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Jan 04 2012

Santorum Surges From Behind

Yes, I do sometimes make weird sexual jokes. Not all the time… but sometimes. And tonight is one of those nights.

It’s been a good night on Twitter. Jokes about Santorum are coming thick and fast. (Sheesh, even when you try to say something straightforward about the guy, it comes out dirty. There — I did it again!)

Anyway, as the Iowa caucus results pour in, Jen McCreight (@jennifurret on Twitter) and I (@gretachristina on Twitter) have been doing our best to come up with/ retweet the most disgusting Santorum jokes and made-up headlines we can manage. Here is a sampling of the best. (Oh, and in case you don’t know what the joke is about: Google the word “Santorum.” Or just go here.)

@jennifurret: Santorum rushes from behind after dislodging Romney.

@jennifurret RT @byepluto: I was wrong to think he was gonna come in number three. Everybody knows Santorum comes out of number two.

@jennifurret RT @Crommunist: Santorum surge floods Iowa caucus.

@gretachristina: Romney soaked by Santorum. Slicks path for possible Ron Paul penetration.

@gretachristina: Santorum forces Perry to withdraw.

(As @VeritasKnight noted: Anyone who says dirty jokes stop when you’re a feminist doesn’t have @GretaChristina and @jennifurret on their feeds.)

Plenty of others have been getting into the game as well:

@JoeMyGod RT @MSignorile: Tomorrow’s headline: Santorum Surges from Behind in Messy Late Night Three-Way.

@Mowgli3: Santorum gushes forth in the polls after Romney finishes early. @jennifurret

@NotThatGuy: @GretaChristina @jennifurret Santorum beneath Romney now, and Paul’s behind.

And Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon has a poll, asking readers to propose better headline language for Santorum than the all-too-obvious “surge.”

But honestly, some of the best are actual real-life headlines. My fave:

RT @JoeMyGod: Fox News: “Ron Paul and Romney are neck and neck with Santorum.”

I know. This is serious business, and the guy is reprehensible. But I’m fine with ridicule as a political strategy. And as vile as the guy is, my inner Beavis wants Santorum to stay in it for as long as possible. (Heh, heh!)

32 comments

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  1. 1
    Chris Hallquist

    What I came up with was “wow, Santorum is all over Iowa.”

  2. 2
    Brandon

    No doubt, Iowa’s certainly covered in Santorum. It’s going to take awhile to get the stench of Santorum off of the state.

  3. 3
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Getting Santorum all over your caucus – kind of unpleasant. :P

  4. 4
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    BBC world news on the Iowa result :

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16404413

    which is saying Romney and Mitt have tied the knot. (Of Republican candidates and “notty” is certainly one collective word for them!)

    As an Aussie I don’t really know enough about Santorum to make /get the jokes really but I gather he’s a particularly wing-nutty nasty right-wing wingnut, yes?

  5. 5
    BT Murtagh

    Final result: Santorum IS Number Two!!

  6. 6
    Grimalkin

    I never really thought Santorum would end up oozing through the cracks like this. He’s a slippery one I guess.

  7. 7
    Sili

    Well, what do you expect? Santorum is the obvious result from condemning prophylactics.

    –o–

    Santorum on the cob?

    Corny Santorum?

    Romney beats Santorum in near miss?

    Santorum claims to have gay friends. Gays dismiss being friendly with santorum.

  8. 8
    Jurjen S.

    This one works better with a line break:

    “Santorum squelches
    rumors of early pull-out”

  9. 9
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ Jurjen S. : How about -

    Santorum squelches, Bachmann and Perry pull out?

  10. 10
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Gak! Make that :

    Santorum squelches while tied to Romney as Bachmann and Perry pull out

    For that extra squickiness and images you don’t want in your head!

  11. 11
    Anonymous Atheist

    Groups of Iowans gather in favor of Santorum.

    Santorum leaves opponents in a sticky situation.

    Santorum slips to the front.

    Santorum is uncontainable now.

  12. 12
    Beaux

    Nobody let my play *runs away crying*

  13. 13
    Beaux

    Next time I suggest my poll is considered.

  14. 14
  15. 15
    Midnight Rambler

    StevoR: enter “santorum” into Google and see what you get.

  16. 16
    LaPlace

    I copied some of your headlines into Fox Nation threads and wondered how long it would be before they would be removed.

    Not one Fox Worlder even noticed.

    Thank you for the laughs.

  17. 17
    LaPlace

    What about humorous names for Santorum’s offspring?

    Armin? Seymour?

  18. 18
    R Johnston

    Spreading Santorum covers Republican base in a sticky mess.

    Rumor spreads: When Santorum finally pulls out, he has a deal to star in a remake of Shart: The Challenge.

  19. 19
    Mike

    Perry back in hole after Santorum surges

  20. 20
    Nick Gotts

    Not my own, but from a site dedicated to Santorum:

    Romney squeezes out Santorum

  21. 21
    RP

    Romney Shares Party Head with Santorum in Caucus

  22. 22
    Cyberguy

    “Santorum down on Romney”
    “It’s all over” – Michelle Bachmann
    “Romney’s up, Santorum’s behind”

  23. 23
    Gareth Chan

    A real one: “Romney edges out Santorum to win Iowa caucus”

  24. 24
    articulett

    For history on how the meme got started along with a few fun clips from Colbert, Stewart, etc:

    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/santorum#search_engines

    The Duggers pray for santorum: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/04/duggar-familys-prayers-for-rick-santorum-come-true-in-iowa/

  25. 25
    VeritasKnight

    Hey, I got mentioned in a Greta Christina post. Whoa! Cool! I’m proud of my me.

    For reference, I was laughing the whole time. Like, a lot.

  26. 26
    Greg Smith

    I got mentioned too!! but it’s @NotThatGreg, not NotThatGuy.

  27. 27
    Chris Hallquist

    OMG. Am I the first person to notice that Rick Santorum’s real first name is “Richard”… which can also be shortened as “Dick”… Dick Santorum. Wow, now I really feel childish.

  28. 28
    articulett

    After Iowa, Romney pulls away from dick santorum…

    (I hadn’t noticed the dick thing either… but I now I’m giggling like a school girl.)

  29. 29
    Becky

    Last week if you searched Santorum the first hit you had was the definition. We need to get the definition of Santorum back to the top of the Goggle search results ts.
    Go to Google type in Santorum, click the spreadingsantorum.com/ search result. If enough people do this the definition will windup first in the search.

  30. 30
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @Midnight Rambler : January 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    StevoR: enter “santorum” into Google and see what you get.

    Cheers! I actually found that now – hardly heard of the fool before – and WHOAHHH yegods!!!

    O-o

    :-O

    >;-D

    That is .. wow. Classic.

    Yep, *now* I get it.

    (Plus having found out a bit more about this Dick Santorum I also understand why he actually deserves the “honour” of that definition too.)

    *****

    “And the winner in Iowa was..
    ___________________________.. Barack Obama.

    - David Letterman the other night.
    (Yes we get that over here in Oz.)

  31. 31
    Skeptico

    Actually it’s “rick” Santorum – with a silent “P”

  32. 32
    madeinengland

    Santorum makes it hard for Romney to gain traction

  1. 33
    I see your twitter fiction… « David's Slingshot

    [...] and Jen, my response to your twitter contest [...]

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