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May 29 2014

#YesAllWomen — My Stuff

Content note: Misogyny, violence against women and girls, trivialization of same.

Just posted these to Twitter.

#YesAllWomen The two boys in third grade who pinned me down and pulled down my pants so they could get a look…

#YesAllWomen … and the fact that I didn’t tell anyone, because *I* felt ashamed.

#YesAllWomen The college boyfriend who hit me twice and choked me once…

#YesAllWomen … the friends who saw one of the times he hit me, and still tried to help me work things out with him..

#YesAllWomen … & the fact that I didn’t tell anyone, because *I* felt ashamed.

#YesAllWomen Man who said when we were breaking up “You don’t have to stay w/ friends, stay here,” then spent the night screaming at me…

#YesAllWomen … and the fact that again, I didn’t tell anyone, because *I* felt ashamed.

#YesAllWomen Man who followed me for a block & a half leering and “Hey baby”ing, didn’t stop when I ignored him & said “No” & “Fuck off”…

#YesAllWomen … who didn’t stop til I ripped chain off my leather jacket & shook it in his face & screamed. And who then called me a bitch.

#YesAllWomen The man who responded to a Facebook argument by saying he wanted to “slap the bitch” and kick my blog readers in the cunt.

#YesAllWomen Organization leader who I emailed about this, who said “Nothing excuses threats of violence” then excused it for 3 paragraphs.

#YesAllWomen The man who commented on a blog post about Internet misogyny, “You’re a CUNT… a whining, annoying, cunt.”

#YesAllWomen The man who commented on a blog post about Internet misogyny, “Go fuck yourself with a knife you irrational cunt.”

#YesAllWomen Men who insist that their free speech right to call women cunts is violated by women saying it’s sexist & asking them not to.

#YesAllWomen The man who commented on a blog post about my depression, “goddamn you are fucking ugly. Kill yourself.”

#YesAllWomen The Internet harassers I never blogged about, b/c I was told they’d been unusually scary & persistent towards other women.

#YesAllWomen The anti-feminist man who hacked into the private email backchannel of my blogging network, and publicly posted emails from it.

#YesAllWomen The fact that at conferences, I never, ever, EVER say my hotel room number out loud.

#YesAllWomen The fact that I don’t post my location on Facebook unless it’s a big public event with lots of people.

#YesAllWomen The fact that I ask friends not to Facebook about where we are unless it’s a big public event with lots of people.

#YesAllWomen The fact that I get 10x more threats from men who hate me b/c I’m a feminist than believers who hate me b/c I’m an atheist.

#YesAllWomen The fact that all of this is only what I remember offhand.

#YesAllWomen The fact that all this is only the worst of it, there are hundreds of little gropes & threats & invasions I didn’t bother with.

#YesAllWomen The fact that I’m not even mentioning assaults on reproductive rights, the glass ceiling, slut shaming, body policing…

#YesAllWomen … inappopriate sexualization, enforcement of rigid gender roles, rigid & impossible beauty standards, Madonna/whore trope…

#YesAllWomen … under-representation of women in media, sexist representations of women in media, Hollywood boys’ club, the Bechdel test…

#YesAllWomen … or a thousand other forms of sexism that aren’t misogynist violence, or support/ tolerance of misogynist violence.

#YesAllWomen The fact that despite all this,I tend not to think of myself as victim of violence against women,b/c other women have it worse.

#YesAllWomen The fact that I tend not to think of myself as a victim of violence against women, b/c it was only physically bad a few times.

#YesAllWomen The fact that despite all this, I tend not to think of myself as a victim of violence against women, b/c it just seems normal.

3 comments

5 pings

  1. 1
    Crimson Clupeidae

    Sometimes I hate the human race…..

    But, thanks for bringing it up. As much as a lot of people who are comfortable with the status quo are trying to prevent change, not talking about it won’t bring change.

  2. 2
    reality

    Sounds like you’ve got plenty of material to write a new book: “Why Are Feminists So Angry?” I’d wager that it would speak to nearly every woman out there. Any man could also learn from such a book, especially adolescent men whose parents could use it to teach them empathy for women.
    *
    Maybe you’re already writing that and I’m just ignorant of that; if so, my apologies. But if you’re not, it’s definitely a book I’d buy.
    *
    I can tell you that I have no appreciation for what women must go through, though this post and the #YesAllWomen tweets have helped. I was bullied as a child myself, but as a white male I’m sure that I didn’t experience anything compared to what most women go through.

  3. 3
    Malachite

    Good post. For me, a biggie is that protagonists are mostly male. It teaches men and boys that *their* stories, their narratives, are the ones that matter, not women. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was behind a lot of male entitlement, especially when it comes to street harassment and pushing themselves on unwilling women.

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