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Mar 15 2011

Republicans to legislate against gravity

You heard it here first. Now that they’ve shot down statements of scientific fact about climate change, Americans should probably go tether themselves to anchored objects.

11 comments

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  1. 1
    chaosagent23

    I wish he was my Rep. I want a trade with Massachusetts.

  2. 2
    Jason Thibeault

    You can do that? What do you have to do to get a first-round draft pick?

  3. 3
    Jonathan "Blade" Manning

    (copied from twitter) You liberals all think that way. God LIFTS us. That’s why gravity is against his plan for us. Gravity is the work of the Devil! Can’t you see how he’s just SUCKIN’ you down to his hell??

  4. 4
    Jason Thibeault

    And I say it’s intelligent pushing. How shall we solve this theological quandry?

  5. 5
    Jonathan "Blade" Manning

    I would expect a foreignor with a communist education to think that way. The Bible tells us that God lifts us with his feathers and his wings. That proves that Gravity is EVIL. It’s about time someone stood up and said it!

  6. 6
    Jason Thibeault

    I’m open to the idea that God and the Devil are playing tug-of-war with our corporeal bodies, but why is it that when there’s no ground under you, the Devil wins? Isn’t God all-powerful?

  7. 7
    Jonathan "Blade" Manning

    It’s not God’s failure to lift us, it’s Man’s failure to hold on! Your SIN is holding you down and making follow false ways like the LAW of Gravity. There is only ONE law and those are God’s Laws!

  8. 8
    Jason Thibeault

    So… if you have enough faith, you get to see the skyhook? I think I get it now. I don’t have enough faith to see the skyhook.

    What about the law of diminishing returns? Is that real?

  9. 9
    Jonathan "Blade" Manning

    Faith is not an investment policy! You people all think that if you throw money at your pet goverment programs you can legislate a wrong into the truth. Gravity is immoral and should be banned and I for one say STAND AGAINST GRAVITY!

  10. 10
    Mark "Spinny" Dyson

    Did not Einstein himself declare God doesn’t play dice? Of course not: He would need gravity so the little suckers could land! Proof positive gravity is not in His divine plan, and I have the science to back me!

  11. 11
    Jonathan "Blade" Manning

    I call Poe on Mr. “Spinny”

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