombie Apocalypse” from 2008 that I see suggested in my netflix queue
2012-05-04 02:32:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “And remember, Ving Rhames sledgehammering a zombie tiger is your money shot.”
2012-05-04 02:32:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So two weeks from now is Night of the Demon, the yeti flick on Youtube.
2012-05-04 02:33:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I want to put In The Year 2889 at the end of the queue. We could try to put The Zombie Apocalypse (2008) after that. @Ben_TAF
2012-05-04 02:34:06
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM No no! Just a timely crack. There are far more worthy movies of our scorn :)
2012-05-04 02:37:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s weirdly tragic how these SyFy original movies could have been so much better if the right people had cared…
2012-05-04 02:37:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM … they could have made a better movie with half as many actors (and a, you know, screenwriter).
2012-05-04 02:39:09
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM Funny how normally I’d be embarrassed if a movie I suggested wasn’t good. Here, I’m worried it might be too good..
2012-05-04 02:39:12
@brx0: @Ben_TAF @lousycanuck @MockTM There are several 80s Richard Harrison ninja movies on the youtubes if anyone’s up for that. CC: @drskyskull
2012-05-04 02:41:07
@drskyskull: @brx0 @ben_taf @lousycanuck @mocktm YYYYYESSSSSS!!!
2012-05-04 02:41:42
@blakestacey: Thanks for the fun @MockTM, everybody! And join us two weeks from now, same Mock-time, same Mock-channel!
2012-05-04 02:42:22
@lousycanuck: @brx0 @MockTM Oh yes, I am up for it. The further ahead we plan these movies, the more likely it stays biweekly!
2012-05-04 02:43:11
@blakestacey: And our consolations go to @drskyskull, who was apparently pinned down by cats the whole @MockTM session and unable to tweet.
2012-05-04 02:43:35
@drskyskull: @blakestacey @MockTM They are evil!!!
2012-05-04 02:43:47
@Ben_TAF: @brx0 @lousycanuck @MockTM @drskyskull Frankenstein, zombie, yeti, cannibals, ninja. I’d say I approve of that progression
2012-05-04 02:44:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The lesson for this movie: Ving Rhames is awesome. That is all.
2012-05-04 02:45:45
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM And apparently we’ll have to start spamming twitter well in advance to make sure @brx0 and @drskyskull show up, too
2012-05-04 02:47:25
@brx0: @lousycanuck It’s basically the Netflix queue from hell. I’m already looking forward to the Shark Week @MockTM.
2012-05-04 02:47:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM And therein lies the tragedy. “OK, we’re making a movie where Ving Rhames bludgeons zombies. Now, let’s make it boring.”
2012-05-04 02:47:58
@Ben_TAF: @brx0 @lousycanuck @mocktm my Netflix recommendations were already getting dodgy after Frankenstein. Now I’m screwed for sure.
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