Do You know where you’re going when you die?

“No.”

“Would you like to know?”

“Why yes! Yes I would!”

The gentleman gets a bright light in his eyes as he tries to hide the shocked expression on his face, fumbling for his mostly unopened Bible. His partner in crime shifts nervously on his feet, waiting for an argument and insults to begin pouring from my cracked Minnesota lips.

Ten minutes later, having marched through the highlights of John, Romans, a few verses in Ephesians, along with some scary references from 1 Thessalonians and Revelation, the speaker looks up from his Bible to see my relieved face.

“Thank you so much! I finally have my answer! I’m going to hell. Coffee?”

*splutter…

I turn on my heels to grab a few mugs and the pot as the partner stops shifting, letting a chuckle escape his well practiced smile.

“Sure. Black,” he says, gratefully, as his boss shoots him a murderous look.

 

 

Our Saturn Blew Up: Engine Down

10965Two years ago, we bought a 2008 Saturn Outlook SUV. We downsized from a large, 12-passenger van, to save on gas mileage. It was important at the time, being we were struggling a bit, financially. Our van got 12 miles per gallon and this promised about 20. In reality, it got about 16.

No matter, we bought it and off we went. The kids were pissed. Now, instead of 2 seats per child to choose from, they had only one. Ever since, they’ve been begging for the van back.

Now they have their chance.

A rod just blew through the pistons in the engine. It’s a $4000 fix, right after we spent $4000 to replace the timing chain, which happened to be the only model that wasn’t on a recall for this particular timing chain, on top of plenty of other repairs over the last 24 months. It’s time for the lemon to go, even though we’re underwater by about $2000, not including any of the repairs.

I hope a junkyard is nice enough to give us a good deal. Oh…and don’t ever buy a Saturn.

Easter Screwed Everything Up

I had all these great plans for new series.

Sunday Non-Church Stories, where I was going to pick the best story in the comments and reprint it after maybe following up with the commenter, to get more info, pictures, and things. I failed at that. I’m not going to do that anymore – meaning, after 1 post.

Weekly Godless Check-In. I’ll still do this one, on a semi-weekly basis. But you’ll have to imagine me being godless on your own, for last week. Life was just too busy.

Easter was actually quite fun. I spent time with my wife’s family. They’re a deeply religious bunch and we had our moments of religious fervor, but it was mostly an evil celebration of eggs, candy, and the American tradition of stuffing yourself so full of delicious food, you complain about it until the next holiday.

And….Easter

 

 

Trump Campaign Manager Charged with Battery

Are we surprised?

…the reporter, Michelle Fields, told police that she asked Trump a question after the March 8 event, as he was making his way toward the exit of the ballroom at the Trump National Golf Club, and felt someone “yank her left arm.” She then asked a Washington Post reporter standing nearby “if it was ‘Corey’ who grabbed her.” The Post reporter, Ben Terris, confirmed it was Lewandowski who had grabbed her arm.

And when someone accuses Trump of anything, how does he respond? Exactly like his campaign manager:

Lewandowski has previously denied involvement in the incident, calling Fields “totally delusional” in a tweet.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Kids Understand What’s Important: A Donald Trump Tale

TO GO WITH AFP STORY BY CARLOS MARIO MARQUEZ Salvadorean illegal immigrants deported from the United States alight from the plane upon their arrival at El Salvador international airport on December 18, 2008. Today, 116 Salvadorean nationals --83 men and 33 women-- were woken up at 4 a.m. at Willacy detention center in Texas and transported in buses under strict surveillance to the airport to be deported to El Salvador.  AFP PHOTO/ Jose CABEZAS (Photo credit should read Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)

Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images

I keep catching myself, as a parent, when I’m “telling my kids like it is,” with respect to politics. I hold strong views and can get very animated, using humor, hand waving, and even a little bit of interpretive dance. But I want my kids to hold their own views. I don’t want them to not vote for Ted Cruz just because “Daddy says he’s a religious loon, desiring to prepare the way for the Lord, via the Presidency.”

Such is why, when a conversation like the following begins in my car, between my kids, I wince a little. But not to worry, I would soon be puffing my chest out with pride, listening to my oldest son explain his reasons for disliking Donald Trump.

“I don’t want Trump to be President,” Felicity, my 8-year-old said.

“Why? Why don’t you like Trump,” I asked?

“Because he’s an idiot! You say he’s an idiot!”

That was Laura (12). She’s really quite good at worming her way into the good graces of anyone she needs to impress, but this was a bit of an overreach. I needed better answers. Frederic (11) piped up from the back seat, noticeably angry, shoving his words forward, not caring who died in the process of his wrath.

“Felicity! Do you have any brown or darker than brown friends!?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I have three or four, and if Donald Trump becomes President, he’s going to come and take my friends away. He’s going to send them away. I hate him.”

That was simple. I think I’m going to hang out with kids a bit more.