I used to keep a regular journal. Whenever I would end an old one and start a new one, I’d write a little self-reflective essay. I also tried to time the old one ending and new one beginning around a milestone of some kind, fully aware that it was a self-indulgent form of personal symbolism whose value lay fully in the meaning with which I imbued it rather than in anything objective.

It’s with that in mind that I wrote up a list of 15 things I’d be doing for 2015 for my friends to see, and that I write this list here, for all to see.

In no particular order, here are 14 things I learned this year. I’ll see you next week, when I return to my regular posting schedule of at least once a weekday.

1. Deflecting compliments and not taking ownership of your power and influence can be charming for a while, but at a certain point becomes unbecoming.
2. That you trust very few people with your most tender side is no guarantee against heartbreak.
3. No one is going to notice every single painstaking detail, but enough fussed-over details will add up to the overall image you want, and that will be noticed.
4. Obsessing over those who don’t want to be in your life and why that is means neglecting to nurture your relationships with people who do want to be here and the cultivation of the qualities that attracted them.
5. Related to #4: People who don’t like you are not magically less biased than people who do.
6. Taupe lip colors, especially rosy-leaning ones, are your “nude.”
7. If you really want something, get that thing rather than expend your resources on things that aren’t quite that thing but cost less. You’ll end up with a pile of things that add up to the cost of the original thing but don’t make you happy. This applies to more than material possessions.
8. Polite persistence goes an even longer way than you thought.
9. The rewards that come from prudent patience are always worth it. Even the tongue-biting eye-twitching kind of patience. Especially that kind of patience.
10. Emotional labor is real labor.
11. Cat time is astoundingly therapeutic.
12. That you do appearance-related things for yourself and not to please the male gaze is something most people haven’t ever considered as a possibility. Be sure to establish that premise before talking about anything fashion/beauty-related.
13. Calling out people’s projection by accepting it but then asking for evidence is remarkably effective.
14. When they aren’t forced on you, rituals are awesome.