As though you didn’t have enough reason to hate Fox News

US: “Hey Canada, I know we got ourselves involved in a huge war in Afghanistan, and we appreciate your help these past three years, but President Chimpy wants to go invade Iraq for some reason; do you mind spotting us some more soldiers for a while? You know, in light of that whole NATO agreement.”

Canada: “Well shit, didn’t think it’d work that way, we kind of figured NATO meant if anyplace in North America got invaded, we’d cowboy up… but okay. I realize Afghanistan is a big, important war, and stopping the Taliban and possibly getting Bin Laden is pretty urgent. We’ll do it.”

US: “Great! Oh, and by “a few soldiers”, we mean “most of them”, ‘coz we’re going to pull most of our guys out and shove them into Iraq. Yeronyerown! Later losers!”

Four years later, we’re still caught in the most violent regions of the quagmire Bush started way the hell back in 2001, fresh bodies returning from the meat grinder daily, and Canada declares that once we’re done with the Afghanistan mission in 2011, we’re going to have to go into a rebuild phase (bringing our army home and rebuilding after having expended so much life and money on a fruitless cause), declaring a one-year moratorium on operations outside the country. Reasonable enough after ten damned years, right? But what do we get from the asshats at Red Eye? Scorn and threats of annexation. As though bringing all our army home and rebuilding makes us LESS able to defend our territory.

Think about this, Americans. We might not be able to hold our own against an army funded by almost twice the money invested in all the rest of the armies of the whole world combined, but even a pacifist like me would pick up a chainsaw and fuck a couple invaders up before letting myself get subjugated. Ultimately, you’d be minting brand new freedom fighters (read: “terrorists”) out of every hoser and maple syrup sucker up in the Great White North. You’d win, eventually, sure. You have unmanned drones and trillions of dollars of money borrowed from China to crush us with. But karma’s a bitch, and Canada’s really popular in international circles.

Comments

  1. says

    I sorta went AWOL for a bit, though I blame Gmail’s filtering system, which stopped actually sending me messages when people submitted comments.  Maddening.  Especially since not only did the blog get spammed like crazy while I wasn’t paying attention, I also missed this link until ReformedYankee told me what was going on at work just now. 

    I’m not sure there’s really much we can debate about on this topic.  My initial thoughts are, there’s nothing endemically religious about wanting to help your fellow man, and while people like Moses Coady were doing GOOD work, they weren’t necessarily doing GOD’S work, though they might have thought it was their calling to do so.  I’m all for people doing good things for others, but I don’t see it as necessarily a religious trait.  And I think the article is right that the organized religions of today got so full of those “bad apples” (e.g. sex offenders) that they don’t have a proper reputation to build their good works on any more.

    That said, where are the atheist or agnostic or humanist or Pastafarian people looking to help their fellow man?  We heathens have every imperative (perhaps more!) to do what we can to help the downtrodden, because the only thing that matters in life is how we affect others, not what kind of reward we’ll get from Sky Daddy after all’s said and done and we shuffle off this mortal coil.

    And your riposte, old lady? :)

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