Pat Robertson: “Believe archaeologists. Except about origins, coz they weren’t there!” »« University of Dundee creates real-life Sonic Screwdriver

Mock The Movie: Frankenstein (2004) Transcript

Below the fold, as always, the transcript for Mock The Movie: Frankenstein.

CompulsoryAccount7746 built a Python script that takes the transcript, from my blog post, and converts it into a subtitle file that can be viewed with VLC. It’s a great idea, but much as it pains me to say, it would be way easier for me to simply build in the appropriate conversion tools to my existing scrape script than it would be to first post, then convert, then edit the post to include the .srt file. Since .srt files are plain-text anyway, I might as well save CA7746 the trouble and create the conversion inline. I haven’t done it this time around, but I’ll be building something into my current scrape script (which is based on this script, if you’re interested) and will post future MtMs as downloadable subtitle files.

I might even be able to convince my current script to pull all the transcript from this last MtM even into a proper .srt file sometime today, assuming my migraine from last night (when I wrote this post) has subsided.

@lousycanuck: About to start the movie! Yay! @MockTM
2012-04-20 00:55:45
@brx0: Ok, @MockTM all spooled up & ready to rumble. Assuming I’ve got the right 2004 Frankenstein movie…
2012-04-20 00:58:35
@blakestacey: Everyone ready? @MockTM
2012-04-20 00:59:34
@brx0: @MockTM This seems to be a poorly lit dampness factory, with random sparks.
2012-04-20 01:00:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Look, it’s the SS Doom, sailing into port!
2012-04-20 01:00:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, spark smugglers!
2012-04-20 01:01:00
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, I mean a dampness freighter. My bad.
2012-04-20 01:01:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Oh, man, that’s the last time I try the Monopoly pub crawl.”
2012-04-20 01:01:35
@RezHowski: @MockTM I started.. credits rolling now
2012-04-20 01:01:47
@brx0: @MockTM Does look like they’re going for an artsy look here. Starting to worry this is too good for MockTM. Or at least the credits are.
2012-04-20 01:01:49
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, and start!!
2012-04-20 01:01:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM Anger management FAIL!
2012-04-20 01:02:17
@brx0: @MockTM Also, the pre-credits bit establishes that the guy in the cloak is one mysterious bad dude.
2012-04-20 01:02:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Full… metal… jacket…”
2012-04-20 01:02:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Huh, I didn’t realize the city in DARK CITY had a waterfront.
2012-04-20 01:03:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh man. My copy has Dutch subtitles.
2012-04-20 01:03:22
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is this a movie about Frankenstein or about Apple iPad factories?
2012-04-20 01:03:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM My, what a pretty face you have. I think I’ll take it.
2012-04-20 01:03:51
@szvan: @MockTM So far it’s all about the atmosphere…cause it ain’t about the acting.
2012-04-20 01:03:53
@brx0: @MockTM Um, Parker Posey is a cop, huh? And cops still drive 80s Ford LTDs? Srsly?
2012-04-20 01:03:55
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM that should make it more awesome
2012-04-20 01:03:59
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM My copy has Swedish. The DVD was bit by a m00se.
2012-04-20 01:04:08
@drskyskull: @MockTM Okay, I’m officially at the credits!
2012-04-20 01:04:43
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, I’m such a monster. I have a wee scar. And no makeup budget.
2012-04-20 01:05:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM These credits are what would happen if the credits from SE7EN went to med school.
2012-04-20 01:05:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey mistah, want a carwash?”
2012-04-20 01:05:21
@brx0: @MockTM Ashley Judd would be playing the cop here, if only this wasn’t direct to video…
2012-04-20 01:05:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM Parker Posey? But I…just rang around the rosey?
2012-04-20 01:05:43
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM There’s another million dollar McDonald’s law suit
2012-04-20 01:05:44
@szvan: @MockTM Were the breast implants off the shelf or stolen from a corpse?
2012-04-20 01:05:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, it’s the eyelash from GATTACA!
2012-04-20 01:06:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Is that what I think it is?” “A donut? Nope.”
2012-04-20 01:06:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s the Nightmare University med school!
2012-04-20 01:06:35
@brx0: @MockTM Moody! Atmospheric!
2012-04-20 01:06:37
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM First rule of spooky houses. Never ask if anyone’s there
2012-04-20 01:06:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, I think we were just officially told that she’s not a jerk!
2012-04-20 01:07:04
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Shit! He’s here for me! And I’m apparently dead a week
2012-04-20 01:07:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM “So I’m a walking cliche.” Ooh movie, you so meta.
2012-04-20 01:07:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM I feel like this movie is about what happened to the “I know what you did last summer” guy after he ran out of people he knew.
2012-04-20 01:07:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ah, our secret hideout. It’s well stocked with science equipment and Victorian trappings. Dr. Frankenstein must patron The Broker.
2012-04-20 01:08:02
@brx0: @MockTM And cue the inevitable cop turf wars….
2012-04-20 01:08:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM “This time it was the heart.” “Hey, just like Valentine’s day all over again!”
2012-04-20 01:08:19
@RezHowski: @MockTM Frau ….
2012-04-20 01:08:22
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Hello? Is anybody there?” “Uh… no!”
2012-04-20 01:08:27
@szvan: @MockTM I’m not sure I’m hip enough to watch this movie.
2012-04-20 01:08:55
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what would really liven up this house? Replicant toys, that’s what.
2012-04-20 01:09:21
@drskyskull: @MockTM “They called me… the monster.” “I don’t know why, my name is Tim.”
2012-04-20 01:09:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’ve had many names. They called me… Mittens…”
2012-04-20 01:09:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hmm, this mousetrap is irreducibly complex.”
2012-04-20 01:09:41
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “You think this was the page he was reading?”
2012-04-20 01:09:46
@brx0: @MockTM And cue the quirky buddy-cop banter…
2012-04-20 01:10:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, look, a clue. Someone splattered this book with all sorts of… um… brown paint.”
2012-04-20 01:10:33
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Do not cross homicide scene. If you do, homicide scene gonna eff you up!”
2012-04-20 01:10:36
@brx0: @MockTM Aww, kittens!!!!
2012-04-20 01:11:05
@RezHowski: @MockTM I love this dialogue
2012-04-20 01:11:06
@drskyskull: @MockTM “This killer had some skill. He left this sweater he knitted.”
2012-04-20 01:11:13
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Hooked on Phonics digs. Way to stay with the times!
2012-04-20 01:11:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, looks like he’s a tad…overdue.” #sunglasses
2012-04-20 01:11:34
@brx0: @MockTM They didn’t really pull the Sudden Loud Scary Falling Junk thing, did they? Complete with black cats? Srsly?
2012-04-20 01:12:00
@drskyskull: @MockTM It looks like they decided to make Parker Posey’s character “gritty” by literally covering her with grit.
2012-04-20 01:12:16
@RezHowski: @MockTM Black cat.. Check
2012-04-20 01:12:39
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I am jack’s sense of reused set design
2012-04-20 01:12:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, Hooked on Phonix wurked fur me!
2012-04-20 01:12:41
@brx0: @MockTM Meanwhile, Mysterious Brooding Man is brooding…
2012-04-20 01:13:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Why would someone take his heart?” Check Dick Cheney’s alibi!!!
2012-04-20 01:13:04
@szvan: @MockTM Because black women with cataracts are inherently scary. Uh, huh.
2012-04-20 01:13:34
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “I got the Joy Joy Joy, down in my heart! Wait. Nope. That’s just a heart. In my hand…”
2012-04-20 01:14:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM On a scale from 1 to the room I lived in freshman year, this apartment rates an…ewww.
2012-04-20 01:14:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM “No… human… would organize shoes like this.”
2012-04-20 01:14:45
@brx0: @MockTM Lightning! Mysterious lab equipment! Possibly a @drskyskull project!
2012-04-20 01:14:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Lacks a feminine touch.” “HEY! Oh, you mean the decor.”
2012-04-20 01:15:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m fine!” “Actually, I was kind of hoping you’d get hurt opening a kitchen cupboard. Me and the boys in the office have a pool…”
2012-04-20 01:15:16
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I see the modern day Frankenstein is still counting on lightening. “Y’know we really should have run 3 phase power here”
2012-04-20 01:15:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM So, he’s a serial…shaver?
2012-04-20 01:15:49
@drskyskull: @MockTM I think Netflix accidentally played an episode of “Hoarders” instead of “Frankenstein”.
2012-04-20 01:15:55
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “That was my favorite Ace bandage! Gaaahhhh!!!”
2012-04-20 01:15:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM @brx0 Leave me out of this movie! :P
2012-04-20 01:16:17
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand, time for dinner party prep. As we all suspected, Dr. Frankenstein, er, Helios, is the 1%.
2012-04-20 01:16:20
@szvan: @MockTM You can’t improve on the perfection of a pitted statue.
2012-04-20 01:16:30
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, and Mrs. Helios might be a creature too.
2012-04-20 01:16:56
@drskyskull: @MockTM I’m pretty sure that scene of the monster awakening was ripped of from an 80’s “Quiet Riot” video.
2012-04-20 01:17:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Helios? I thought he was on Mars.
2012-04-20 01:17:10
@szvan: @MockTM Is it just me or was the direction to make the dialog as hard to understand as possible?
2012-04-20 01:17:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM How did Victor do it? Tuvan throat-singing, that’s how!
2012-04-20 01:17:36
@brx0: @MockTM Douchebag rival cop’s working on a Cusack + Nolte mashup sort of schtick.
2012-04-20 01:18:29
@BenZvan: @mocktm I was a goth in high school and I don’t remember killing anyone important.
2012-04-20 01:18:38
@RezHowski: @MockTM Homemade Wife… Check
2012-04-20 01:18:39
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Do you know why I’ve come?” “Not to deliver my General Tso’s Chicken, that’s for sure.”
2012-04-20 01:18:49
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “See, this is why I don’t like you. Sunglasses in a parking garage at night. Still not cool.”
2012-04-20 01:19:04
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey “Ze higher harmonics… zey are ze key to liiiiiiiife!!!”
2012-04-20 01:19:13
@brx0: @MockTM Wow, is this what New Orleans dinner parties are usually like? I’m kind of rooting for the creature now.
2012-04-20 01:19:53
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Oh, Helios… I always feel like you’re dissecting me with your eyes!”
2012-04-20 01:19:54
@BenZvan: @MockTM one man is a tool, the other is…no…that’s not right.
2012-04-20 01:20:08
@RezHowski: @MockTM what a tool
2012-04-20 01:20:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM I’m getting a really strong Mr. Blonde vibe from Officer Sunglasses here.
2012-04-20 01:20:43
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey Next I’m expecting a long monologue from Parker Posey on how she doesn’t tip.
2012-04-20 01:21:29
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Shocker! The priest is pandering to money? Say it ain’t so!
2012-04-20 01:21:37
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m just trying to cover your ass…if you know what I mean.”
2012-04-20 01:21:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Might have to sit the rest out. Lost my place and my router’s apparently too sketchy to stream from my media server tonight. :/
2012-04-20 01:21:49
@szvan: @MockTM World’s quickest and least interesting sex scene. And *she* apologizes.
2012-04-20 01:21:55
@brx0: @MockTM Also, Dr. Frankenhelios is really bad in bed or something. And he has a creepy exposed CGI backbone, looks like.
2012-04-20 01:22:20
@RezHowski: @MockTM Bring on the guilt trip.. homemade women.. jeez
2012-04-20 01:22:53
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Casting requirement: Stare off screen and look pensive. Can you do that? Hired!!!
2012-04-20 01:22:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You should get cable. And pay for Hulu Plus.”
2012-04-20 01:23:26
@Skeptiverse: @lousycanuck @MockTM too bad its the middle of the work day in Aus, will have to wait for the blog post for my weapons grade snark
2012-04-20 01:23:34
@szvan: @MockTM “Perfection” is the spine of a nonhuman creature? No wonder she can’t meet Helios’s standards.
2012-04-20 01:23:36
@brx0: @MockTM Still, this is probably the first MockTM made by someone who went to actual film school, of the non-correspondence course variety.
2012-04-20 01:23:41
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I’m reconsidering my original idea of spamming images of FrankenBerry. I still think it would be more interesting to watch than this
2012-04-20 01:24:03
@BenZvan: @MockTM hey! That’s a Nokia ringtone!
2012-04-20 01:24:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I want to please you more than anything.” “Buy me…an XBox.”
2012-04-20 01:24:53
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oho! I see a running theme forming. My prediction: he’s going to finally get to finish his drink during the epilogue
2012-04-20 01:25:06
@BenZvan: @MockTM Someone should probably clean the goo off that camera. Cuz ick.
2012-04-20 01:25:33
@brx0: @MockTM Time to meet the quirky medical examiner with unusual hair.
2012-04-20 01:25:42
@drskyskull: @MockTM “So which isn’t important, my job or my brother?” Don’t make me choose!
2012-04-20 01:25:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM The spilling-the-coffee gag? Officially old.
2012-04-20 01:26:15
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Rubber Ducky, you’re the one… to die next!!! Mwahahaha!!!
2012-04-20 01:26:29
@drskyskull: @MockTM @Ben_TAF No doubt it will be the end credits stinger!
2012-04-20 01:26:34
@brx0: @MockTM And the victim has wacky anatomy. Pretty sure I saw this scene in Men In Black once.
2012-04-20 01:26:43
@szvan: @MockTM “Then I started listing off random anatomical terms.”
2012-04-20 01:26:52
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Glad to see they’re breaking stereotypes of laboratory scientists
2012-04-20 01:26:55
@BenZvan: @MockTM the ME appears to live behind the lanes of a bowling alley.
2012-04-20 01:27:33
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM See what I did there? I called you drunk!
2012-04-20 01:27:57
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM I have the DVD.. I’m such a geek :)
2012-04-20 01:28:22
@drskyskull: @MockTM “No!!! I said come *to* me!!! *To* me!!!”
2012-04-20 01:28:22
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, is the real New Orleans this dim and yellow-green and gothic all the time?
2012-04-20 01:28:35
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Got to throw in those comedic zingers to break up all this tension and suspense
2012-04-20 01:28:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Okay, so we just saw an autopsy of an X-Man, and a drinking bird? Am I at the right time index?
2012-04-20 01:28:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “An abnormally large…you know.”
2012-04-20 01:29:16
@BenZvan: @MockTM If I was taking a drink for everything kitsch or cliche I wouldn’t be able to type any more.
2012-04-20 01:29:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM So “Hyde” from “That 70s Show” ended up a medical examiner?
2012-04-20 01:29:39
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM “so many rules, how can i follow them all” 30 secs ago. 30:05
2012-04-20 01:29:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Anthony’s Block Camelot is probably the most elaborate set design we’ve seen yet.
2012-04-20 01:29:57
@brx0: @MockTM Cue unrequited buddy-cop crush. Is there a trendy word for “hetero-bromance”? Or did I just invent one?
2012-04-20 01:30:02
@drskyskull: @BenZvan @MockTM Seems about right!
2012-04-20 01:30:03
@BenZvan: @lousycanuck @mocktm there are no drinking birds in this film!!!
2012-04-20 01:30:32
@szvan: @MockTM So far, the nanny is giving us the best performance in the movie.
2012-04-20 01:31:00
@drskyskull: @MockTM “Just because it sounds crazy doesn’t mean it’s not true.” “Now, to cure my pneumonia with homeopathy!”
2012-04-20 01:31:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In Dutch, “Stick” means “Shoo”. Apparently.
2012-04-20 01:31:27
@brx0: @MockTM This priest is seriously ooky. Even by the usual priest standards.
2012-04-20 01:31:40
@Ben_TAF: @BenZvan @lousycanuck @mocktm It’s alright. I’m drinking enough for the birds. Time to crack open another!
2012-04-20 01:32:34
@szvan: @MockTM Dear filmmakers: You can make films where I don’t know what’s going on. Or films where I don’t care what’s going on. But both?
2012-04-20 01:32:40
@brx0: @MockTM Solo visit to dead guy’s apartment. Ominous music. I predict more black cats. Betcha money.
2012-04-20 01:32:53
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM looks like we are close to the same time.. he needs his body!
2012-04-20 01:33:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM “All intelligent creatures dream, no one knows why…”
2012-04-20 01:33:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Maybe they have seen one of their kind behaving oddly. Killing people. Stealing their body parts. Worshipping graven images. Hint.”
2012-04-20 01:33:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Dude, I’m digging your chanting Muzak.”
2012-04-20 01:33:25
@BenZvan: @mockTM rich, crazy dude ordering priests to to terrible things to their followers…sounds like the Catholic church to me!
2012-04-20 01:33:34
@RezHowski: @MockTM Religious reference…. check
2012-04-20 01:34:03
@Ben_TAF: @brx0 @MockTM Wait. Where are the cats? WHO TOOK THE CATS!!!
2012-04-20 01:34:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ahh, the “put your grubby paws all over stuff” method of evidence collection.
2012-04-20 01:34:44
@BenZvan: @MockTM That reminds me…I could use a shave.
2012-04-20 01:34:56
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, it’s Mysterious Brooding Man. Chatting up our detective & being all broody.
2012-04-20 01:35:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM Gloves. You’re using them wrong.
2012-04-20 01:36:14
@brx0: @MockTM Now he’s stripping and zapping himself with electricity. Needs to work on his Chippendales act, gotta say.
2012-04-20 01:36:20
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I’m sorry, but the Assassin’s Creed isn’t translating into a movie the way I thought it would
2012-04-20 01:36:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “What are you doing?” “Unplugging the TVs, they’ve been on for, like, forever! Think of the electricity waste!”
2012-04-20 01:37:16
@szvan: @MockTM “Lady! I’m electrocuting myself for you! Least you could do is look!”
2012-04-20 01:37:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Broody, full of cracks, and draws power from electricity. The Monster is Cole MacGrath.
2012-04-20 01:37:19
@BenZvan: @MockTM I wonder how many televisions this guy goes through in a year.
2012-04-20 01:37:27
@RezHowski: @MockTM Shocking!!!
2012-04-20 01:37:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM What he’s doing there, with the electrical cables? That’ll be me with my physics demos next week.
2012-04-20 01:38:59
@brx0: @MockTM So, why is Mysterious Brooding Man wearing that heavy cloak in New Orleans, anyway?
2012-04-20 01:39:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “My left big toe from an embezzler! OK, that one was a little underwhelming…”
2012-04-20 01:39:11
@szvan: @MockTM “That’s it?” “Well, when you put it that way, maybe it does sound stupid.”
2012-04-20 01:39:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Love to see *that* police report. “After he admitted to murder, he electrocuted himself… then I lost him.”
2012-04-20 01:39:57
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I was worried that stepping away would mean I would lose the story line. Then I remembered they haven’t started it yet
2012-04-20 01:40:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He just gets his kicks hanging around dead people?” “Oh, he gets more than kicks.”
2012-04-20 01:41:05
@szvan: @MockTM “So, yeah, I think that guy was fooling me about being electrocuted, but he was totally right about the dead guy.”
2012-04-20 01:41:08
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM I’m only seconds behind you
2012-04-20 01:42:00
@brx0: @MockTM Amusing sidekick cop Sloan’s rocking the Starsky & Hutch hair. Ok, Starsky & Hutch remake hair.
2012-04-20 01:42:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If you don’t tell me what’s going on inside of your head, how can I cover your backside? I mean back. I mean boobs.”
2012-04-20 01:42:43
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Haha. ZING! “Sharp eye for detail.” Oh, I’m in stitches!
2012-04-20 01:42:57
@BenZvan: @MockTM if you don’t tell me what’s covering your back, how can I get inside your head?
2012-04-20 01:43:43
@drskyskull: @MockTM What’s up with makeup in this film? Even the non-monsters look like they were dragged through the streets a few blocks.
2012-04-20 01:44:01
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Keep your hands where I can see them.” “Sure. Hang on. They’re still detachable. Here, catch.”
2012-04-20 01:44:43
@BenZvan: @MockTM Worst. Shooting. Posture. Ever.
2012-04-20 01:45:23
@drskyskull: @MockTM Anthony’s either going to grow up to be an architect, or “Rain Man”.
2012-04-20 01:45:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You mean he’s some kind of Frankenstein?” “Frahnkenschteen!”
2012-04-20 01:45:31
@szvan: @MockTM You know, her mental instability would be much more compelling if we’d seen, oh, anything else at the beginning of the movie.
2012-04-20 01:46:20
@RezHowski: @MockTM fiction based on fact based on fiction….
2012-04-20 01:46:43
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Guaranteed next line from her: “I’m sorry” 10 bucks on it
2012-04-20 01:46:44
@BenZvan: @MockTM this dialogue reminds me of the conversations in Mass Effect. “earlier, you mentioned…”
2012-04-20 01:47:18
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh snap! He’s got another cup!
2012-04-20 01:47:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So the Doc built a second monster as a woman? Did he… use one of the first monster’s ribs? Coz that would be dumb.
2012-04-20 01:47:54
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Hey me! You were wrong, pay up!

Fine…
2012-04-20 01:48:14
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM She’s melting!
2012-04-20 01:48:26
@RezHowski: @MockTM I wonder what grave he dug the earrings up from
2012-04-20 01:48:31
@drskyskull: @MockTM I think this film would be much more intriguing if the monster wore a snazzy bowtie instead of a hood.
2012-04-20 01:48:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You had such high hopes for me…but I could only get a 1300 on the SAT.”
2012-04-20 01:48:49
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, I’m back. Had to crack open the Cook’s Extra Dry, y’know.
2012-04-20 01:48:58
@BenZvan: @MockTM you’d think that after 200 years, he’d have painted his lab.
2012-04-20 01:49:21
@brx0: @MockTM How does New Orleans manage with so few light bulbs, anyway?
2012-04-20 01:50:01
@RezHowski: @MockTM Time for a bath.. oh and a kiss
2012-04-20 01:50:26
@szvan: @MockTM Just copping one last feel.
2012-04-20 01:50:30
@Ben_TAF: @drskyskull @MockTM And a fez. And they traveled through time in a… wait…
2012-04-20 01:50:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, *now* he’s passionate…
2012-04-20 01:51:05
@szvan: @MockTM She has no muscles, doc. What kind of wimp are you?
2012-04-20 01:51:26
@RezHowski: @MockTM Bath is more important for a new humanity
2012-04-20 01:51:41
@BenZvan: @MockTM Oh, I see what you did with the eyelashes there…was this a Master’s project?
2012-04-20 01:52:26
@brx0: @MockTM Imagine the script meetings for this thing. Do we go for elliptical, or portentious?
2012-04-20 01:52:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, if only I could be as happy as you. Which is actually pretty grumpy.”
2012-04-20 01:53:11
@brx0: @MockTM Come to think of it, it’s sort of Frankenstein meets Blade Runner meets Anne Rice meets Hill Street Blues.
2012-04-20 01:53:46
@drskyskull: @MockTM Hey guys, I’m back — did I miss anything? HA HA HA!
2012-04-20 01:53:47
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM Grumpy is the new goth happy
2012-04-20 01:53:58
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Sorry Carson. Could you enunciate a little more for me? Having a hard time following you
2012-04-20 01:54:27
@RezHowski: @MockTM Emo’s have nothing on this chick
2012-04-20 01:54:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM “I liked your singing. Can I dismember you? Damn damn damn too forward, again!”
2012-04-20 01:55:01
@szvan: @MockTM “Oh, it hurts so badly when my shirt rips!”
2012-04-20 01:55:07
@BenZvan: @MockTM Just because you keep saying “this makes sense” doesn’t mean it makes sense.
2012-04-20 01:55:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What’s the over/under on those guns actually getting fired? Because so far, no gunshots yet.
2012-04-20 01:55:51
@szvan: @MockTM Well, it’s nice to know they pay their cops a living wage.
2012-04-20 01:56:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Stop wiggling, dammit, you’re ruining my penmanship!”
2012-04-20 01:56:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Spoke too soon. One very lame gunshot effect so far.
2012-04-20 01:56:34
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Is that Buster in the tub?
2012-04-20 01:56:47
@brx0: @MockTM Pretty sure those false eyelashes are a Metaphor. Film school, dontcha know.
2012-04-20 01:56:52
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM It is low budget.. but there you go!
2012-04-20 01:56:58
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck They’re going to *throw* the shotgun at the monster!
2012-04-20 01:57:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, is “Harker” meant to be an allusion? ’cause I think they looked in the wrong Cliffs Note…
2012-04-20 01:57:30
@szvan: @MockTM I think those trash cans were placed by the same set dresser responsible for the cat.
2012-04-20 01:57:37
@BenZvan: @MockTM somebody should consider training the police force to use guns. Just a thought.
2012-04-20 01:57:51
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, a hipster with a bike that we haven’t met until now. Next victim, probably.
2012-04-20 01:57:57
@drskyskull: @MockTM … and Michael Madsen *trots* away from the police.
2012-04-20 01:58:05
@RezHowski: @MockTM at least the guns have a sound effect artist
2012-04-20 01:58:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Nora! I will save you Nora!” Wait, they said “Helios”, not “Frieze”.
2012-04-20 01:58:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Do I come off as creepy? Sometimes I worry that I come off as a little, you know, abnormal.”
2012-04-20 01:58:46
@szvan: @MockTM I always use a 60-watt bulb to test my circuit meant to create life.
2012-04-20 01:58:53
@brx0: @MockTM Oh hey, could be douchebag rival cop is the eeeevil bad guy.
2012-04-20 01:59:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM Maybe they should just try some mildew spray on those tiles.
2012-04-20 01:59:21
@brx0: @MockTM Yeah, douchebag rival cop just knocked over a bicycle. Definitely the bad guy.
2012-04-20 01:59:34
@RezHowski: @MockTM Behold the Bride of Powder! Mwaaaa haaa haaa
2012-04-20 01:59:47
@drskyskull: @MockTM Victor Helios puts the “pig” in Pygmalion!
2012-04-20 02:00:02
@szvan: @MockTM Also, said set dresser has a brother-in-law in foley.
2012-04-20 02:00:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Rah, rah, rah-rah-rah. I want your monster, I want your desire…”
2012-04-20 02:00:22
@drskyskull: @MockTM Since I’ve seen X-Men 2, I can only assume Victor is giving her adamantium bones.
2012-04-20 02:00:40
@szvan: @MockTM Damn. She so white.
2012-04-20 02:00:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM Best subtitle ever: “Bra beslut.”
2012-04-20 02:00:50
@drskyskull: @MockTM Okay, with the headphones and the pale skin, I swear I’m watching an old iPod commercial.
2012-04-20 02:01:30
@szvan: @MockTM “I moved in 11 months ago.” “And how many women did you see him dismember before you?”
2012-04-20 02:01:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Look, if you’re going to rip me a new one, don’t bother. I have five new ones. Toilet habits are just weird now.”
2012-04-20 02:02:07
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Um. Didn’t they just say “crawlspace”?
2012-04-20 02:02:31
@drskyskull: @MockTM “I knew he was trouble, especially when he scratched his nose with a hand he had in his pocket.”
2012-04-20 02:02:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM To the actress’ credit, there’s no way to deliver lines like these. ::sigh:
2012-04-20 02:02:33
@RezHowski: @MockTM Mmmmm “a mean Lasagna” always worth the risk of being chopped to pieces
2012-04-20 02:02:49
@brx0: @MockTM So do they ever untie the hipster at some point here?
2012-04-20 02:02:51
@szvan: @MockTM Wait. The two hipster cops aren’t popular with their peers? No!
2012-04-20 02:02:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM “That’s his go-nuts room.” “His doughnuts room? Awesome!”
2012-04-20 02:03:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So the first girl monster was killed in order to create the perfect ballerina.
2012-04-20 02:03:59
@BenZvan: @MockTM which one of those fridges has the beer?
2012-04-20 02:04:04
@brx0: @MockTM Finally a bit of reanimating. This Frankenstein movie’s really been skimping on the reanimating.
2012-04-20 02:04:38
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM we all have our, um.. priorities
2012-04-20 02:05:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM OH JUST BONE ALREADY.
2012-04-20 02:05:11
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand she looks the same as before. What was that all about?
2012-04-20 02:05:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “‘Like Cher?’ What was I thinking? What a horrible one-liner. Stupid. So stupid!”
2012-04-20 02:05:30
@RezHowski: @MockTM I get it now.. she’s more “bendy”
2012-04-20 02:05:57
@BenZvan: @brx0 @mocktm bride of Frankenstein++
2012-04-20 02:06:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, I just sorted those papers! Why do you have to be so hurtful?”
2012-04-20 02:07:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “There’s a chance we might level up to spirit level 12.”
2012-04-20 02:07:03
@RezHowski: @MockTM A Monster and a Priest walk into a Church….
2012-04-20 02:07:25
@lousycanuck: @MockTM That thing in his gut had better pop out and say “QUAID” by the end of the movie.
2012-04-20 02:07:33
@szvan: @MockTM “See how defiant I am! I can mess up your paperwork!”
2012-04-20 02:07:44
@brx0: @MockTM “I never thought his bliss would be chopping people to pieces.” Gold. Pure dialogue gold.
2012-04-20 02:08:10
@blakestacey: @lousycanuck @MockTM You beat me to it. :-)
2012-04-20 02:08:13
@drskyskull: @lousycanuck @MockTM AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
2012-04-20 02:08:34
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM LOL
2012-04-20 02:08:57
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM By my count, that’s the 3rd breakable cup stepped on, plus 2 knocked over, 1 twice. WHAT’S IT ALL MEAN??
2012-04-20 02:09:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well then, the well-coiffed bad monster is evidently an atheist.
2012-04-20 02:09:36
@BenZvan: @lousycanuck @mocktm I don’t get it.
2012-04-20 02:09:40
@RezHowski: @MockTM I bet this priest is now REALLY pro abortion
2012-04-20 02:09:42
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, damn. Now the paperwork’s gonna get all bloody.
2012-04-20 02:10:39
@RezHowski: @MockTM Now THAT’s a God complex
2012-04-20 02:11:00
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, so the revamped Mrs. Helios is the same but does ballet now.
2012-04-20 02:11:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, that’s just what this movie needs, more heavy-handed Jesus allegory.
2012-04-20 02:11:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Mmm, cheese dip!”
2012-04-20 02:11:30
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Whoa! The monster just did one hell of a David Carradine Kung Fu move to that wall.
2012-04-20 02:11:38
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, it’s Ooky Priest. Wasn’t really missing him, gotta say.
2012-04-20 02:12:03
@drskyskull: @MockTM “*That’s* for that fucking 3 hour Easter sermon!!!”
2012-04-20 02:12:07
@RezHowski: @MockTM I “Heart” You Monster
2012-04-20 02:12:36
@drskyskull: @MockTM Is this movie part 1 of 2 or something? We’ve got 10 minutes left and I swear that nothing has happened.
2012-04-20 02:12:58
@szvan: @MockTM “I know who the next victim is. Let’s not call and send someone ahead.”
2012-04-20 02:13:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Get over here and give me a hug! RAWR!
2012-04-20 02:13:30
@drskyskull: @MockTM This movie was filmed in fabulous GRIT-O-VISION!
2012-04-20 02:13:39
@RezHowski: @MockTM I thought Harker was in Dracula.. Hmmmm
2012-04-20 02:13:42
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh heyyy, looks like the bad guy’s got an alien chest burster on the way.
2012-04-20 02:14:17
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh shit! Scariest kitchen tool ever! A… wait.. a melon baller? yeah, I guess that’s all we have left in the budget
2012-04-20 02:14:30
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, right. Sending a squad ahead would mean paying more actors.
2012-04-20 02:14:56
@RezHowski: @MockTM A drunk injured Monster, this does not bode well
2012-04-20 02:15:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM Uh-oh. Looks like Kuato lives!
2012-04-20 02:15:18
@drskyskull: @MockTM @RezHowski I’ve been working under the assumption that his name is actually “Horker”. (Maybe he spits a lot.)
2012-04-20 02:15:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “He’s there. At that factory. Let’s not stop and call for backup before chasing him down.”
2012-04-20 02:15:37
@brx0: @MockTM So much for Ooky Priest, then.
2012-04-20 02:16:17
@drskyskull: @MockTM I’m watching Michael Madsen act, and I swear I can see him thinking, “I wonder what I’ll eat for dinner after filming ends?”
2012-04-20 02:16:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Could someone turn off that drippy tap? That’s going to drive me batty during the climactic battle.
2012-04-20 02:16:49
@BenZvan: @MockTM We’ve spotted him! Let’s stop here and mention that.
2012-04-20 02:16:55
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM And now I have to pee
2012-04-20 02:17:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Clones to the left of me, creatures to the right… stitch in the middle with you…”
2012-04-20 02:17:57
@szvan: @MockTM I knew hipster cops had pissed off the other detectives, but will no one come back them up?!?
2012-04-20 02:18:09
@brx0: @MockTM Mysterious Brooding Guy, still becloaked, finds the secret urn with a heart inside. The symbolism’s kinda losing me here.
2012-04-20 02:18:14
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Too bad shot guns are such precision weapons that aren’t effective at close range without a lot of skill
2012-04-20 02:18:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM Here’s hoping for a railing kill.
2012-04-20 02:18:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Monster versus monster in a steel cage!
2012-04-20 02:19:11
@RezHowski: @MockTM He’ll never see us coming with these flashlights
2012-04-20 02:19:13
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, 2004, when you could render someone incommunicado by busting up their land line…
2012-04-20 02:19:50
@BenZvan: @MockTM okay Parker, this is a shotgun. It’s pretty much point and shoot. POINT and shoot.
2012-04-20 02:19:55
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look, I know he’s impaled on all that rebar and all, but you haven’t gotten a decent shot at him all movie. SHOOT HIM AGAIN.
2012-04-20 02:20:09
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM If it weren’t for trying to keep up, I’d rewatch that last bit. I swear at about 1:21:20 I saw a cable…
2012-04-20 02:20:24
@drskyskull: @MockTM @blakestacey Maybe they could have a car chase in some mini golf cart-like vehicles, too?
2012-04-20 02:20:36
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM NOW!
2012-04-20 02:20:57
@brx0: @MockTM That’s a menacing-looking melon baller there…
2012-04-20 02:21:13
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Egg in bourbon. #BreakfastOfChampions
2012-04-20 02:21:49
@drskyskull: @MockTM “I know what you did last summer… er… I mean, I’ve come to stop your killing, brother!”
2012-04-20 02:21:58
@RezHowski: @MockTM How can they see now?.. they lost their flashlights
2012-04-20 02:22:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In two hundred years, The First Monster hasn’t been able to lose the Christopher Lambert accent.
2012-04-20 02:23:32
@brx0: @MockTM Gotta say this over-the-top gothic New Orleans urban decay look kinda creeps me out, knowing it was filmed just before Katrina.
2012-04-20 02:24:04
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I make my own luck.”
2012-04-20 02:24:57
@brx0: @MockTM And looks like we’re wrapping things up in another abandoned dampness factory. Surprising how many of those there are.
2012-04-20 02:24:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I guess Frankenstein 2 (um, 3?) will feature The Good Monster vs Kuato Fetus. Good to set these expectations ahead of time.
2012-04-20 02:25:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait, that’s it?
2012-04-20 02:25:13
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM So are you saying it’s been 8 years and they haven’t released part 2 yet? I’d say someone here needs to gather some signatures
2012-04-20 02:25:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Second Assistant “B” Camera…now there’s a title to boost your self-esteem.
2012-04-20 02:25:54
@szvan: @MockTM I don’t know why, in movies without plots, I’m surprised that I don’t get endings.
2012-04-20 02:26:14
@brx0: @MockTM Suddenly, it’s Mysterious Brooding Guy to the rescue. Getting kinda like Highlander now.
2012-04-20 02:26:15
@BenZvan: @MockTM Wait…what? Was this almost written before the writers strike?
2012-04-20 02:26:25
@drskyskull: @MockTM Helios’ first monster has an annoying tendency to spout Deepak Chopra-esque inanities.
2012-04-20 02:26:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @brx0 Dampness is a growth industry.
2012-04-20 02:26:39
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM “I’ve learned many things in 200 years. Uh, except for how to blend in with society at large. Yeah. Still a weakness.”
2012-04-20 02:26:44
@RezHowski: @MockTM Too bad this wasn’t picked up for a series.. sooooo many questions
2012-04-20 02:26:47
@szvan: @MockTM So, Original Monster has been using the cop all movie. Why ask for her help now?
2012-04-20 02:26:59
@lousycanuck: @blakestacey @MockTM Hello, welcome to B movies.
2012-04-20 02:27:17
@brx0: @MockTM Mysterious Brooding Guy vanishes. But what of the alien chest burster? Or Dr. Helios? I smell a sequel!
2012-04-20 02:27:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Well, that was awful in a nigh-unmockable sort of way.
2012-04-20 02:28:02
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck It’s tough when LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS!!!
2012-04-20 02:28:28
@drskyskull: @MockTM Wow. Awful, awful, awful! It’s been fun, folks!
2012-04-20 02:29:12
@Ben_TAF: @RezHowski @MockTM Are you suggesting an MTM fanflick as part 2? Excellent idea!
2012-04-20 02:29:15
@brx0: @MockTM Ah, Mrs. Helios 2.0 has different hair now. Mysterious!
2012-04-20 02:29:42
@RezHowski: @MockTM Unanswered question One.. Why do I own this on DVD?
2012-04-20 02:29:51
@RezHowski: @MockTM I need to watch it again with Director Commentary :)
2012-04-20 02:30:47
@drskyskull: @MockTM @RezHowski If you ordered it through Amazon, your “recommended for you” list is about to take a dramatic turn for the worse.
2012-04-20 02:31:30
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, now we get a big exposition thing in the last 5 minutes. Sequel? Or moody USA Network pilot that went nowhere…?
2012-04-20 02:31:50
@lousycanuck: @RezHowski @MockTM Oh, the horrors of owning the original DVD. You get to see it twice. Good luck, my friend.
2012-04-20 02:32:47
@drskyskull: @MockTM @lousycanuck @RezHowski I’m guessing that “director commentary” is an extended apology.
2012-04-20 02:34:20
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM I have a huge collection of stuff I love to regret owning.. so I guess I don’t really regret it :)
2012-04-20 02:35:34
@Ben_TAF: @drskyskull @MockTM @lousycanuck @RezHowski Haha! Just a loop of Mrs Helios Mark I: “I’m sorry. I know I disappoint you.”
2012-04-20 02:37:01
@drskyskull: @Ben_TAF @MockTM @lousycanuck @RezHowski :D
2012-04-20 02:37:18
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM @Ben_TAF was fun.. I’m in for the future!
2012-04-20 02:37:28
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Damn. So you’re saying we have to wait all the way until May 3rd to do this again? #SadPanda
2012-04-20 02:38:35
@brx0: @MockTM Pretty sure real New Orleans cops are wayy more trigger happy than the ones in the movie. Unrealistic!
2012-04-20 02:41:40
@RezHowski: @lousycanuck @MockTM @Ben_TAF And for the record… “I really do love bad movies”
2012-04-20 02:42:19
@brx0: @MockTM Plus the movie was full of New Orleans cops, & not a single bribe changed hands in the whole film. Unrealistic!
2012-04-20 02:43:52
@Ben_TAF: @RezHowski @lousycanuck @mocktm Same here. Was a favorite game with friends in school to mute bad movies and make up our own dialogue
2012-04-20 02:46:33
@drskyskull: Well, thanks to watching “Frankenstein” (2004) as part of @MockTM, I’ve lost all will to live for the evening.
2012-04-20 02:47:12
@brx0: @drskyskull @MockTM The creature needs more than a bowtie. I’m thinking “Frankenclown”. I’m also thinking Kickstarter…
2012-04-20 02:47:20
@drskyskull: @brx0 @MockTM Frankencloooooooowwwwwn!!!! :)
2012-04-20 02:47:41
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM I’m recuperating with a mango lassi.
2012-04-20 02:49:12
@drskyskull: @blakestacey @MockTM I think I will recover by placing coins in my gravitational spiral. #physicssavesmeagain!
2012-04-20 02:53:57
@brx0: @blakestacey @MockTM Ha, everybody’s heard of Shell Beach. It’s, um… thataway…
2012-04-20 02:56:09
@brx0: @MockTM So, did we *ever* figure out why our heroic Mysterious Brooding Frankenguy throttled that guy on the boat before the credits?
2012-04-20 02:57:41

Comments

  1. CompulsoryAccount7746 says

    it would be way easier for me to simply build in the appropriate conversion tools to my existing scrape script than it would be to first post, then convert, then edit the post to include the .srt file.

    Er, when you mentioned that you’d used python too, I thought you were planning to Frankenstein our scripts together.

    Just modify the section of mine (lines 57-99) that appends elements of the snarks[] array. Instead of regexing an existing blog post, get those snark{user, date, time, msg} dicts off twitter.

  2. says

    Hmm. Well, I was planning on just outputting to a second log file with a different format, so I suppose I could wholesale lift that part that does the output. I’ll credit you in my header, which I totally only see myself. :)

    (And I’ll send you a copy, sans the Secret Sauce that auths you against MockTM.)

  3. bengerhardt says

    Okay, so I know I was pushing for 2012:Zombie Apocalypse for next Thursday (fucking Ving Rhames!!!) but I have to admit that Octaman looks like it’s far more worthy of a MockTM moment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>