Which should come as no surprise to anyone who regularly reads my writing. But it still sometimes does. I’ve had a good number of smart, thoughtful, queer- conscious people assume that, because I’m married to a woman, I’m a lesbian. The possibility that someone could be bisexual is often just not on people’s radar. When someone is in a long-term same-sex relationship, it’s commonly assumed that they’re gay or lesbian; when someone is in a long-term opposite-sex relationship, it’s commonly assumed that they’re straight.
Hell, I’ve done it myself. I’ve heard about weddings/ relationships (of acquaintances, celebrities, etc.) and thought, “Huh, who’d a thunk it. I always read them as gay/ straight. I guess I was wrong.” And then I’ve realized: “Wait a minute. I’m assuming that, because they’re in an opposite-sex relationship — or a same-sex relationship — therefore, they’re straight or gay. And I’m bisexual. D’oh!”
I’ve even done it in my personal life. Just the other day, I was semi-flirting with a guy on the plane, and, when he asked to borrow my copy of “Elle” magazine, I was like, “Oh, well. Never mind. Guess I’m barking up the wrong tree.” And then I realized: “Wait a minute. Yes, the guy likes fashion magazines and is flying to San Francisco. Yes, the odds are excellent that he’s queer. But just because he’s probably queer doesn’t mean he’s not into women. I wouldn’t bet much money on him being straight… but he could be bi. And I’m bisexual. Why do I keep forgetting that this is an option?” (Not that I was going to do anything about it… but I do prefer to think that the people I’m flirting with are, at least in theory, genuinely interested.)
So let’s remember: Bisexuals exist. Bisexuality exists.If someone is in an opposite-sex relationship — it doesn’t mean they’re straight. If someone is in a same-sex relationship — it doesn’t mean they’re lesbian or gay. Unless we know for sure that someone is gay/ lesbian/ straight, we shouldn’t assume that they are.
So happy Bisexuality Visibility Day! And if you’re bi, and you feel comfortable coming out about it — let us know!