For audiobook readers of “Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More”: Here is the resource guide. The book has a longish resource guide at the end, with books, hotlines, and online resources, offering information and ideas on how to navigate real-world SM safely. I’m obviously not going to be reading this into the audiobook — I can’t imagine that being fun for anyone — so I’m making it available here on my blog. Enjoy!

“Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More”
Resource Guide

I said this in the introduction, but I’ll say it again: This book is not a how-to guide on safe, consensual sadomasochism and kinky sex. This is a book of fantasies. While some of the stories here describe reasonably safe and healthy kinky relationships, many of them absolutely do not. The stories here are meant to entertain, to arouse, to provoke thought, to provide insight, to provide sexy images for you to get off on while you fuck or play or diddle yourself. But they are not meant to be replicated in real life. (Except in a consensual, safe, negotiated, acting- out- fantasies way.)

So what do you do if you do want information on how to practice safe, consensual sadomasochism and kinky sex?

Here are some resources to help you out. It includes books, hotlines, and online resources, with information and ideas on how to navigate real-world SM safely — both physically, and emotionally.

You may or may not want to do SM in your real life. Lots of people have kinky fantasies that they have no interest in acting out. And that’s totally fine. But lots of people have kinky fantasies that they’re very interested in acting out. And that’s totally fine, too. If you’re in that second group, and you don’t know how to get started — or if you’ve already gotten started, and you want some ideas about how to do it better or take it further — here are some resources to help you out. Have fun!

HOTLINES

San Francisco Sex Information. A hotline and FAQ of free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex — including, but not limited to, kinky sex and SM. They answer questions by phone and email, and have a website with answers to frequently asked questions.

WEBSITES/ONLINE RESOURCES

All right, so what is “BDSM”?
Basic Guidelines for Safer Sex and SM Interactions (PDF booklet)
BDSM Safety and Common Sense
BDSM Techniques
Beyond Whips and Chains: What Medical Students Need to Know about BDSM (PowerPoint download)
The Concise Kink Worksheet
Glossary of BDSM terms, Wikipedia
How To Have Sex On Purpose
Kink Academy
Kink Aware Professionals (resource for people who are seeking psychotherapeutic, medical, and legal professionals who are informed about the diversity of consensual, adult sexuality)
Kink Resources Directory
Kink Resources Short List
The Pervocracy (blog)
Safewords and Check-Ins
Symtoys: Games, Tutorials, Ideas, and Role-Playing Scenarios to Spice Up Your Sex Life

BOOKS
(Kindle editions linked to when possible; print editions linked to when not)

150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink

, by Em and Lo
Bondage For Sex, by Chanta Rose
The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle, by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean
The Compleat Spanker, by Lady Green
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely, by William A. Henkin and Sybil Holiday
Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook, by Jay Wiseman
Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, by Hardy Haberman
Flogging, by Joseph W. Bean
Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers, by Charles Moser, PhD, MD
How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime, by Morpheous
How to Be Kinky: A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM, by Morpheous
Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play, by M. R. Strict
Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun BDSM Lovemaking (Version 2.0), by Race Bannon
Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player, by Joseph W. Bean
The Master’s Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance, by Jack Rinella
The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
Paying For It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Clients, Greta Christina, editor
Play Piercing, by Deborah Addington
Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy, by Staci Newmahr
Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, by Midori and Craig Morey
Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples, by Patrick Califia
The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, by Lady Green
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude — Principles, Skills and Tools, by a grateful slave, with Guy Baldwin, M.S.
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman
Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes, by Two Knotty Boys and Ken Marcus
Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage, by Two Knotty Boys and Larry Utley
The Toybag Guide to Age Play, by Lee Harrington
The Toybag Guide to Basic Rope Bondage, by Jay Wiseman
The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning, by Janet W. Hardy
The Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps, by Jack Rinella
The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies, by Jay Wiseman
The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay, by Miranda Austin and Sam Atwood
The Toybag Guide To Foot And Shoe Worship, by Midori
The Toybag Guide to High-Tech Toys, by John Warren
The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play, by Spectrum
The Toybag Guide to Medical Play, by Tempest
The Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo, by Mollena Williams
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge, by Tristan Taormino
Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual, And Entertaining Essays, by Midori