Found 15 search results for keyword: grief diary

Oct 13 2012

Grief Diary, 10/12/12

10/12/12 The thing I’ve been having a hard time with in the last couple of days: The fact that grief feels horrible — and there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it. I’m very used to tackling my problems. I’m used to trying to fix the bad things in my life, or at least …

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Oct 11 2012

Grief Diary, 10/10/12

10/10/12 A better day today. Took yesterday off from, you know, pretty much everything. I was having some female trouble, so I made that my excuse to do what I’ve been desperately wanting to do and have been afraid to for fear that it would push me deeper into my depression: namely, just check the …

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Oct 09 2012

Grief Diary, 10/8/12

10/8/12 A hard afternoon today. The fog is settling in over my brain a bit. I knew it probably would be. Today is, as they say, the first day of the rest of my life. Today is the first day that’s not being set aside to deal with death and grief, or the recovery from …

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Oct 08 2012

Grief Diary, 10/7/12

10/7/12 Ingrid and I went to the Cindy Sherman exhibit today. In a perfect world, this wouldn’t have been the day to go see a challenging and disturbing art exhibition: we just got back home to San Francisco yesterday, and in a perfect world, this would have a day to rest, play with the kitties, …

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Oct 07 2012

Grief Diary, 10/6/12

10/6/12 The problem with stress eating: It actually does work. Ate half a bag of Terra Chips, more than half of a big Chocolove bar, and two nasty generic shortbread cookies from the airplane… and I do, in fact, feel better now. Worse in the long run, better in the immediate run. Sometimes, that’s a …

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Oct 06 2012

Grief Diary, 10/5/12

10/5/12 Have been contemplating the different usages of the word “home.” A few days ago, I was flying home to Chicago because my father had just died. Tomorrow, I’m flying back home to San Francisco. Both of these phrases mean such different things, and yet they’re equally true. I’m feeling a bit apprehensive about starting …

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Oct 05 2012

Grief Diary, 10/4/12

10/4/12 Self-conscious meta-emotion of the moment: Wondering how much all this public documentation of my grief is really helping. At the moment it seems to be — it’s helping me process the grief and make sense of it, and it’s helping it seem meaningful. But I’m also having the self-conscious “am I doing it right?” …

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Oct 04 2012

Grief Diary, 10/3/12

10/3/12 The phone rang this morning: it was Rick, and my first thought was terrible alarm. “Is Dad okay?” Then I remembered. It’s weird. For so long now, Rick’s ringtone has meant, “Is this the call, the one telling me Dad is dead?” I wonder how long it’s going to take for that to change. …

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Oct 02 2012

Grief Diary, 10/2/12

10/2/12 Am having a ridiculous, totally dumb feeling that I didn’t expect: I’m worrying about whether I’m over-reacting to my father’s death. This feeling is taking the form of a hyper-rational, straw-Vulcan thought process, which goes roughly like this: My father was almost 80. He was sick, and had been very sick for a long …

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Oct 02 2012

Grief Diary, 10/1/12

10/1/12 Dad died today. I’m surprised at how upset I am. This death was entirely expected. It was even wanted. He has been in such shitty shape for years; his life has been close to useless, to himself or anyone else, for months if not years. We’ve been on deathwatch for years, advanced deathwatch for …

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