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Dec 31 2010

Just have sex, people, and enjoy it.

Written by my wife, Jodi. The account she posted under didn’t get migrated.

Men, you don’t need to have a porn star penis. There, now that that’s done we can all just move on right?

I wish.

I had a great conversation today with a friend that started by me relating a story about once having sex with a guy whose penis was large enough that he hit my cervix. It was a painful experience and has always stuck in my mind as a counter point to ‘bigger is better’. My friend and I agreed that society’s obsession with men needing to have larger penises than they have (right up to gigantically huge don’t-you-dare-stick-that-in-me size) is both frustrating and a little sickening.

First of all, there is just no need for it. Penises of all shapes and sizes can satisfy, particularly if both participants know what they’re doing. People shouldn’t make assumptions about whether a man and his equipment can satisfy based solely on the measurement of said equipment. It’s like assuming you’ll enjoy how that new car handles based on the width of the door. Seriously, stupid. Secondly, this crazy giant penis ideal has severely damaged many men who are perfectly well endowed enough to give any woman immense pleasure. It has made these men think themselves inadequate and kept them from being sexually healthy members of society. In case you got lost there, that’s bad.

A point was made that the case is similar to women obsessing about breast size, which is a good point. Except it sort of isn’t. There has been much push-back in recent years to let women know that it doesn’t matter what size or shape their breasts are. In fact there is endless movement to embrace women as they are, and for them to embrace themselves no matter their over all body size or shape. We have tried really hard to save ourselves from this nightmare of self esteem issues and yet men are still being told they need to live up to this ridiculous image of a giant penis. Why is no one talking about this and trying to fix it? Men need to be happy and healthy psychologically in order to be good sexual partners, why are we making this so hard for them?

—–
At the back of my mind there is always a little voice which is usually very unhelpful and I often ignore it but in this case I will address its concerns.

Soo … what about the people who really do prefer an 8 inch penis? What about the people who really do prefer a playboy figured woman? What about the people who actually have/are these things? Well, I don’t know.

Actually I do know. They should have sex the way they like, with whom they like and be happy about it. They just shouldn’t be held as the ‘standard’ or ‘ideal’ in society. In fact, I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should all just have sex the way we want with the types of people we want and *enjoy* it, because enjoying it makes it awesome.

7 comments

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  1. 1
    CyberLizard

    You’re just trying to tell me I have a small penis, aren’t you? *sob*

  2. 2
    Stephanie Z

    Cyberlizard, do they give degrees in “not helping”? ;)

    Well said, Jodi, and it needs to be said more often.

    It wasn’t that long ago that I had a conversation with a guy friend who was feeling, well, highly anxious about the idea of being compared to another guy. Honestly, it baffled me. Not that he’d feel anxiety, exactly. Lots of people feel anxiety about sex in a world where orgasms are advertised and sold on a quota basis.

    No, what had me perplexed was the idea that someone would be making comparisons of that sort. Sex is something that happens with a person, not with an appendage. People are all different, and frankly, that’s part of the fun.

    Wanting one person to be just like another is…well, it strikes me as an indication that it might be time to get a Real Doll instead of a human being. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it should be recognized as a kink, the kind of thing that’s negotiated instead of assumed.

  3. 3
    George W.

    Firstly, let me say that I am excited to see Jodi writing a post for this blog. It doesn’t happen frequently, but the few times it happens I enjoy it. I actually didn’t read the author of the post till I got to the word “cervix”, then doubled back.

    I can say that I have had both sides of this coin. The first girl I ever slept with told all my friends I had a really small penis and I didn’t have sex again for almost a year. It is terrifying for a young man to hear that he is inadaquite, that there is something physically wrong with the organ that defines his gender. I was emasculated and embarrassed.

    Several years later I had a girlfriend who would literally spend half our bedroom time almost worshipping my penis. She would play with it, and stare at it, and grab it, and marvel at it. She would tell me how big it was and how good it felt. How the slight curve of it touched all the right places inside her.

    I would occasionally confide in my friends how weird I thought all this was, as well as some of her other quirks. Yet I have to admit, it never got old. I never bored or tired of hearing about how great I made her feel, how special I was. Maybe it was all lies, maybe she was like that with all her partners; I can honestly say I don’t really care. It made me feel confident, secure, and wanted. Isn’t that what we should all feel like in a sexual relationship?

  4. 4
    Jason Thibeault

    Cyberlizard: No.

    Stephanie: Exactly! The only standard should be that you don’t let other people tell you what you ought to find sexually attractive. Human bodies are not just bodies, they’re people. What is on the inside and what is on the outside is unique and interesting and should be explored with tender curiosity. It’s much more fun that way.

    George: First, thanks! I enjoy it when it happens too. I could never sustain my own blog because I’m too picky about my rage but thankfully Jason is sweet enough to provide an outlet when I really need it.
    Your first story is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about and it needs to stop. I’m happy that you seem to have recovered but many men don’t. I have to wonder how many men let the hurt and embarrassment fester into rage and become abusive people. Not cool.

  5. 5
    Rich Wilson

    I’ve never thought there was any kind of comparison in the ‘size’ debates. For one, within a clothing adjusted size range, breasts are always ‘on display’. A D cup isn’t going to pass for an A, and vice versa. But unless a guy is wearing a speedo, or coloured bike shorts, nobody really knows. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but it’s different from the breast issue.

    Secondly, if a woman’s breast size is important to a guy, he knows what he prefers without having to actually fondle them. Do women really have that chance without trying some different sizes out?

    I think the dual nature of penises not being out for open comparison, and needing to actually try them, not just see them, will mean that this problem is going to be around for a while yet.

  6. 6
    CyberLizard

    Rich is absolutely correct. This one time I was feeling unsure of what size breast I was in the mood for and fondled my offspring’s babysitter’s breasts as they appeared to be in the A-B range and I had lately only been partaking of the D-DD style. When this was met with some surprise, I realised how rude I had been to not offer my penis for open comparison. Unfortunately, in her excitement to compare and contrast my member, she accidentally crushed a testicle with her knee, resulting in a rather girlish scream (on my behalf) and her running away in her embarrassment for having mistaken her knee for her hand. Naturally, I forgave the poor girl, and agreed to allow her to delegate her babysitting responsibilities to the Department of Child Services.

  7. 7
    sinned34

    Hmmm, in my early sexual experiences I had more difficulties in overcoming the shame and performance anxieties that surfaced due to repeated exhortations from religious authorities that sex (especially outside of marriage) was dirty and thoroughly evil. Although I could never figure out why I so desperately wanted to do something that was against God’s teachings…

    Anyways, when I was younger I could never believe that something the size of my (admittedly average – like so many other things about me – sized penis) could actually fit inside a woman. It wasn’t until after I was in college and saw my first porn movies that I started to feel some… “male inadequacies.” It took a while until I became comfortable with myself and my (now) wife to become confident with my bedroom performances. I still sometimes wish for a larger member, but only so that my wife and I could try some positions that just aren’t very feasible with a standard issue male penis. But we get by, somehow.

    Aside: it’s shockingly easy to post on personal (especially sexual) experiences after imbibing moderate to large quantities of alcoholic beverages. Perhaps we should petition our Conservative Canadian government to outlaw drinking and posting?

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