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The Heretic

The following is reproduced from www.beliefnet.com.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/2001/08/Heretic-Humor.aspx

If you have not read or heard this wonderful tale, enjoy. If you have encountered it before, here it is again. Enjoy.

 

The Heretic

Emo Philips

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I was in San Francisco once, walking along the Golden Gate Bridge, and I saw this guy on the bridge
about to jump. So I thought I’d try to stall and detain him, long enough for me to put the film in. I said,

“Don’t jump!” and he turns…

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you, you silly ninny.”…

He said, “I do believe in God.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me too. Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! What franchise?”

He says, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He says, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He says, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I say, “Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reform Baptist?”

He says, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.”

I say, “Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?”

He says, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I say, “Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He says, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.