Newly unearthed Sumerian tablets prove Goddidit

Jason Thibeault

From one of the most reliable news sources in the world, there’s new and unimpeachable evidence that God created the universe six thousand years ago:

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

“I do not understand,” reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. “A booming voice is saying, ‘Let there be light,’ but there is already light. It is saying, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass,’ but I am already standing on grass.”

“Everything is here already,” the pictograph continues. “We do not need more stars.”

So God DID do it, though much of “it” that he did was largely redundant.

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Newly unearthed Sumerian tablets prove Goddidit

About the author

Hi! I'm a tech guy, skeptic, feminist, gamer and atheist, and love OSS and science of all stripes. I enjoy a good bit of whargarbl now and again, and will occasionally even seek it out. I am also apparently responsible for the death of common sense on the internet. My bad.

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10 thoughts on “Newly unearthed Sumerian tablets prove Goddidit”

  2. ZDENNY
    2

    I love the renovated site! It looks a lot better than before.

    Thanks for the article too. I think this article demonstrates that the story of Creation goes back to the very beginning of humanity. I found it fascinating. I will have to do some more research on it.

    God Bless

  3. jthibeault
    3

    Ladies and gentlemen, thus ends Zdenny’s reign of stupidity, and he has decided to go out not with a whimper, but with a bang. Empirical proof that the man is simply incapable of rational thought, and is, quite possibly, mentally handicapped. I don’t mean to insult, only to point out that the data lends credence to the hypothesis put forth herein.

  4. Mike Haubrich, FCD
    4

    Whenever Zdenny signs off with “God Bless” on a site where he knows it is an insult, I say he should lose his posting privileges. I would say this his posts look far better like so:

    “Gd blss”

  5. chaosagent23
    5

    Wow! Once again, he proves that he doesn’t read what he’s reading. zdenny never fails to impress me with his inability to comprehend simple statements. Amazing, truly amazing!

  6. jthibeault
    6

    I can’t imagine he recognizes that it is considered an insult to atheists. I really can’t. Because he honestly thinks he’s performing outreach on us heathens and spreading the blessings of his deity. I wonder if his deity assented to such a vapid fuckwit as his emissary … wait, Ratzinger is one too. I retract the last statement.

  8. En-men-dur-ana
    8

    Even back before the Jewish God redundantly created the world we Sumerians understood humor. In particular, and germane to the present context, we were able to recognize parody.

    You might also be interested to know that humans existed before they had language, and thus creations myths or religion. So, no, the Judaic creation story is not nearly as old humanity, or even Sumeria, which predates Judaism by thousands of years.

Comments are closed.