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Jan 12 2012

Canada now wears a leather jacket and sunglasses indoors

That’s right, we’re bad guys now.

Okay, so we know that when you thought of us before, if you thought about us at all that is, you thought: “Aren’t they nice, those Canadians, living in that big cold empty country with trees and mountains and moose.”

We’re writing to let you know, that’s so over.

Now we’re not nice, we’re angry. We’re going to protect our interests, and we’re just not going to take it anymore.

What “it” is we haven’t quite figured out, nor have we got a handle on exactly why we’re angry. But boy are we ever. We’re so angry we just want to get out there and bomb something.

And before you joke about how decrepit our bombers are (and let’s not even talk about submarines), we’d like you to know that we have on order some rather expensive shiny new bombers, and when they get here, eventually, then we’ll show you all a thing or two about blowing stuff up.

I think I’m going to go kick a baby seal. Antisocial behaviour is all the rage with our current government, so I figure that might get me mayorship in a small town.

13 comments

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  1. 1
    DuWayne

    Now if only people listen. You’re all a bunch of psychos up there, pretending to be all polite and shit. I mean how fucking obvious this has been, yet no one has paid attention. You all pretend to be so clean and no wonder, you dump your trash on the U.S. – a wonder our streets aren’t completely overun with garbage. Then you put your most polluting manufacturing down as far to the south as you can get and still call it canuckistan – then just run the stacks full force on day when it will blow the pollution south.

    I realize it’s like peeing on fecal encrusted cheerios, but still, what crazy fucking bastards you canuckistanians are!

  2. 2
    jolo5309

    I realize it’s like peeing on fecal encrusted cheerios, but still, what crazy fucking bastards you canuckistanians are!

    Is it really our fault if you guys wanted to be on the bottom?

  3. 3
    julian

    I have always been pro leather jacket and sunglasses. All people everywhere have the God given right to a pair of cheesy sunglasses and leather jacket. My friends, whoever dares take away our leather jackets and cheesy sunglasses is no friend of freedom!

  4. 4
    Jason Thibeault

    julian: your comment made me think of this.

  5. 5
    Konradius

    Well, those indoor sunglasses made me think of this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2LTL8KgKv8
    (And GTA Vice City of course)

  6. 6
    peicurmudgeon

    We’re bigger and we’re on top. If we were in prison, you’d be our bitch.

  7. 7
    'Tis Himself

    I have a leather jacket and a pair of prescription aviator sunglasses (Raybans® in fact). Should I be emigrating to Canada?

  8. 8
    Jason Thibeault

    Dammit. peicurmudgeon, prison rape jokes are wholly inappropriate.

  9. 9
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    The original comes with a lovely cartoon:
    http://thetyee.ca/Opinion/2012/01/09/BadCanada/

  10. 10
    sambarge

    peicurmudgeon is quoting Rick Mercer, from a 22 Minutes rant.

  11. 11
    Jason Thibeault

    sambarge: while I appreciate that there’s context, that doesn’t make it any nicer of a quote. I get that it’s supposed to be a joke at America’s expense, but still.

    Here, let’s split the difference.

  12. 12
    Quietmarc

    Up here, the band is called Zed Zed Top.

  13. 13
    sinned34

    Don’t be silly, Canada

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