The Simpsons Church Sign Generator

I ran across this when I was hunting for images to illustrate my Non-Science of Intelligent Design piece. It’s unbelievably nifty, and I thought I should share the wealth and the glory.

Simpsons_church_1
It’s the Simpsons Church Sign Generator.

It’s a website/ widget that lets you put any text you want onto the sign in front of the Simpsons church. Blasphemy, obscenity, stupid jokes, football scores, total gibberish — whatever you want. As long as the text fits… and you can change the font size, so it’s fairly easy to get longer or shorter text fitting snugly into the sign.

Like this:

Simpsons_church_3

Or this, from the Duelling Billboards comment thread (thanks, Mark!):

Simpsons_church_5

Or this, inspired by my cat’s newfound worship of the Norse gods:

Simpsons_church_4

I’ve used other image generators before for this blog — most notably a gravestone generator and a newspaper headline generator. But this one totally takes the prize, and I suspect that you’ll be seeing a lot of it in the months to come.

BTW, the Simpsons Church Sign Generator site does link to some regular Church Sign Generator sites as well, using photographs of actual church signs as their templates. But somehow, that doesn’t seem right to me. I don’t like having words put in my mouth, and I don’t feel right putting my words in the mouth of actual, literal churches.

I am, however, perfectly happy to put my words in the mouth of the Reverend Lovejoy. Fictional ministers seem like fair game to me.

So go forth and spread the gospel of the Good Reverend Lovejoy. Whatever you decide that is. And if you put your own made-up Simpsons church signs on your blog, please drop me a comment and let me know.

The Simpsons Church Sign Generator
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Pressure Points

I don’t talk about my personal sex life a lot in this piece, and I don’t talk about it in much detail; but I talk about it a little, in fairly general terms. Family members and others who don’t want to read about my personal sex life — use your own judgment on this one. This piece was originally published on the Blowfish Blog.

“If you won’t have sex with me, I’m going to break up with you.”

Pressure
This is supposed to be one of the meanest, most selfish, most manipulative things to say to someone you’re dating. In the dating books and teenage advice columns, girls and women are constantly told that if guys say this — if they insist on sex as a condition of preserving the relationship (or getting into it in the first place) — then they’re bad guys who don’t respect you and aren’t worth your time. They’re pressuring you into sex when you’re not ready for it… and that’s a bad, bad thing.

But here’s the problem.

The “I’m going to break up with you if you won’t have sex with me” thing?

I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Bridalset
This is kind of a moot point for me, since I’m out of the dating scene. But if I were going out with someone — of either gender — who said they didn’t want to have sex until marriage, I’d suddenly remember an urgent appointment elsewhere, and would be out of there so fast it’d make your head spin.

Even if marriage weren’t the issue. Even if they said they wanted to date for, say, several months before having sex. If someone told me that on a first date, there wouldn’t be a second one; if they said it after a couple/few dates, they’d get the “This isn’t going to work” conversation.

And I wouldn’t consider it “pressure.”

I wouldn’t consider myself an asshole for doing it. Not in the slightest. I’d consider myself completely reasonable, and entirely within my rights.

Timetable
Let me be totally clear here. Of course people have the right to have sex on their own timetable. And that includes delaying sex for months into a relationship, or even waiting until marriage. (I think that’s a bad idea for a whole lot of reasons… but people certainly have the right to do it.)

But the people that these “wait ’til marriage” people are dating? They have the right to their own sexual timetables, too. And that includes wanting sex fairly early in the relationship. Saying, “I want sex pretty soon, you don’t, so I don’t think this is going to work” isn’t the crime of the century. It’s a reasonable thing to say.

Amanipulation
Obviously, it’s not okay to say it in a way that’s pressuring or manipulative. It’s not okay, for instance, to use peer pressure; to say things like, “Everyone else is doing it.” And it’s not okay to make your partner feel like a bad, flawed, inadequate person for saying No, or for saying they want to wait. That is mean and selfish. It’s pretty much a textbook example of it.

Girls_under_pressure
And obviously, I’m talking about relationships that are more or less equal: relationships between adults, or between teenagers and other teenagers. The dynamic where adults use their greater confidence and experience to manipulate teenagers — who generally have less confidence and are more vulnerable to social pressure — into having sex… that’s some fucked-up shit.

But as long as you’re respectful of your partner’s right to say No, being clear about what you do and don’t want in a relationship is reasonable and healthy. And that includes being clear about what you do and don’t want regarding sex.

Bride
Besides… think about it. Why is it considered mean, manipulative pressure to say, “I won’t go out with you if we don’t have sex”… but it’s perfectly fine, virtuous even, to say, “I won’t go out with you if you won’t wait until marriage to have sex”? Why does the latter count any less as pressuring your partner into a kind of relationship they may not want?

Slashcirclesvg
You can argue that it’s different for teenagers. You can argue that teenage girls lack the confidence and ego strength to clearly state what they want in a relationship, they they’re extra-vulnerable to social pressure and the desire for attention and affection… so it’s important to teach them that it’s okay to say No.

Green_light
So fine, let’s teach them that. Do we also have to teach them that it’s not okay to say Yes? And that the boys in their lives who want them to say Yes are selfish, manipulative jerks who don’t respect them and are just using them for sex?

Gates
Because of course, this issue consistently gets presented as if boys or men are always the beastly animals who want the sex, and girls or women are always the ones holding out, the virtuous gatekeepers of sexual morality. The idea that women might want sex, too? That women might be the ones with ants in our pants? It’s apparently inconceivable to the folks writing the dating advice. (As is homosexuality or bisexuality… but that’s a rant for another day.)

Alarm_clock
Well, count me as one big counter-example. I’ve always liked to have sex fairly early in a relationship. Even as a teenager. Sex is important to me, and I don’t want to spend years, or months, or even very many weeks, dating someone if the sex isn’t going to work. I want to know early on if we’re sexually compatible. And besides, I’m a horny bugger. I want sex because I want it. Sex, like virtue, is its own reward.

And I’m sick unto death of being told that my libido is either freakish or non-existent. I hated it when I was a teenager, and I hate it now.

Just like guys who date women are sick of being told that their libidos make them bad, selfish, manipulative boyfriends.

Hand_writing
So let’s rewrite this dating rule, shall we?

Let’s delete, “If a guy says he’s going to break up with you if you won’t have sex with him, then he’s a mean, selfish, manipulative jerk who doesn’t respect women, and you’re better off without him.” Let’s strike it out of the dating advice database forever.

And let’s replace it with something like this:

“If the person you’re dating — regardless of gender — wants sex a lot sooner than you do, that’s probably a sign that you’re not compatible.

“And if they want to delay sex a lot longer than you want to, that’s also probably a sign that you’re not compatible.

“You have a right to your own sexual timetable — and so does the person you’re dating.”

(I developed this piece in a comment thread on the Friendly Atheist blog. So thanks, dude.)

Pressure Points

Darwin Day, Judgment Day, and the Non-Science of Intelligent Design

Happy Darwin Day, everybody!

I’ve been meaning to blog about this for a while, and I realize I’m very late to the party. But Darwin Day seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Judgement_day
I want to talk about the PBS program “Nova”  and their episode about the Dover trial on teaching intelligent design in the public schools, “Judgment Day: Intelligent Design On Trial.” (They have an entire web page about the episode, and the program is available to watch online (as are the transcripts.)

I could easily blog about this program for pages. It was one of the best summaries I’ve seen or read of both the science and the controversy surrounding the Dover trial, and I strongly recommend it to everyone. But in the interest of brevity, I want to focus on what jumped out at me most dramatically from the program.

It’s this: Intelligent design is not science.

Creationism
I don’t even mean that it’s bad science. I mean that it’s not science at all. The theory is not a scientific theory, and its proponents do not engage in the activities of science. It is, purely and entirely, an attempt to provide a scientific cover story for getting religion taught in public schools. And when its proponents testified under oath that ID is not based on religious beliefs or convictions, they — how exactly shall I put this? — lied.

The theory isn’t a scientific theory for some fairly obvious reasons, reasons which I already knew about going into “Judgment Day.” It’s not testable; it’s not falsifiable; it doesn’t make predictions; any possible outcome can be explained by the theory. All of that, just by itself, makes it not a science.

Blindfold
And it’s also not science in the sense that its practitioners either are not familiar with, or spectacularly ignore, the current scientific information, even in the areas they’re most focused on. (They are, for instance, obsessed with the bacterial flagellum and its supposed irreducible complexity, how it could not possibly have evolved from previous forms… without, apparently, being familiar with the current scientific thinking on how, precisely, the flagellum probably evolved.)

Manusingmicroscope
But what really struck me was how dramatically intelligent design is not science… not just in theory, but in a practical, physical, day-to-day sense. Its proponents do not engage in science. They do not engage in experiments to test their theories.

And as a prime example of this, I’m going to quote a section from the trial transcript (as taken from the PBS Website): an interchange between ID proponent Scott A. Minnich and the lawyer for the plaintiffs, Robert Muise.

ROBERT MUISE (Dramatization): Now, Dr. Minnich, a complaint that’s often brought up — and plaintiffs’ experts have brought it up in this case — is that intelligent design is not testable. It’s not falsifiable. Would you agree with that claim?

SCOTT A. MINNICH (Dramatization): No, I don’t. I have a quote from Mike Behe: “In fact, intelligent design is open to direct experimental rebuttal. To falsify such a claim, a scientist could go into the laboratory, place a bacterial species lacking a flagellum under some selective pressure, for motility, say, grow it for 10,000 generations and see if a flagellum or any equally complex system was produced. If that happened my claims would be neatly disproven.”

ROBERT MUISE (Dramatization): Is that an experiment that you would do?

SCOTT A. MINNICH (Dramatization): You know, I think about it. I’d be intrigued to do it. I wouldn’t expect it to work. But that’s my bias.

STEPHEN HARVEY (Dramatization): Now you claim that intelligent design can be tested, correct?

SCOTT A. MINNICH (Dramatization): Correct.

STEPHEN HARVEY (Dramatization): Intelligent design, according to you, is not tested at all, because neither you nor Dr. Behe have run the test that you, yourself, advocate for testing intelligent design, right?

SCOTT A. MINNICH (Dramatization): Well, turn it around in terms of these major attributes of evolution. Have they been tested? You see what I’m saying, Steve? It’s a problem for both sides.

Science_magazine
I’m not just going to point out that Minnich is flatly mistaken here, that the theory of evolution can be tested, and has been tested extensively. And I’m not going to go into detail about why I think he’s mistaken about ID, why ID isn’t actually testable or falsifiable. (Very short answer: If the flagellum developed in the experimental example he gave, they could always say, “Well, okay, the flagellum didn’t need an intelligent designer — but what about this other thing over here?”)

What I want to point out is this:

Minnich believes himself that ID is a testable theory. He’s even thought of an experiment he could do that might falsify the theory.

But has he done that experiment?

He has not.

Scientific_method_2
This is what I mean by ID not being science. That’s not what scientists do. When scientists have a theory, and an idea for an experiment that could show that theory to be false, they run the experiment. The fact that the ID proponents have not done this makes it clear as day: Whatever they’re doing, it’s not science. It’s not a scientific theory, and it’s not a scientific practice.

It is, instead, a religious belief: a belief in a supernatural power that interferes with natural processes. And one of the most dramatic parts of “Judgment Day” was the way it showed the ID proponents being caught red-handed at it.

Of_pandas_and_people
The program reveals smoking gun after smoking gun after smoking gun. Statements by ID proponents slipping and using the word “creationism.” Drafts of an ID book that originally read “creationist” having the word replaced with “design proponent” (including places with the transitional fossil, “Cdesign proponentsists”). The publisher’s catalog of said book listing it under “Creation Science.” Documents showing that ID books had been sent to the Dover public schools by a fundraising drive in the local church. Internal documents from the ID organization The Discovery Institute stating that they want to change American culture back to a religious foundation and plan to use ID as a wedge to accomplish this goal.

Church_sign
I could go on an on. The evidence is overwhelming: Intelligent design is not science. Intelligent design is a way of getting around the Supreme Court decisions banning creationism from being taught in public schools. Intelligent design is a religious belief, and it differs from science in all the ways that religion differs from science. The evidence is overwhelming… just like the evidence for evolution is overwhelming.

Darwin Day, Judgment Day, and the Non-Science of Intelligent Design

The Content of Their Character: Judging On the Basis Of Beliefs

Martin_luther_king_jr_speaking_at_t
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

“Hey mister don’t look down on me
For what I believe in…”

-The Minutemen

Mitt_romney
There’s this trope. Lots of people say it, on many sides of many cultural divides: liberal and conservative, secular and believer. And it’s come up a lot in the Presidential campaign: especially regarding the now-retired candidate Mitt Romney, with pundits and opinion-makers and the candidate himself decrying how prejudiced it was for people to refuse to vote for Romney because of his Mormon beliefs.

There’s this trope. And it goes like this: It’s not right to judge people for what they believe.

So here’s what I want to know:

Justice
What the hell else am I supposed to judge people on?

What basis are we supposed to use to judge people, if not their beliefs?

Yes, their actions, of course. But our actions are shaped and decided by our beliefs. Why shouldn’t people’s beliefs be a relevant factor in guessing what their actions are likely to be? Beliefs shouldn’t be the only thing we judge people on, for sure — but why should we ignore them entirely?

I mean — “the content of their character.” Aren’t our beliefs a huge part of that? How are we supposed to judge people by the content of their character and not judge them on the basis of their beliefs?

Pat_robertson
If someone believes that gay couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt because homosexuality is a crime against God and humanity, should I really not judge them on their morality? If someone believes that their tax money shouldn’t pay for poor children’s health care because “those people are always looking for a handout,” should I not judge them on their compassion? If someone believes that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago despite human historical records dating well before that, should I not judge them on their good sense? If someone believes that all human beings have been infested by space aliens, should I not judge them on their sanity? If someone believes that they don’t have to reduce their fuel consumption because one person can’t make any difference — or because the Rapture is coming and none of this pollution and global warming stuff will matter — should I not judge them on their social responsibility? And if someone believes that the moon landing didn’t happen because they read it in the Some Guy On The Internet Journal, should I not judge them on their… well, on their judgment, their ability to discern, among other things, what is and is not a good source of information?

I look at these questions, and I get very puzzled. Why, again, is it not appropriate to judge people for what they believe?

Ganesh2
Now, if you’re talking about something like employment or housing rights, then the “don’t judge people on their beliefs” concept suddenly makes a lot more sense. A person’s belief in the infinite wisdom and mercy of Ganesh is irrelevant to how good they are at software design; a person’s belief in the Celestial Kingdom is irrelevant to whether they’ll pay their rent or their bank loan on time.

Ngltf
I can think of a few exceptions to this rule — if someone believes that God wants homosexual sex eradicated from the Earth, that would probably disqualify them from an executive position at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. But on the whole, personal beliefs, including religious ones, aren’t relevant to questions like housing and employment. And they shouldn’t be.

Vote
But for a lot of other questions — ranging from who you vote for to who you marry — personal beliefs are very relevant indeed.

So maybe a better principle would be, “Don’t judge people irrelevantly on the basis of their beliefs.”

And of course I understand that religious prejudice — which is a lot of what people mean when they say, “Don’t judge people for what they believe” — has a long and ugly history, in the U.S. and in the world. I understand the desire to not be bigoted, the will to fight bigotry in yourself and others. I share that desire and that will. Passionately.

Protocols_of_the_elders_of_zion
But I would argue that much of that ugly prejudice is, and always has been, based on false perceptions of people’s beliefs… not an actual perception of their actual beliefs. Ignorance and vicious lies about people with different beliefs are the foundation of religious prejudice. (Well, one of the foundations…) People hate Jews because they supposedly have plans to take over the world; Catholics because they supposedly grind up babies into communion wafers; Mormons because they supposedly all have six wives on the sly; atheists because we’re supposedly selfish, nihilistic hedonists with no basis for morality. People hate those with different beliefs because of lies they’ve been told about them. They rarely hate those with different beliefs because of what those people actually believe. They often don’t even know what those beliefs are.

And maybe more to the point:

You can’t always judge an individual person’s beliefs simply because of the religious group they belong to.

Religion_worldsvg
For most people, religious beliefs are only part of a whole constellation of beliefs, and for many people it’s not a very important part. So even if what you know about the Jewish or Catholic or Mormon faith is more or less accurate, you still won’t necessarily be able to judge any individual Jew or Catholic or Mormon simply because of the religious group they belong to.

Jimmy_carter
Jimmy Carter, for instance. Jimmy Carter is a born-again Baptist, and was when he was President. But he also opposed the death penalty; and supported the Equal Rights Amendment; and opposed the Briggs Initiative which would have banned gays and lesbians from teaching in California public schools. I disagree with many of his positions and actions — but if he were the Democratic nominee for President this year, I’d vote for him, and I’d do it reasonably happily. His born-again Baptism isn’t completely irrelevant to me, but it’s obviously only one part of his belief system, and when it comes to the Presidency, the other parts are a lot more relevant.

So maybe we need to modify the principle again. How about this:

“Don’t judge people irrelevantly on the basis of their beliefs — and don’t judge them inaccurately on the basis of what you think their beliefs are.”

Eye
But what if my perception of someone’s beliefs is accurate? What if it’s based on things they’ve said — and done — and not just on the group they belong to? And what if their beliefs are relevant to the topic at hand, to whatever question it is that I’m deciding on  whether it’s who I want to vote for or who I want to marry?

Why on Earth shouldn’t I judge them on the basis of their beliefs?

Judge
Maybe the problem is with the word “judge.” It’s something of a harsh word, with strongly negative connotations these days. We’re not supposed to be judgmental. It implies, not just the forming of an opinion, but the passing of a sentence.

So okay. Feel free to substitute another word if you like. Instead of “judge,” read “assess.” “Discern.” “Conclude.” “Form an opinion.” “Evaluate.” “Appraise.” “Critique.” If you don’t like the word “judge,” any of these will do.

Mitt_romney_laptop
But when Mitt Romney said that “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom… Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone”; when he cited religious scripture to support his opposition to same-sex marriage… then you’re effing well right I’m going to judge him on it. Or critique him, or appraise him, or form an opinion of him.

Barack_obama
I never cared very much that he’s a Mormon. Voting against someone just because they’re a Mormon would be just as wrong as voting against someone just because they’re an atheist. If Romney were a Mormon in the way that Jimmy Carter is a born-again Baptist, I wouldn’t have given two figs about his religion. I don’t care about the specific religious group that Romney or Carter, Mike Huckabee or Barack Obama, or any other current or former Presidential candidate, belongs to. But I damn well reserve the right to judge them for the content of their character.

And that includes their beliefs.

The Content of Their Character: Judging On the Basis Of Beliefs

“Best Erotic Comics 2008” — A Couple of Cool Reviews

Bec_2008_2
My new book, Best Erotic Comics 2008, has gotten a couple of nifty reviews already, and I thought y’all might like to see them.

The excellent and prolific sex writer, editor, and blogger, Rachel Kramer Bussel (most recently editor of Best Sex Writing 2008), has written a very glowing and nicely thorough review of the book on Amazon. She gave it five stars, and says, among other things:

This first in the annual series shows comics that aren’t just designed to turn you on (though some of them surely will), but also tell humorous, honest stories about a range of sexualities, using various artistic styles that show readers just how many ways one can interpret sex.

And Audacia Ray (blogger and author of Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration) has created a very nice video review of the book. Embedding the video doesn’t seem like an option, but you can watch it on Audacia’s Live Girl Review blog.

You can buy Best Erotic Comics 2008 at Last Gasp (the publisher), and at many locations and online stores, including Powell’s and Amazon. Many thanks to Rachel and Audacia for the kinds words. So glad you liked the book!

“Best Erotic Comics 2008” — A Couple of Cool Reviews

Manipulating Sex Fears For Fun and Profit: The Blowfish Blog

Enzyte_bob
There’ve been a couple of interesting news items about sex in the last couple of weeks, and I have a piece about them over at the Blowfish Blog. In one news item, a manager of a “take the disgusting sex scenes out of your DVDs” business has been arrested on suspicion of having sex with two 14-year-old girls, and was apparently using the “clean up your DVDs” business as a cover for a porn studio. In the other piece of news, the manufacturers of Enzyte, the obviously fakoid “natural male enhancement” pills advertised ad nauseum on TV, are being prosecuted for serious fraud.

So what do these stories have to do with each other? Find out, in my Blowfish piece, Manipulating Sex Fears For Fun and Profit. Here’s the teaser:

“Interesting stories,” you say. “But what do they have to do with each other?”

Just this:

They illustrate how easy it is, in a culture that’s riddled with shame, fear, and anxiety about sex, for frauds and liars to use that shame and fear and anxiety as a cover for their misdeeds.

To find out more, read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

Manipulating Sex Fears For Fun and Profit: The Blowfish Blog

Friday Cat Blogging: Catfish Blogging

And now, a cute picture of our cat.

Catfish_blogging

Catfish often likes to keep me company while I write, as has been documented before. But here, she seems to determined, not just to keep me company, but to get in on the action herself. (Or maybe she’s just determined to get in my way, so I pay attention to her instead of that ridiculous piece of plastic I’m so fixated on.)

So I thought I’d let her take a guest spot this week. Here’s a few thoughts Catfish has come up with while walking across my keyboard:

lp;p

,u888888888888y6777777777777777

nmmmm

loooooooooooooooooookiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

She’s new to this blogging business, so while I encourage lively debate as always, I’m going to ask commenters to be gentle. And no, I don’t agree with her about the nmmmm issue; but she does make some interesting points that I think are worth considering.

Friday Cat Blogging: Catfish Blogging

“Strive to keep the door open”: An Interview with “Mistakes Were Made” Co-Author Carol Tavris

Mistakes_were_made
As regular readers will know, I recently had one of those “books that changed my life” experiences. For Santamas, Ingrid gave me Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts, the book on cognitive dissonance and our rationalizations thereof… and I quickly became fascinated, bordering on obsessive. I couldn’t shut up about the book for weeks, and I’ve already blogged about it in a two part post.

And I was fortunate enough to get an interview this week with one of the book’s co-authors, Carol Tavris. We talked about cognitive dissonance and rationalization, and how they relate to international politics, gay sex, religion, wedding plans, and other burning issues of the day.

Greta: Thank you so much for talking with me. Let’s start with a really basic question: How did you and Elliot get interested in this topic? How long have you been researching it, and what made you decide to pursue it?

Georgewbush
Carol: The two of us have been friends for over 30 years, sharing a passion for psychological science and its relevance to human problems. I’d gone to visit Elliot as he was beginning to lose his vision to macular degeneration, and we were talking about George W. Bush. Bush had already become the poster boy for the inability to admit a mistake — that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction that warranted preemptive action, that Iraqis would be greeting our soldiers by dancing in the streets — and Elliot and I got to talking about this universal glitch of the human mind: Why it is that most individuals, when confronted by evidence that they are wrong or made a mistake, do not say, “Hey! thanks for that great information!” Rather than change their point of view, they cling even more tenaciously to their beliefs or courses of action.

Social_animal
Elliot has been at the forefront of the scientific study of self-justification for many years; he has conducted many experiments that have illuminated its workings in all corners of our lives. His research and writings are world famous, and his understanding of cognitive dissonance began to answer questions that had motivated my own writing over the years — why so many professionals are unable to give up theories and practices that have been shown to be wrong, including therapists who cling to outdated methods or theories like “repression,” scientists who are unconsciously corrupted by conflicts of interest, and social workers who fed the daycare sex-abuse hysteria with the notion that “children never lie” about sexual matters.

And so we said to each other, in effect, “say, we are on to something important here.” We decided to pool our areas of expertise to examine how self-justification operates across many domains, from the public sphere of politics, justice, and war to our most private lives — and how, with a little self-awareness, conscious effort, and sense of humor we can all learn to beat the brain’s wiring. The title was Elliot’s, which is ironic, since, as he says, he’s only ever made one mistake himself in his life, oh, around 1973.

Thinking
The book had a very strong effect on me, as you probably noticed from my review. As a writer and a thinker, of course, but also in my personal life. I’ve been much more conscious about rationalizing, and I think I’ve been better about copping to it when I make mistakes. But I’m also seeing what you mean when you say that rationalization is necessary. When I’m trying to be super-conscious about it, it can be paralyzing — it’s hard to make decisions, I keep second-guessing myself. And I’ve been getting kind of overwhelmed with guilt over very small misdeeds. (I’ve been apologizing to my girlfriend ad nauseum. She finally had to tell me to knock it off.)

Yes, anything is bad in excess — even chocolate and apologies! OK, maybe not chocolate.

My question: Is that something you’ve dealt with as you’ve been researching and writing about this subject? And if so, how do you cope with it? You, personally — but also, what’s your professional advice about it? How do you stay conscious about rationalization so it doesn’t screw things up for you and everyone else… but still let yourself rationalize enough to get on with your life? How do you strike that balance?

Anger
When I wrote my first book, on anger, that was the hardest lesson: How do you decide which battles are worth fighting — when is anger morally and politically necessary — and when should you let things go. It is the same here. None of us could get through the day if we stopped to examine everything we do: “What, exactly, are the data for brushing your teeth?” But there are guidelines, and I try to follow them myself.

Eye
First, the more important the decision, the more vigilant we have to be. Knowing that we will start reducing dissonance the moment we make a choice, for example, means forcing ourselves to keep an open mind about disconfirming evidence that might come along later. If the decision is unimportant, it’s no big deal; let it go; reducing dissonance lets you sleep at night. If the decision could have major consequences in your life, personally or professionally, strive to keep the door open. Intellectually, this is crucial — to keep an open mind about, say, hormone replacement therapy or medical procedures or psychological beliefs that are important to us. On the latter, many developmental psychologists and parents still can’t give up the belief that parents determine everything about how their kids turn out. I’ve modified my own views about the power of genetics in human behavior — I was once a radical behaviorist.

Of course, as we say in the relationships chapter, sometimes it is good to blind ourselves to disconfirming evidence — say, to our loved ones’ flaws and foibles!

Another good example of rationalization sometimes being necessary. 🙂

Interview continues below the fold.

Continue reading ““Strive to keep the door open”: An Interview with “Mistakes Were Made” Co-Author Carol Tavris”

“Strive to keep the door open”: An Interview with “Mistakes Were Made” Co-Author Carol Tavris

Best Erotic Comics 2008 Is Here!

Bec_2008

It’s here at last! Best Erotic Comics 2008 has arrived at the Last Gasp warehouse. It’s available for sale at Last Gasp, and is already available at many locations and online stores, including Powell’s and Amazon.

A literary and artistic exploration of human sexuality — and a fun dirty book, featuring today’s smartest, raunchiest, funniest, filthiest, most beautiful, and most arousing adult comics! Best Erotic Comics 2008 smashes the divide between literary/art comics and adult comics by including both the hottest work from the literary/art comics world — and the highest-quality work from the adult comics world. Artists include Daniel Clowes, Phoebe Gloeckner, Gilbert Hernandez, Michael Manning, Toshio Saeki, Colleen Coover, Ellen Forney, and many others. The wide variety includes work that’s kinky and vanilla, sweet and perverse, and straight, lesbian, and gay. Features recent comics, a handful of vintage Hall of Fame gems — and some works never published before! 200 pages. Color and b&w.

Work by: Belasco, Marzia Borino & Mauro Balloni, Susannah Breslin, Katie Carmen, Cephalopod Products, Daniel Clowes, Vince Coleman, Colleen Coover, John Cuneo, Dave Davenport, El Bute, Jessica Fink, Ellen Forney, Phoebe Gloeckner, Daphne Gottlieb and Diane DiMassa, Justin Hall, Gilbert Hernandez, Molly Kiely, Ralf Konig, Dale Lazarov & Steve MacIsaac, Michael Manning, Erika Moen, Quinn, Sandez Rey, Trina Robbins, Toshio Saeki, and Dori Seda. Cover art by Ellen Forney.

I’m immensely proud of this book, and am delighted with how it turned out. I think I really did do what I set out to accomplish: make an adult comics collection that’s both arty and dirty, with comics that will make you think, make you grin, and make you want to whack off. And everyone who’s seen the book has commented on its tremendous variety: not just a variety of sexual preferences and practices, but a variety of moods and stories and artistic styles.

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I’ll be blogging about this book a lot in the coming weeks, with artist interviews and links to reviews. But for right now, I just wanted to let y’all know: It’s here.

Best Erotic Comics 2008 Is Here!