Good news, MtM fans — all three of you! We’ve decided on four new movies, to be mocked starting this Thursday and every two weeks thereafter. That’s right, we’re gonna come at you like a spider monkey on crack laced with caffeine (and a tiny bit of prozac to keep from having a heart attack)! Final order is up in the air, but it looks like we’ll be doing the following first:
Frankenstein (2004) –
Detective Carson O’Conner and her partner Detective Michael Sloane are investigating murders of a serial-killer that mutilates and removes the internal organs of the victims. When they meet the mysterious and macabre Deucalion, they are informed that Dr. Frankenstein is alive with a legion of followers, using the name of Dr. Victor Helios.
Yes, that’s right, a modern-day sequel to Mary Shelley’s original oeuvre, a made-for-TV movie by USA Network. Distribution might be a bit difficult, as it’s still in copyright, so you might have to go to region-locked services like Hulu or Netflix. It will be an exercise for the participant to obtain this one. Others are easier to get though.
The other movies on the slate:
Months after a zombie plague has wiped out 90 percent of the American population, a small group of survivors fight their way cross-country to a rumored refuge on the island of Catalina.
Yeah, never mind the car model year naming convention. It’s got fucking Ving fucking Rhames in it! Fuck! SOLD! This one’s on Netflix.ca and Netflix.com, and I believe on Hulu as well. Should be relatively easy to get at. It’s a Syfy movie, so expect it to have cutting-edge CG graphics and Oscar-worthy acting.
Night of the Demon (1980) –
Presented in flashback, the film tells the story of an anthropology class’s all-too-successful expedition into the American wilderness to find the truth behind the Sasquatch legend. Along the way, the team learns about the creature’s previous victims, uncover the squalid story of a hermit (Crazy Wanda) who gave birth to a mutation after being raped by the monster, and finally come face to face with the beast himself.
This one’s apparently ridiculously bloody and gory, though it was done on a shoestring budget so most violence is off-camera or over-the-top by virtue of having no special effects budget. The film apparently includes a now-infamous scene where Bigfoot rips a biker’s junk off for peeing on a bush. The full video’s available on Youtube.
She Gods of Shark Reef -
Two brothers, one wanted for murder, are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by nubile young women who have amassed a valuable cache of pearls.
A Roger Corman “classic”. I totally want to time it to TLC / Discovery’s Shark Week, personally. But we’ve decided to take it on regardless. This one’s on the Internet Archive, so it’s easy to get at for all parties involved.
Make some more suggestions in the comments, please! Especially if you can provide pointers on how to get our hands on your proffered gems.