Silly Defensive Atheists! Interpretation Is for Theists

When Patricia Arquette, with her actual words, excluded women of color from the feminist struggle for gender equality, not to mention downplayed the continued struggle for LGBTQ and racial equality, those of us with questions and criticisms were told by white feminists that we were taking her out of context, expecting too much from an actress, or otherwise interpreting her incorrectly.

White feminists are not the only or most repeated culprits in this, my least favorite game: “But they actually meant the opposite of what they just literally actually said!” Hardly. Most of that comes from the, ahem, feminist-critical (let’s not say they are all anti-feminist) crowd. Continue reading “Silly Defensive Atheists! Interpretation Is for Theists”

Silly Defensive Atheists! Interpretation Is for Theists
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France’s Misogyny Coin Flips From Modesty to Bigotry

I will never, ever be here for men policing what women wear or don’t wear. Whether that means a ban on a garment or a ban on breastfeeding, it is all the same: turning women’s bodies in battlegrounds for patriarchal and cultural insecurities, ideologies, and politics.

As The Guardian reports,

A 15-year-old Muslim girl […] was stopped from going to class earlier this month by the headteacher who reportedly felt the long skirt “conspicuously” showed religious affiliation, which is banned in schools by France’s strict secularity laws.

A long black skirt, y’all. Dear old freedom-loving France, where a long black skirt is considered potentially incendiary when it has the gall to swathe a pair of brown legs rather than paler ones. Continue reading “France’s Misogyny Coin Flips From Modesty to Bigotry”

France’s Misogyny Coin Flips From Modesty to Bigotry

Why Have We Heard of Stonewall, Ferguson, & Baltimore?

Content Notice for Police Violence, Anti-Black Racism, & Anti-Semitism

When you cut facilities, slash jobs, abuse power, discriminate, drive people into deeper poverty and shoot people dead whilst refusing to provide answers or justice, the people will rise up and express their anger and frustration if you refuse to hear their cries. A riot is the language of the unheard.
radical activist Martin Luther King Jr. (emphasis mine)

Practical matters first. There is a Baltimore bail fund via Crowd Rise. It has been retweeted by the Bmore United Twitter that links from their official webpage, so it’s verified. I’ve given and I encourage anyone willing and able to do so. If you can’t, statistically speaking, a social media share of the link can be more valuable than even a donation alone, so do that.

Baltimore has been a long time in the making. That black lives have not mattered to law enforcement is old news, however, and the subject of many protests. Baltimore, like Ferguson, is making headlines because the protests there are the loud, unavoidable kind, wholly uncivil, the kind called riots.
Continue reading “Why Have We Heard of Stonewall, Ferguson, & Baltimore?”

Why Have We Heard of Stonewall, Ferguson, & Baltimore?

When the Monogamous Bait Poly Smugness

Among more progressive types, much is made of the smug polyamorists who declare themselves to be more skilled at communicating, better at relationships, and overall more evolved than their monogamous counterparts. As I’ve said before, I’m not on board with that. Poly is my relationship style, not an indicator that I am somehow better at anything than a monogamous person, let alone everything. Being poly is no guarantee against any kind of hurt or pain and can even introduce novel forms of pain into one’s emotional life. Poly is not a shield against any and all harms; given my journey to my current relationship style, I have never have believed it to be so.

Reading through the comments on others’ Facebook walls in response to my last piece on polyamory has reminded me of all this. Many of the comments invoked poly smugness, claiming that (1) responding with “it’s not for me” is a preemptive strike against poly evangelizing, (2) defensiveness is only natural when someone makes an unnecessary mention that they are poly, or (3) both.

I honestly feel a bit at a loss. Continue reading “When the Monogamous Bait Poly Smugness”

When the Monogamous Bait Poly Smugness

Is There Anything in Islam for This Ex-Muslim?

Content Notice for Eating Disorders

Via Ask.Fm:

While you may have given up Islam, are there any trappings of Islam you still practice? For example, do you fast during the month of Ramadan?

I get asked variations of this question all the time, and the answer for me, personally, is no. Nothing I did beacuse of my religious beliefs was anything that continues to be worth it to me for me to continue doing as an atheist. In fact, some of the mandates of Islam are legitimately harmful.

But what about, say, charitable acts, or acts of kindness? Or the benefits of meditation? Or the encouragement to smile? Or the wisdom in certain quotes? Continue reading “Is There Anything in Islam for This Ex-Muslim?”

Is There Anything in Islam for This Ex-Muslim?

Wholly Self-Indulgent Life Update & Birthday Post

Part of the reason why I took my hiatus for the past two weeks is that, following the American Atheists Convention, my life was swallowed up by the process of moving. Between all the actions necessary to get two people and a storage unit onto a lease and then moved into a third-floor apartment with no elevators, I had little time for anything else other than work and sleep.

It was worth it. Danny and I are, at long last, after years of patience and work and frustration, living together.

Dethklok birthday/dethday lyrics

Thankfully, most of the physical labor and necessary immediate large expenditures have already been completed, meaning that I’ve accomplished my goal of successfully moving before my birthday, which is tomorrow (I share it with Earth Day).  I will be attending ReAsonCon this weekend with the full intention of making up for two frantic, mostly fun-free weeks.

Not everything is quite done yet, though. If you want to and can help out two broke and one disabled, formerly homeless person get their household together as a combination birthday/housewarming/birthday (since his is in June) thing, this is your lucky day. If not, don’t peek below the jump. Continue reading “Wholly Self-Indulgent Life Update & Birthday Post”

Wholly Self-Indulgent Life Update & Birthday Post

Encouraging Women to Own It: 2015’s Atheist of the Year & a Grief Expert

Heina looking excited about the Memphis airport welcome sign
The Memphis airport had a greeting sign for us!

Earlier this month, I attended my first-ever American Atheists Convention in Memphis, TN. It was quite a fruitful weekend through and through. I got to meet, get to know, and/or reconnect with dozens of people. Of the latter group, I had two interactions that reminded me of just how important it is to boost confidence in women,

I hardly mean this in some cliche, simplistic, capitalist-feminist ladder-kicking lean-in sort of way. It’s a lot more meta and much more data-based than that. My strategy was to remind women that men in similar or even lesser-accomplished positions than theirs are, on average, much more assured about it than they are.

Continue reading “Encouraging Women to Own It: 2015’s Atheist of the Year & a Grief Expert”

Encouraging Women to Own It: 2015’s Atheist of the Year & a Grief Expert

Self-Esteem Is Not Weight-Stigma-Ending Magic

Content Notice for Body Image & Fat Shaming

Self-love is a supernatural power that hides adipose tissue, apparently.
Self-love is a supernatural power that hides adipose tissue, apparently.

Once upon a time, someone asked me why I hate going out to clubs and meat-market-style bars. I answered honestly: I am not a fan of draining my bank account to acquire the overpriced drinks necessary in order to make hanging out with people with whom I have little to nothing in common more tolerable. She laughed at me and asked me why I was “stupid” enough to pay for my own drinks when men would buy them for me. Again, I was frank: Men I don’t know don’t tend to buy me drinks at bars because I’m not the type of person they see as desirable in that setting. She proceeded to tell me that it was my fault for not knowing how to “work it” and for not having “confidence.”

How “confidence” and “working it” would have stopped the many men over the course of my dating experience from saying some variation of “I like you a lot but just not…. physically. Do you have any smaller friends?” (and those were the ones who were being kind), to give just one example, I don’t know. Continue reading “Self-Esteem Is Not Weight-Stigma-Ending Magic”

Self-Esteem Is Not Weight-Stigma-Ending Magic

Support Abu, a Film About a Gay Son & His Fundamentalist Muslim Father

A lot of never-Muslims will ask me what they can do to help out with the suffering of LGBTQ folks in Muslim-dominated countries, cultures, and communities. If you’re in that boat, here’s your change.

There are only 8 days left for the IndieGOGO campaign for Abu, a film about a gay son reconciling with his Muslim father. As I am a supporter of LGBTQ Muslim and ex-Muslim representation and am doubly queer myself, as well as someone who unapologetically values their relationship with their family, a project like this is triply close to my heart.

Throw in a few Canadian bucks to help make this film a reality, if you can. If you can’t (or even if you can), share on social media. Every link tweeted or Facebook shared means more visibility and exposure to more eyes.

Continue reading “Support Abu, a Film About a Gay Son & His Fundamentalist Muslim Father”

Support Abu, a Film About a Gay Son & His Fundamentalist Muslim Father

A Note: Hiatus

As the more dedicated among you readers may have noticed, I have been away for American Atheists Convention 2015 the past few days. The respite from daily posts was good for me, and I plan on continuing with irregular or no posts for the next few weeks or so. This gives all of you the chance to catch up and / or check out my archives, which go back through my posts from Skepchick (i.e. late 2011). That’s 317 posts total, all tagged for your reading ease.

To get you started:
Top Ten Posts on This Blog That Aren’t Too Topical

  1. Polyamory: What No One Warned Me About
  2. Do I Get to Dress Like the Women on Matt Taylor’s Shirt at Work Now?
  3. Beauty Level-Up #5: An FAQ on Contouring
  4. Viewing Child Porn Far Is Worse Than Being a Pedophile
  5. What’s Wrong With Saying Hello?
  6. Top Five Arguments the Atheist Agenda Doesn’t Have the Right to Use
  7. #AnApostatesExperience: A Plea to Reconsider Your Love for Reza Aslan
  8. Everything That My Tits Have Gotten Me in Life
  9. Dan Savage: Always & Forever a Mixed Bag
  10. Against Jokes, Expressions of Attraction, & Free Speech for Men

Click through tags and / or search this blog for words and phrases of interest to find more things that may interest you. I’ve said a lot about a lot of things over the years.

See you all in a few weeks or fewer.

A Note: Hiatus