Yes, I do sometimes make weird sexual jokes. Not all the time… but sometimes. And tonight is one of those nights.
It’s been a good night on Twitter. Jokes about Santorum are coming thick and fast. (Sheesh, even when you try to say something straightforward about the guy, it comes out dirty. There — I did it again!)
Anyway, as the Iowa caucus results pour in, Jen McCreight (@jennifurret on Twitter) and I (@gretachristina on Twitter) have been doing our best to come up with/ retweet the most disgusting Santorum jokes and made-up headlines we can manage. Here is a sampling of the best. (Oh, and in case you don’t know what the joke is about: Google the word “Santorum.” Or just go here.)
@jennifurret: Santorum rushes from behind after dislodging Romney.
@jennifurret RT @byepluto: I was wrong to think he was gonna come in number three. Everybody knows Santorum comes out of number two.
@jennifurret RT @Crommunist: Santorum surge floods Iowa caucus.
@gretachristina: Romney soaked by Santorum. Slicks path for possible Ron Paul penetration.
@gretachristina: Santorum forces Perry to withdraw.
(As @VeritasKnight noted: Anyone who says dirty jokes stop when you’re a feminist doesn’t have @GretaChristina and @jennifurret on their feeds.)
Plenty of others have been getting into the game as well:
@JoeMyGod RT @MSignorile: Tomorrow’s headline: Santorum Surges from Behind in Messy Late Night Three-Way.
@Mowgli3: Santorum gushes forth in the polls after Romney finishes early. @jennifurret
@NotThatGuy: @GretaChristina @jennifurret Santorum beneath Romney now, and Paul’s behind.
And Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon has a poll, asking readers to propose better headline language for Santorum than the all-too-obvious “surge.”
But honestly, some of the best are actual real-life headlines. My fave:
RT @JoeMyGod: Fox News: “Ron Paul and Romney are neck and neck with Santorum.”
I know. This is serious business, and the guy is reprehensible. But I’m fine with ridicule as a political strategy. And as vile as the guy is, my inner Beavis wants Santorum to stay in it for as long as possible. (Heh, heh!)
32 comments
1 ping
Skip to comment form ↓
Chris Hallquist
January 4, 2012 at 1:06 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What I came up with was “wow, Santorum is all over Iowa.”
Brandon
January 4, 2012 at 1:30 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
No doubt, Iowa’s certainly covered in Santorum. It’s going to take awhile to get the stench of Santorum off of the state.
Azkyroth
January 4, 2012 at 2:54 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Getting Santorum all over your caucus – kind of unpleasant.
StevoR
January 4, 2012 at 2:55 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
BBC world news on the Iowa result :
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16404413
which is saying Romney and Mitt have tied the knot. (Of Republican candidates and “notty” is certainly one collective word for them!)
As an Aussie I don’t really know enough about Santorum to make /get the jokes really but I gather he’s a particularly wing-nutty nasty right-wing wingnut, yes?
BT Murtagh
January 4, 2012 at 2:57 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Final result: Santorum IS Number Two!!
Grimalkin
January 4, 2012 at 3:41 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I never really thought Santorum would end up oozing through the cracks like this. He’s a slippery one I guess.
Sili
January 4, 2012 at 3:52 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Well, what do you expect? Santorum is the obvious result from condemning prophylactics.
–o–
Santorum on the cob?
Corny Santorum?
Romney beats Santorum in near miss?
Santorum claims to have gay friends. Gays dismiss being friendly with santorum.
Jurjen S.
January 4, 2012 at 4:47 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This one works better with a line break:
“Santorum squelches
rumors of early pull-out”
StevoR
January 4, 2012 at 6:09 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@ ^ Jurjen S. : How about -
Santorum squelches, Bachmann and Perry pull out?
StevoR
January 4, 2012 at 6:11 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Gak! Make that :
Santorum squelches while tied to Romney as Bachmann and Perry pull out
For that extra squickiness and images you don’t want in your head!
Anonymous Atheist
January 4, 2012 at 6:49 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Groups of Iowans gather in favor of Santorum.
Santorum leaves opponents in a sticky situation.
Santorum slips to the front.
Santorum is uncontainable now.
Beaux
January 4, 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Nobody let my play *runs away crying*
Beaux
January 4, 2012 at 8:16 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Next time I suggest my poll is considered.
Azkyroth
January 4, 2012 at 10:56 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Elizabeth Santorum gushes over her dad.“
Midnight Rambler
January 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
StevoR: enter “santorum” into Google and see what you get.
LaPlace
January 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I copied some of your headlines into Fox Nation threads and wondered how long it would be before they would be removed.
Not one Fox Worlder even noticed.
Thank you for the laughs.
LaPlace
January 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What about humorous names for Santorum’s offspring?
Armin? Seymour?
rjohnston
January 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Spreading Santorum covers Republican base in a sticky mess.
Rumor spreads: When Santorum finally pulls out, he has a deal to star in a remake of Shart: The Challenge.
Mike
January 4, 2012 at 2:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Perry back in hole after Santorum surges
KG
January 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Not my own, but from a site dedicated to Santorum:
RP
January 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Romney Shares Party Head with Santorum in Caucus
Cyberguy
January 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Santorum down on Romney”
“It’s all over” – Michelle Bachmann
“Romney’s up, Santorum’s behind”
Gareth Chan
January 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
A real one: “Romney edges out Santorum to win Iowa caucus”
articulett
January 5, 2012 at 12:03 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
For history on how the meme got started along with a few fun clips from Colbert, Stewart, etc:
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/santorum#search_engines
The Duggers pray for santorum: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/04/duggar-familys-prayers-for-rick-santorum-come-true-in-iowa/
VeritasKnight
January 5, 2012 at 12:15 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey, I got mentioned in a Greta Christina post. Whoa! Cool! I’m proud of my me.
For reference, I was laughing the whole time. Like, a lot.
Greg Smith
January 5, 2012 at 12:21 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I got mentioned too!! but it’s @NotThatGreg, not NotThatGuy.
chrishallquist
January 5, 2012 at 12:35 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
OMG. Am I the first person to notice that Rick Santorum’s real first name is “Richard”… which can also be shortened as “Dick”… Dick Santorum. Wow, now I really feel childish.
articulett
January 5, 2012 at 3:13 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
After Iowa, Romney pulls away from dick santorum…
(I hadn’t noticed the dick thing either… but I now I’m giggling like a school girl.)
Becky
January 5, 2012 at 4:53 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Last week if you searched Santorum the first hit you had was the definition. We need to get the definition of Santorum back to the top of the Goggle search results ts.
Go to Google type in Santorum, click the spreadingsantorum.com/ search result. If enough people do this the definition will windup first in the search.
StevoR
January 6, 2012 at 8:35 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Midnight Rambler : January 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Cheers! I actually found that now – hardly heard of the fool before – and WHOAHHH yegods!!!
O-o
:-O
>;-D
That is .. wow. Classic.
Yep, *now* I get it.
(Plus having found out a bit more about this Dick Santorum I also understand why he actually deserves the “honour” of that definition too.)
*****
“And the winner in Iowa was..
___________________________.. Barack Obama.
- David Letterman the other night.
(Yes we get that over here in Oz.)
Skeptico
January 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Actually it’s “rick” Santorum – with a silent “P”
madeinengland
February 11, 2012 at 11:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Santorum makes it hard for Romney to gain traction
I see your twitter fiction… « David's Slingshot
January 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
[...] and Jen, my response to your twitter contest [...]