The Heterosexual Questionnaire – Video!


“So what do you think caused your heterosexuality?”

“Do you think your heterosexuality might be a phase you’ll grow out of?”

“Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality?”

“What exactly do men and women do in bed together?”

When I was on my recent speaking tour in Iowa and Ohio, I did this hilarious video interview with Ashley Paramore, video blogger extraordinaire and development director of the Secular Student Alliance. In it, I play a very concerned lesbian therapist, trying to “treat” Ashley’s heterosexuality… and asking the kinds of questions that LGBT get asked all the freaking time. (After all, there are so few happy heterosexuals in the world — wouldn’t you want to be cured of it if you could?)

Video after the jump, since putting it before the jump mucks up my archives. Enjoy!

I would love to take credit for this idea if I could. But these kinds of “heterosexual questionnaires” have been floating around for a while, and this particular one was located (and proposed to me) by Ashley, from her Sexual Psychology class and from Psychology Today. I’m just along for the ride.

Comments

  1. says

    Oh, no! it’s not available in my country (Germany). If anyone knows of other places on the web where this has been reposted, please share :-)

  2. Rieux says

    Maybe this is a nitpick, but I think the sketch would have worked better if Greta’s lines had been a little bit more adapted to the context—to her motivation of “treating” her “patient.” Greta sounded like she was just reciting the Heterosexual Questionnaire; the script doesn’t even seem to have her noticing that her patient exists at all. I mean, “if you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex“? Wouldn’t an actual heterophobic therapist in that situation say “with a woman”?
    A two-shot or two would have been very helpful as well, though I’m guessing there might not have been a third person on the scene to hold the camera. (?)
    Sorry, film-school wannabe shutting up now.

  3. says

    Greta:
    Please accept my big *hugs*!
    I love this. It’s awesome. :-) Perhaps you didn’t come up with the idea, but it’s hilarious and wonderful none the less.

  4. says

    Love this video! It’s amazing :)
    Also, Rieux, I think the way it was recited now worked better, because it was more clear it was a parody on asking about homosexuals. Since every question is altered directly from the gay versions, which makes it all the more clear how rediculous they are when applied to straight people. Putting more syntax on it would make the translation back to the gay question more difficult and would have weakened the sketch, I think.

  5. SamBarge says

    Isn’t it absolutely shocking that in the 21st century, this sort of shit is still being asked of gay people? It just blows my mind.

  6. says

    I just watched it via Friendly Atheist, it was brilliant. Very funny, and very thought-provoking. And I have to admit I felt chastened by that “final word” of yours. I promise to endeavorer to be less lame and heterocentric in future :-)

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