Jun 27 2012

Fun With Voice Recognition Software

Last night, my voice recognition dingus on my phone got turned on without me knowing it, and tried to text this message to Ingrid:

“Call Brett bringing authority to bring green but it’ll”

So let’s turn it into a game. If God or space aliens were trying to send this message to Ingrid — or to me — what would it mean?


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  1. 1


  2. 2
    HJ Hornbeck

    Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

  3. 3
    Robert B.

    Your neighborhood grocer, Brett, is to be given permission over the phone to deliver you vegetables, cash on delivery. Something will go wrong with this, but the space aliens didn’t have time to tell you what because they got eaten by a monster first. After all, you don’t write “aaargh,” you just say it.

  4. 4

    It sounds like when you give the leather daddy running the register at the dungeon a large note, and he sighs and says, “It’ll have to be in fives if you want change.” Poor Brett. No one understands how hard his job is.

  5. 5
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    It’s not a clear yes, so you need to respect it and disengage.

  6. 6

    Last night I received a text from my BFF stating that the seal had become waterlogged and so the shooting was cancelled. Still have no idea what her voice recognition software was trying to tell me.

  7. 7

    It means you have suitable material to start a new religion.

  8. 8
    Zinc Avenger

    It’ll what? Tell us! We need to know! Damn it, WHAT DID YOU SEE?

  9. 9
    Kaoru Negisa

    Well, if God were sending it, it probably means “worship me or suffer terribly.”

    Space aliens? I think there was a cosmic ray that interrupted the feed. You see, the full message should have been, “Call Brett bringing authority to bring green but it’ll capitulation unhorsed,” which I think clears it up nicely.

  10. 10

    “Call Brett to get permission to bring a salad, but make sure its preparation complies with the Information Technology Infrastructure Library (ITIL).”

    Too literal?

  11. 11

    It would mean the voice recognition dingus on God’s phone got turned on without Him knowing it. Thus disproving omniscience.

  12. 12
    M can help you with that.

    Early last year, there was a Blogspot project which had people call up and leave a voicemail consisting of a reading of Shelley’s poem “Ozymandias”. The system was set up to convert voice to text; the results were hilariously inconsistent.

  13. 13

    Call Brett (of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement) to bring Authority to dispense green cards it’ll speed up the alien landings.

  14. 14

    Give Brett the ok to go ahead with the marijuana deal, but it’ll… wait, is that phone recording us?

  15. 15
    Jeremy Clark

    The English language can be so brittle
    You think it won’t ever let you down, but it’ll

  16. 16

    “Chomsky is on the other line, please hold.”

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