As covered pretty well everywhere on the blogosphere, Conservapedia, the right-wing answer to the close approximation to reality that is Wikipedia, has taken it upon themselves to edit out all that hippie crap that somehow snuck its way into the Bible over the hundreds of years that the Bible has been written and rewritten by its various authors. Twitter, being on the cutting edge of all breaking news as usual, exploded with examples of proposed edits almost immediately.  Here’s some of my favorites from just the past hour.

Fangirl_89 #conservativebible “Upon the mount, there was but one commandment: “Get a job, you lazy bastard.”

talktosully I spake as a child, understood as a child, thought as a child, did a superb job. Mission Accomplished. #conservativebible

tsauce35 #conservativebible the meek shall inherit the earth…but only whatever we don’t take first

dtatusko the pharisees said of jesus, “this is a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for jews people or the jewish culture.” #conservativebible

SpookyET RT @andrewhuntre: “…as Abraham took his son down from sacrifice, God said, “Wait! Is Issac a Liberal?” #conservativebible

BrianAdExec Two and two the animals entered the ark, but lo, the unicorns were gay. #conservativebible

Rocky1542 #conservativeBible “Do not be troubled-For the homeless and sick are easily ignored if you live out in the suburbs…”

MRobDC: And when Jesus came upon a group of lepers, he asked to see insurance cards up front #conservativebible

KellyHK: Suffer the little children. Oh, who are we kidding? Just let them suffer. Beck 4:23 #conservativebible #p2 #tcot

MRobDC Thou shalt honor the Sabbath by watching football and getting drunk every Sunday #conservativebible

Ali_Davis: Give me this day my daily bread, but not the poor or illegal immigrants because that’s communist. #ConservativeBible

trifecta55 Whilst upon the cross, Jesus said, “I can see Russia from here. Also”. #conservativebible

PeaceNerd #conservativebible “Write these commandments on thy heart, and post them in every school and court, that’s as good as following them.”

ninguna Fucked are the meek, for they shall inherit my dust. #conservativebible

OTOOLEFAN: And then Jesus said unto the lepers: “Find a charity.” #conservativebible

EvilSlutClique: Thou shalt not tolerate abortion…unless your teenage daughter needs to have one secretly #conservativebible

Rocky1542 #ConservativeBible “But seek first your own personal wealth.. then give a little to others if you get a charitable tax exemption” #p2 #tcot

rationalbehavio And on the 7th day God pretended to dislike homosexuals but hung out in airport men’s rooms tapping his foot #conservativebible

Honestly, there’s been too many to catalogue. That’s usually Julie’s domain anyway.